A day after it was reported that Aleksander Emelianenko had been fired by M-1 Global due to repeated violations of his contract, the Russian heavyweight has announced his retirement from MMA at the age of 31. Emelianenko released the following statement on his Facebook page (translation via MMA Lives Here):

Dear fans,
I want to thank you for your support, for having supported me in spite of all that they say about me. Unfortunately, I will not be able to perform in the ring because of health problems caused by old injuries. Of course, as an athlete it’s a hard time. I am grateful to my fans and partners for their support, for believing in me, and I am grateful to my detractors. Your attitude always made me move forward and achieve new things. I realise now I was hit by a barrage of accusations and criticisms, not directly related to my job. Unfortunately, there will always be people who want you in bad situations to score points. I don’t want to comment on anything, explain or justify. Each of us in life does good and does bad – that is our nature. I think I did a lot for the sport and I hope my example has drawn a lot of young people to the gym. Otherwise, God will judge us all, in time. Now I want to give the publicity away. I want to take care of my health, my family, which I lost, and my daughter, who I love very much. Perhaps I will see you again. Thank you! Be well and believe in God!
Your AE

Tall, mulleted, and covered in Russian gangster tattoos, Aleksander Emelianenko in his prime was just as intimidating a presence as his older brother Fedor. “The Grim Reaper” kicked off his MMA career in October 2003 with a decision win over Assuerio Silva at PRIDE Bushido 1, and went on to compile a 6-2 record within the PRIDE promotion, where Fedor ruled as heavyweight champion. Though losses to top heavyweights Mirko Cro Cop and Josh Barnett stymied his momentum, Aleks was responsible for some of the most memorable knockouts in PRIDE history. Witness:

(Five minutes later, Lesnar whipped up a fabulous vulture shit salad and the two feasted for days. Photo props go to the UG.)

Here’s what you need to know: a UGer by the screenname hmb recently reached out to UFC President Dana White and asked whether or not The Baldfather thought he could sign Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko in the near future. Improbable, we know. But being a man of the people, DW actually responded to the anonymous question with a question of his own:

Is this the fight u guys want to see? Post a thread asking if people want to see this fight.

Although the likelihood of this pairing ever coming to fruition is beyond implausible, the response was an overwhelming “yes.” And since the popular subject on CP today seems to be fantasy matchups and whether or not we’d actually want to see them, why not partake in a little more needless speculation?

We’ve added a poll after the jump to gauge your level of excitement for this potential match. Vote if you’d like to, and feel free to argue over who would win and how in the comments section. Seriously, we love it when you argue.

As Reddit/MMA reminds us, today is the seventh anniversary of Fedor Emelianenko and Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic‘s meeting at PRIDE Final Conflict 2005, an instant classic that still ranks among the greatest heavyweight fights in MMA history. Emelianenko had already held the PRIDE heavyweight title for two-and-a-half years by the time he made his belt defense against Cro Cop, and entered the match with a PRIDE record of 10-0 with one no-contest. Meanwhile, Cro Cop had earned his shot at Fedor on the strength of a seven-fight PRIDE win streak that included victories over Alexander Emelianenko, Josh Barnett, Kevin Randleman, and Mark Coleman.

Though both fighters would later complain that they came into the fight less than 100% healthy, Emelianenko and Filipovic put on a thrilling war for the entirety of the three-round, 20-minute fight. Cro Cop started strong, breaking Fedor’s nose with punches and punishing him with kicks to the body, but Fedor regained momentum as Cro Cop’s cardio began to fade, slugging his way to a unanimous decision victory. It was Emelianenko’s toughest fight to that point, and arguably his most entertaining. As for Filipovic, he may have fallen short of the PRIDE heavyweight title that night, but his greatest career triumph was just around the corner.

After the jump: If you have the time to spare, the complete fight is below…

By Matt Kaplan

Matt “The Law” Lindland has been clinching, smothering, and dirty boxing his way through the MMA world since the days of wrestling shoes in the Octagon. He’s fought alongside and against some of the very best in the world and was a fixture in the top-ten middleweight rankings for years.

A 2000 Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling silver medalist and Team Quest charter member, Lindland went 9-3 during his UFC middleweight tenure and earned a 2002 title shot against champion Murilo Bustamante. After leaving the UFC (Google his UFC 54 t-shirt controversy), he moved up in weight classes to fight Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Fedor Emelianenko (in Russia), he won his two IFL Super Fights as the coach of the Portland Wolfpack/Team Quest, and he was the hardcore fan’s dream opponent for Anderson Silva.

Although Lindland has been inactive for nearly a year-and-a-half, he has yet to hang up his fingerless gloves. “I’ve never won a world title, so it’s kind of hard to retire,” explained the 42-year-old Lindland, whose focus today is on leading wrestling and MMA seminars, overseeing his SportFight promotion, and coaching his Team Quest MMA fighters.

Inspired by Ring Magazine’s “The Best I’ve Faced” series, here’s the legendary Matt “The Law” Lindland looking back on a long, hard-fought career and remembering those opponents who stand out across the following categories:

Best boxing: Vitor Belfort. With boxing it all starts with your footwork, your movement, and he has explosive hands and hips. And not just the night I fought him. He’s got consistently good boxing.

(Photographer unknown. Level of badassery incalculable.)

For this installment of the CagePotato Roundtable, we invited a few of our photographer buddies over to discuss our all-time favorite MMA photos. Judging by our selections, shots of agony and defeat have a special attraction to them. I think it’s because they allow us to get close to an incredibly intense, transcendent moment, without having to experience the pain of it. And isn’t that why we love MMA in the first place? Our special guests for today are…

- Lee Whitehead, author of Blunt Force Trauma & The Mammoth Book of Mixed Martial Arts. You can see more of his work at www.leewhitehead.com, on Instagram, and on Twitter @leewhiteheadmma.

- Jon Sluder, who shot Bellator 34 for us back in October 2010. Check out his recent highlights at Sluder.net.

- Jason Wright, who shot UFC 119 for us back in September 2010; if you follow us on Facebook, you recently saw one of his highlights from that night. You can see more of J-Dog’s work at jasonwrightphotography.com.

Disclaimer: There’s a short list of MMA photographers who have asked us to stop posting their work on this site due to copyright issues, and a couple of contributors to this week’s column happened to select photos taken by those photographers. We’ve used stand-ins in those cases, with links to the actual photos. Also, we don’t know why BJ Penn is so heavily represented in this column. The guy always seems to be in the right place at the right time.

Lee Whitehead

(Click image for larger version.)

I have many favorite photos from all the years shooting MMA but this one has to rank amongst the very top purely because of all the flack and accusations of photoshop manipulation with the blood spurt; professionals can spot a ringer, and this ain’t one. The disappointing thing is that all negative comments detract from our main strength as MMA photographers — to understand the sport, spot smaller nuances, read the timing, and capture a key defining moment in a fight. To me, this brief slice of time from UFC 80 serves as the perfect reminder of how dominant BJ Penn was in his prime.

(Turns out the only thing that parties like a jockey is the Colossus Lumberjockey.)

I know that “The Unexpected Cosign” is a Complex Magazine’s shtick, but do I ever have one for you today.

As some of you may know, when English heavyweight James “The Colossus” Thompson isn’t busy smashing freaks and fools, he’s updating his blog, Colossal Concerns. Given his workingman personality and some of the nasty knockouts he’s been on the receiving end of, I half expected it to read “Mummba jummba slave to the white man mummba mummba jummba.” But believe it or not, it’s an incredibly well written, insightful blog. Then again, if you’ve been following him on Twitter, you probably aren’t surprised at all by this.

Last night, he offered fans a detailed analysis of Fedor’s career. It’s a pretty entertaining piece that examines the fine line between Fedor the Legend and Fedor the Can Crusher. Oh, and James Thompson totally drank with “The Last Emperor” this one time.

Take it away, James:

I’ll leave you with a story of mine from when we both fought on Pride shock waves 2006. I had beaten Yoshida on the NYE Pride show and had come back to the hotel early from cerebrating as I was drained and I’d had enough for the night. As I entered the hotel lobby Fedor was standing front and centre swaying from side to side, he straightened up as I came through the doors and looked up towards me. I started moving from foot to foot as if he was still swaying and he burst out laughing at this and beckoned me towards him. As I approached him he lightly grabbed me and we started play fighting in the lobby, it was only messing around however I’d be lying if didn’t say a small part of me was praying he wasn’t a violent drunk and that he wouldn’t snap and sambo throw me on to the cold hard floor of the hotel lobby. If the Truth be told I was actually checking the floor during our ‘play fight to see if there was a softer part of it for me to land on should things have started to go wrong!

(Take it easy, Todd, it’s not like you’re Anthony Johnson or somethin’.) 

We’ll give the fellas behind Super Fight League this, aside from their overly-lavish-yet-somehow-clusterfucked-production, their motocross-sized ring, and their pants-shittingly terrible theme song, they manage to book some intriguing matchups every now and again. Considering how green of a promotion SFL is, we’d almost consider throwing our support behind them if they didn’t insist on cancelling out those interesting matchups with ones involving Bob Sapp or Bobby Lashley on every other card. But today, we can put another check in the “You have our attention” column for the Indian promotion, as it has been announced that former UFC slugger Todd Duffee and Heavyweight submission/anarchy specialist Jeff Monson have been booked to throw down in the headlining bout of SFL’s fourth event.

Okay, so it’s not a match that will likely make your butthole pucker with excitement, but it’s a huge step up from their last headliner, and that counts for something, right?

We last saw the “official” record holder for fastest UFC knockout in action at Super Fight League’s second event, where he successfully knocked the poop out of Neil Grove in just over 30 seconds, snapping a two fight skidmark in the process. In case you haven’t noticed, the overarching theme of this article is all things related to feces. Just go with it.

Monson, on the other hand, is coming off a first round submission via North-South choke over Denis Komkin at the same M-1 Global event that saw Fedor Emelianenko nearly retire Pedro Rizzo from the waking world before announcing his own retirement from the sport shortly thereafter. Perhaps the most interesting angle of this match is that Monson has never been truly KO’d before, unless you count that time his ex-girlfriend nearly knocked him out of MMA competition for a decade by leaking those photos of him desecrating the Washington State Capitol building. In fact, Monson hasn’t even been finished in over 5 years (a third round TKO loss to Pedro Rizzo back in September of 2007), so Duffee can really make a statement if he is able to put away a guy like “The Snowman” considering not even Daniel Cormier was able to do so.

Videos of both fighter’s most recent performances are after the jump. 

(Well, this is the funniest MMA video I’ve ever seen. All hail the genius of prebek.)

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(“Well, back at the bottom again, eh Vadim?”)

Yesterday marked the end of an era, as legendary heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko announced his retirement from MMA following his knockout victory over Pedro Rizzo. As Fedor told RIA Novosti: “I think it is time I quit. My family influenced my decision. My daughters are growing without me, that’s why it’s time to leave.”

Fedor ends his 12-year career with an overall record of 34-4 (one no-contest), highlighted by a nearly four-year stint as the heavyweight champion of PRIDE, and notable victories over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (twice), Mark Coleman (twice), Mirko Cro Cop, Kevin Randleman, Mark Hunt, Tim Sylvia, and Andrei Arlovski.

Despite his legacy-damaging losing skid in 2010-2011 under the Strikeforce banner, the Last Emperor still managed to go out on top. Judging from his dominant performance against Rizzo — in which Fedor showed flashes of the speed and power that established him as a legend in the first place — he could have gone another five years beating up faded legends and local cans. Instead, he walks away with his health and his dignity intact, and riding a three-fight win streak since November.

Raise a glass of vodka to one of the greatest of all time, and enjoy ten classic video moments from Fedor’s career after the jump…

(Props: IronForgesIron.com)

Fedor Emelianenko‘s hard work at the playground has paid off once again. Earlier today at an M-1 Global event in St. Petersberg, Russia, Fedor met Pedro Rizzo in his possible retirement fight, and knocked him out in the first round. “The Last Emperor” looked focused and light on his feet, and the stoppage — which came less than a minute-and-a-half into the fight — was classic Fedor. Watch as Emelianenko lands a crushing overhand right that topples Rizzo, then bounces the Rock’s head off the mat with some savage ground-and-pound.

Notable fight-fan Vladmir Putin was sitting ringside, and even more impressive was the appearance of Fedor’s brother Aleksander Emelianenko in his corner, so I guess those two knuckleheads have patched up their differences, which is nice to see. Without family, what do we really have, y’know?

To see fight videos from the undercard, go here.

(Props: 2themaXmmaFitness)

Fedor Emelianenko‘s next fight against Pedro Rizzo is just two weeks away, and judging by this training video recently shot at the Vital Skills facility in the Netherlands, Fedor still prefers to work out under the sun. But unlike his previous outdoor training camp, where he swung hammers alongside Stary Oskol locals in bombed-out playgrounds, there’s a sense of organization and modernity to his current strength-and-conditioning drills, and his set of trainers — which include kickboxing legend Ernesto Hoost — don’t seem to give him any special treatment whtsoever. And just from a physical standpoint, it’s impressive that Fedor can still jump up onto a pair of stacked tractor tires with such ease.

It’s never too late in life to re-invent yourself, and the fact that Fedor is seeking out new environments to prepare for his fight suggest that he’s still taking his career seriously. I’m not saying that he’ll ever return to the top of the heavyweight food chain — but there might still be a lot of fight left in this dog.

(Fedor, seen here seconds before appearing in the most famous MMA sex tape of all time: “Two Scoops, One Emperor”) 

Just a few weeks out from what could be his last fight as a mixed martial artist (Author’s note: I just held back vomit whilst typing that.), Russian demigod Fedor Emelianenko recently popped up in a Mercedes-Benz commercial, if only for a few seconds of ultra slo-mo glory. For some reason, the creative talent in charge of said commercial thought it would be cooler for Fedor to don a tuxedo rather than his Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory, which is as big a travesty as anything we’ve ever seen in the five years we’ve been in existence. Not since Overeem/Dos Santos has such an opportunity been squandered, so shame on you, Mercedes-Benz. Looks like our company car is going to be a Ferrari next year.

Check out the ad and let us know whether or not you will be boycotting Mercedes-Benz for this glaring oversight along with us.

They had us until they tried to pass off diving as a sport. Like we all don’t know it’s just falling with style. Just ask Jason Statham.

(For some reason, we can’t watch this fight without first playing “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” on loop for a good 3 hours.) 

Sad news for those of you who were still clinging to the fragile hope that it was only a matter of time before Fedor Emelianenko would rise from the ashes of mediocrity that he seems to have entrenched himself in lately. In a recent interview with Russian publication Rianovosti, “The Last Emperor” candidly spoke about his future in MMA, and claimed that it might be coming to an end after his fight with fellow legend Pedro Rizzo, which is set to transpire on June 21st in St. Petersberg. True to form, Fedor was not one to elaborate when discussing the possibility of retirement.

I think it’s time to call it a day. This fight may be my last one. 

So there you have it. God is dead, there will be no Christmas this year, and Fedor f’ing Emelianenko is never going to fight an opponent that stands a chance of beating him ever again. And this is in no way an insult to Rizzo, it’s just that, well, if Gilbert Yvel was able to do this to him, just imagine what Fedor will do. Now combine that with the fact that Rizzo has not fought since nearly crippling the human punching bag that is Ken Shamrock back in July of 2010, and you have the makings for another brutal KO win on Emelianenko’s record over an opponent that no one wants to see get knocked out again.

But Emelianenko was nothing but considerate when discussing his opponent, as has become the standard with a true gentlemen like Fedor:

I have been learning from Pedro’s fights and have a lot of respect for him. He is a fighter of a great maturity, beating many of the strongest.

There’s no denying that in his prime, Rizzo was one of the most feared strikers in the sport, and deserves a boatload of respect for his accomplishments as a mixed martial artist. But come June 21st, we might see two illustrious careers come to an end. One via retirement, and the other via death.

-J. Jones

(Props: serpreg via MiddleEasy)

The Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory was more than a beloved Internet meme — it was a JoBu-esque talisman, embodying Fedor Emelianenko‘s supernatural talent as a fighter, and leading to his eventual downfall when he turned his back on it. Fedor first began wearing the GSoAV non-stop in 2009, then abruptly stopped before his losing streak in Strikeforce, which is too eerie to be a coincidence. Though he tried to appease the sweater by wearing it again before his July 2011 fight against Dan Henderson, it spitefully withheld its powers, teaching Fedor a painful but valuable lesson about loyalty.

But after another extended hiatus, the GSoAV re-appeared (magically?) before Fedor’s first-round knockout of Satoshi Ishii last December. It’s back again in this new footage, which proves that Fedor isn’t leaving his upcoming fight against Pedro Rizzo to chance.

(Props: David T. Cho)

Being an MMA fan ain’t easy sometimes. Hyped-up fights turn out to be snorefests, scandals damage the sport’s legitimacy, incredible parlay bets get wrecked by incompetent judging, forcing us to explain to our kids once again that Santa Claus most have lost our address this year. On today’s CagePotato Roundtable, we’re discussing the fights and moments that made us want to give up on MMA entirely and follow [*shudder*] baseball for a while. Let us know your own lowest fan-moment in the comments section, and if you have a topic for a future Roundtable column, send it it to tips@cagepotato.com.

Seth Falvo

It’s crazy how life goes full circle: When I was ten years old, Doug Flutie was my favorite NFL player. I begged my dad to buy me Flutie Flakes for breakfast, so that I too could grow up and be a successful, albeit undersized quarterback for a small market football team. My dad refused, which explains why I’m now a writer (You’re welcome, Andrew Luck). After all, I was too young to remember the real Doug Flutie, the Heisman Trophy winning Boston College quarterback who helped make the USFL somewhat relevant. Flutie may have still been a talented quarterback — especially for his age — but he had clearly lost a step by the time I started watching football.

Thirteen years later I was on the phone with my dad, talking about one of the most lopsided fights he had ever seen. I spent the entire conversation trying to convince him that the small, pudgy guy he just watched get destroyed by a no-name oddity was at one point the most dangerous fighter on the planet. As you may have guessed, I’m specifically referring to Fedor Emelianenko vs. Antonio Silva. But really, Fedor’s entire Strikeforce run can be summed up the exact same way. Perhaps Fedor was too old, perhaps the heavyweight division had simply caught up to him, or perhaps it was a combination of the two. But one thing is clear: By the time that Fedor made his way to Strikeforce, he was no longer the untouchable fighter that he had once been.

Even in his lone victory, a second round knockout against Brett Rogers, he was arguably losing the fight before connecting with the fight ending right hand. And Brett Rogers is no Apollo Creed; he’s barely a pimple on the ass of Vodka Drunkenski. He’s a gatekeeper in every sense of the word — just legitimate enough for EliteXC to have kept him away from a “prime” Kimbo Slice, but not legitimate enough to pose any threat of beating a true contender. We had all the warning signs that Fedor was going to be a bust signing after this fight, yet we chose to ignore them because hey, he won, right?

(Matt Serra: MMA’s patron saint of lost causes.)

With tomorrow night’s UFC 145 main event slated as a 4-1 squash match, the CP gang is talking upsets for today’s installment of the CagePotato Roundtable. If you have a topic-suggestion for a future Roundtable column, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com, and share your own MMA-upset testimonials in the comments section…

Doug “ReX13″ Richardson

This wasn’t a hard decision for me: My personal “greatest upset” would have to be Fabricio Werdum vs. Fedor Emelianenko.

While I normally disagree with that crazy fanboy (hey Sodak) explaining to me how Fedor is an intelligent machine, sent back in time to destroy craniums and assassinate Andrei Arlovski, I completely wrote off Werdum here. Like, no way a guy who hung out in Minotauro Nogueira’s guard for six days is going to get tapped by a dude who calls himself “Go Horse” and smiles like this, right? So yeah, I gave him no chance of pulling out a victory. I could be on tape somewhere saying that he had no chance, in an obnoxiously opinionated manner. I may also be credited with one of the worst predictions in CP history.

So yeah, that one stung a little bit.

(In Brazilian culture, the “Easter Bunny” is two men, one small and one large, covered in body hair and scars. / Photo via SporTV)

It’s not Rolles Gracie, it’s not Bobby Lashley, and it’s not Todd Duffee. According to a tweet sent out today by M-1 Global Director of Operations Evgeni Kogan, Fedor Emelianenko‘s opponent at the June 21st M-1 event at the Ice Palace in St. Petersburg will instead be three-time UFC heavyweight title contender Pedro Rizzo. Please, try to control your excitement.

A free-agent who’s been out of the elite circuit of MMA competition for years, Rizzo didn’t compete at all last year, partly due to an arm injury. Still, he’s riding a three-fight win streak dating back to September 2009, with victories over Jeff Monson, Gary Goodridge, and Ken Shamrock. Meanwhile, Fedor picked-up back-to-back wins over Monson and Satoshi Ishii late last year, which followed his disastrous 1-3 run in Strikeforce.

On one hand, Rizzo feels like a hand-picked opponent for Fedor. On the other hand, there aren’t many better options outside of the Zuffa umbrella. Anybody looking forward to this one?

(That look in Chuck’s eyes — we know it well. / Full gallery is after the jump.)

Since our 25 Most Awkward Photos in MMA History gallery was such a big success, and because we could all use some stupid fun on a Friday afternoon, we decided to put together a GIF-based sequel. Enjoy the uncomfortable hilarity, and if we left out any of your favorites, please post some links in the comments section. Have a great weekend, Potato Nation!

(Just so you know, Rolles is the one on the bottom.) 

Sad news for those of you who were still clinging to the insane hope that Fedor Emelianenko would be the man to challenge Junior Dos Santos for the UFC Heavyweight title –all six of you– as the rumor currently circulating the MMA blogosphere has “The Last Emperor’s” potential opponent bar set a little…lower. Go figure.

Yes, according to none other than Rolles Gracie himself, via his Twitter, it looks like the other member of the Gracie clan to go one-and-done in the UFC is currently negotiating with M-1 Global to put the fight together this summer, stating:

 Where there is smoke there is fire. My manager is under negotiation with M1. We’re really close to make this fight against Fedor to happen.

Don’t get too excited, Rolles, we all know how tasking the typical M-1 negotiation can be.

None of us who watched it could ever forget when former UFC and Pride champion Mark Coleman embraced his sobbing daughters in the ring after losing to Fedor Emelianenko in 2006 and reassured them that “daddy was alright.” Turns out, neither have his daughters. But, according to one of them, it wasn’t nearly the terrifying experience that we all assumed it to be.

“It was so fun out there…I don’t regret it at all,” Coleman’s daughter said during an interview for an HDNet Fights segment on her dad, which you can check out above.

Coleman was also interviewed, and teared up when talking about the moment and the criticism that he received for it. The idea that he had in some way traumatized his daughters by bringing them to the fight — then introducing them to the man who beat him up — is still hard for Coleman to swallow. “Being a dad was the most important thing to me in the world,” he said.

We can’t really blame Coleman for trying to do what he thought was best, especially since it doesn’t look like he did it flippantly; he was just shouting out to his daughters in the audience with the mic, and PRIDE officials apparently ushered them into the ring to make for “good” TV. At any rate, it’s nice to see that his daughters are rockstar athletes now, rather than rabid anti-MMA activists.

-Elias Cepeda

(Sapp’s most recent effort attempt ”showing” against James Thompson. How do you know it’s a Bob Sapp joint? Because the introductions are twice as long as the fight.) 

In the difficult economic times that we are currently experiencing, Bob Sapp’s continual ability to stay employed as a “fighter” is nothing short of inspiring. And by inspiring, we mean infuriating. The man has fought nine times in the past three years, totaling just over fifteen minutes of ring time. There is not a doubt in any of our minds that the time he spent training for those fights was less than half of that. He has lost all but one of those contests, and word has it that the one man he defeated committed Sepukku shortly thereafter. Yet he continues to get work. He lost his last fight by submission due to (fake) leg injury, and tapped out to approximately two punches thrown by a BJJ expert in the fight before that. Yet he continues to get work.

Perhaps it is a sign, like the popularity of Jersey Shore or Nicki Minaj, that our culture has truly done a 180 in terms of what we consider worthy of our attention. Where in days past, it was a person’s abilities that brought them into the public eye, it seems now more than ever that we as a society are fixated with people who lack any discernable talent whatsoever.

Bob Sapp is living, breathing proof of this phenomenon.

Thankfully, it looks as if Sapp may finally be forced to take on a fighter who could make him reconsider his line of work altogether; someone who could possibly knock Sapp out cold before he gets the chance to call it quits. That man is none other than UFC veteran Soa Palelei, who is scheduled to take on Sapp at Cage Fighting Championships 21 on April 20th.

If there is a God, he will not allow Bob Sapp to walk away from this fight completely intact.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/HDNet)

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Bellator vet Blagoi Ivanov has been placed in a medically induced coma in the intensive care unit of the Bulgarian hospital he has been recovering in since being stabbed more than six weeks ago in his homeland.

This according to a press release by the hospital, sent out today.

Doctors are planning to start hemodialysis on Ivanov soon in an attempt to save his kidneys from further damage. His breathing is being assisted by a respirator and he is being pumped full of a steady supply of antibiotics to ward off infection.

There’s no word on whether or not his physicians expect him to fully recover from the attack.

(“Now insult my mother and tell me you want to slap her on the ass and make her cook you some borscht.”)

With today’s fighting landscape where we see teammates competing against one another like Gokan Saki fighting Golden Glory training partner Alistair Overeem in K-1 and Carlos Condit preparing to take on Team Jackson stablemate Georges St-Pierre, you’d think that brothers competing in a combat sambo match wouldn’t be a big deal.

Apparently Fedor Emelianenko disagrees.

The former PRIDE and WAMMA heavyweight champion competed in his beloved Russian mat sport last month and when he found himself paired with younger brother Aleksander in the heavyweight final, the fix was in.

Instead of squaring off, Alecks, who is a four-time Sambo champ, embraced Fedor, allowing himself to be thrown and submitted by his brother with an armbar, in what looked more like a demo than a bout.

The brief display made Bob Sapp look like a gamer.

Undefeated Heavyweight and Bellator veteran Blagoi Ivanov is reportedly clinging to life in a Bulgarian hospital after being stabbed in the heart early Sunday morning. The former Sambo champion was attending the after party of a boxing tournament when he and his two friends were attacked by a group of eight men carrying guns and knives. The reasoning behind this altercation has yet to be determined, but police have already made several arrests of those believed to be involved in the incident.

Although his friends were able to walk away from the incident with minor injuries, Ivanov was immediately rushed to a nearby hospital following the incident when it was determined that the knife blade, which entered through his armpit, had penetrated his heart. The six hour surgery that followed was successful, but the next 48 hours are critical in determining the fate of the 25 year old, according to inside sources.

(Wings, lions and heraldry? That combo would make a nice MMA shirt.)

India’s new MMA promotion, Super Fight League announced today the signing of a trio of MMA vets.

According to a release, former UFC heavyweight Todd Duffee, former Bodog middleweight champion Trevor Prangley and M-1 veteran Baga Agaev all agreed to four-fight deals with the fledgling promotion.

(Big stakes for both fighters if this one happens.)

We’ll preface this story with the disclaimer that it’s simply a rumor at this point, but word on the street is that Todd Duffee may be the next opponent in line for Fedor Emelianenko.

According to a post on Fedor’s official website, “The Last Emperor” has been taking some time off to  nurse a thigh injury and likely won’t fight until the summer against a “former UFC legend.” Sure it’s a stretch to say that Duffee is a UFC legend, but remember that these are those Crazy Russians talking and what else are they going to advertise him as, the ripped dude that got knocked out by that flabby Mike Russow guy?

You read that correctly. Russia…has water parks. Not only do they get to have Sambo, awesome sweaters, and The Dude’s favorite beverage, but now they have waterparks as well. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAND OF SNOW AND SORROW GOD DAMN IT.

We have no clue where this video came from, or what the true purpose of it is, but we’d be lying if we said that Piterland doesn’t look like the bees knees, and apparently former PRIDE Heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko and his daughter Masha agree. We are still waiting to hear who “The Last Emperor’s” next opponent will be, but rumors have ranged everywhere from Bobby Lashley in a MMA match to Brock Lesnar in a pro wrestling bout, so who the hell knows? What we do know is that the next man to fight Fedor might want to reconsider if he values his health whatsoever. Poor Ishii.

What’s that you say? You want to see a MMA fighter humiliate and dance around his opponent ala Silva/Leites/Maia/anyone before brutally kicking them in the face? Well we’ve got just the video awaiting your viewership after the jump.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/FromRussiaWithLois)

Growing up, I always laughed at douchebags who would pick a fight with a much smaller guy, only to learn the hard way  that they shouldn’t have. I imagine a few of Anderson Silva’s tormenters experienced a bit of this poetic justice in the 80s for making fun of his Kid N’ Play hairdo and knockoff Reebok Pumps.

(We’re not the only ones who see a woman in a bear suit in the background, right?)

It’s a new week, Potato Nation, and with it brings change. I, for one, will be shedding the DangadaDang “nom de plume” if you will, in favor of my actual name from now on. Will the writing be any gooder? Perhaps, but for every change, something must stay the same, as they say. And in the ever changing landscape that is the current MMA scene, it’s comforting to know that we can count on the stability of at least one thing: Fedor Emelianenko‘s desire to toss around Asian men he outweighs by a good 70 pounds. You get caught with your hand in the (fortune) cookie jar once, it’s forgivable. You get caught twice, and you’re moving into full blown fetish territory, Mr. Emelianenko.

Yes, the former PRIDE heavyweight champion recently appeared on the South Korean TV show, “Star King,” to reenact the end of the Tim Boetsch/David Heath scrap with the help of fast rising featherweight contender Chan Sung Jung. Aside from being a reminder of how much better Asian television shows are than ours (oh MXC, where hast thou gone?), the sparring session is at the minimum a silver lining in the storm cloud of disappointment that was the second UFC on Fox broadcast. Like we said, it’s a new day, and let’s just shed the memory of last weekend’s main card with a good old fashioned freak show exhibition to start the work week, shall we?

Join us after the jump for the glorious video, but for the love of God, turn off your speakers before you do so. If you’ve ever ordered take out from P.F. Chang’s, then you are familiar with the chaos that awaits you.