If you’ve ever done a Google search, you know that the autofill results can be ridiculous at times. The truth is, Google has an autocomplete algorithm it uses to determine what you might be searching for that is based on popular search terms and combinations of words.

While looking up Michael Bisping’s record today for a piece I was working on, “Bisping’s Island” autofilled in my search window. As I deleted the “D-N-A-L” I got back a litany of homoerotic insults and slurs attached to the resulting “Michael Bisping is” that remained in the queue. So since it was a slow news day, I decided what better way to waste the rest of it than to search and screen capture the results for your viewing enjoyment.

If you’re a fighter or a promoter with thin skin, we suggest that you refrain from searching for yourself. You’ve been warned.

Check out the results after the jump.

(“Business as usual,” should include putting on the best fights Zuffa can.)

Since Zuffa announced two weeks ago that it had purchased its closest competitor, Strikeforce, MMA fans and analysts have been clamoring for dream bouts that seemed impossible when the organizations were owned by two different companies.

Although UFC president Dana White has repeated the same three words since the news broke, “Business as usual,” and reports have emerged stating that there won’t likely be any cross-over bouts until Strikeforce’s current fighter contracts run out and they can be locked into new deals with the UFC, that doesn’t stop the inner fanboys in us from licking our chops over some of the fights we want to see happen in the Octagon (or Hexagon).

Check out our list of 20 intriguing post-Zuffa Strikeforce purchase fights we’d get behind.

If you live in New York and you’re an MMA fan, Tuesday is a very worthwhile day for you to call in sick and take a trek downtown.

There are two big events happening that day in the Big Apple.

First, the Coalition to Legalize mixed Martial Arts in New York will be holding a lunchtime rally at 250 Broadway in Manhattan across the street from city hall at the district office of Sheldon Silver, the Speaker of the New York State Assembly.

Organizers ask that you bring thoughtfully worded picket signs, but no audio equipment.

"If you are a fan, fighter, gym owner, business owner, or organization official who wants to start the 2011 New York State legislative calendar by letting our government know we want legalized and regulated mixed martial arts in New York State, please come show your support! Let’s gather together to show our legislators that New York State is not respecting the wishes of its voters! Let’s remind our legislators that mixed martial arts is a professional sport and in need of regulation! Let’s remind our legislators how much business our state loses and how many jobs are lost to neighboring states where mixed martial arts is properly sanctioned," CLMMANY’s Stephen Koepfer said in a press release sent out in December. "Let’s remind our legislators that we care about the safety of our athletes! Let’s remind our legislators that it is the people of New York State who vote for them, and that WE WANT LEGALIZED AND REGULATED MIXED MARTIAL ARTS IN NEW YORK STATE !"

If rallies and protests aren’t your bag and you have an aversion to the cold, you can head over to the Roseland Ballroom to meet all eight of the contestants in the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix. Besides the opportunity to snag a few fist-pose photos and autographs, there’s also the opportunity to win merchandise and tickets to this weekend’s event in New Jersey.

("CBS? They suck. I’m not sure I want to work with them anymore.")

During today’s Strikeforce: Henderson vs. Babalu conference call, the promotion’s CEO Scott Coker touched on some pressing questions, but was noticeably mum on others.

"You’re going to see big things," Coker teased when speaking of the California-based promotion’s plans for next year, but he didn’t say whether or not a return to CBS is in Strikeforce’s stacked deck of cards. In an interview he did earlier this month with Sherdog, Coker said that a reputable TV deal would have to be in place for him to entertain a co-promotion deal with the promotions, which could be a telling sign that CBS has taken his number off of speed dial.

He did mentione Showtime when discussing the ongoing, yet unfruitful negotiations with Fedor Emelianenko’s M-1 Global management team, but didn’t give a clue about the status of Strikeforce’s relationship with CBS, which many assume is dead in the water thanks to the Team Cesar Gracie-Jason Miller brawl that took place during their last telecast in April.

"It’s been quite a long road here with the M-1 camp trying to get this done. I agree with [M-1 director of operations] Evgeni [Kogan] that there’s some light at the end of the tunnel," Coker explained. "We would welcome Fedor to have a long term deal with Strikeforce fighting on Showtime and we’re trying to get this done. It’s not done yet, there’s nothing signed. So really there’s nothing to announce."

(Belts? We don’t need no stinking belts.)

Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker mentioned in an interview this week that the winner of the December 4 light heavyweight bout between Dan Henderson and Renato Sobral will likely be next in line for a shot at the promotion’s 205-pound titleholder, Rafael Cavalcante.

Coker’s revelation seems a bit questionable considering Sobral, who defeated Robbie Lawler at a 195-pound catchweight in his last bout hasn’t fought at 205 for the promotion since losing his title to Gegard Mousasi in 2009 and Henderson, who lost to Jake Shields in a title bout in his Strikeforce debut hasn’t fought under the SF banner at that weight at all.

Regardless of whether or not he beats Henderson or earns a shot at his old belt, Babalu says he may not stick around at light heavyweight for long, revealing that he wants to go wherever there are challenging fights.

"I’m looking for challenges now. Belts don’t mean as much to me any more. I want good match-ups. That’s what keeps me motivated to fight. I’d like to fight maybe at heavyweight. It depends. It all depends on the opponents. If you give me good match-ups, I’ll fight at any weight," Babalu tells CagePotato.com. "I can go up and I can go down. If it’s a good bout for me and I say I want to fight that guy, I’ll move to the weight they’re at. I don’t have any preference. It’s not about weight classes; it’s about fighters."

(There’s nothing quite like a photo that adheres strictly to the rule of thirds. PicProps: Composta.net)

If you can forget for a moment that the Strikeforce heavyweight title is back on a lengthy hiatus while Alistair Overeem indulges himself by fighting in the K-1 World Grand Prix, then you have to admire his performance last night in the round of 16. Though Overeem’s opponent Ben Edwards came into their bout with what can only charitably be described as a “man on the street build,” we understand he’s something of a respected veteran in punch-and-kick circles, so that makes Overeem’s tidy first round destruction of him kind of impressive, I guess.

For those of you who can stomach the barbarism of two guys punching each other with those puffy weights taped over their fists, the video is after the jump. Seriously though, people, why can’t we all just wear open-fingered, four-ounce gloves like civilized human beings?

(Fedor Emelianenko demonstrating the Russian art of ?????????????. Video courtesy of YouTube/Machinemen)

DREAM 14 weigh-ins (YouTube/DREAM)

Michael Bisping kisses his own ass (StarPhoenix)

Further proof that you should bet the bank on Rashad: Rampage started camp at 251 lbs (MMAFighting)

King Mo fires back at Rampage for saying he is gay (FightMag)

Madame Tussauds unveils Chuck Liddell wax sculpture at UFC Fan Expo (MMAJunkie)

Lil’ Nog still wants fight with Forrest (FightersOnly)

10 child stars that grew into hot babes (MadeMan)

Corey Feldman ties on the bandana for ‘Lost Boys: The Thirst’ (ScreenJunkies)

10 things that will definitely happen on Memorial Day Weekend (HolyTaco)

World’s most awkward sports reporter (Break)

Natalie Gulbis photos (HolyTaco)

LOL! race pics…(of the automobile variety) (AllLeftTurns)

Two Russian men jumped in street while attacker’s GF films it all (NothingToxic)

People passed out on public transit (Asylum)

Play 7-Million beta version (FileFront)

Live in a crappy hick town that no MMA events ever come to? Here’s a contest to change that bullshit (Bullz-eye/AmpEnergy)

(Fear is not in Fedor’s programming)

The most interesting story that came out of the Strikeforce conference call today was Alistair Overeem’s  proclamation that Fedor Emelianenko is scared to fight him. 

"I’ve been challenging Fedor for some time now. His management has declined to fight me on numerous occasions," Overeem told reporters on the call. "If you have two parties and one of them is willing to fight and the other isn’t than what are you going to do?" 

(Skirting the Unified Rules, Lil’ Emel uses the Force Choke to incapacitate his opponent)

For years now, fans and reporters have hypothesized that Fedor Emelianenko is some mystical being whose powers were not of this world — a Jedi, perhaps.

It seems that his younger brother, Aleksander, has similar gifts. 

(Voted most likely to punch you in the back of the head at a punk show.)

Jeff Monson, the hardest-working anarchist in MMA, is ready for a real challenge.  After submitting Sergei Kharitonov at Dream.8, he’s decided that he is now ready for Fedor Emelianenko, and he’s imploring Dream to make it happen for him:

“My goal in DREAM is to fight the best. Ultimately, I want to fight Fedor. If DREAM could set that up it would be great.”

Whoa there, Snowman.  Let’s back up a second.  I know you’re riding high off your string of rapid-fire victories, including a very questionable decision over Roy Nelson (who then showed up in your corner at Dream.8 because that’s just the kind of guy "Big Country" is, always willing to help a brother out).  But the climb up the heavyweight ladder doesn’t usually go Roy Nelson, Sergei Maslobojev, Sergei Kharitonov, and then Fedor.  

(‘Gotcha, motherfucker!’)

Okay, I take back what I said about April Fool’s pranks being lame.  The UFC – an organization not typically known for its sense of humor – has the best joke of the day so far, and it’s really as simple as this headline on UFC.com: “UFC Greenlights Construction of Russian Stadium.”

Get it?  Because Fedor Emelianenko’s management team allegedly wanted the UFC to build a stadium in Russia as part of their completely unrealistic contract demands?  And so now the UFC is openly mocking those demands simply by pretending to have agreed to them, thus pointing out that they are so ridiculous as to be comical all on their own, while at the same time pretty much eliminating any chance of reconciling with Fedor and bringing him to the UFC!  April Fool’s!

It is at this point that I have to wonder whether Fedor and the boys down at Crazy Russian Management Group, LLC (also an organization not known for its sense of humor) are going to get this joke.  In all the Yakov Smirnoff routines, I don’t recall anything about how April Fool’s Day is different in Soviet Russia, which is weird because he must have covered every other conceivable topic but that one.  

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

As a footnote to his essay about leaving Red Devil and being totally cleared to fight in America, you may recall Aleks Emelianenko making passing mention of a bout against Ibragim Magomedov.  Well, it happened this weekend in Russia, and as you see it probably won’t be on anyone’s Fight of the Year list.

Emelianenko gets rocked by a good right hand at the end of an exchange and is clearly wobbled, but he’s savvy enough to clinch and hold on until he can get his mind unscrambled.  By that time, however, the referee has noticed that Magomedov is cut, and the fight gets stopped before it really had a chance to get going and Aleks is awarded the TKO victory.

A disappointing outcome?  Yeah, but you can’t blame them.  I wouldn’t want to be in there with Aleks if I had an open wound on my face either.  Come on.  We were all thinking it.

Related: Barnett Confronts Aleks, Re: Shit-Talking, Take Two
Sort of Related: Aleks Ponders UFC Offer, New Tattoo

(I’m sure it looks great on the wall next to Fedor’s prized "Wizard of Oz" commemorative plates.)

As you would have noticed if you weren’t so busy watching videos of midgets fighting on the internet, “MMA Live” has begun incorporating rankings from WAMMA recently.  This has the guys from Bloody Elbow in a twist because they just partnered with USA Today to feature their “meta-rankings,” and because they generally hate WAMMA.

I’m one of WAMMA’s rankings pollsters, so I can understand some frustration and confusion with some of WAMMA’s moves.  Naming Shinya Aoki champion, for instance?  I love the Man in Tights as much as anyone, but he’s not the world’s best lightweight and everbody knows it. 

WAMMA seems intent on giving out fairly meaningless titles to the best fighters not in the UFC, and that’s kind of dumb but it’s also not really hurting anybody.  And just because WAMMA’s executives make some stupid decisions and appear in hilarious photos from time to time, it’s not any reason to invalidate the actual rankings, which the executives have nothing to do with.

(A joy so pure, so simple, it can only come from two ice cream cones.)

Noted author and smug smartass Matthew Polly traveled to Russia to witness firsthand Fedor Emelianenko’s loss at the Sambo World Championships in St. Petersburg in November.  He tells the tale in an article for Slate.com that contains several interesting insights about Russia and none of the cloying, faux-intellectual bullshit that usually finds its way into any Slate article (“Was Kevin Costner’s ‘Waterworld’ an Ahead-of-Its-Time Eco-Parable?” asks one such article.  No, asshole.  No it wasn’t).   

While the whole thing is interesting, even if you don’t care about Russian history or why St. Petersburg is a bizarrely beautiful and yet poorly-designed city, the last page is where we get serious about the mystery of Fedor.  What we end up learning, though, both in the Slate article and the full post-Sambo loss interview on Fightlinker, is that Fedor is either too nice to be interesting or else an impenetrable enigma.  And maybe we just choose to believe the latter because it’s more fun.

(Props: Free Fight Videos)

Fedor Emelianenko won the Russian Combat Sambo Championships this weekend.  Again.  All his fights in this tournament combined took less than a minute, including the one-sided finale above.  I know the Russians get a big kick out of seeing Fedor dominate this stuff, but I don’t see how.  Sure, he lost recently in the World Championships, on points, but still.  It’s like watching Kobe Bryant play in a tournament at your local YMCA.  Yeah, it might be cool to see him dunk on some dentist who played point guard in high school twenty years ago, but that novelty wears off quickly, especially if Kobe keeps showing up every year. 

In other Fedor news, Josh Gross says the fight with Josh Barnett could go down in July.  Kevin Iole is doing some public speculating about the UFC trying to lure Fedor to compete at UFC 100, which would also be in July.  If you had to lay odds, a fight with Barnett in Affliction seems like the safer bet, assuming Affliction is still in the fight business by then.

After the jump, War Machine gives an uncomfortable interview to RawVegas.tv in which he lays out his plan to commit suicide at a date to be determined in the future and also describes thinking before he acts as “hard.”  Indeed.  

("The Upgrade" will get his chance to earn that t-shirt, after all.  Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

With Chris Horodecki being pulled from Affliction: Day of Reckoning after failing his physical with a bulging disc in his neck, the organization has reached out to 7-1 southern California fighter Bobby Green to step in as a replacement against Dan Lauzon.  Important things to know about Green:

– His nickname is “King,” which is kind of weird.
– He’s never faced anyone of note in any major organization.
– He was suspended for three months and fined $500 after testing positive for marijuana following his victory over Raymond Ayala at Total Fighting Alliance 10 last March.

There, now you’re up to speed.  The question now for Affliction is whether this bout will stay on the pay-per-view portion of the card, or whether it will be pushed down in favor of the Jay Hieron and Jason High bout.  The latter sounds like the better idea, since guys who take fights on a couple days notice aren’t often known for putting on pay-per-view worthy performances.

More Affliction-related videos, like Fedor and Andrei vlogs, are after the jump.

(Think of it this way: if Gilbert asked to "borrow" money, would you consider that a good idea?  It’s the same with betting on him.)

Just in case picking the winners in our official Affliction Pick-em Contest isn’t enough action for you (after all, you don’t stand to lose anything except time and self-respect), you can also wager actual money on the proceedings thanks to the internet and the wonder of off-shore gambling.  Here are the best betting lines on the World Wide Web, thanks to BestFightOdds.com:

Fedor Emelianenko (-350) vs. Andrei Arlovski (+336)
Josh Barnett (-500) vs. Gilbert Yvel (+491)
Vitor Belfort (+160) vs. Matt Lindland (-160)
Renato Sobral (-155) vs. Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou (+125)
Chris Horodecki (-220) vs. Dan Lauzon (+180)
Paul Buentello (-200) vs. Kiril Sidellnikov (+160)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (-110) vs. Vladimir Matyushenko (-120)
Jay Hieron (-275) vs. Jason High (+215)
Bao Quach (+160) vs. L.C. Davis (-200)
Albert Rios (+195) vs. Antonio Duarte (-245)
Brett Cooper (-200) vs. Patrick Speight (+160)

Thoughts…

UFC 92 Video Blog – Watch more free videos

Even though Dana White is a millionaire with fancy cars and a private jet to fly around in, no material object seems to bring him as much pleasure as that shock pen.  He’s still pulling the prank at UFC 92, even on “Rampage” Jackson, who just wants to relax at Octagonside after knocking Wanderlei Silva senseless.  Come on, Dana.  Time and a place, man.

Skip to the 5:37 mark and you can actually see Dana White beginning to realize that Steve Mazzagatti is not a good ref.  He’s less adamant about it than those around him, but that is not the way a man who’s happy about what he’s seeing chews gum.

After the jump, episode two of "Arlovski 360," in which boxing trainer Freddie Roach lays out the game plan that  he thinks will beat Fedor Emelianenko.  It seems…optimistic.

(‘You like what you see, yes?’)

It’s time again to raid our forums and answer your deepest questions.  This time around, we cover everything from fighter rankings to how to get into Affliction: Day of Reckoning on the cheap.  You shiftless no-accounts. 

If you have a question of your own head on over to the official Ask the Potato thread and we’ll deal with you in turn. 

Last time Affliction: Banned had a barn burning sale on tickets the day of the event, As someone who lives under an hour from the Honda center and a fan of seeing Fedor live at least once, would you suggest buying a ticket now or wait till the day of in hopes the box office drops prices again? – Hussdawg22

Don’t you dare buy a ticket now, Hussdawg.  I realize I shouldn’t say that, and I’m not helping Affliction’s cause any, but dammit, as your unofficial MMA-related financial advisor I simply cannot recommend that purchase.  

For one thing, you don’t even know for sure if that show will happen on that date.  With the Mosley-Margarito bout in the same region on the same night, and with all Affliction’s troubles, they may reschedule it or drop it altogether.  Anything’s possible with them. 

But more importantly, that event will not sell out.  You will still be able to get a ticket on fight day, and it’s a very good bet that you’ll be able to get a good seat cheap.  You don’t want to be the jerk who pays $250 to sit next to some dudes from Cal State Fullerton who paid thirty bucks a pop.

After seeing Torres tear through another "number 1 contender", what does the B&B Potato Entrapment Company think of level of competition in the WEC’s bantamweight division? Is it on par with the UFC’s welter or middle weight division and Torres is just THAT damn good or is it more along the lines of the UFC’s lightweight division where most of the weight division’s talent is in Japan?  — Geriatric Peon

(Let’s try this again, “Ace”, this time with a little enthusiasm.)

Despite the fact that UFC 93 and 95 are taking place in Dublin and London respectively, they will not air for free on Spike TV, reports MMA Rated. Does that mean you’re going to have to pay more of your rapidly dwindling cash to see an event that goes live in the middle of the afternoon? Either that or wait until the videos hit the internet, and for some reason it’s considered “troubling behavior” for me to drink in front of my computer at ten o’clock on a Sunday morning, even though it’s perfectly acceptable to do it in front of the TV on a Saturday. I blame this Puritanical society.

The explanation for why this is happening centers around Spike TV’s production budget. Broadcasting these overseas events is costly, and since both UFC 93 and 95 take place within the first two months of 2009, that would mean blowing a big portion of their budget in the first quarter. This, my friends, is a side effect of the UFC going global.

So now we’re looking at three pay-per-views in the first sixty days of the new year from the UFC, plus another one on January 24 from Affliction. I don’t know what your disposable income looks like these days, but it sure seems like someone’s got to lose in this scenario. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you could only afford two of these events without being forced to make extra money by letting your creepy neighbor install that webcam he keeps talking about. What’s it gonna be: Fedor-Arlovski (Affliction), Franklin-Henderson (UFC 93, with a side order of Coleman-Rua), Penn-St. Pierre (UFC 94), or Liddell-Silva (UFC 95, hopefully)? As a bonus question, how important will the undercards of said events be in your decision-making?

(You call it: happy or sad?)

According to a new article translated into English for us by Robert from betwwx.com, Judo olympic gold medalist Satoshi Ishii says he is definitely getting into MMA, and he wants to fight Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic and…Hong Man Choi?

Japan’s Olympic gold medallist Satoshi Ishii has quit judo to enter mixed martials arts. His ultimate goal is to fight the likes of Mirko Cro Cop and Hong Man Choi also known as the “Techno Goliath”.

The Reuters articles mistakenly nicknames Mirko Filipovic as the ‘Terminator’, although the Croatian fighter has not fought under that name but is widely known among fans as ‘Cro Cop’.

‘This is a new chapter in my life and I’ll have to now start from scratch or with a white belt. Mixed Martials Arts has the words best fighters and I wanted to face many of them even before I won my Judo gold medal . I want to get myself in good shape and want to face the best as soon as possible. There’s no need to hide. That’s is my goal.” Said the 21 year old Ishii.

Let’s say you’re Cro Cop and you hear this. Are you psyched for a potential big money fight with Japan’s most recent judo hero? Or are you blinded with rage at being mentioned alongside Hong Man Choi, as if the two of you are interchangeable? I have to think it’s the second one, but Cro Cop has baffled me before.

(Somebody better tell him that’s not a regulation boxing glove.)

I love guessing games. And it is because I love guessing games that Affliction and the ever-changing story behind their second event is a constant joy for me. So what’s the story now? Will they have a completely new date scheduled? Will they claim to have no date at all? Will they go so far as to name some of the fighters on the card? Or will they shoot down any interesting rumors about who might be fighting?

This time around Affliction VP Tom Atencio is saying the main event will likely be a boxing match, thanks to Golden Boy’s involvement, and MMA will comprise the entirety of the undercard:

“We are going to do a combination show of boxing and MMA. They will run the back end and we will do what we do well.” Atencio says of the show. “It will be between nine and ten fights total. Right now it looks like we are going to do a boxing main event and everything under it will be MMA. It really depends on who we have boxing though. If they are big enough names then absolutely they will be the main event and that is what we have planned right now. Things change though and we have nothing finalized.”

Hold up, Tom. What about Fedor? We all know he’s the cornerstone of this little operation. Is he lacing up the boxing gloves, you know, just to give himself a challenge? Because if not, it sounds like you’re saying either a) Fedor won’t be the main event (and when’s the last time that happened), or b) he won’t be on the card at all.

Option b sounds more realistic, what with Josh Barnett saying he won’t fight Fedor in January and Fedor feeling his annual New Year’s Eve itch coming on. But on that subject, Atencio is uncharacteristically forthcoming.

(At least some people still do work for their half a mill, son.)

Before his bout with Andrei Arlovski on Saturday night, Roy Nelson said he wasn’t completely sure who was signing his check. Now we not only know it was Affliction, but we also know that “Big Country” and Arlovski made a combined $580,000 to represent the clotheir-turned-promoter on CBS. The bulk of that money — $500,000 with no win bonus — went to Arlovski for his impressive knockout victory. Even for Affliction, who likes throwing around money almost as much as they love skulls and chains, that’s a hefty price to pay to put one fight on someone else’s show. So was it worth it?

Aside from the exposure for their fighters, Affliction got their ban lifted long enough to throw their logos on the cage and get a few commercials in during the broadcast. As MMA Payout pointed out, that might say more about CBS’ ad sales for this show than it does for Affliction’s arrangement with Elite XC, but either way now there are a few million more people in the world who know about the Andrei Arlovski signature t-shirt line, and every little bit helps.

There’s also the matter of the aggressively vague “Fedor Will Return” ads (was anyone else reminded of the “Gabbo is coming!” ads from The Simpsons?). Beyond heaping more indignity on Tim Sylvia’s loss by pointing out that almost the entire fight can fit in one network TV spot, it does help get the word out to casual fight fans. The only problem is that when you don’t have a date or event to hype, you have to wonder what that’s really worth.

Affliction had a great opportunity with those ads to really advance public knowledge of their MMA organization. Instead they hyped their shirts and failed to tell us when and how we could pay them money to see their marquee fighter perform. I suppose you have to know that information yourself before you can pass it on to others, but isn’t that just one more reason for them to get moving on this January event?

(Did Fedor make approximately 640,000 ice cream cones at Affliction? Oh, would that he had more than two hands.)

We all knew there was no way in hell that Fedor Emelianenko only pocketed $300,000 for throttling Tim Sylvia at Affliction: Banned, as was reported in the official payout figures from the CSAC. Word had it that he got “a sizable” amount of his money in the form of a signing bonus. Now FightLine.com says they have sources telling them that the figure was $1.3 million, bringing his total cheddar from the event to $1.6 million.

Sizable? Yeah, we’d say so. Especially since he owns the right to his fight footage in Europe, which is both a little weird and totally awesome. So this seems to be more in line with what we’d expect Fedor to be getting paid, right? After all, if Tim Sylvia got $800,000, and Fedor is at least twice as valuable, $1.6 mill is right on the button.

But if we’re to believe everything we read (and we do, even science fiction, which explains why we’re terrified of Asimov’s robots) Fedor was offered and declined a deal for more money with the UFC. Dave Meltzer wrote recently that Emelianenko was offered “a seven-figure signing bonus and a minimum of $1.5 million per fight.”

If that’s true — and we’ll point out that Meltzer is probably getting his info from the UFC on this one, who also once claimed that they totally weren’t offering Fedor waaaaaay more than Randy Couture, who as you’ll recall got pissed off enough to leave behind these failed negotiations — then something isn’t adding up here. Or else Fedor and his management team love their video rights and their freedom more than cash. Or else they’re dumb.

(Tim Sylvia flashes gang sign to warn the other bear cubs at what’s comin’.)

This pic of Big Tim posing with his most recent “kill” has caused a little stir among the forums — some hating him even more, some saying ‘so what?’, and the rest using this to lift Fedor to some loftier humane level. Somehow Fedor has been pulled into this, I guess due to his possible fight with Sylvia this summer. Now trust me, I relish mocking The Maine-iac almost as much as I relish binge drinking, but we also have to remember that Fedor enjoys occasionally munching on Fido. You’ll recall when it first hit the news a couple of years ago on Fedor’s trip to South Korea — and it’s a dish he still partakes in.

Apparently, Korean dog soup (“posintang”) is good for improving your stamina. And it’s finger-lickin’ good as a bonus:

“It’s unique. It tastes different from other meats,” Emelianenko was quoted by Yonhap News Agency.

No word if Big Tim ate the bear, but we hear bear meat is nature’s Metamucil. If dog soup’s more your thing, go here for the full recipe. It only requires 100g of boiled dog. I’ve often wondered what my dog, Max, would taste like between two slabs of rye, but I’ll take Fedor’s word for it and stick with caffeine for my stamina.

(Props BloodyElbow)

(Comes complete with cauliflower ear and courtroom-ready business suit.)

— Randy Couture has weighed in with his thoughts about the not-yet-official fight between Fedor Emlianenko and Tim Sylvia:

“…we’ll see what happens. I think it’s going to be an interesting fight. Fedor just fought a pretty tall opponent in Hong Man Choi, so obviously he’s been in that mode of dealing with a guy that size, but I think Tim is a little more seasoned fighter than Hong Man has proved to be. But Hong Man wasn’t easy so it will be interesting to see how Emelianenko deals with him and a pretty good indicator for me, having just fought Tim this last year, as to where I stand and how things might go if I finally get the chance to fight Fedor.”

How hard was it for Randy to swallow this one down? He’s spent the past few months in a battle of words and lawsuits after leaving the UFC mainly so he could be the one to fight Fedor. Now Big Tim is allowed to leave the UFC and almost immediately starts negotiations to fight the Russian heavyweight. Dana White gets to sport his devilish grin for another day…

— The Natural’s wife — fresh off her first MMA win — chatted with FightHype about her win, her future in MMA, and her husband’s future in MMA. But she also attempts to make us feel sorry for her because she has to shoulder the cross of the Couture name.

“I think it would probably be cool to go through this experience without the last name Couture.”

We look forward to the comments from Potato reader, Kim Couture is a c***.

— Chris Leben visited “The Lights Out Show” recently and mentioned a couple of dudes he wants to step into the cage with:

“We’re talking to Joe (Silva – UFC Match Maker), and we’re starting to look for a fight. If you win 4 or 5 fights in a row, you’re pretty much guaranteed a title shot, so I figured maybe Okami or Bisping would be a fun fight for me.”

Would another fight with Anderson Silva turn out any differently than his last meeting with the middleweight god? Of course not. But we’d be into both Okami and Bisping — and wins over both wouldn’t be something the UFC could ignore. Leben is 18-4 overall, but is 3-3 since he met Anderson Silva in the summer of ’06. He’s got two wins in a row and if he needs 4 or 5 W’s in a row, that’d probably put him in line for a title shot sometime next year. Provided he doesn’t get KTFO by his drunken friends first.

Man, that joint could use a serious maid service.

(The Maine-iac to fight Fedor in June?)

Some quick snips, courtesy of FightLine:

— Fedor and Tim Sylvia might be fighting soon. The proposed fight is in talks according to an unnamed source. Nothing is set in stone, but the initial chats have already been initiated. If the fight happens, it will go down in Chicago this coming June, promoted by Adrenaline MMA. So far, Jeff Monson will battle Mike Russow on the same card. Remember that ex-UFC champ Tim Sylvia recently signed with Adrenaline MMA, so his involvement in the talks is a no-brainer.

— “The Lights Out Show” has some choice Bas Rutten quotes from a recent interview…and one in particular is about Kimbo’s ground game. Check it out:

“Of course we’ve been training Kimbo on the ground. He just hasn’t been going there yet…and throwing [Kimbo] up against a submission specialist is going to be trouble [for us]…God knows what Kimbo knows. Nobody knows yet, and we all keep it a big secret. We want to keep it a big secret.”

Bas has spoken, but James Thompson still won’t change any of this.

(Rampage: Stokin’ the Silva-Jackson III fire?)

Lotta’ trash talk floating around the past few days and here are some select dishes from today’s war of words.

— The Sun — which is apparently owned and operated by Chuck Liddell what with all the love they give him — has a piece today detailing The Iceman’s thoughts on Kimbo Slice. In a nutshell, Chuck doesn’t think Kimbo is worthy of the praise. The UFC light heavyweight fighter talks about how Kimbo has yet to be tested in MMA and mentions his first fight against Bo Cantrell — a guy who had already been KO’d twice before in under 30 seconds.

“So is that a real fight? I mean come on! The guy tapped before he hit the matt – he was tapping on the way down!”

“Gannon beat him didn’t he? And how long did Gannon last in the UFC?!!

“Kimbo’s one of those guys who doesn’t have any ground game. He’s training and he’s learning but he’s been built up as such a big star and that’s the thing that bothers me.

“People talk about him like he’s the next great thing when he really hasn’t done anything.

“He’s been built up because of the Internet and him beating a bunch of guys on the street.”

Using Kimbo’s loss to Sean Gannon in a ‘street fight’ as a prime example is something that a lot of people resort to. It’s also the same people that say Kimbo has no ground game. But mat work has nothing to do with Kimbo’s loss to Sean Gannon — that fight was a fist fight with an occasional lock-up. The only time it went to the ground was when both fighters were so gassed they collapsed on one another. And who fucking knows if Kimbo has a ground game or not. We’ve never seen him have to use one.

Chuck then talks about how he could make his own set of KO vids — although his plan would be to just go around punching people.

(Shad Smith, out!)

No, it’s not GSP. And it’s not James Thompson or Don Frye. The guy’s name is Shad Smith and he was outed yesterday by The New York Times. The 35-year-old KOTC vet — who is the first openly gay male fighter in MMA — recently spoke to The Times and chatted about growing up fighting in a neighborhood where he and his brothers were the minorities. Sounds like the guy had quite a chip on his shoulder, too:

“I was just mad-dogging everyone” — staring them down — “until somebody said something, and then I’d put my hands up and start fighting.” He said he had 46 counts of assault and battery as a juvenile. “And that’s 46 counts posted on me. Can you imagine how many there actually were?”

And then came the outing:

I asked Smith why he spent so much of his youth looking for trouble. I expected some sort of clichéd, though possibly true, explanation — a difficult childhood or a Napoleon complex. What I didn’t expect him to say was, “You know, bro, the sexual-preference thing.”

Smith is gay, and I know of no other professional fighter who is openly so. “I was always scared that my mom and dad would find out and wouldn’t like me, and my brothers wouldn’t like me,” he said. “I was petrified, because I didn’t want anyone to find out. And I would try to be the toughest person around. That way, no one would suspect, no one would ever say it, no one would think it.”

So there you have it. Since this is such a ridiculously-homophobic industry, I imagine it’ll be hard for Smith to get fighters to agree to matches with him now — especially if they share Brock Lesnar’s 18th Century views. Smith last fought in January, losing to Dave Rivas. He is 9-9-2 overall and is 0-3-1 in his last four.

On that note, here’s a video that is fitting for the topic of this post — and kinda’ sweet.

(Props BloodyElbow)

(The classic taste test.)

Seriously, can we just push Fedor Emelianenko and Randy Couture into the alley behind Bed, Bath & Beyond and let them beat the shit out of each other? That’s all we want. Let’s just do this. We’ve heard about The Natural’s numerous UFC legal tangles that stemmed from Couture’s efforts to set up a fight with Fedor, and recently Fedor’s free agency details have also started to surface. And while we’re talkin’ contracts, did Fedor even have one with M-1 Global? Apparently not, according to Sherdog:

The Russian heavyweight’s only agreement with the company — according to the source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity — came in the form of a letter of intent.

The return of a $1.5 million signing bonus paid by M-1 Global to Emelianenko is the only hurdle to the former Pride champion’s potential free agency. That should be remedied this week, the source said.

M-1 Global CEO Monte Cox declined to comment.

Once Emelianenko is clear of his M-1 obligations he is expected to field offers from several MMA promotions. The early leader, according to the same source, comes from the purported partnership between Affliction and Oscar de la Hoya’s Golden Boy Promotions, which Sherdog.com has learned could debut on June 28.

So the possible Randy/Fedor fight plot thickens. Golden Boy did not comment either, but a source claimed that Fedor would get $1.5 mill for a fight with the organization and his managers would get the TV rights in Japan and Russia. The report also claims that Fedor’s bro — Aleksander — will probably sign with Affliction along with Matt “Movie Screen Forehead” Lindland (previously reported).

So the official contract between Fedor and M-1 was reportedly never signed by the Russian heavyweight. But what does it mean if I forged my uncle’s name on my apartment lease? Am I cool with skipping the April rent? Sweet.