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Tag: fail

Bellator 130 Fail-GIF: Bobby Lashley’s Opponent Flops to Mat, Loses


(Props: ZombieProphet)

We know that some of you think we’re die-hard Bellator haters, simply because we have no problem calling a garbage show a garbage show. But believe us, we don’t go out looking for ways to embarrass America’s #2 MMA promotion — this stuff just has a way of finding us.

Like tonight at Bellator 130, for example. We were prepared to give Bobby Lashley a respectful pat on the back for running through his fifth consecutive non-Wiki opponent. But it was the way Lashley won that made us shake our damn heads.

The former WWE star and current TNA attraction faced off against undefeated British heavyweight Karl Etherington, who had come into the fight with a 9-0 record, and all wins coming in the first round — seven of which were earned in under a minute. On paper, Etherington is no can. He was also billed as a judo black belt, which is kind of hard to believe when you watch the GIF of the finish, in which the Brit tries to pull Lashley to the mat, loses his grip, and flops onto his stomach where Lashley bashes him until Etherington taps to strikes. Not exactly Rousey-esque.

For God’s sake, Coker, it’s time to give Lashley one of your real heavyweights. Like…uh…um…Joey Beltran? I have no idea. This is about as good as heavyweight MMA gets in Bellator, unfortunately. Full Bellator 130 results are after the jump, with links to GIFs of the finishes courtesy of the Zombie. Short version: Emanuel Newton defended his title against that guy, and Marloes Coenen won her Bellator debut against some lady.

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Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Five Ways to DESTROY BJJ


(Video via CombatantDVD)

Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Are you really sure?

For this week’s Traditional Martial Arts Fail, we have the five definitive ways to defeat a BJJ guy. It’s as easy as using basic movements against a compliant partner. Imagine that!

Checking out their website, it seems like these guys are the “too deadly” sort who want to believe in their mysticism and bogus street cred. Their experiences range in arts like the esteemed Pekiti-Tirsia Kali system (it’s right up at the top of the martial arts pyramid with Kapu Kuialua, we assure you) and Krav Maga (because that style is so effective). One of “the masters” practices a style that is “concept based rather than technique-based.” You know, because it’s bad to base a martial art on having good technique.

Needless to say, if the dude in the video tried any of this compliant crap on a legit BJJ fighter or any other sort of grappler, he’d wind up with a broken arm. Just goes to show you that even though the UFC is a little more than 20 years old, there are still people who haven’t gotten the message about what works in a fight and what doesn’t!

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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Sad Video of the Day: Taekwondo Blackbelt vs. Board Ends in No Contest


(Props to Deadspin for passing this along.)

It has finally happened. After years of mocking everything from ugly t-shirts to stupid tattoos, I have found something that has genuinely left me speechless. This god-awful McDojo demonstration featuring a “Taekwondo” “blackbelt” repeatedly trying (and failing, obviously) to break a board has me at a loss for words. From the nervous laughter from spectators throughout the video to the Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia-esque form that the guy kicks with to the chunk of wood that flies off the board and hits a little girl halfway through the video, the only thing I can think of writing to go with this involves a series of completely unrelated GIFs with “Write your own damn jokes, comments section.” at the end.

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Fail of the Year Candidate #2: Another Dipshit Dares His Opponent to Test His Chin With Predictable Results


(Mad props to CP reader Dave W for the find. The logic-defying test of strength comes at the 4:27 mark, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

At this point, we’ve done all we can do to spare fighters the embarrassment of testing their unbreakable chins during a fight, only to receive a lesson in humility shortly thereafter. We’ve put out a PSA, we’ve relentlessly ridiculed those dumb enough to attempt the maneuver, and we’ve even bestowed one of these jackasses with the MMA Fail of the Year Award, the best worst CP honor of them all. But like Flickr’s obsession with bloody nipples, it appears that fighters daring their opponents to knock them out is a trend that is here to stay.

Today’s exercise in stupidity comes to us from a supposed “Shaolin Kung Fu Master” named Yi Long — we say “supposed” because one would think that a Shaolin Master would be a little more versed in the art of modesty – during a December 2012 fight with 10-2 Muay Thai wrecking machine Josh Pickthall. Not only does the fight feature some of the most blatant nuthugging from a ringside announcer that we have ever heard (not that we know what they’re saying, but scroll through the Youtube comments to clarify this), but it also features a falling tree KO so glorious that it seems to come right out of a Looney Tunes episode.

Perhaps what’s most perplexing about Long’s decision to expose himself to three straight punches (which, to his credit, he seems to hold up for two of) is the fact that the fight was relatively competitive until the last few seconds. If you’re Anderson Silva fighting Stephan Bonnar, sure, go ahead and get cocky. If you’re some dipshit who fancies himself the next Anderson Silva, however, maybe it’s best to hold off on the dropping of the hands. For your own sake.

-J. Jones

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MMA Fail of the Year Candidate: “Ultimate Armbar Defense” Instructor Chokes Himself Out


Damn it, Jon. Thumb UP! Props: The Phantom Knee

We’re not even one week into 2013, yet we already have a strong candidate for CagePotato.com’s coveted MMA Fail of the Year at the year-ending Potato Awards. And yes, “coveted” is the right word here – with all of the ugly tattoos, terrible t-shirts, goofy haircuts and general jackassery in this great sport, it’s a legitimate honor to be recognized for failing harder than everyone else around you. Last year, the award went to a guy who dared his opponent to knock him out seconds before getting knocked out. Following in his footsteps, this instructor is so confident that he has discovered the “ultimate” way to defend against an armbar that you should really be expecting his demise well before it plays out.

This guy’s “Ultimate Armbar Defense” isn’t exactly scientific; it involves grabbing your own gi collar and holding on for dear life. Don’t ask me how a jiu-jitsu purple belt didn’t realize that he was setting himself up for a textbook gi choke, but he didn’t, and the inevitable happens by the end of the video. My favorite part of the video is the very end, when he wakes up, remembers where he is, puffs his chest out and looks into the camera with manly, Ronda Rousey-esque confidence.

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Amanda Lucas Defeats Hikaru Shinohara; Hikaru Shinohara Defeats Her Cornerman

(YouTube props: CrazyLuke111)

Whenever a psuedo-celebrity climbs into the cage, something in our TMZ-infested DNA makes us take a little extra notice. A fight that would normally pass right on by without a second thought suddenly sparks a curiosity in the back of our brain. Promoters put these fights on with just that in mind, hoping that the anomaly will pay off in a little added exposure. Thus far in her career, Amanda Lucas has proven to be a goldmine in that respect.

We’re not saying that she isn’t taking her job as a fighter seriously (nor are we saying that she is, really), but the fates have intervened to garner her far more attention than her name alone could ever deliver, and very little of it has to do with her directly. First, a scheduled bout against Heather Martin was canceled last April when her opponent showed up an incredible 13 lbs. over the agreed upon weight limit. Then she had the displeasure of getting rag-dolled at the 2011 Mundials by Strikeforce 145 lb Women’s Champion Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos. Now when a dominant victory could speak for itself, it’s overshadowed by her opponent’s fit of post-fight rage.

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Junie Browning’s Opponent Misses Weight Almost as Badly as Junie Browning


Pictured: Cagepotato.com interns reenacting the weigh-in for Browning vs. Clark.

I’ll be completely honest: I forgot about Junie Browning over the past few years. Well, maybe not so much “forgot about” as “assumed that he, like that other crazy MMA fighter with lame tattoos, has been crushing cans and causing shenanigans”. Given his three fight losing streak coming into his fight with Jacob Clark at tonight’s MMA Pit Fight: Genesis, he hasn’t been crushing cans. And unless we’re being lenient with our usage of “shenanigans”, his weigh-in for the fight didn’t provide them, either.

Yes, Junie Browning missed weight. Badly. As MMAFighting.com reports, Junie Browning weighed in at 162.25 pounds for what was supposed to be a lightweight fight, or seven and a quarter pounds over the limit. Missing weight, especially by that much, isn’t so much shenanigans as it is being irresponsible. But don’t be quick to feel bad for his opponent, Jacob Clark. Despite the New Mexico Athletic Commission’s generous two pound weight allowance, Clark also missed weight, weighing in at 158 pounds. MMA Fight Pit plans on fining both fighters an undisclosed sum of money per pound over the 155 pound weight limit.

All other fighters made weight for what is shaping up to be a pretty good card for a regional event. If you’re itching to watch some MMA before tomorrow’s UFC Live on Versus 5, it may be worth some change. Whether it’s more worthy of your money than the Taco Bell Party Pack and fifth of Evan Williams you’re currently planning on consuming in a dark room by yourself tonight is up to you.

Weigh-in results, courtesy of MMAFighting.com, after the jump

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Videos: ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’ Intros, Junie Prepares for War + More



(Props: MMA Mania)

THQ has released some more preview footage from UFC 2009 Undisputed, showing Da Spyder and Da Troof getting their pre-fight introductions. For more intros, hit up videogamer.com.

Below: RawVegas catches up with Junie Browning at Xtreme Couture and discusses his upcoming matchup with Cole Miller and his new training partner, War Machine. On War: "I think he’s a cool dude. That’s the kind of guy I would hang out with outside of here. [Ed. note: God help us all.] You get a lot of computer warriors and people like that, but they don’t really know a person…I think people get the wrong interpretation of him."


After the jump
: NFL linebacker Dhani Jones learns some Muay Thai in a clip from his new show Dhani Tackles the Globe — which premieres March 16th on the Travel Channel — and an epic board-breaking fail.

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Epic Fail: Toyo Tires

Failo Tires
Wide view Quinton Rampage Jackson UFC

Hey, all publicity is good publicity, right?

(Props: “JayRoc” on the UG)

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