(I like my ‘chino enemas with extra foam.)

For those of you unaware, the UFC had an event on Saturday – UFC 82. We’ve given you results & commentary, payouts, 7/11 encounters, Chuck-Heads, and more. And to cap off our thoroughly kick-ass coverage of it all, here are the traditional Monday-after suspensions.

The Ohio Athletic Commission has revealed that only four of the fighters from the event have been slapped with medical suspensions. Each of the fighters who got the on-hold ruling lost via KO or TKO, although no broken bones or lacerations were reported. Since, Yushin Okami has been said to have broken his hand while KOing Evan Tanner and Josh Koscheck possibly might have broken his as well while dealing Dustin Hazelett his TKO and subsequent medical suspension.

Evan Tanner pulled a 60-day suspension, while O’Brien, Hazelett and Sakara all got 30-day suspensions. Overall, pretty tame suspensions for a major MMA event.

However, the best suspension announcement was Luke Cummo’s caffeine overload suspension. Fightlinker “broke” the story early today that Luke Cummo had received a three-month suspension for having “extremely elevated caffeine levels beyond anything the commission had ever seen before.”

“Normally we don’t pay that much attention to the level of caffeine in a fighter’s blood,” said OAC commissioner Warren Petty. “But Luke Cummo’s readings were off the chart. At first we thought there must be a mistake with the test, but follow ups showed that our original findings were accurate. This guy must have been tripping balls in the Octagon.”

Oh, you had us until tripping balls, although I wouldn’t put it past the made-up OAC member, Warren Petty, to say something like that. The story went on to say 3-liter coffee enemas were to blame, but luckily MMA Weekly was johnny-on-the-spot and squashed this one – not that anyone was buying it after “tripping balls”. However, OAC executive director Bernie Profato wasn’t too happy about the hoax story and had this to say about the matter:

“I’ll be contacting the state’s Attorney General office (on Tuesday) to see what options we have in this type of matter because this is absolutely not true.”

I’m sure Zuffa will be filing suit soon as well.

Josh Koscheck vs. Dustin Hazelett, the best fight of the undercard. Awesome exchanges in the beginning, explosive finish at the end.

Andrei Arlovski vs. Jake O’Brien. Feel free to skip past the entire first round.

More fights after the jump…

Evan Tanner’s fight against David Terrell at UFC 51 (2/5/05) was actually his second shot at a UFC championship belt — four years earlier he faced Tito Ortiz for the light heavyweight title, but was knocked out via slam after just 32 seconds. After working up a 6-1 record in his next UFC fights and dropping down to middleweight, he was given the chance to fight David Terrell for the vacant middleweight championship. Despite Terrell hanging off his neck for a full 30 seconds during the match, Tanner was able to slip the guillotine attempt and move on top of Terrell, where he ground-and-pounded his way to victory. Unfortunately, he lost his title to Rich Franklin four months later. Tanner returns to the Octagon at UFC 82, where he’ll face Yushin Okami.

It’s being reported that UFC 82 — which goes down March 2 in Columbus, and will be headlined by a middleweight championship bout between Anderson Silva and Dan Henderson — will also feature the Octagon return of actor/fighter Rich Franklin, who will face off against Ultimate Fighter 4 winner Travis Lutter. Both men are coming off of losses to Anderson Silva, but unlike Franklin, Lutter actually came close to beating him, creaming the champ with unanswered punches from the mount in the first round of their match at UFC 67 before Silva slipped out and locked in a triangle choke in the second. (Franklin, of course, wasn’t able to make it to the second round in either of his fights against the current champ.) A skilled submission artist, Lutter could potentially find a way to beat Ace, who isn’t looking like the most confident fighter in the world lately, and whose budding movie career may be diverting his focus. The fight would be the first in Franklin’s new six-fight contract with the UFC.

MMA Mania is also reporting that UFC veteran Evan Tanner will also fight at UFC 82 against a yet-unnamed opponent. Tanner briefly held the UFC’s middleweight belt before losing it to Rich Franklin at UFC 53; his last fight was a submission victory over Justin Levens in April 2006. Since then, Tanner has struggled with alcoholism, attempted to create a charity training center for troubled fighters that failed, worked to restore a sailboat that eventually sank, and had some possessions stolen from his Land Cruiser. Here’s hoping his future endeavors run a bit more smoothly…