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Tag: Elvis Sinosic

CagePotato Tribute: The 50 Worst Fighters in UFC History

Every great sport has been built on the backs of men who absolutely sucked at it — athletes whose hapless failures made the champions’ triumphs look even more outstanding by comparison. Baseball has its Mario Mendozas, its Bob Kammeyers, its Pete Rose Jrs. We have our Joe Sons, our Tiki Ghosns, our James Toneys. So in honor of the brave competitors who proved that MMA is even harder than it looks, we humbly present this “tribute” to the worst UFC fighters of all time.

A couple of notes to start: 1) We chose fighters solely based on their performances inside the Octagon. Some of these fighters achieved great things in other organizations, before or after their time in the UFC; for the purposes of this feature, we’re not really interested in that. 2) Instead of ranking one form of suckitude against another, we’ll group the 50 fighters into sections and arrange them chronologically. Use the links below to navigate, and if we omitted anybody notable, please let us know in the comments section.

- Ben Goldstein

Page 1: The Pre-Zuffa Punchlines
Page 2: The One-and-Done Wonders
Page 3: The Repeat Offenders
Page 4: The Not-Ready-for-Prime-Time TUF Guys
Page 5: The Barely-Worth-Mentioning Washouts

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Completely Unnecessary Rematch Alert, pt. 2: Elvis Sinosic vs. Chris Haseman

 

Closing out the preliminary card of UFC 110 this Saturday will be a light-heavyweight bout between Elvis Sinosic and Chris Haseman, which will make minor history as the first UFC fight contested between two Australians. While the local Sydney crowd will surely mark out for the scrap, it’s a shame that the competitors have to be so unworthy. Sinosic (8-11-2, 1-6 UFC) has dropped his last two fights, and hasn’t won a match in over three years. The semi-retired Haseman (20-16, 0-1 UFC) last competed in November 2008 when he knocked out Yuji "The Pink Typhoon" Hisamatsu, breaking a four-fight losing streak that dated back to 2002. Basically, neither of these guys would be getting another shot in the UFC if they weren’t both Australian, and available on the day of the show. (It says a lot about the state of Australian MMA that these are the two biggest/best stars they could pull for their Aussie vs. Aussie feature.)

But there is one hook to hang the fight on: The King of Rock ‘n’ Rumble and the Hammer met once before, way back in March 1997, at an eight-man Caged Combat: Australian Ultimate Fighting tournament that was won by Brazilian Top Team co-founder Mario Sperry. Haseman’s performance in the tourney was notable because he scored two wins via chin-to-eye submission. The video above shows the semi-final match between Sinosic and Haseman; Haseman chins Elvis out at the 4:00 mark. Though the technique is currently outlawed by the Unified Rules under the "no gouging" clause, it would be a fitting tribute to Australia’s colorful MMA history if the refs could look the other way this weekend. Do you really think those descendants of criminals will give a shit?

Previously: Completely Unnecessary Rematch Alert: Wes Sims vs. Tim Sylvia II

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10 Fighters Who Should Hang Up Their Gloves

By CagePotato.com contributor Kipp Tribble

10. Dan Severn (80-15-7)

Yes, he’s a UFC Hall-of-Famer who still racks up wins in smaller organizations. He’s also 53 goddamned years old. That has to be retirement age for a mixed martial artist. At this point in his life, he should be sipping Metamucil coladas and yelling at kids to get off of his lawn, not rolling on the mat with guys half his age. But we’ll vote to let “The Beast” stick around for at least one more match to see if he can maintain bladder control when socked in the gut.

9. Elvis Sinosic (8-11-2)

His retarded nickname is bad enough; his consistent mediocrity is absolutely inexcusable. Let’s start with the fact that he just got knocked out at Cage Rage by Paul Cahoon — a fighter playing .500 ball himself — in a mere 21 seconds. Well played, King, well played. While he may still have some fights left in him, we’d rather not risk having to yawn through another of his sleepwalk matches. Go back to Australia and rock ‘n rumble with the ‘roos, Elvis. They’ll probably take longer than 21 seconds to knock your middling ass out.

8. Nick Diaz (15-7, 1 NC)

Nick gets a spot on the list not for his positive marijuana test or terminated UFC contracts, but for his volcanic eye sockets. By now, the guy isn’t able to make it through one round without his eyelids shredding, the result of a rare condition also known as “shitty defense that causes your fragile face to get punched in.” We felt his pain when the doctor stopped his fight against K.J. Noons at EliteXC: Renegade, but unless he’s allowed to step into the ring wearing safety goggles, Little Nicky’s gotta go.

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Fights of the Day: Xavier Foupa-Pokam, Neil Grove

U.K.-based MMA organization Cage Rage is putting on a thoroughly kickass show tomorrow, featuring Murilo “Ninja” Rua, Elvis Sinosic, Mark Weir, Neil Grove, and TUF3 alum Ross Pointon. Check out the full fight card here. I’d never heard of Rua’s opponent Xavier Foupa-Pokam (please keep your “fupa-poker” jokes to yourself), so I decided to search for a clip of him in action, which I’ve posted below. Rua might have his hands full, as Foupa-Pokam looks like a sharp striker who’s absolutely deadly once he falls on his ass. You should also keep an eye out for Neil Grove, a 4-0 heavyweight bruiser whose last two fights resulted in a 10-second knockout of James “The Colossus” Thompson (the video is below) and a 34-second TKO of Domagoj Ostojic. Cage Rage 24 can be seen live at ProElite.com PPV; the action kicks off at 1 p.m. ET.

(Xavier Foupa-Pokam vs. Alex Cook at Cage Rage 18, 9/30/06)

(Neil Grove vs. James Thompson at Cage Rage 22, 7/14/07)

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The Top 10 Worst MMA Nicknames Ever

#10 (tie): Chris “The Polish Hammer” Horodecki & Peter “The Dutch Lumberjack” Aerts

Though it has a long, proud history, the nationality + noun combination is always a risky move when crafting a nickname. If it’s “The Polish ____” it can end up sounding like the setup to a joke. (i.e., “You hear the one about the Polish Hammer? They use it to pound fingernails.” Or something like that, but much funnier.) With any other nationality, like “The Dutch ____,” it can end up sounding like a deviant sex act. Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis gets a pass because hand grenades are badass.

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