(The following is to be read in the voice of Don LaFontaine)

Two boys, whose lives took two very different paths…

One became a champion, adored by millions…

The other, a thief who’s never played by the rules…

But they’ll have to work together to stop a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top…

[Cut to montage soundtracked by pounding drums, with brief shots of car chases, sex scenes, and naked bathhouse knife-fights edited together faster and faster until it ends with the sound/image of a gunshot]

[Cut to shot of Aleksander Emelianenko, who holds a lit cigarette over a pool of gasoline, says "The devil never sleeps," then drops it]

Fedor Emelianenko and Aleksander Emelianenko star in…

(Tim Sylvia-as-mongoloid sketch courtesy of tim-sylvia.com)

Perhaps trying to make himself look tough after being portrayed as a total feeb in Matt Hughes’ book, Tim Sylvia has been on a trash-talk streak lately. In Gary Herman’s post-UFC 79 column on 15rounds.com, the Maine-iac addressed Fedor Emelianenko’s decision to fight in M-1 Global rather than the UFC:

“I think he’s being a (expletive). I think Fedor is very good, but you have to fight the top level competitors all the time to keep that status, and he is just not doing that.”

(Plugging the column on Five Ounces of Pain, Herman revealed that the expletive in question was “pussy.”)

Calling Fedor a pussy is basically like spitting in the face of a member of the vory v zakone. I’d imagine an exchange like this went down before Tim dared to open his mouth…

Tim Sylvia: [knocking on Dana White's office door] Hey boss, gotta minute?
Dana White: [to self] Fuck. [to Tim] Yeah, what.
TS: Hey, yeah, you know that Fedor guy? The crazy Russian, Enemanenko or whatever?
DW: Yeah, what about him.
TS: He’ll never fight in the UFC, right?
DW: No fuckin’ way, him and his manager are dead to me.
TS: So you’re saying there’s no chance he’ll ever fight me?
DW: Fuck no, not on my watch.
TS: That’s aaaall I needed to know. Thanks boss! [leaves]
DW: [to self] Christ, what an asshole.

We didn’t write much about it in the liveblog because it was pretty much over before it began and it didn’t end any differently than anyone expected. But here’s the video evidence of the last great (?) fight of 2007. Pause the vid at the 1:29 mark for the best representation of the size difference. Fedor is just a toy that Hong is playing with. And vice-versa, of course…

It’s early as hell, so you bloodsuckers better appreciate this. If you’re awake too, reload the page every couple minutes and check out our commentary on this sad freak show historic event after the jump. If not, do me a favor and read this when you do wake up. I need to feel like my life has a purpose.

8. Fedor Emelianenko vs Josh Barnett
As Emelianenko climbed to the top of the PRIDE heavyweight ranks, the only fighter who eluded one of his signature ass-whippings was the one big name he never fought: the Baby Faced Assassin, Josh Barnett. When his name came up as a possible opponent for Fedor at Yarennoka!, our heart skipped a beat. Then, reality set in. Fedor would most likely do to Barnett what he does to everyone else — turn him into a human punching-bag for 2-15 minutes depending on how hard his skull is — but Barnett is an A-level fighter and it wouldn’t be fair to count him out against anybody (even though we just did).

7. Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic vs. Andrei Arlofski
While every other heavyweight match the UFC books seems to feature Tim “Xanax” Sylvia, the organization’s two most exciting stars are sitting on the bench. Anytime you put two offensive powerhouses — neither of whom has much of a chin — in a cage together, you’re guaranteed to see fireworks. It doesn’t matter that Cro Cop is coming off of back-to-back losses and there really wouldn’t be anything on the line; fans would kill to see these guys bash it out.

Like most of you, I was all-kinds-of-psyched when I heard that HDNet would be broadcasting the entire Yarennoka! New Year’s Eve show live from Tokyo. But I never stopped to think about the logistics until today, when MMA Junkie reported that the broadcast will begin at 6 a.m. ET. True, the event will be re-broadcast at 3:00 p.m., and I do possess a DVR, but I kind of feel like it’s my responsibility as an MMA fan and as a blogger to watch this thing live. For the first time in my life, I envy people on the West Coast, who could party all night Sunday, then roll home at 3 a.m. and relax on the couch with a formaldehyde-dipped blunt, or whatever it is they do out there, and watch the action until the sun comes up. Not me — I have to get to bed at a reasonable hour so I don’t oversleep. Fuckin’ time zones, right?!

Fedor Emelianenko’s last fight — which went down April 14th at BodogFight’s “Clash of the Nations” — got off to a rocky start, with Matt Lindland punching open a cut over Emelianenko’s eye in the opening seconds. Fedor’s only career loss came from a first-round stoppage due to a cut, and there was no way he was going to let that happen again. Bleeding onto the mat, Emelianenko worked double-time to find a submission and end the fight. Find it, he did:

Quote of the week, from Randy Couture via the Houston Chronicle:

“We got an official offer from M-1 to the UFC to do a co-promotion for the Couture-Emelianenko fight, and they (UFC) rejected that offer. Really, the only thing standing in the way for that fight right now is Dana and the UFC. Obviously, M-1 is happy to do a co-promotion like that. It only serves to help them. I think the UFC is looking at it the other way, and it’s like why do we want to help out another organization? The fans want to see that fight. At some point, you have to put that first.”

“I’m not sure that he would be a contender anytime soon. I don’t think he would beat Rich Franklin. He certainly wouldn’t beat Anderson Silva or Dan Henderson. Not sure he’ll make a big impact.” — Jason MacDonald on Michael Bisping’s drop to middleweight

“I guarantee you that if I would have fought Silva both times in the UFC, I would have won. Not [because of] the cage, [because of] the referees. I guarantee I would have beaten him.” — Quinton Jackson on Wanderlei Silva

…at least according to MMA Fightline, who are reporting that Yarennoka! held a press conference today announcing the event’s confirmed match-ups. They are:

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Hong Man Choi
Hayato “Mach” Sakurai vs. Hidehiko Hasegawa
Gilbert Melendez vs. Mitsuhiro Ishida
Tatsuya Kawajiri vs. Luiz Azeredo
Shinya Aoki vs. Gesias “JZ” Calvancante
Kazuo Misaki vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama

Aleksander Emelianenko, Ricardo Arona, Joachim Hansen, Mark Hunt and Roman Zentsov are all still considered “likely” to participate, but their opponents have yet to be named.

There, now you can all rest easy. I hope they’re paying Choi well for this one — the only way he stands a chance is if he manages to stun Fedor with his fierce rapping ability.

Apologies for our utter lack of attention to the results of Saturday’s K-1 World Grand Prix 07 Final tournament, but now that the Hong Man Choi/Fedor Emelianenko rumors are swirling again (read on after the jump), something needs to be said.

First things first: Surprising few, Hong Man Choi lost in the quarterfinal match to French kickboxing star Jerome LeBanner, who succumbed to a leg injury in the semi-final round to Semmy Schilt (the eventual tournament-winner). The matchups went down like this:

QUARTERFINALS
Jerome LeBanner def. Hong Man Choi (unan. dec.)
Semmy Schilt def. Glaube Feitosa (unan. dec.)
Remy Bonjasky def. Badr Hari (majority dec.)
Peter Aerts def. Junichi Sawayashiki (KO, round 1)

SEMI-FINALS
Semmy Schilt def. Jerome LeBanner (corner stoppage, round 2)
Peter Aerts def. Remy Bonjasky (unan. dec)

FINAL MATCH
Semmy Schilt def. Peter Aerts (KO, round 1)

A detailed recap of the night’s events can be found at MMA Weekly, who made the following observation:

Schilt’s victory continues a Dutch domination of K-1 that is nothing short of astounding. The three Dutch fighters in tonight’s WGP Final all won their quarterfinals, and were only eliminated by fellow Dutchmen; the K-1 WGP Champion has been a Dutchman for the last six years; and in K-1′s 15-year history, a Dutch fighter has won the WGP 12 times.

Well sure, it’s like I’ve always said: “If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much.”

Anyway, back to our boy Hong…

First, the good news:

The “Yarennoka!” New Year’s Eve event that will feature Fedor Emelianenko will be shown live on HDNet. The all-high-definition cable channel already had a stacked month of MMA scheduled, with live broadcasts of HDNet Fights: Reckless Abandon on 12/15 and the IFL 2007 World Grand Prix Finals on 12/29, and the landing of Fedor Emelianenko in his first match since April is a huge coup.

“This announcement reinforces our commitment to becoming the home for live MMA action,” said HDNet owner Mark Cuban. “No one else but HDNet will have the return of Fedor live from Japan.”

Now, the bad news: Emelianenko’s opponent has not yet been named. Hong Man Choi competes at the K-1 World Grand Prix Final tournament this Saturday, and with a first-round draw of Jerome Le Banner, he could be in no condition to fight again just three weeks later. Later rumors named Josh Barnett as Fedor’s opponent, but his participation hasn’t been locked down yet either. So, kind of a gamble for HDNet — the possibility of Fedor fighting a random last-minute replacement could make for a supremely disappointing night that could negatively affect MMA fans’ opinion of the channel. But honestly, who the hell would fight Fedor Emelianenko on such short notice? Bo Cantrell? It should be noted that heavyweights Mark Hunt and Aleksander Emelianenko are also scheduled to fight at Yarennoka!, but currently lack opponents. I say throw the three of them in a cage together and see who’s the last man standing. Obviously, the Emelianenko brothers would table-top Hunt, pound him out, then agree on a draw, but hey, if you can think of a better main event I’m all ears.

Quote of the day, from 15Rounds.com via MMA Mania:

What do you think about Fedor Emelianenko’s choice not to fight in the UFC?
WS: He’s crazy. I don’t know why the guy doesn’t want to fight here. These are the best events. This is the biggest promotion. The guy could be a symbol here. He could have money for the rest of his life. He could do well with the promotion, with sponsors, with commercials, and many other possibilities…He needs to come to the UFC.

Silva went on to say, “Dana White is an intelligent, virile, beautiful man who definitely does not keep me in a cage at night and beat me with hoses. Well, sometimes he beats me with hoses, but they’re thin hoses, and it’s only because I’m so clumsy and ungrateful.”

But seriously, you should read the rest of the interview, in which Wandy gives major props to Forrest Griffin and addresses the rumor that he could be a coach on the next season of The Ultimate Fighter:

I’d love to coach or even be a fighter on it. What I think they should [do] some day is have a program with major professional fighters. For me, I’d want to do it. It’s a great show.

Having pro fighters compete on The Ultimate Fighter is a fantastic idea, but it might be a little tough to pull off. For now, I think the UFC should just hold a one-off TUF special where Silva fights Richie Hightower to the death. Winner gets a Xyience sponsorship!

Rumor has it that the first official M-1 Global event will feature Fedor Emelianenko and Josh Barnett battling it out in Newark, so I thought I’d post a vid of “The Baby-Faced Assassin” in action. A veteran of both the UFC and PRIDE organizations, Barnett has a record of 25-5 and holds notable wins over Randy Couture, Dan Severn, Aleksander Emelianenko, and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, which makes him a much more credible opponent for Fedor than Hong Man Choi. This fight is from K-1 ROMANEX in May 2004, and features a wild ending where both fighters are hanging through the ropes (though feel free to skip past the first 2:25 unless you speak Japanese):

To see Barnett’s win over Aleksander Emelianenko, go here. Hopefully Fedor will get a chance to avenge his lil’ brudder‘s beating…

To clarify the miscommunication and conflicting rumors generated by M-1 Global and its maverick Russian arm Mix Fight M-1, Sam Caplan tracked down Fedor Emelianenko’s manager Vadim Finkelchtein for an e-mail interview on his ProElite blog. (By the way, I’m spelling Vadim’s last name as it has appeared in M-1 Global’s press releases and on their website, not as every MMA journalist in the United States insists on spelling it.) But between Vadim’s shaky written English and his inherent caginess, not much was accomplished. Witness the first question:

Sam Caplan: There has been a great deal of mis-communication in regard to Fedor’s involvement with a card to be held in Japan on Dec. 31. M-1 Global president Monte Cox has said it will not be an M-1 Global event yet a statement made on Mixfight.ru, which I believe is affiliated with M-1 Global, claims that it will be an Mixfight M-1 event. I realize there’s a difference in the phrase “M-1 Global” and “Mixfight M-1″ but both are using the M-1 name. Can you clear up any confusion by stating who will be promoting the Dec. 31 card in Japan that Fedor will be fighting on?

Vadim Finkelstein: An event scheduled for December, 31 in conjunction with M-1 Global and ex-Pride staff. We plan a long-term collaboration with them. Mixfight M-1 is a Russian MMA organization which makes part of M-1 Global. M-1 Global intends to hold events worldwide.

Great. Thanks for clearing that up. There are lots more non-statements like this one in the interview, but I’ll leave you with this excerpt, which may give hope to the easily encouraged:

If you’re only a casual fan of MMA, you’d be forgiven for not knowing that Fedor Emelianenko has a younger brother who is covered with Russian prison tattoos, proudly sports a mullet, and is a total badass in his own right. Though Aleksander Emelianenko has suffered notable losses to Mirko “Cro Cop” Filopovic, Josh Barnett, and Fabricio Werdum, he was one of PRIDE’s brightest stars, and takes after his brother when it comes to his aggressive attack and heavy hands. Aleksander is possibly the only MMA fighter to ever score three consecutive knockouts in fights lasting less than 30 seconds, which he did against James Thompson (12 seconds), Ricardo Morais (15 seconds), and Rene Rooze (28 seconds) in 2004-5. For a taste of the fury, check out the videos below, which show his fight against Morais, and his most recent match against Dan Bobish, which took place last month at a Hardcore Championship Fighting event in Calgary.

(Aleksander Emelianenko vs. Ricardo Morais, 4/3/05)

(Aleksander Emelianenko vs. Dan Bobish, 10/19/07)

As reported on MixFight.ru and Fight Opinion, a press conference was held in Japan today to shed more light on the MMA show headlined by Fedor Emelianenko on New Year’s Eve. The event will be “supported” by M-1 Global, and will feature Shinya Aoki, Mitsuhiro Ishida, Tatsuya Kawajiri, Gilbert Melendez, Hayato Mach Sakurai, Hidehiko Hasegawa, Ricardo Arona, Kazuo Misaki, Joachim Hansen and Luis Azeredo. The specific match-ups don’t seem to be announced yet, and as you’ve probably noticed, Hong Man Choi is suspiciously absent from the list. As the MixFight story says, “There are negotiations going on with other famous ex-Pride fighters who would contribute to the event,” and the show will be broadcast by SkyPerfecTV PPV. For another brilliant example of MMAFightline declaring things in headlines that are sourced nowhere in the article, go here.

The rumors are true — Fedor Emelianenko will be fighting in Japan on New Year’s Eve, according to an announcement on Greg Savage’s Savage Radio Show. And now for the truly bizarre details…

— The fight will not be M-1 Global’s first event. Instead, the event is being organized by a Japanese outfit called Hustle Pro Wrestling. It looks like Fedor’s already taking advantage of the wiggle-room in his M-1 contract.

— His opponent will be Hong Man Choi. Choi is a 7’2″, 352-pound behemoth, who, according to MMA Junkie, “suffers from a rare disease that causes him to continue growing throughout his life.” Which must be really frustrating during weigh-ins.

— Choi built up a 12-3 record in the K-1 kickboxing league, but has only one MMA fight to his credit, a 16-second TKO victory over Bobby Ologun, who weighed nearly 150 pounds less than him.

— Choi was supposed to be Brock Lesnar’s first MMA opponent, at the K-1 Dynamite!! USA show in June, but the California State Athletic Commission wouldn’t clear him to fight, reportedly because of a benign tumor on his pituitary gland. Lesnar went on to cream replacement Min Soo Kim in 69 seconds, and we’re left to dream of what could have been…

It’s not the first time that this rumor has been brought up — so take it with every grain of salt you can get your hands on — but M-1 Mix Fight (the Russian precursor to M-1 Global) has reported that the first M-1 Global event will take place in Japan’s Saitama Super Arena on New Year’s Eve, and that more details will be posted on the site later.

Whoa, fingers crossed! But there’s one thing that concerns me. When they say “No one other than four times Pride Heavyweight Champion Fedor Emelianenko will fight in the main event,” could that possibly mean that Fedor will be in the ring by himself? People, I wouldn’t rule out any possibility at this point…

From time to time, I like to check out the M-1 Global website to see what’s new with the fledgling, Fedor Emelianenko-mascoted organization. You’d think they’d be hustlin’ non-stop to build buzz, and making regular announcements to maintain the heat created by their first press conference last month. But the website has only posted one piece of “news” since then — a rundown of M-1′s global management team. It’s encouraging to know that while they still haven’t formally announced the signing of any fighters besides Fedor, Joost Raimond will be responsible for directing day-to-day operations in Eurasia.

But at least their franchise player is keeping somewhat busy.

Iditotic? Yes. But you gotta love those crude-yet-somehow-dead-on caricatures of Kimbo and Fedor.

[Kimbo Slice vs. Mark Hunt]

[Fedor Emelianenko vs. Gabriel Gonzaga]

Come on, that’s absolutely charming!

The word on the street is that Fedor Emelianenko’s first fight in the M-1 Global organization will be against former UFC heavyweight contender and self-proclaimed anarchist Jeff “The Snowman” Monson. MMA fans are discussing this matchup as if it’s a foregone conclusion due to this Rogue Magazine article in which Monson is quoted as saying “Yeah, it looks a go — and I can’t wait to have a shot at what most call the best guy out there. It’s a good possibility at the moment.” Could be a lot of fun to watch, but any fight Fedor takes that isn’t Randy Couture is going to seem like a mismatch at this point. M-1 has yet to make a formal announcement on the subject, but according to this unsourced, unreliable interview on the Sherdog forums, Fedor’s (and M-1 Global’s) first match will be in Chicago in February.

In other news, the rumors that Brad “The Hillbilly Heartthrob” Imes will be Brock Lesnar’s first UFC opponent are probably bullshit. Still, even if they were true, Imes wouldn’t be able to comment on a fight with Lesnar before the UFC did. So we’ll file this under “As good a guess as any.” It wouldn’t be a bad match-up, though — the 6’7″ Imes just scored his second-consecutive win by gogoplata, a feat as rare as winning your second-consecutive baseball game by inside-the-park grand-slam — and he’s been known to give inexperienced fighters a seriously bad time…

I forgot to mention one very important aspect of last night’s M-1 press conference — the gift bag, which contained an M-1 Global promo t-shirt (they had mediums!) and a French-language highlight DVD called Absolute Fedor. I’ve spent the majority of the afternoon watching this DVD while eating leftover pizza. (Condolences to those readers who have to work in an office every day, and deal with inept bosses and co-workers, and who have to actually get dressed in the morning. Maybe you should try developing specialized skills?)

Anyway, it’s pretty stunning to watch all of Emelianenko’s victories one after the other, and I wanted to post a couple of them since today is all about Fedor. The first is his meeting with Mark Coleman at PRIDE GP 2004, and the second is against Kazuyuki Fujita at PRIDE 26 in June 2003 (with appropriately off-the-wall introduction and commentary by my personal hero, Bas Rutten). Both of these fights illustrate what I think is the key to Emelianenko’s dominant success in MMA. It’s not just that his power punches are stronger than everyone else’s and his ground game is technically perfect. It’s that even when he’s nearly asleep from a choke-hold or a hard shot to the face (as you’ll see in these videos), he manages to remain calm and stick to his game plan until he figures out a way to win. You’ll also notice that when a guy loses to Fedor, he tends to stay on the mat for a while…

So, it turns out that Marc Ecko’s only role in last night’s press conference at the Complex Media offices was donating the space. He hasn’t invested in a piece of M-1, and he won’t be branding anything else with an asterisk, as far as I know. You can all exhale.

Here’s what actually went down: Sibling Entertainment Group CEO Mitchell Maxwell, veteran MMA fight manager Monte Cox, Fedor Emelianenko and his manager Vadim Finkelchtein gathered to announce the formation of Sibling Sports LLC for the purpose of creating M-1 Global, a new worldwide MMA organization. Cox will act as the CEO, and Fedor will be its first marquee fighter, signed to a two-year/six-fight contract. I was there with my trusty Canon Digital Elph — easily the smallest camera in the room, and the only one without a telephoto lens. Regardless…

This guy walked out about 15 minutes after the press conference was originally slated to begin. For a brief moment, I thought that Fedor was going to announce that he’s grown out his hair and will be dropping down to the lightweight division.

Here’s Vadim and Fedor, seated with their interpreters. Matt Kaplan at FiveOuncesofPain.com described these women as “stunningly beautiful,” but I don’t know…to me, they seemed more like the “good from afar, but far from good” type. Still, having female interpreters is apparently a huge status symbol in Russia.

Everything you need to know to start planning your week…

Monday, 10/22
Fedor Emelianenko will formally announce the details of his new fight contract today at 5:30 p.m. ET, from Marc Ecko’s offices in New York City. Could this mean that Ecko has bought a controlling stake in the M-1 Mix Fight organization? Or will he announce his intention to brand Randy Couture’s UFC Hall of Fame plaque with an asterisk? Tune in tomorrow morning for my full report on the press conference (yes, I’ll be there).

Tuesday, 10/23
Speaking of the world’s greatest heavyweight, the ION network will be televising Emelianenko’s April 14th BodogFight match against Matt Lindland at 11 p.m. (10 p.m. Central). Get pumped for the bout by watching the 25 Tuffest Moments of All Time highlight special on Spike at 8 p.m.

Wednesday, 10/24
If you want to make some easy money, bet a friend that Team Hughes will drop another match this week on The Ultimate Fighter, putting Team Serra up 5-1. Let’s just call it a hunch (and not inside info from someone who isn’t allowed to comment on these things).

Thursday, 10/25
How can you think about MMA when MTV’s Making Menudo is premiering tonight? Priorities, people…

Friday, 10/26
Undefeated 205-pounders Aaron Rosa and Jared Hamman clash at ShoXC: Elite Challenger Series, which will be broadcast on Showtime at 11 p.m., while former Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive tackle Marcus Jones makes his professional MMA debut at WFC’s Cage Wars V in North Tampa, Florida.

Saturday, 10/27
Founded by Randy Couture and Matt Lindland, Sportfight will showcase Oregon’s best fighters at “Homecoming”, held at the Rose Garden in Portland and presented by BodogFight. King of the Cage welterweight champion Aaron Wetherspoon defends his title against James Fanshier at “Arch Rivals” in Reno, Nevada.

Sunday, 10/28
Controversial lotion-user Yoshihiro Akiyama and PRIDE veteran Denis Kang headline the 12-fight card at Olympia HERO’s Korea 2007 in Seoul, Korea. So, if you’re in the area…