(And to think, had Kimbo landed his signature headbutt to the groin that night, EliteXC might still be in operation. Photo via Divulgação.)

By CagePotato reader BJ Last

Welcome back to Sliceworld! The man who took the internet by storm in 2003, turned into a popular MMA circus act in 2007, fell from relevance in 2010, started boxing jobbers in 2012, and everyone sort of forgot about in 2014, is now signed with the second biggest MMA promotion in the world. The only question remaining now — aside from why? and also huh? — is who should be Slice’s first opponent under the Bellator banner? Scott Coker & Co. have two options, as far as I see it:

1) They can try to find Slice a “legitimate” (yes, there’s a reason for air quotes) opponent in an attempt to rebuild him as a genuinely dangerous MMA fighter.

2) They can channel their inner Japanese MMA promotion and go full freakshow.

I’ll tell you what I want (what I really, really want), or at least what I see as the most likely options for each scenario. Let’s start with the “legitimate” opponents…

(Tim Sylvia, in his bantamweight debut. / Photo via Getty)

UFC 182 was certainly the talk of the town this weekend, yet we couldn’t help but notice a former UFC Heavyweight Champion call it a day after going on an Arby’s world tour to train for his most recent bout.

According to The Underground, Maine’s own Tim Sylvia retired yesterday, shortly after his super-heavyweight fight against Juliano “Banana” Coutinho at Reality Fighting 53 was cancelled. Sylvia, who was planning on entering the battlefield at a whopping 371 pounds, was not cleared to fight by  the Mohegan Tribe Department of Athletic Regulation at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT., and thank the good Lord for that.

However, manager Monte Cox confirmed on Facebook there was a problem with his pre-fight MRI, and the bout was cancelled due to other issues apart from his weight. Nevertheless, the face-off picture of a bloated Timmeh surfaced on social media and MMA sites around the world, and that was enough for its experts to stare at it without blinking for the whole duration of the UFC 182 main card (except for the main event, of course).

(Props: r/mma)

Russians: They have feelings. Who would’ve guessed? And this commercial for a Russian gym starring Fedor Emelianenko will hit you in every. last. one of them.

(Photo via Getty)

Scott Coker wants to see Fedor Emelianenko vs. Randy Couture.

Yes, it’s 2014 and whispers about this “dream fight” from ages past are still happening.

“That’s a fight I would personally love to see,” Coker said after Bellator 123. “But I just don’t know if it’s going to happen.”

When pressed as to why he was pessimistic, Coker cited Couture’s appearance on Dancing with the Stars.

However, Coker did not that he was currently talking with M-1 and was going to be speaking with Couture next.

(Alistair Overeem wielding Mjolnir / Photo via Getty)

Sometimes fans need more to remember a fighter by than just a performance or a gimmick. They need an accessory to associate that fighter with–and the very best fighters understand this and know how to accessorize.

We brainstormed at Castle CagePotato as to what accessory was the greatest of all time. After several thought-sessions ended in magic ice cream binges and Martin Luther cosplay sessions, we decided to just list off all the best ones rather than just decide which one among them was the best:

1. Fedor Emelianenko’s sweater.

2. Donald Cerrone‘s cowboy hat.

3. Khabib Nurmagomedov‘s Dagestani hat.

4. David Rickels’ caveman club and dinosaur.

Get the rest after the jump!

(If Jones vs. Gustafssson 2 actually ends like this, I swear to God, I will order Fight Pass. / Props: BinaryMasta via r/MMA)

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“Fighters’ World Tour” Promising UFC Stars Revealed to Be a Scam (MMAPayout)

Fernanda Hernandes Heats up the Octagon (BabesofMMA)

Dusty Exner Writes Open Letter to Her Childhood Bully, UFC Fighter Kajan Johnson; Johnson Apologizes in Long Letter, Exner Forgives Him, And the Whole Thing Is Kind of Heartwarming (trailerparkdusty)

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Wisconsin Teens Claim They Stabbed Friend To Please Slenderman (EscapistMagazine)

Do You Even Lift, President Obama? (Guyism)

‘Watch Dogs’ Walkthrough (Gamefront)

36 Sexy Girls With Tan Lines (Radass)

(Matt Hughes doesn’t need to say it. But yes, it’s whatever.)

Reaction GIFs are the world’s most perfect means of communication. Why waste time typing out actual words about how you’re feeling when you can just link to other people’s facial expressions? The next time you find yourself in a heated comments section, fire off one of these MMA-related reaction GIFs. Use the next page links to move through the list, and enjoy…

When you’ve defeated a bitter rival:

When you just laughed at something you shouldn’t have laughed at:

(Indeed, all life is pain.)

By Adam Ackerman

I was reminded of something on Sunday night. Not only that I haven’t been to church in decades, but also that it can really hurt to be a fan of a specific fighter. I felt a sense of anger, sadness, and frustration when Mauricio “Shogun” Rua was knocked out by Dan Henderson. I haven’t felt that in years, not since June 26th, 2010, when Fedor Emelianenko suffered his real first loss. That night, I realized it may be better to be a fan of the sport of MMA, and not of individuals. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my favorites, but I try to look at every fight objectively and analytically.

It’s difficult not to put feelings and emotions into a fighter’s performance, because fighting is such an emotional sport. Fighters can’t always win, and don’t compete often. If seeing your favorite guy or gal win makes you happy, and watching them lose makes you sad, you could be in for one hell of a roller-coaster ride.

Being a fan of a fighter is not like being a hockey fan. The Red Wings can lose 15 games in a row and they could still go on a winning streak and make it to the playoffs. No big deal, they have a chance one or two times every week to start over. Not so much in this sport.

(Don’t worry, this is the only time you’ll be seeing this guy on the list.)

With three of the fights on UFC 170‘s main card ending in the first round, the CagePotato.com staff has decided to revisit the greatest one-round fights in MMA history during today’s CagePotato Roundtable. Despite their brevity, these fights were memorable enough to be worthy of any discussion on the greatest fights in MMA history. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future roundtable discussion topics to tips@cagepotato.com. 

Nathan Smith

(Photo courtesy of MiddleEasy.com)

Greatest fight that only went one round, you say? Psh, please. How about a fight that had more total strikes thrown in the first 30+ seconds than in the entire multi-year relationship between that (piece of crap) Ike Turner and Tina? Ok, ok, maybe not that many but Don Frye vs. Yoshihiro Takayama still resulted in a shit load of punches. So, to all the other contributors to this RoundTable, I respect your opinions but much like the original Highlander – There can be only one – your choices are all The Kurgan (and he was “the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison” mind you, so you can take solace in that you losers).

After a multitude of viewings, according to my bloodshot eyes and my bourbon breath, there were 91 total strikes thrown by both Don Frye and Yoshirho Yamasaka in the opening 34 seconds of their epic collision way back at Pride 21 in June of 2002. True, I am not Reed Kuhn and these figures are not exact like a Cagepotato Databomb but let those punch-stats sink in. For a little more than half a minute, almost 3 strikes were thrown per second with almost ALL of them landing.

(Anderson Silva can now walk down stairs without crutches. The comeback continues… / Props: silva_mtc)

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Dana White: Lyoto Machida Could Get Next Title Shot With Win Over Gegard Mousasi (BleacherReport)

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The 15 Most Important Exercises for Men (MensFitness)

Watch the Russian Police Choir Sing “Get Lucky” at the Sochi Winter Olympics (Complex)

10 Naughty Lego Positions for Adults Only (Mommyish)

Do Sports Games Need a Story? (TheEscapist)

The 100 Funniest Moments In Facebook History (WorldWideInterweb)

Video: Jay Leno Gets Emotional While Leaving the Tonight Show (EveryJoe)

10 Better Titles for Farrah Abraham’s Newest Sex Tape (HolyTaco)

The Weirdest Google Searches, Illustrated (PopHangover)