(Tim Sylvia-as-mongoloid sketch courtesy of tim-sylvia.com)

Perhaps trying to make himself look tough after being portrayed as a total feeb in Matt Hughes’ book, Tim Sylvia has been on a trash-talk streak lately. In Gary Herman’s post-UFC 79 column on 15rounds.com, the Maine-iac addressed Fedor Emelianenko’s decision to fight in M-1 Global rather than the UFC:

“I think he’s being a (expletive). I think Fedor is very good, but you have to fight the top level competitors all the time to keep that status, and he is just not doing that.”

(Plugging the column on Five Ounces of Pain, Herman revealed that the expletive in question was “pussy.”)

Calling Fedor a pussy is basically like spitting in the face of a member of the vory v zakone. I’d imagine an exchange like this went down before Tim dared to open his mouth…

Tim Sylvia: [knocking on Dana White's office door] Hey boss, gotta minute?
Dana White: [to self] Fuck. [to Tim] Yeah, what.
TS: Hey, yeah, you know that Fedor guy? The crazy Russian, Enemanenko or whatever?
DW: Yeah, what about him.
TS: He’ll never fight in the UFC, right?
DW: No fuckin’ way, him and his manager are dead to me.
TS: So you’re saying there’s no chance he’ll ever fight me?
DW: Fuck no, not on my watch.
TS: That’s aaaall I needed to know. Thanks boss! [leaves]
DW: [to self] Christ, what an asshole.

We didn’t write much about it in the liveblog because it was pretty much over before it began and it didn’t end any differently than anyone expected. But here’s the video evidence of the last great (?) fight of 2007. Pause the vid at the 1:29 mark for the best representation of the size difference. Fedor is just a toy that Hong is playing with. And vice-versa, of course…

It’s early as hell, so you bloodsuckers better appreciate this. If you’re awake too, reload the page every couple minutes and check out our commentary on this sad freak show historic event after the jump. If not, do me a favor and read this when you do wake up. I need to feel like my life has a purpose.

8. Fedor Emelianenko vs Josh Barnett
As Emelianenko climbed to the top of the PRIDE heavyweight ranks, the only fighter who eluded one of his signature ass-whippings was the one big name he never fought: the Baby Faced Assassin, Josh Barnett. When his name came up as a possible opponent for Fedor at Yarennoka!, our heart skipped a beat. Then, reality set in. Fedor would most likely do to Barnett what he does to everyone else — turn him into a human punching-bag for 2-15 minutes depending on how hard his skull is — but Barnett is an A-level fighter and it wouldn’t be fair to count him out against anybody (even though we just did).

7. Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic vs. Andrei Arlovski
While every other heavyweight match the UFC books seems to feature Tim “Xanax” Sylvia, the organization’s two most exciting stars are sitting on the bench. Anytime you put two offensive powerhouses — neither of whom has much of a chin — in a cage together, you’re guaranteed to see fireworks. It doesn’t matter that Cro Cop is coming off of back-to-back losses and there really wouldn’t be anything on the line; fans would kill to see these guys bash it out.

Like most of you, I was all-kinds-of-psyched when I heard that HDNet would be broadcasting the entire Yarennoka! New Year’s Eve show live from Tokyo. But I never stopped to think about the logistics until today, when MMA Junkie reported that the broadcast will begin at 6 a.m. ET. True, the event will be re-broadcast at 3:00 p.m., and I do possess a DVR, but I kind of feel like it’s my responsibility as an MMA fan and as a blogger to watch this thing live. For the first time in my life, I envy people on the West Coast, who could party all night Sunday, then roll home at 3 a.m. and relax on the couch with a formaldehyde-dipped blunt, or whatever it is they do out there, and watch the action until the sun comes up. Not me — I have to get to bed at a reasonable hour so I don’t oversleep. Fuckin’ time zones, right?!

Fedor Emelianenko’s last fight — which went down April 14th at BodogFight’s “Clash of the Nations” — got off to a rocky start, with Matt Lindland punching open a cut over Emelianenko’s eye in the opening seconds. Fedor’s only career loss came from a first-round stoppage due to a cut, and there was no way he was going to let that happen again. Bleeding onto the mat, Emelianenko worked double-time to find a submission and end the fight. Find it, he did:

Quote of the week, from Randy Couture via the Houston Chronicle:

“We got an official offer from M-1 to the UFC to do a co-promotion for the Couture-Emelianenko fight, and they (UFC) rejected that offer. Really, the only thing standing in the way for that fight right now is Dana and the UFC. Obviously, M-1 is happy to do a co-promotion like that. It only serves to help them. I think the UFC is looking at it the other way, and it’s like why do we want to help out another organization? The fans want to see that fight. At some point, you have to put that first.”

“I’m not sure that he would be a contender anytime soon. I don’t think he would beat Rich Franklin. He certainly wouldn’t beat Anderson Silva or Dan Henderson. Not sure he’ll make a big impact.” — Jason MacDonald on Michael Bisping’s drop to middleweight

“I guarantee you that if I would have fought Silva both times in the UFC, I would have won. Not [because of] the cage, [because of] the referees. I guarantee I would have beaten him.” — Quinton Jackson on Wanderlei Silva

…at least according to MMA Fightline, who are reporting that Yarennoka! held a press conference today announcing the event’s confirmed match-ups. They are:

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Hong Man Choi
Hayato “Mach” Sakurai vs. Hidehiko Hasegawa
Gilbert Melendez vs. Mitsuhiro Ishida
Tatsuya Kawajiri vs. Luiz Azeredo
Shinya Aoki vs. Gesias “JZ” Calvancante
Kazuo Misaki vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama

Aleksander Emelianenko, Ricardo Arona, Joachim Hansen, Mark Hunt and Roman Zentsov are all still considered “likely” to participate, but their opponents have yet to be named.

There, now you can all rest easy. I hope they’re paying Choi well for this one — the only way he stands a chance is if he manages to stun Fedor with his fierce rapping ability.

Apologies for our utter lack of attention to the results of Saturday’s K-1 World Grand Prix 07 Final tournament, but now that the Hong Man Choi/Fedor Emelianenko rumors are swirling again (read on after the jump), something needs to be said.

First things first: Surprising few, Hong Man Choi lost in the quarterfinal match to French kickboxing star Jerome LeBanner, who succumbed to a leg injury in the semi-final round to Semmy Schilt (the eventual tournament-winner). The matchups went down like this:

QUARTERFINALS
Jerome LeBanner def. Hong Man Choi (unan. dec.)
Semmy Schilt def. Glaube Feitosa (unan. dec.)
Remy Bonjasky def. Badr Hari (majority dec.)
Peter Aerts def. Junichi Sawayashiki (KO, round 1)

SEMI-FINALS
Semmy Schilt def. Jerome LeBanner (corner stoppage, round 2)
Peter Aerts def. Remy Bonjasky (unan. dec)

FINAL MATCH
Semmy Schilt def. Peter Aerts (KO, round 1)

A detailed recap of the night’s events can be found at MMA Weekly, who made the following observation:

Schilt’s victory continues a Dutch domination of K-1 that is nothing short of astounding. The three Dutch fighters in tonight’s WGP Final all won their quarterfinals, and were only eliminated by fellow Dutchmen; the K-1 WGP Champion has been a Dutchman for the last six years; and in K-1′s 15-year history, a Dutch fighter has won the WGP 12 times.

Well sure, it’s like I’ve always said: “If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much.”

Anyway, back to our boy Hong…