(So I sez to da brod, “I want to f*ck Chuck!“)

By Jason Moles

Happy Independence Day, Potato Nation! In honor of today’s festivities we figured it was time once again to switch things up around here. For starters, we’re not going to tell you that the fight you were looking forward to has been rescheduled/tweaked/cancelled due to injury, nor will we bog you down with the latest trash talk between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen. Instead, let’s play a patriotic game. We’ll give you a list of quotes and then you decide who said it, either a founding father or a famous (and I’m using that word lightly) MMA fighter. The answer key is on the next page. Let’s begin!

1. “Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” Was this A.) Diego Sanchez or B.) Ben Franklin

2. “I let go of the disappointments and setbacks in my life and hang on to the promises of God for my future.” Was this A.) Phil Baroni or B.) John Adams

3. “And to think, there are still places in the world where man has not been, where he has left no footprints, where the mysteries stand secure, untouched by human eyes. I want to go to these places, the quiet, timeless, ageless places, and sit, letting silence and solitude be my teachers.” Was this A.) Evan Tanner or B.) Thomas Jefferson

4. “I have not yet begun to fight!” Was this A.) Jon Jones or B.) John Paul Jones

(Just another day at the office for Jan Finney. The terrifying, potentially life-threatening office. PicProps: Strikeforce)

When staring down the barrel of your own imminent demise, there are a couple of different ways you can play it. You can dig your heels in and fight every step of the way as the guards physically drag you out of your cell and down the hall to the execution chamber, or you can handle things a little more like Gary Gilmore: Grinning into the scowling faces of the poor bastards on the firing squad and shouting, “Let’s do it!”

Jan Finney, to her credit, seems to be opting for the latter approach.

Finney doesn’t appear the least bit bothered by the fact she’s jumping up in weight to take on the most dominant female fighter on the planet, that the oddsmakers see her as a near-historic underdog or that Strikeforce says she’ll likely be fired if she doesn’t have a “good showing” against Cris “Cyborg” Santos tonight. In fact, Finney – whose nickname, by comparison, is “Cuddles” – thinks it’s hilarious.