If there’s one thing we’ve learned during our travels through this crazy world of mixed martial arts, it’s that you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. There are only a few different types of MMA fans, and they tend to gravitate towards certain fighters. For example, let’s say your favorite fighter is…

ANDERSON SILVA

(That’s you on the left.)
You are without a doubt the hippest dude you know.  You were the first to start wearing skinny jeans and also the first to stop, proving your bona fides as a trendsetter.  You like to think that you appreciate the finer elements of striking technique more than most MMA fans, but really you just parrot things Joe Rogan has said (“ballet of violence”) while listing off all the ways that Silva is like a modern-day Bruce Lee.  You sometimes wear glasses you don’t really need and you pretend to like jazz.  You think of yourself as a good dancer.
Your favorite fight: Silva vs. Rich Franklin I

FEDOR EMELIANENKO

You’ve been watching MMA for years, and it’s important to you that people know that.  You have an extensive collection of ironic t-shirts and Pride DVD’s.  You work in the IT department of a moderately-sized company, where you used to feel bad for the people who pester you for help all day because, honestly, how did anyone even get that clueless?  Now you despise them and don’t go to very much trouble to hide it.  You are probably overweight, but you’re quick to tell people that it doesn’t necessarily mean you are out of shape or aren’t a good athlete.  You don’t date much but there’s this girl in Illinois who you have a thing with over the internet, which you refer to as ‘the web.’  Someone in a bar once asked you if you thought Fedor would stand a chance against Brock Lesnar.  You laughed out loud.  Okay, so they were talking to someone else and you overheard them, and when they noticed you laughing you pretended to be coughing, but still.  The ignorance of some people.
Your favorite fight: Fedor vs. Mirko Filipovic

(He thought that the throne would give him pleasure; the salesgirl at Pier 1 Imports specifically told him it would. But as he sunk deeper into the red velvet and began to watch the America’s Got Talent semi-finals, a tremendous ennui overtook him. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin/Showtime.)

Here we are, one month after Carano vs. Cyborg, and we still don’t know when Strikeforce is going to put on its next big event. October 10 has been floated as a tentative date for Fedor vs. Rogers, but it hasn’t been made official yet, and it would only give Strikeforce a month to promote the card. (Assuming Strikeforce starts promoting it today, hypothetically.) The hesitation is an unfortunate momentum-killer for Scott Coker & Co., but the reason for the delay is obvious: The longer Strikeforce waits, the more difficult it would be for the UFC to counter-program them with an impromptu live event. When you consider that Anderson Silva may not really be having elbow surgery and could potentially be unleashed at any time to headline a card on Spike TV, this is a very legitimate concern.

So yesterday, Michael Rome at Bloody Elbow had an eyebrow-raising solution: Strikeforce should schedule Fedor vs. Rogers on November 21st, the same night as UFC 106, which will of course feature Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin and Tito Ortiz vs. Mark Coleman. Why wait for the UFC to be the aggressor? After all:

("I must break you. Right after I get a few more of those doughnuts." Photo courtesy of ShoSports.)

Brett "The Grim" Rogers on his upcoming matchup with Fedor Emelianenko:

"I feel that I’m a different fighter for Fedor; Fedor hasn’t felt the power that he’s about to get. You see what I mean? It’s definitely gonna be a fun fight, man. He’s talented, but the same things he’s skilled in, I’m skilled in.* It’s just we just gonna see who’s more hungry.**

Basically, a fighter for his size, his weight, just the way his aggression, when he takes top he’s good at controlling the top position. So, I’ve been trying to work with guys that can kinda mock him***; he may have that, a couple pounds less than me… But if he’s expecting to take top, and hold top, it’s not gonna happen.**** I’m definitely gonna re-position myself whenever I get in danger and hopefully get back to the feet and finish it off." —

* Seriously, Brett? Are you really suggesting that you can draw as well as the Last Emperor?

** You mean who’s literally more hungry? Because you both come across as very hungry people. Big eaters, is all I’m saying. Come to think of it, a pie-eating contest between the two of you would probably be a lot more competitive than a cage-fight.

*** There’s only one guy who could possibly take on that job.

**** It might happen. It’s probably going to happen.

(Fight starts at the 4:22 mark. Props: MMA Linker)

As expected, Muhammed Lawal‘s pimpin’ ring entrance took longer than his actual fight against Mark Kerr last night at M-1 Breakthrough in Kansas City, with the flashy Team Quest product needing just 25 seconds to steamroll the fighter formerly known as "The Smashing Machine." King Mo pounced for a single-leg as Kerr tried to throw a leg kick, then took his 263-pound opponent to the canvas and started slugging him in the head until Kerr was knocked out. I guess the oddsmakers know how to do their jobs after all.

Also on the card, Fedor Emelianenko and Gegard Mousasi went through the motions with their "sparring exhibition," which never came close to looking anything like a real fight, except for the end when Fedor won by armbar. That video and complete results from the event are after the jump…

(Props: M1mixfight via MiddleEasy)

…and as you can see, the size difference is positively Couture/Lesnar-esque. Not that a size advantage helped Tim Sylvia against Fedor last July, but then again Sylvia is a clumsy oaf with doo-doo in his pants, and the Grim is an undefeated head-bussa with Ambien in his fists. Still no word on exactly when the Emelianenko/Rogers fight will go down, but the Strikeforce/M-1 crew is getting a head-start on filming promos for it, and arranged this face-off yesterday in New York. As for the Grim, he knows he’ll be The Man if he manages to score an upset against Fedor, telling MMA Fanhouse:

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

Fedor Emelianenko doesn’t talk trash about his opponents, and he won’t be starting now. After his autograph session yesterday afternoon, Fedor told Ariel Helwani that he sees Brett Rogers as a great opponent with "very heavy knockout punch." And he doesn’t even get pissed off when Ariel brings up the argument that he signed with Strikeforce to duck the top competition in the UFC: "I do not read all the rumors and gossips which they publish on the Internet, but to tell the truth, the offer of the UFC was really not the worthy one, and if they are able to give us really good offer, we definitely would agree." Finally, Fedor rejects the notion that he has anything to prove against Rogers.

As for the Grim? He’s just enjoying the ride…

Fedor Emelianenko Open Workout in NYC – Watch more Funny Videos

As mentioned earlier, Fedor Emelianenko visited Fighthouse Gym in New York City today to hit pads for a few minutes and sign autographs for fans. The open-workout portion of the appearance was very brief: Fedor fired some punches at Fighthouse’s resident Muay Thai pro Brandon Levi, struggled with a bizarre piece of training equipment called a "jump rope," then threw more punches at a heavy bag before deciding to give it a rest and set up shop at a signing table. Video of the action is above.

Before the workout, Emelianenko took questions from the press in attendance. Some highlights, via his interpreter…

(Props: all elbows)

AllElbows.com‘s latest bit of King Mo-related video hype focuses on Mo’s last fight against Ryo Kawamura at Sengoku 7. It was the first time that Lawal wasn’t able to finish an opponent, and he explains that was because his knee was injured during the fight, not because he couldn’t destroy Kawamura if he wanted to. Blame Dean Lister. Now that Mo has gone through knee surgery and rehab, he’s ready to start knocking fools out again.

As you may recall, his next opponent will be Mark Kerr, the waaaaaaay-past-his-prime UFC/PRIDE old-schooler, who’s currently riding a four-fight losing streak. Kerr is a replacement for Don Frye, who disgraced himself by pulling out of the fight. The ridiculous squash match will headline M-1 Global’s "Breakthrough" event in Kansas City next Friday, which will be broadcast live on HDNet beginning at 9 p.m. CT. Other fights on the card include Karl Amoussou vs. John Doyle, and that weird sparring exhibition between Fedor Emelianenko and Gegard Mousasi. If you can find the motivation to DVR this thing at some point in the next week, congratulations — you are a hardcore MMA fan.

After the jump: A classic-rock soundtracked tribute to heavyweight fighters and the interconnectedness of all humanity.

(How do you say "Don’t be scared, homey" in Armenian? Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Following recent action in the UFC, Strikeforce, and Sengoku, we’ve updated the lightweight, welterweight, light-heavyweight, heavyweight, and pound-for-pound lists in our Power Rankings section. First, a word about the P4P top ten…

Can we all agree that Anderson Silva, Fedor Emelianenko, and Georges St. Pierre are the three best fighters in the world right now, and any attempt to rank them is completely subjective, and therefore meaningless? Instead of creating a three-way tie at the top (which I briefly considered), we’re going to do it like this until further notice: Whoever has the most recent awe-inspiring, damn-near-inhuman performance gets to be #1.

("…so I came to the point where I knew my life had become unmanageable, and if I was going to get well again, I had to turn my life over to a higher power. Nah, just fuckin’ with you, I hotboxed in the car on the way over here." Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

After Nick Diaz‘s love of the ganja screwed "Carano vs. Cyborg" out of a welterweight title fight, we wondered if Strikeforce would finally decide that the Stocktonite was too much of a liability to keep around. Well don’t worry, Diaz fans, because that little misunderstanding has been completely sorted out. As Scott Coker said during the "Carano vs. Cyborg" post-fight press conference:

(Props: PunishmentFilms.tv/dragonman34)

How happy is Tito Ortiz to be back in the UFC? So happy that he would engage in an illicit homosexual kiss with his boss and former rival, Dana White. WHY ISN’T TMZ COVERING THIS?? Later, Ortiz revealed that White "had a hairy lip," and White scrubbed his tongue with steel wool.

After the jump: A quick video profile on new Octagon Girl Natasha Wicks (she’s not just a piece of meat, you guys — she has thoughts, emotions, and she loves the outdoors), some footage of Lyoto Machida training for Shogun, and an underrated Fedor Emelianenko fight, just because.

(Props: solidsnakebite via Reggadi)

And all this time, we thought Fedor Emelianenko was a humble dude, without a bad word to say about anybody. Well, this is what happens when you push him too far. In the above clip, Fedor and his M-1 cronies tell us how they really feel about the UFC’s paper champion. But at least they can keep a sense of humor about it. If only Hitler shared the same attitude…

Hey, who wants a "vintage" CagePotato Hall of Fame t-shirt? Well too bad, dickface — unless you’re one of the similarly-surnamed commenters who made us LOL with their comments this week:

asswipe jones on "Holy Shit! Alert: Fedor Emelianenko Signs With Strikeforce, Will Debut This Fall": they’re? called M-1 for a reason, they have Motherfucking 1 fighter.

Levi Jones on "This Is What a Fix Looks Like": Mark Coleman, the night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That’s PRIDE fucking with you. Fuck PRIDE. PRIDE only hurts, it never helps.

Well done, gents. Please send your real names, addresses, and shirt-sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com in order to claim your tees.

Addendum 1: While searching for the above image, I came across this. Figured I’d share.

Addendum 2: "Ben vs. Ben" returns to SIRIUS Fight Club today at 6 p.m. ET; channel 127 for SIRIUS subscribers, channel 104 for XM peeps. Show your support and tune in!

(Props: CageWriter via BloodyElbow)

Scott Coker may not have asked for a war, but he’s getting one anyway. After a UFC 101 press conference yesterday, Dana White vented about Strikeforce’s recent signing of Fedor Emelianenko, telling reporters "They shoulda stayed the way they were. We’ll see what happens. You wanna fight me, we’re gonna fight. You know how that goes. And we know how it ends."

The counter-programming of Strikeforce begins on August 15th, as Spike will air their entire 100 Greatest Fights special to draw eyes away from "Carano vs. Cyborg."

Other highlights from Dana’s informal rant session…

Fedor Emelianenko, Strikeforce’s Scott Coker, M-1 Global’s Vadim Finkelchtein, and Showtime’s Ken Hershman held a press conference this afternoon to discuss Strikeforce’s plan for Fedor, and refute some of the alleged misinformation that the UFC released about their negotiations with the Russian heavyweight king. You can read recaps here and here. Though Fedor’s next opponent doesn’t appear to be finalized yet, there were still some eyebrow-raising bits:

— Emelianenko called the offer he got from the UFC “miserable,” and nowhere near the six-fight, $30 million reports that circulated on the internet. Finkelchtein said that if those rumored numbers about Fedor’s contract offer were true, they would have signed with the UFC.

— Finkelchtein claimed that the idea of Anderson Silva as the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world is a product of the UFC media machine, and Brock Lesnar is also just a product of the UFC’s hype. He said that Brett Rogers is better than Brock Lesnar.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

Getting knocked out in two consecutive high-profile fights has to be a devastating blow to a fighter’s confidence. And the idea of Tim Sylvia banging your ex-girlfriend, sure, that would make anybody want to throw up until they died. But we weren’t expecting this troubling bit of news from a fighters.com article posted yesterday:

(More oddball grappling exhibitions between fighters separated by four weight classes? Yes please! Photo courtesy of Sportsnavi)

From MMA Fanhouse:

(Image courtesy of Strikeforce.)

Now that Strikeforce has landed the greatest heavyweight in the world, they have to make sure that casual American fans care. To that end, Fedor Emelianenko may spend the first two fights of his initial three-fight deal with Strikeforce building his name before fighting for the organization’s heavyweight strap. According to Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker on yesterday’s edition of TapouT Radio (via FiveOuncesofPain):

(One more round for old time’s sake?)

Though Dana White was hoping he could announce the signing of Fedor Emelianenko at this afternoon’s much-anticipated UFC press conference, it was not meant to be. DW said he did everything he could possibly do to get Emelianenko into the Octagon and offered him an "amazing" deal, but M-1′s dogged desire for co-promotion sunk the negotiations, which made Dana "fucking miserable." Still, there were some major announcements to share, which are sure to get MMA fans talking:

— UFC 103‘s main event has been thankfully changed to Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort. The match will be contested at light-heavyweight. Dan Henderson will likely get the next crack at Anderson Silva‘s middleweight belt, possibly followed by the winner of the Nate Marquardt/Demian Maia match at UFC 102.

— Tito Ortiz (remember that guy?) is back in the UFC, and plans to fight before the end of the year. Mark Coleman has been named as a possible opponent.

(Props: DreamPrideVictory)

In this excerpt from Lyoto Machida‘s "Karate for Mixed Martial Arts" instructional DVD set, the Dragon demonstrates one of the techniques that make him so elusive: the step-fake/counterpunch. Then, he shows us how to set up a knee-pick takedown after intercepting a jab. Order today, and receive a bonus DVD which covers eyebrow grooming and alternative nutrition.

(Props: Sherdog via MMA Mania)

Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker can’t even take one goddamned vacation to Italy without the world falling apart back home. In this video interview, Coker responds to all the recent speculation about Fedor Emelianenko‘s possible signing to Strikeforce (it’s not happening yet, at least), and a reported last-minute attempt to merge Strikeforce with Affliction (not even close). Coker explains that Fedor’s current crop of suitors include boxing promoters and network television, and discusses why he didn’t want to "sell out" Brett Rogers for the Fedor fight.

On the actual reason for Affliction’s demise, Coker says "escalating the fighter purses way beyond the true value, I think sooner or later the natural laws of economics apply to all businesses, and it finally applied to Affliction." How true. And if Fedor ever did sign with Strikeforce? "I feel pretty confident that we could give him four or five different opponents that would make sense for him."

("Don’t worry, Fedor, there will be other offers. Say, would you like to open for a puppet show in Stockton this weekend?" Photo courtesy of 5oz.)

You gotta be kidding me with this shit. According to Carmichael Dave (via Bloody Elbow), here’s what the UFC was offering Fedor to sign with them:

(Mike Tyson was not pleased when he learned that simply appearing in this picture entitled M-1 Global to 50% of his future earnings.)

Fedor Emelianenko and his M-1 Global cronies seemed awfully excited to tell us very little during today’s press conference.  Considering that their big news was that Fedor would be “headlining” the new EA Sports MMA video game (does that mean he’ll be the final boss that every fighter, regardless of weight class, has to beat? are we talking Fedor Emelianenko’s Punch-Out here?) it’s hard to understand how they thought the reaction to today’s non-answers about everything from UFC negotiations to Affliction cancellation reactions would be anything but a disappointment.

Here’s the summary, for those of you in a hurry.  Fedor would absolutely consider fighting in the UFC, but only if M-1 Global can play too.  Their reasoning for feeling like they should get to piggyback on the money machine that the UFC has created?  Because they have Fedor, and they’ve promoted MMA “all over the world.”  Good for them.  But can someone please explain why that entitles them to a cut of the UFC’s profits?  

(Props: TSGIGOR)

We don’t speak the Russkie, but according to rough translations of the above shout-out video, Aleksander Emelianenko would just like to say thank you to all his fans, and vows to come to America soon to "beat everyone in the UFC." Yes, everyone — even the lightweights, we’d have to assume. And sure, Aleksander seems to pop up every few months to make similar proclamations, despite the fact that the CSAC’s Bill Douglas once stated that he’ll never be licensed to fight in the U.S. again. But things feel a little different now…and dare we say, hopeful.

Back in March, Aleks said he was pondering an offer from the UFC. At the time, we pointed out that his Affliction contract would get in the way of a UFC signing happening in the immediate future, but now that Affliction is toast, he’s basically a free agent again; remember, he no longer has any official ties to M-1 either. Just spitballin’ here, but could the UFC pick him up to put in European shows, thereby skirting his blacklisted status in the U.S.? (After all, the CSAC never came out and said "Hep B" — that was just the widespread rumor.) Or is this one of those pipe dreams that will never materialize, no matter how many ethical guidelines are bent?

Find more videos like this on BJPENN.COM

The latest maddeningly brief video from BJPenn.com shows the Prodigy hanging out at his gym with Fedor Emelianenko and Fedor’s constant road-dog Gegard Mousasi. But when and why did Fedor fly to Hawaii? [Ed. note: Right, he's in California this time. And so is Fedor. Got it.] As usual, there are no answers, and the mystery of BJ grows. Still, the idea of Fedor and Gegard joining Penn’s already stacked training camp should give Kenny Florian fans the heebie-jeebies. Assuming, of course, that BJ actually trains with these people. All we know is, directly after this fight, Emelianenko jumped out of BJ’s pool. And he was at the bottom of the deep end at the time. And he was standing on one leg.

(Afterwards, Emelianenko personally invited Rogers to Stary Oskol for a tour of his playground training facility followed by a private meatloaf-eating contest. Props: sports.sho.com)

For a brief moment last week, it seemed like Brett Rogers had a decent shot at replacing Josh Barnett in the main event of Affliction: Trilogy (R.I.P.). Fedor wanted it, the fans wanted it (at least more than they wanted to see Emelianenko take on middleweight Vitor Belfort), and hey, at least it would be better than canceling the event altogether, right? Then, the rug was pulled out from everyone’s feet. Team Bison owner/head trainer Mike Reilly made a long post on FiveOuncesofPain over the weekend to answer questions and explain the Grim’s role in the behind-the-scenes negotiations. Some highlights…

On how Rogers first came up as a possible replacement: "We never asked to fight Fedor. We are under contract with Strikeforce and happy to be [with] Strikeforce. We have not sought any bouts outside of Strikeforce. We were however approached to fight Fedor by Affliction. Of course we agreed to the fight immediately provided all the details could be worked out among the many parties involved."

On Fedor: "He is the unqualified best in the game. The quintessential fighter. Accepting a fight against him on nine days notice may seem foolish or simply a money move; but it is not. The bottom line is you never know when, or if you will get another chance. Brett is not in this game to be good, he is not in it to be great; his goal is to be the best. How, as a fighter, could he have turned down the possibility of taking his greatest test? No chance he walks away from that opportunity. When Fedor mentioned Brett by name as the replacement he wanted we were very honored."

(‘It’s quite simple, gentleman. All we require is a suitcase full of money, a crate of automatic rifles, twelve underaged prostitutes, and a helicopter to take us to the airport. Oh, and the helicopter must be painted with the M-1 Global logo. Do we have a deal?’)

Now that Affliction has gone back to being merely the maker of terrible t-shirts and Fedor Emelianenko has lost another home to fight in, this should mean that the way is clear for him to sign with the UFC, right?  Enter Vadim Finkelchtein, also known around the Zuffa offices as Crazy Russian #1.  Yesterday he spoke to the official M-1 Global site about his new plans to profit off Fedor’s success now that Affliction is gone.  Fedor and his people are all in the U.S. and they plan to talk with several different organizations over the next few days, but Finkelchtein isn’t about to make this thing easy on anyone:

“This is the moment of truth that the UFC has talked about. Fedor and I are here in the States. If they want to come out and fly here, we are ready to conduct negotiations. Of course it still doesn’t imply we are ready to accept any conditions they’ll throw at us. We want to talk to the UFC about having Fedor compete against some of their fighters, but only within the framework of co-promotional efforts with M-1 Global.”

(Loosely translated it means: ‘Screw this drug-testing stuff, I’m going back to Japan where they know how to treat a brother.’)

The good news for Affliction is that people are talking.  Josh Barnett’s failed steroid test and the ensuing media storm has, at the very least, gotten Affliction’s third event in the news.  This week Josh Barnett was #73 on the Google Trends list.  That put him well behind search topics such as “Michelle Obama haircut” (#29) and “dog takes baby from crib” (#25), but the point is, there’s some buzz now.

The bad news is that the buzz is mostly surrounding the one guy who we know will not be fighting Fedor Emelianenko next weekend.  Maybe the interest extends to the panicked search for a new opponent, at least for some people.  But who, aside from the hardcores who already know why Brett Rogers would be a sort of okay opponent and Paul Buentello wouldn’t, is willing to pursue it that far?

(Don Frye doesn’t offer mustache rides. He merely takes applications and approves or denies them based on merit, need, and whether or not you are a gross fat chick.)

As much as we’ve been enjoying all the back and forth about who will and who won’t fight Fedor next weekend, it just seemed as though it hadn’t gotten quite absurd enough yet.  And then Don Frye chimed in:

"If Tom (Atencio) was smart, he’d have me fighting Fedor instead of whoever he’s hiring on a one week notice.  My phone works if he wants a real fight with someone who sell a fight in four days, somebody who will beat that bald-headed commie too. …He ain’t seen anything I have to offer.  He built his whole reputation (as a) waffle house chef. They’ve been serving him up ham and eggs with a side of canned tomatoes. I’ll bring it. And if he can bring it, you’ll have the best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet."

I’m sorry, bald-headed commie?  Waffle house chef?  Best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet?  And that’s just off the top of his head, people.  Imagine what he could do with a week to prepare some material and really build momentum.

(Props: CageWriter)

Believe it or not, Vitor Belfort‘s trainer Shawn Tompkins says that he and Vitor had been pushing for a fight against Fedor Emelianenko three months ago — and now the opportunity may have dropped in their laps. "It’s Vitor’s way of proving that he is the best pound-for-pound champion," says Tompkins of Belfort’s desire to face the Last Emperor. The Xtreme Couture striking coach tries to convince Steve Cofield that going from Jorge Santiago to Fedor Emelianenko isn’t that big of a stylistic change for Vitor, but acknowledges that Fedor probably isn’t too nervous about the last-minute opponent-switch.

Also, fighting Emelianenko is far from a lost cause: "[Fedor's fight against Andrei Arlovski] really showed a lot of the kink in Fedor’s armor. Whether Fedor believes it or not, he doesn’t deal well with speed, and he doesn’t deal well with getting hit…it’s going to be hard to keep up to Vitor’s pace." And as for their previous refusal to take on Gegard Mousasi at light-heavyweight? Tompkins drops some real-talk on us: "What does Mousasi do for us in America? If Affliction sticks around, we’d like to renew our contract with them, but if they don’t, we want to go to the UFC. Beating Mousasi does nothing for us, getting beat by Mousasi…it’s not good for us at all."