(That’ll teach Antonio Banuelos to try and fingerbang Ronda Rousey.) 

After compiling a 2-2 octagon record at welterweight (well, 1-3 depending on how you personally scored the Martin Kampmann fight), it looks like former Strikeforce middleweight champion Jake Shields will be returning to 185 this summer, and will be taking on the resurgent Ed Herman at UFC 150, which goes down on August 11th from the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado. UFC President Dana White was the first to break the news, via his Twitter:

UFC 150 Sat Aug 11 Denver, CO Middleweight Bout Ed Herman VS Jake Shields. I like that fight!

Shields is coming off a unanimous decision victory over the struggling Yoshihiro Akiyama at UFC 144 in February. Although he was able to walk away with the victory and snap a two-fight losing streak in the process, he did find himself on the wrong end of more than one fantastic Judo throw. So you tell us who the real winner was…

…still Shields? Fine, let’s move on.

TUF 3 runner-up Ed Herman, on the other hand, has looked pretty spectacular as of late, and will be looking to build upon a current three-fight win streak that includes wins over scrappy TUF 7 veteran Tim Credeur and TUF 11 alum Kyle Noke. Is it just us, or does it seem like nearly everyone in the UFC can be tied back to The Ultimate Fighter at some point in their career? It’s like the Kevin Bacon of MMA these days. Anyway, Shields should be a considerable favorite coming into this one, but given Herman’s growing trajectory, as well as Shields’ rather mediocre performances in the octagon thus far, “Short Fuse” could be a solid pick for you gamblers, who should already be rolling in the green if you followed our advice.

And in other fight booking, or rather, fight shuffling news…

(Diego Sanchez is like the movie Inception: A dream inside of a nightmare inside two more dreams which are actually nightmares. Photos courtesy of MMAJunkie.com)

All fighters made weight at yesterday’s UFC on FUELTV weigh-ins, which seemed to sail by at a faster pace than normal. Maybe it was the lack of name power, or perhaps it was the absence of the usual drama and near brawls that we have become accustomed to over the past few weeks. In either case, it was a reserved, quiet evening for all participants involved. Except Diego Sanchez. He doesn’t do “reserved.”

Instead, we were treated to what appeared to be a night of MMA fighters mimicking the looks of pseudo-celebrities. Sean Loeffler came out posing as the singer from Crazy Town, making it rain on the audience like they were the 2 a.m. shift at Scores, and Jonathan Brookins stuck with the Geico Caveman look that has gotten him some fine honeys up to this point. But the most bizarre shift in appearance undoubtedly went to Dave Herman, who pulled off Neil Fallon TO PERFECTION.*

(BANG BANG BANG BANG! VAMANOS VAMANOS!)

Join us after the jump for the full weigh in video and results.

(Maybe this is why the Condit fight ain’t happening?)

According to Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer, an unnamed fighter that competed on Saturday night’s UFC 143 card in Las Vegas had a drug test come back positive for an unspecified substance.

Here’s Kizer’s quote from an email we received today:

“Thank you for the many email and phone calls.  I am still waiting for all the steroid and drug test results to come back.  We did have at least one positive test.  I will send out an email later today on that matter.”

(Apparently after this loss, Max Holloway decided to change his nickname from “Lil’ Evil” to “Blessed,” likely because taking Jens Pulver’s nickname REALLY lets opponents know where your weakness lies.) 

Aside from bitterly dividing fans on what exactly constitutes a fight, UFC 143 left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Should Carlos Condit consider a nickname change?* Will Dustin Poirier get the next shot at Jose Aldo?** Is Nick Diaz really calling it quits?*** Though only time will truly calm our concerns, we’re going to make some bold predictions for Saturday’s winners and losers nonetheless, because that’s how we do things ’round here. Check out our matchmaking picks below, and let us know what you think in the comments section.

Nick Diaz: Perhaps the most impressive thing about Nick Diaz is that, despite his intellectual shortcomings, he maintains an ability to instill fear into whomever he fights. His cardio, striking attack, and Jiu Jitsu are second to none and just plain SCARY, but it is the man’s confidence, his willingness to relentlessly pursue and trade with anyone, that breaks even the strongest of competitors. Going into a fight with Diaz, you know you aren’t going to submit him, and you know it’s damn near impossible to knock the SOB out, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?

Two kicks + two mangled testes = two points? (Photo: UFC.com)

Controversial decisions weren’t limited to the feature bout at UFC 143, my friends. From scrotum to scorecard, there’s much to break down from the undercard action.

Fabricio Werdum put on a striking clinic against the slightly less-hefty Roy Nelson. Werdum put together crisp, powerful combinations and launched a torrent of knees from the clinch to bloody “Big Country” up. It was a welcome rebound from his performance against Overeem and a promising re-introduction to the Octagon. Nelson has an incredibly tough chin—proven by the sheer number of bombs he takes fight after fight—and a heart as big as they come—what else could pump that much blood out of his face?–but that’s not enough to make it in the UFC’s heavyweight division. He’s served as a very game punching bag for much of his post-TUF career, and it’s not a good look. On the positive side, his refusal to die in the cage did help the duo score the evening’s $65k ‘Fight of the Night’ bonus.

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13″ Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium.  Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?

(NOW we get why Kyle’s friends often refer to him as “The Poke” Noke.) 

After collecting three straight stoppage victories in as many UFC contests, EliteXC and TUF 11 veteran Kyle Noke was quickly building up a reputation as one of the top up-and-comers in the middleweight division. Being one of the few successful Australian fighters to grace the UFC (sorry, Elvis), Noke carried a bit more pressure on his shoulders than the average TUF alum, especially when heading into his UFC Live 5 match against resurgent TUF 3 veteran Ed Herman. Unfortunately Noke (and therefore the Australian MMA community), would fall to a first round heel hook in that fight, placing all Aussie UFC hopes in the hands of a man nicknamed after an animal relative to Africa.

But fret not, ye Fosters enthusiasts, for Noke’s path to redemption will begin in the land from which he was birthed. Yes, “KO” recently announced that he will be taking on Jared Hamman at UFC on FX 2, which goes down at the Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia. Hamman, whom we will forever be in debt to for knocking CB Dolloway out of the UFC, will also be looking to build up a win streak; he was most recently flattened in the first round by Constantinos Philippou at UFC 140. This match has yet to be confirmed by the UFC.

Join us after the jump for some juicy featherweight and bantamweight gossip…

(“Sorry, God. I didn’t ask to be this awesome.” Props: UFC.com)

The UFC paid out $838,000 in disclosed payouts and bonuses to the fighters at Sunday’s UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle event, according to figures released by Wisconsin’s Department of Safety and Professional Services. Chris “The Bonus Snatcher” Lytle and Donald Cerrone were the only competitors who broke the six-figure mark, with Dan Hardy’s haul landing just short.

The numbers are below; keep in mind that they don’t include additional income from sponsorships and undisclosed “locker room” bonuses, or deductions for taxes, insurance, and licensing fees.

Chris Lytle: $200,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus, $65,000 Fight of the Night bonus, $65,000 Submission of the Night bonus)
def. Dan Hardy: $90,000 (includes $65,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

Ben Henderson: $34,000 (includes $17,000 win bonus)
def. Jim Miller: $35,000

Donald Cerrone: $109,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus, $65,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Charles Oliveira: $12,000

When we watched this video, we lost The Game. VidProps: PanicPulse/YouTube

Ed “Short Fuse” Herman impressed some of us last night when he went all Paul Harris on poor Kyle Noke, catching Noke with a heel hook and torquing that motherlover until Mario Yamasaki noticed Noke’s “owwie” face and tap simultaneously, stopping it with a minute left in the first round. No official word yet, but expect Noke to be walking gingerly for the next few weeks.

If you’re not familiar with the much-feared heel hook, take a quick peep at this video where the lovely Joanne Spracklen demonstrates the mechanics, and keep in mind that the twisting action at the heel puts a lot of strain on the knee of that leg. And when we say “a lot of strain”, we mean that ligaments pop and tissues tear when you start cranking on this.

Joanne illustrates the standard heel hook, whereas Herman pulled off the inverted variety, moving Noke’s leg to the other side of his hips and twisting the toes out away from the body; the effects are every bit as devastating.

Do NOT try this at home. Seriously, people talk about how kids are resilient and can bounce back from anything, but surgery on knee ligaments will slow even the best of them way down.

Plus, i’m being told that mine is past the manufacturer’s warranty period, and now i have to pay out of pocket to get him fixed. And that’s why we can’t have nice things.

[RX]

I’m not going near this caption. If you want one, you supply it.

It took nearly two years for Ed Herman to bounce back from the knee injury he sustained in his loss to Aaron Simpson, but following his KO win over Tim Credeur last month he’ll return to the cage in short order. The UFC has announced that “Short Fuse” will step up to replace the injured Tom Lawlor at next month’s “UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle”.

Standing across the cage from Herman will be fellow TUF alumnus Kyle Noke. The Australian is on a five-fight tear, stopping all three of his UFC opponents and handing two their walking papers in the process. While Herman was undoubtedly happy with the quick return to the win column against Credeur, we’ll see if 48-seconds was enough to shake off two years of ring rust. This fight will tip Herman toward a winning or losing UFC record; he is currently perched at an uncomfortable 5-5 in his Zuffa career.

Pettis, and his hopes at a title shot, come crashing down (pic: MMAFightNews.net)

Judging from the sparse commentary throughout last night’s live blog, most of you were out sipping $20 Manhattans and discussing the latest issue of The New Yorker while a few of us sat on the couch watching free cage fights and loathing ourselves. It’s cool. You know what you did was wrong, and you came back home to us. We forgive you, and we’ll give you the gist of what went down.

It only took three minutes and fifty four seconds to send ten weeks of buildup crashing to the mat. The bout between Tony Ferguson and Ramsey Nijem was competitive, with both men finding a home for their hands, but Ferguson was able to employ his collegiate wrestling experience and the time spent with Lesnar’s camp after the show to dictate the fight and set the pace. Following a couple of successful takedowns, Ferguson flipped Ramsey’s switch with a left hook and Season 13 of The Ultimate Fighter crowned its asshole champion.

(Kyle Kingsbury is wearing that rainbow fanny-pack in honor of all the brave men and women who gave their lives defending our freedom in the Candyland-Disco War of Sissystan. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this album, click here.)

TUF 13 reaches its conclusion tonight, with “Stripper” Ramsey Nijem facing off against “Jerkwad” Tony Ferguson for the mythical six-figure contract and glass trophy. Plus: Anthony Pettis makes his official UFC debut against Clay Guida in a guaranteed thriller with lightweight title implications, the suddenly-badass Kyle Kingsbury looks to put Fabio Maldonado’s 11-fight win streak to an end, and much more.

If you’ve got nothing better to do, it’s not a bad way to spend a Saturday night. (If you do have something better to do, count yourself lucky, and come back later to let us know what the outside world is like.) The action is already underway at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas — and streaming live on Facebook — but we’ll save the spoilers until the end of the night, because some of you crybabies get sooooo sensitive. Round-by-round results from the Spike TV broadcast will begin to pile up after the jump starting at 9 p.m. ET; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

Dammit, who are all you guys again?

Say what you will about The Ultimate Fighter (not like you need an invitation), but the finale shows tend to be pretty damn fun. This season, we actually have two fairly solid finalists, a dynamite co-main in Pettis-Guida, plus a handful of other matchups calibrated for striking showdowns and crowd amazement.

Here’s a quick and dirty rundown of the fights scheduled for this weekend, with a few of those fancy moving pictures that you like so much. Who ya got?

Ramsey Nijem

VS

Tony Ferguson

Well, either this fight is the one you’ve been waiting for, or you’re just wondering what these two nobodies are doing on your UFC card. Tune in to find out which guy gets a contract with the UFC. (Spoiler Alert: It’ll be both of them.)

("That was me, Gabriel Gonzaga, before I joined Nutrisystem and Alcoholics Anonymous." Photo courtesy of this set on Combat Lifestyle.)

Spoilers after the jump…

(Photo courtesy of Newsday.)

— TUF 3 finalist Ed Herman, who broke a two-fight skid in April with a unanimous decision win over David Loiseau, has been tapped to replace James "Job" Irvin against Wilson Gouveia at UFC 102, according to Sherdog. Irvin was forced to withdraw from the fight this week due to yet another serious knee injury. Herman was previously scheduled to face Aaron Simpson at UFC Fight Night 19 (September 16th, Oklahoma City).

— UFC 104 (October 24th, Los Angeles) will reportedly host a lightweight battle between Joe Stevenson and Spencer Fisher. "Joe Daddy" broke a two-fight losing streak of his own when he scored a decision win over Nate Diaz at the TUF 9 finale in June. Fisher is riding a three fight win-streak and most recently outpointed Caol Uno at UFC 99. The match will likely be on the main card, supporting the light-heavyweight title fight between Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua.

(Sonnen gives Paulo Filho an intervention, Team Quest-style. Photo courtesy of BaltimoreSun.com.)

Although initial reports claimed that Ed Herman would be stepping in for the injured Yushin Okami against Dan Miller at UFC 98 (May 23rd, Las Vegas), there’s been another change in plans. It seems that Herman has declined the fight — likely because he just competed at UFC 97 and the five-week turnaround would be too short — and Okami’s actual replacement will be Herman’s Team Quest teammate Chael Sonnen.

Sonnen was most recently submitted by Demian Maia in his UFC return fight in February, which dropped his overall Octagon record to 1-3. The WEC/Bodog vet was slated to face Wilson Gouveia at UFC 102 (August 29th; Portland, Oregon) and still hopes to take that fight if his scrap with Dan Miller goes well. Though considering Miller’s skill with submissions (and Sonnen’s tendency to get submitted), Sonnen may be out of a job by this summer.

In other news…

(‘I came to chew bubblegum and represent the 209. I am all out of bubblegum.’)

No one can see the future, but as long as we’re going to speculate as to how things will turn out in Omaha on Wednesday (and let’s face it, we are), we might as well go all the way with predictions so specific they can’t possible come true….or can they?

Nate Diaz vs. Josh Neer

Despite his impressive performances since coming off “The Ultimate Fighter,” the UFC doesn’t seem interested in moving Diaz up in competition. Instead they move him laterally, pitting him against the journeyman Neer, who Nate’s big bro already beat. It’ll be no easy task for Diaz to top his double-birdie performance against Kurt Pellegrino, but he’s a showman. Diaz will get bullied around the Octagon by Neer early on, but at some point he’ll remember he’s the better submissions fighter. The thought will dawn on him all at once and he’ll jump on Neer’s back, lock in a standing rear-naked choke, and extend his middle fingers on either side of Neer’s head as he submits.

When will it happen: 3:17, round two.

What to watch for: the look on Joe Rogan’s face when he has to interview Diaz after the bout and ask him to talk us through the Bud Light replay. What isn’t bleeped out will be completely unintelligible.

Mac Danzig vs. Clay Guida

This is the kind of fight worth getting excited about. The stoic, cerebral Danzig takes on Enkidu, the wild man of the woods (officially known as Clay Guida). It’s the classic highly-technical vegan vs. tough-but-crazy caveman battle. Danzig will start overly cautious and be initially overwhelmed as Guida wades into him with reckless abandon. But as the fight wears on Danzig will start to figure things out, striking and circling and wearing Guida out with knees to the body. Then Guida will freak out, charging right into a triangle choke, and his face will be blocked by his hair as it changes colors before he finally consents to tap.

When will it happen: 2:03, round three.

What to watch for: Guida’s brother, who failed to make weight for his first “Ultimate Fighter” bout and was reportedly kicked off the show for it, will appear on camera at some point looking sad and not eating.

(…and the home…of the…brave.)

A few years ago I went to a Sportfight event in Portland, Oregon where Ed Herman beat Glover Texeira via decision to claim the Sportfight middleweight title. Afterwards he came down the aisles shaking hands and he looked more exhausted than any human being I have ever seen, which is also how he looked from about mid-way through the second round on. He still won, though, and it was a great fight.

Afterwards, Chris Leben told me that Herman’s philosophy on cardio at the time was something along the lines of ‘I get tired when I do a lot of cardio and don’t party, and I get tired when I don’t do a lot of cardio and do party. I’m just going to have to get used to getting tired.’

I only bring it up now because Herman is one of those fighters who is really awesome when viewed through the correct lens. That lens? A tough bastard who sometimes does things that aren’t so smart, for reasons that aren’t so smart, but he knows it and has a ‘what can you do?’ type of attitude about it. I realize that sounds a little weird, but I think these quotes from a recent article on UFC.com sum it up nicely.

On fighting Alan Belcher:

“I think I’m better in the clinch.” Herman says. “I think my Greco style and dirty boxing is going to beat his little fancy pants Muay Thai stuff. …I think he’s a purple belt in Jiu-Jitsu, but all that changes with a couple of elbows.”

On what went wrong against Demian Maia:

“Basically, my game plan in that Maia fight was to try to keep it standing and box him or beat him up in the clinch. I knew he was going to try to take it to the ground, it was no secret. My game plan was to break off when he pulled guard and haul him back up. We practiced that for months. But for some reason when I got into the fight, I kind of went on auto-pilot and I didn’t use my brain and I sat down there in his guard.

(Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

We give the UFC props for not shredding Houston Alexander’s contract as soon as he took his second consecutive first-round knockout loss last month against James Irvin, but even the most compassionate among us would agree — if it happens again, he’ll be heading out the door. D-Day for “The Assassin” is now looking like September 17th; MMA Junkie reports that Alexander has agreed to a bout against Eric Schafer at UFC Fight Night 14. Schafer made his Octagon debut at UFC 62 with a submission win over Rob MacDonald, but lost his next two bouts via TKO to Michael Bisping and Stephan Bonnar. “Red” has since rallied in the Gladiators Fighting Series organization, where he’s posted back-to-back wins. Alexander had reportedly been offered several fights in August and September before settling on the Schafer matchup.

In other UFC fight-booking news, MMAMania passes along a rumor that a middleweight match between Ed Herman and Alan Belcher will also be on the UFN 14 card. Both men are coming off losses, to Demian Maia and Jason Day, respectively. And speaking of middleweights, a fight between Alessio Sakara and Rob Yundt has been added to the undercard of The Ultimate Fighter 7 finale on June 21st. Rob Yundt lost his Octagon debut to Ricardo Almeida at UFC 81 after taking the fight on very short notice. Sakara is 3-4 with one no-contest in the UFC, and was most recently dropped by Chris Leben at UFC 82.

The Terror gets slaughtered, Chainsaw says “no mas,” and Demian Maia unleashes the Submission of the Night in the second round of his undercard fight against Ed Herman. Get ‘em while they’re hot; for more UFC 83 vids, hit up MMALinker.

(Ed Herman: The guy who’s about to lose to the guy who could possibly be worthy of facing Anderson Silva one day.)

With just over a month to go until UFC 83, a pair of fights have been added to the preliminary card, bringing the event to a thick 11 fights total. The UFC announced today that TUF 3 finalist Ed “Short Fuse” Herman will take on undefeated Brazilian grappler Demian Maia, who choked out Ryan Jensen during his UFC debut last October; Herman is riding a three-fight win streak, his most recent being a knockout of Joe Doerksen at UFC 78 in November. The news follows up a weekend announcement confirming that heavyweights Brad Morris (8-2) and Cain Velasquez (2-0) will both make their Octagon debuts at UFC 83. Morris is a heavy-handed Australian striker who’s done time in King of the Cage and Bodog Fight. Despite his very limited professional experience, Velasquez was previously shouted out by his American Kickboxing Academy teammate Jon Fitch as the dude who will “turn the heavyweight world upside down in another year or two.”

With these additions, the final lineup to the April 19th Montreal show looks like this:

MAIN CARD
Matt Serra vs. Georges St. Pierre (for welterweight title)
Rich Franklin vs. Travis Lutter (middleweights)
Nate Quarry vs. Kalib Starnes (middleweights)
Michael Bisping vs. Charles McCarthy (middleweights)
Mac Danzig vs. Marc Bocek (lightweights)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Joe Doerksen vs. Jason MacDonald (middleweights)
Jason Day vs. Alan Belcher (middleweights)
Rich Clementi vs. Sam Stout (lightweights)
Kuniyoshi Hironaka vs. Jonathan Goulet (welterweights)
Ed Herman vs. Demian Maia (middleweights)
Brad Morris vs. Cain Velasquez (heavyweights)

So many middleweights, so little hope of ever beating Anderson Silva…

In other UFC news:

You know a UFC card is dull when John McCarthy, Herb Dean, Steve Mazzagatti, and Mario Yamasaki all have better things to do. No knock on the reffing abilities of Dan Miragliotta and Kevin Mulhall — or the lovely state of New Jersey — but nearly everything about UFC 78 was substandard, and every fighter proved that they weren’t quite ready for the big show. Let’s get through it…