(Don’t worry, this is the only time you’ll be seeing this guy on the list.)

With three of the fights on UFC 170‘s main card ending in the first round, the CagePotato.com staff has decided to revisit the greatest one-round fights in MMA history during today’s CagePotato Roundtable. Despite their brevity, these fights were memorable enough to be worthy of any discussion on the greatest fights in MMA history. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future roundtable discussion topics to tips@cagepotato.com. 

Nathan Smith

(Photo courtesy of MiddleEasy.com)

Greatest fight that only went one round, you say? Psh, please. How about a fight that had more total strikes thrown in the first 30+ seconds than in the entire multi-year relationship between that (piece of crap) Ike Turner and Tina? Ok, ok, maybe not that many but Don Frye vs. Yoshihiro Takayama still resulted in a shit load of punches. So, to all the other contributors to this RoundTable, I respect your opinions but much like the original Highlander – There can be only one – your choices are all The Kurgan (and he was “the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison” mind you, so you can take solace in that you losers).

After a multitude of viewings, according to my bloodshot eyes and my bourbon breath, there were 91 total strikes thrown by both Don Frye and Yoshirho Yamasaka in the opening 34 seconds of their epic collision way back at Pride 21 in June of 2002. True, I am not Reed Kuhn and these figures are not exact like a Cagepotato Databomb but let those punch-stats sink in. For a little more than half a minute, almost 3 strikes were thrown per second with almost ALL of them landing.

(Anderson Silva can now walk down stairs without crutches. The comeback continues… / Props: silva_mtc)

Manager: Urijah Faber Fought Barao With Bruised Knee Ligament, Partially Torn Hamstring (MMAJunkie)

Here’s Fedor’s Olympic Cameo in All of Its Cold, Russian Glory (MiddleEasy)

Julianna Pena’s Knee Surgery a Success, Expected to Make Full Recovery (MMAWeekly)

Dana White: Lyoto Machida Could Get Next Title Shot With Win Over Gegard Mousasi (BleacherReport)

Israeli-Born Noad Lahat to Make UFC Debut Against Godofredo Pepey at UFC Fight Night 38 (MMAFighting)

The 15 Most Important Exercises for Men (MensFitness)

Watch the Russian Police Choir Sing “Get Lucky” at the Sochi Winter Olympics (Complex)

10 Naughty Lego Positions for Adults Only (Mommyish)

Do Sports Games Need a Story? (TheEscapist)

The 100 Funniest Moments In Facebook History (WorldWideInterweb)

Video: Jay Leno Gets Emotional While Leaving the Tonight Show (EveryJoe)

10 Better Titles for Farrah Abraham’s Newest Sex Tape (HolyTaco)

The Weirdest Google Searches, Illustrated (PopHangover)

(MMA face-swap of the century: Tito and Jenna at the Grammys, via JCSUPERMAN on the UG)

CagePotato isn’t just an outdated MMA blog featuring incredibly biased articles and a non-functional comment section. The truth is, CP is an online media empire, which includes our daily complaints and arguments on Twitter, MMA GIFs and videos on our Tumblr page, and the amazing/ridiculous photographs and memes we post on Facebook.

We spent all morning combing our Facebook photo gallery and hand-picked 39 of the most memorable images that we posted in 2013, which we’ve laid out below along with their original descriptions. Enjoy, and if you’re not following us yet, get with the damn program.

January 8th: Chael Sonnen before he was a superstar heel, and Jeff Monson before he was a walking art gallery. #oldschool #mma

January 9th: Photo of the day: Ed O’Neill chokes out Royce Gracie on the set of Modern Family.

I definitely have a huge advantage when it comes down to exchanging punches. That’s my strong point, and that’s definitely going to be his weak point.

I can’t not picture me knocking him out. So he better do some chin-ups or whatever he needs to do to make him strong, because I’m coming for him. He’s not going to be able to handle my power standing and banging. He stands in the pocket with me, he’s gonna get knocked out. 

Those words might as well have served as the last will and testament of noted patriarch Brett Rogers, who upon saying them, all but signed up to be violently and karmatically (for a number of reasons) knocked out by Fedor Emelianenko at Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Rogers on November 7th, 2009 – four years ago today.

Us Zuffa shills tend to forget this, but before Anderson Silva, Jon Jones, or Georges St. Pierre started dominating our “Greatest Mixed Martial Artist of All Time” (aka “The G.O.A.T”) debates, there was an emotionless Russian killer who was universally viewed in this light. His name was Fedor Emelianenko, and after quietly building a reputation as PRIDE‘s most dominant fighter over in Japan, “The Last Emperor” made his long-awaited stateside debut against Tim Sylvia at Affliction: Banned in July of 2008.

The fight would confirm what we already knew about Fedor, as would his next fight with Andrei Arlovski at Affliction: Day of Reckoning, but it wasn’t until his monumental signing with Strikeforce (a Strikeforce was kind of like a Bellator, but we don’t have time to discuss semantics) that US fans were truly introduced to the mythical Russian. And for his first “true” test, Emelianenko was given Brett “Da Grim” Rogers, a then-undefeated slugger who had one-upped Fedor by KO’ing Arlovski in just 22 seconds in his previous fight.

(“Flip Kick Knock Out: Girl Edition,” via Break.com)

The allure of the Fedor-sweater has not diminished… (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

Nevada Commission Suspends Brian Bowles 9 Months for Failed UFC 160 Drug Test (Sherdog)

Dana White Expresses Interest in Signing Bellator Champ Ben Askren (MMAFighting)

Invicta FC Champ Cris ‘Cyborg’ Books Muay Thai Bout at Lion Fight 11 (MMAJunkie)

UFC and Dana White Seem to Prefer Blissful Ignorance on PED Use in the Sport (BloodyElbow)

Behind The Scenes Photos From Brittney Palmer’s 2014 Calendar Shoot (TerezOwens)

The 25 Greatest Trash Talkers in WWE History (Complex)

What Women Really Think About Your Dating Profile (MadeMan)

Gathering of the Juggalos Tour Diary: Day 1 (FilmDrunk)
Gathering of the Juggalos Tour Diary: Day 2 (FilmDrunk)

The Screen Junkies Show: Hottest Animated Characters (ScreenJunkies)

20 Honest Website Slogans (WorldwideInterweb)

Seven Bad Habits That Could Actually Make You Healthier (MensFitness)

What Happens When You Drive Full Speed Into a Parking Lot? (EgoTV)

A day after it was reported that Aleksander Emelianenko had been fired by M-1 Global due to repeated violations of his contract, the Russian heavyweight has announced his retirement from MMA at the age of 31. Emelianenko released the following statement on his Facebook page (translation via MMA Lives Here):

Dear fans,
I want to thank you for your support, for having supported me in spite of all that they say about me. Unfortunately, I will not be able to perform in the ring because of health problems caused by old injuries. Of course, as an athlete it’s a hard time. I am grateful to my fans and partners for their support, for believing in me, and I am grateful to my detractors. Your attitude always made me move forward and achieve new things. I realise now I was hit by a barrage of accusations and criticisms, not directly related to my job. Unfortunately, there will always be people who want you in bad situations to score points. I don’t want to comment on anything, explain or justify. Each of us in life does good and does bad – that is our nature. I think I did a lot for the sport and I hope my example has drawn a lot of young people to the gym. Otherwise, God will judge us all, in time. Now I want to give the publicity away. I want to take care of my health, my family, which I lost, and my daughter, who I love very much. Perhaps I will see you again. Thank you! Be well and believe in God!
Your AE

Tall, mulleted, and covered in Russian gangster tattoos, Aleksander Emelianenko in his prime was just as intimidating a presence as his older brother Fedor. “The Grim Reaper” kicked off his MMA career in October 2003 with a decision win over Assuerio Silva at PRIDE Bushido 1, and went on to compile a 6-2 record within the PRIDE promotion, where Fedor ruled as heavyweight champion. Though losses to top heavyweights Mirko Cro Cop and Josh Barnett stymied his momentum, Aleks was responsible for some of the most memorable knockouts in PRIDE history. Witness:

(Five minutes later, Lesnar whipped up a fabulous vulture shit salad and the two feasted for days. Photo props go to the UG.)

Here’s what you need to know: a UGer by the screenname hmb recently reached out to UFC President Dana White and asked whether or not The Baldfather thought he could sign Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko in the near future. Improbable, we know. But being a man of the people, DW actually responded to the anonymous question with a question of his own:

Is this the fight u guys want to see? Post a thread asking if people want to see this fight.

Although the likelihood of this pairing ever coming to fruition is beyond implausible, the response was an overwhelming “yes.” And since the popular subject on CP today seems to be fantasy matchups and whether or not we’d actually want to see them, why not partake in a little more needless speculation?

We’ve added a poll after the jump to gauge your level of excitement for this potential match. Vote if you’d like to, and feel free to argue over who would win and how in the comments section. Seriously, we love it when you argue.

As Reddit/MMA reminds us, today is the seventh anniversary of Fedor Emelianenko and Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic‘s meeting at PRIDE Final Conflict 2005, an instant classic that still ranks among the greatest heavyweight fights in MMA history. Emelianenko had already held the PRIDE heavyweight title for two-and-a-half years by the time he made his belt defense against Cro Cop, and entered the match with a PRIDE record of 10-0 with one no-contest. Meanwhile, Cro Cop had earned his shot at Fedor on the strength of a seven-fight PRIDE win streak that included victories over Alexander Emelianenko, Josh Barnett, Kevin Randleman, and Mark Coleman.

Though both fighters would later complain that they came into the fight less than 100% healthy, Emelianenko and Filipovic put on a thrilling war for the entirety of the three-round, 20-minute fight. Cro Cop started strong, breaking Fedor’s nose with punches and punishing him with kicks to the body, but Fedor regained momentum as Cro Cop’s cardio began to fade, slugging his way to a unanimous decision victory. It was Emelianenko’s toughest fight to that point, and arguably his most entertaining. As for Filipovic, he may have fallen short of the PRIDE heavyweight title that night, but his greatest career triumph was just around the corner.

After the jump: If you have the time to spare, the complete fight is below…

By Matt Kaplan

Matt “The Law” Lindland has been clinching, smothering, and dirty boxing his way through the MMA world since the days of wrestling shoes in the Octagon. He’s fought alongside and against some of the very best in the world and was a fixture in the top-ten middleweight rankings for years.

A 2000 Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling silver medalist and Team Quest charter member, Lindland went 9-3 during his UFC middleweight tenure and earned a 2002 title shot against champion Murilo Bustamante. After leaving the UFC (Google his UFC 54 t-shirt controversy), he moved up in weight classes to fight Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Fedor Emelianenko (in Russia), he won his two IFL Super Fights as the coach of the Portland Wolfpack/Team Quest, and he was the hardcore fan’s dream opponent for Anderson Silva.

Although Lindland has been inactive for nearly a year-and-a-half, he has yet to hang up his fingerless gloves. “I’ve never won a world title, so it’s kind of hard to retire,” explained the 42-year-old Lindland, whose focus today is on leading wrestling and MMA seminars, overseeing his SportFight promotion, and coaching his Team Quest MMA fighters.

Inspired by Ring Magazine’s “The Best I’ve Faced” series, here’s the legendary Matt “The Law” Lindland looking back on a long, hard-fought career and remembering those opponents who stand out across the following categories:

Best boxing: Vitor Belfort. With boxing it all starts with your footwork, your movement, and he has explosive hands and hips. And not just the night I fought him. He’s got consistently good boxing.

(Photographer unknown. Level of badassery incalculable.)

For this installment of the CagePotato Roundtable, we invited a few of our photographer buddies over to discuss our all-time favorite MMA photos. Judging by our selections, shots of agony and defeat have a special attraction to them. I think it’s because they allow us to get close to an incredibly intense, transcendent moment, without having to experience the pain of it. And isn’t that why we love MMA in the first place? Our special guests for today are…

- Lee Whitehead, author of Blunt Force Trauma & The Mammoth Book of Mixed Martial Arts. You can see more of his work at www.leewhitehead.com, on Instagram, and on Twitter @leewhiteheadmma.

- Jon Sluder, who shot Bellator 34 for us back in October 2010. Check out his recent highlights at Sluder.net.

- Jason Wright, who shot UFC 119 for us back in September 2010; if you follow us on Facebook, you recently saw one of his highlights from that night. You can see more of J-Dog’s work at jasonwrightphotography.com.

Disclaimer: There’s a short list of MMA photographers who have asked us to stop posting their work on this site due to copyright issues, and a couple of contributors to this week’s column happened to select photos taken by those photographers. We’ve used stand-ins in those cases, with links to the actual photos. Also, we don’t know why BJ Penn is so heavily represented in this column. The guy always seems to be in the right place at the right time.

Lee Whitehead

(Click image for larger version.)

I have many favorite photos from all the years shooting MMA but this one has to rank amongst the very top purely because of all the flack and accusations of photoshop manipulation with the blood spurt; professionals can spot a ringer, and this ain’t one. The disappointing thing is that all negative comments detract from our main strength as MMA photographers — to understand the sport, spot smaller nuances, read the timing, and capture a key defining moment in a fight. To me, this brief slice of time from UFC 80 serves as the perfect reminder of how dominant BJ Penn was in his prime.