(Dammit! This was so much easier to escape in the video game!)  

On the heels of two straight submission via rear-naked choke losses courtesy of Joe Lauzon and Jim Miller, former “top contender” Melvin Guillard’s stock is probably at an all time low. The UFC, likely recognizing Melvin’s need to step up his ground game or GTFO, are not cutting him any slack, as they have paired him against 3rd degree (uh-oh) BJJ black belt (not good) under Royler Gracie (dear God) Fabricio Camoes. The worst part: Camoes is coming off a submission by rear-naked choke victory at UFC on FX: Guillard vs. Miller.

Game. Set. Soon.

Look, we’ve got mad respect for Melvin Guillard; how can you not love someone whose idea of avoiding the takedown is repeatedly throwing flying knees? But this does not look good for “The Young Assassin,” who may very well get the boot if he is submitted for the seventh time in his UFC career come July 7th. Come on Zuffa, you can’t even give him some low-level nobody to squash first?

Matter of fact, it looks to us like the UFC is trying to punish each and every member of The Blackzilians for Anthony Johnson’s colossal mistake. Have the Zuffa attorneys not informed DW and Joe Silva that judging a certain group of people based on one isolated incident is considered profiling, and could lead to a huge backlash from said group? If we could think of any examples from American history, say from around the 1960′s, that could possibly help prove this point, we would. Unfortunately, no such example exists. Perhaps we’re just lucky.

Join us after the jump for a ton of fight booking news…

Guillard choking, in every sense of the word. (Photo: UFC.com)

While the ‘UFC on FX’ debut may have lacked the big names of UFC 142, the fights themselves packed just as much fire-power. For the second straight week, six fighters were able to put away their opponent and double their earnings in less than a round. Punches, chokes, and a torrent of brutal hellbows were all used to send grown men into la-la land, and we’ve got the GIF’s to prove it.

(Thanks to Zombie Prophet for the GIFs)

And he’d been training so hard, too. It’s damn near perfect.

It appears that we’ll have to wait a little longer for the UFC debut of former Cage Potato guest blogger and Maximum Fighting Championship light heavyweight champion Ryan Jimmo. Yesterday, the UFC announced that Jimmo was injured while preparing for his debut against Karlos Vemola, and has been taken off of the card. Consequently, Vemola has been dropped from the card, as the UFC will not pursue a replacement opponent for the Czech fighter. The injury suffered by Jimmo has not been disclosed at this time.

Also of note, Swedish-Iranian lightweight prospect Reza Madadi has also been injured, and has pulled out of his UFC debut against the recently re-signed Fabricio Camoes. Unlike Vemola, the UFC is pursuing a last minute replacement opponent for Camoes, who has won two straight since being released by the UFC after a loss to Kurt Pellegrino at UFC 111. Depending on the severity of the injury, Madadi will now likely make his UFC debut at the UFC’s inaugural show in Sweden on April 14.

UFC on FX is set to go down on January 20th from the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee. The fight card now looks like this:

And to think, only ONE of these guys is nicknamed “Uncle Creepy”. Image courtesy of Sherdog.com.

Last night, Tachi Palace Hotel and Casino in Lemoore, California hosted their ninth event. The card featured a Top 10 flyweight, Gerald Harris attempting to get back in the W column and the return of the greatest tattoo in MMA. And probably some other stuff, too.

Fresh off of his upset victory over then top ranked flyweight Jussier da Silva, “Uncle Creepy” Ian McCall returned to action last night against Nashville prospect Dustin Ortiz. Before dropping to flyweight, Uncle Creepy compiled an 8-2 record as a bantamweight. You may remember him from his brief stint with the WEC, where he went 1-2 in three fights, including a unanimous decision loss to Dominick Cruz at WEC 38. Last night McCall dominated the entire fight, showboating to the crowd throughout the third round on his way to a unanimous decision win. The victory likely propels him to a flyweight title fight against Darrell Montague.

(Fabricio Camoes loads up on Caol Uno at UFC 106. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

The UFC did some spring cleaning this week, shredding the contracts of four recent fight-losers. In order of least surprising to most surprising…

Fabricio Camoes: During his brief stint in the UFC, Camoes drew with Caol Uno (who was released last week along with Lucio Linhares) then got choked out by Kurt Pellegrino at UFC 111. If you’re a relatively unknown prospect, you can’t really hope for more than two chances to pick up your first win in the Octagon. Back to the bush leagues…

Rob Emerson: His unanimous decision loss to rising prospect Nik Lentz at UFC Fight Night 21 was his third defeat in his last four fights, and dropped his career record to a grim 9-9. It was a little odd to see Emerson get this fight in the first place, as it came less than two months after his decision win over Phillipe Nover at UFC 109, but it’s just been too long since Emerson truly impressed. You hate to see that happen to such a kindhearted person…

(And just like that, the dreaded "May not be broadcast" label is wiped clean.)

UFC.com has reacted quickly to the news of Thiago Alves’s removal from the UFC 111 card, and the way things look now it appears as they’ve decided to bump the fight between Kurt Pellegrino and Fabricio Camoes up from the prelims to fill the hole in the pay-per-view broadcast. If you ask us, Ricardo Almeida/Matt Brown might have been a better choice, or even Nate Diaz/Rory Markham, but once again, no one in the UFC front office asked us. That never fails to sting the old pride, either.

The change means that all you FightPicker players are going to want to update your answers to reflect your feelings on who will win the suddenly more important Pellegrino/Camoes showdown. If you don’t it might just cost you that Apple iPad, and wouldn’t that be a shame?

(Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs. Dan Henderson, 4/23/05)

Of the 22 fighters testing their fates on Saturday night, three of them will be stepping into the Octagon for the first time — but don’t expect these guys to crack under the pressure. Read on to meet the MMA veterans and submission experts who will be trying to make dominant first impressions at "Ortiz vs. Griffin II"…

ANTONIO ROGERIO NOGUEIRA (LHW)
Experience: 17-3 record, with notable victories over Dan Henderson, Alistair Overeem (twice), Kazushi Sakuraba, and Vladimir Matyushenko (in January, which avenged his first career loss). Has won his last five fights, most recently submitting Dion Staring via triangle choke in May.
Will be facing: Luis Cane (10-1 with 1 no-contest, 3-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Whether you know him better as "Minotoro" or "Lil’ Nog," there’s a good chance you’re already aware of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira’s twin brother. The 33-year-old veteran of PRIDE, Affliction, and Sengoku has had a decorated career dating back to March 2001, and is considered by many to be one of the ten best light-heavyweights in the world right now. Though Antonio Rogerio comes from a BJJ background like his bro (who he trains with at Black House), four of his last six wins have come via TKO, and he won a bronze medal in boxing at the 2007 Pan American Games. Minotoro hasn’t lost a fight since his shock-upset KO defeat against Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou at PRIDE 33, nearly three years ago. Says Rogerio of his UFC debut: “For more than three years, UFC was my goal and now I’m just very happy to be here in the best event. The UFC has the best talent in the world, and I feel like now I’m going to be challenged like I’ve never been challenged before in my career…The fans can expect to see a very well-trained and well-prepared athlete who’s very focused and determined to win."

(Have you seen me?)

First Nick Diaz implored him not to be scared, homey. Then Jared Shaw went looking for him on the back of a milk carton. Now even Fabricio Camoes is getting in on the K.J. Noons bashfest. Maybe the force of public opinion will be enough to force Noons into a fight after all. You just have to wonder how much longer he can stand criticism like this:

“I’m waiting, I’m looking forward to fight him (KJ Noons). Inside EliteXC everybody had the chance and lost, but I’m here. I’m with six victories, two inside Elite and want to face him… I came to get his belt…I don’t know if he’ll accept a fight with me. They offered Nick Diaz and he didn’t wanted. The event is negotiating to try to put me to fight, I hope he accepts it”, said Fabricio [Camoes].

“The champion of the event picking the opponents… The champ has to fight whoever the event wants. Nick Diaz has qualities to steal his belt, and I want to get into this battle too. If you have the belt, you need to be prepared to fight everybody. Every fighter that goes to EliteXC wants to fight for the belt, nobody signs a contract thinking about fighting the worst opponent.”

Honestly, Noons needs to break his silence soon. Otherwise he risks going down in MMA lore as the champion who wouldn’t fight. It’s one thing to have Nick Diaz call you out. All that means is that you have a pulse. But when mid-level guys like Fabricio Camoes start implying that you may or may not be a total pussy, then you’re about one step away from being called out by Rue McClanahan.

For his own sake, Noons should at least let everyone know why he doesn’t want to defend his belt, whether it has to do with money, choice of opponents, or general disdain for Elite XC. Something, please. Even if he said he was quitting fighting to study jazz tap, that would still be better than nothing. We don’t want to say that he’s a punk, but he has been displaying some very punk-like qualities as of late.

(Worst. Pride parade. Ever. Photo courtesy of Tom Casino @ Pro Elite.)

Five fights, five first-round stoppages; last night’s ShoXC Challenger Series card was unquestionably badass. But for our money, the night belonged to Shayna Baszler. With mentor Josh Barnett in her corner, “The Queen of Spades” faced Keiko “Tama Chan” Tamai — who was clownlike in both attire and demeanor — and smoked her, dispatching the outmatched Japanese fighter with a suplex (seriously!), ground-and-pound, and finally a neck crank; maybe the first time we’ve seen that submission since Dan Severn in the mid-’90s. With the win, Baszler improves her pro record to 9-4, with all nine wins coming via submission. After the fight she claimed ownership of EliteXC’s women’s division, and declared she was ready for any challenger to try and prove otherwise. LaRosa and Carano, you’re officially on notice.

Also notable was the fight between undefeated middleweights Matt Lucas and Givanildo Santana, who had previously defeated nine of his ten opponents via armbar, earning him the nickname “The Arm Collector.” You’d think Lucas would be extra careful to avoid the same fate, but like an idiot, he got on top of Santana during the fight, leaned over too far without protecting himself and got snatched up. Make that ten wins by armbar.