(It was at that moment Ryan Hall knew he would have to defend the integrity of both his hoagie and the Denny’s establishment he had chosen to accomodate.) 

William Shakespeare once said, “Justice oft comes on swift legs, and if thou happen to bear witness, make surest thou placeth thine proof on thine Internet for all to see.” Luckily, we managed to stumble across this video of BJJ savant and 2009 ADCC Bronze medalist Ryan Hall choking out a drunken, self proclaimed “psychopath” at a restaurant, and in William’s honor, have placed it below for you all to see.

Join us as we dissect a classic case of “When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong.” 

Props: IronForgesIron.com

When we announced that ONE FC’s second event would feature professional publicity stunt Bob Sapp fighting against UFC veteran (sigh) Rolles Gracie, we offered you a question about the fight: Bad idea, or worst idea? On paper, this meant pitting a one-dimensional, subpar kickboxer fighter impersonator against a one-dimensional grappler. Factor in the complete lack of cardiovascular endurance that both men have exhibited, and we were in for an ugly affair.

Well, that fight went down today in Jakarta, Indonesia. And it was everything that you expected it to be.

After going 0-7 in kickboxing and MMA in 2011, Bob Sapp decided that he needed to change his traditional game plan of “start out strong, get tired, get knocked out”. This time around, Bob Sapp attempted to start the fight early during yesterday’s weigh ins. Like the obese guy who orders medium fries with his twenty piece nuggets and large milkshake instead of large fries, we guess we can applaud him for at least changing something.

(We’re not the only ones who see a woman in a bear suit in the background, right?)

It’s a new week, Potato Nation, and with it brings change. I, for one, will be shedding the DangadaDang “nom de plume” if you will, in favor of my actual name from now on. Will the writing be any gooder? Perhaps, but for every change, something must stay the same, as they say. And in the ever changing landscape that is the current MMA scene, it’s comforting to know that we can count on the stability of at least one thing: Fedor Emelianenko‘s desire to toss around Asian men he outweighs by a good 70 pounds. You get caught with your hand in the (fortune) cookie jar once, it’s forgivable. You get caught twice, and you’re moving into full blown fetish territory, Mr. Emelianenko.

Yes, the former PRIDE heavyweight champion recently appeared on the South Korean TV show, “Star King,” to reenact the end of the Tim Boetsch/David Heath scrap with the help of fast rising featherweight contender Chan Sung Jung. Aside from being a reminder of how much better Asian television shows are than ours (oh MXC, where hast thou gone?), the sparring session is at the minimum a silver lining in the storm cloud of disappointment that was the second UFC on Fox broadcast. Like we said, it’s a new day, and let’s just shed the memory of last weekend’s main card with a good old fashioned freak show exhibition to start the work week, shall we?

Join us after the jump for the glorious video, but for the love of God, turn off your speakers before you do so. If you’ve ever ordered take out from P.F. Chang’s, then you are familiar with the chaos that awaits you.

Kimbo, looking like Rick Ross with slightly better cardio

You know, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen this happen before.

While you were busy watching UFC 141, Kimbo Slice looked to improve his professional boxing record to 3-0 at the Buffalo Run Casino in Miami, Oklahoma. So far in his boxing career, the Shaws have been feeding Kimbo cans with losing records, and Kimbo has been capitalizing in devastating fashion. Friday night, however, Kimbo Slice was given his toughest test in his young boxing career in Charles Hackmann, a fitness instructor making his professional boxing debut after taking the bout on just one day’s notice.

It’s almost like the guy was brought in to lose *snickers*, yet he held his own against the former UFC fighter (sigh), almost pulling off the upset in the second round. The action wasn’t as fast-paced as Cruz vs. Johnson, yet you wouldn’t know it by how badly both fighters gassed in the third and fourth rounds. When it was all said and done, Kimbo improved to 3-0, yet had major holes in his game exposed.

Video, courtesy of Iron forges Iron, after the jump.

Props: MMAFighting.com

Fights taking place in North America just haven’t worked out for the cheesily-nicknamed Marius “The Whitemare” Zaromskis. Heading into last night’s “Rumble of the Kings”, the DREAM welterweight champion was 0-3 with one no contest on North American soil. Arguably just as bad, his politically incorrect nickname typically is replaced with the totally original “Raging Demon” moniker.

Unfortunately for Bruno Carvalho, last night’s “Rumble of the Kings” took place in Stockholm, Sweden.

(Props to http://www.youtube.com/BFCLUV for the vids.) 

While we were all watching Frankie Edgar score possibly the biggest win of his career this past weekend, a few of you might have missed some great fights over at Bellator 53, which saw “The Arm Collector” collect yet another arm and Douglas Lima pick up a B-E-A-utiful knockout over Chris Lozano. But just in case your appetite for fights remains insatiable, we’ve searched the internet to find the welterweight semi-final match between UFC veteran Ben Saunders and Luis Santos and the featherweight tournament qualifier bout between Ronnie Mann and Kenny Foster to hold you over for a while. The sound is a little off for the later of the two, so if you’ve got a problem with it, take it up with our HR department.

-Danga 

Fitzpatrick is a freshman at the Clay Guida School of Head Movement.

Proud member of the Potato Nation Logan Wendt (AKA logdog52) sent us video evidence of his amateur debut in Lebanon, Missouri back in March.  We figure Logan sent us the video because not only did he win, he won quickly via choking the other guy right the hell out.  Running down our “Do We Post It?” checklist, we see:

1) A fight video.
2) A fight video in which a dude goes out cold.
3) A fight video in which a dude goes out cold and one of you bastards did it.

On Tuesday we showed you what was undoubtedly the worst sucker punch we’ve ever seen in a pro fight.  Today we look at another, similar sucker punch that is completely understandable, even to the referee.  In October of 2008, Jesse Vargas and the unfortunately-named Trenton Titsworth squared off in Temecula, California.  Things were going reasonably well, and then Titsworth leaned in during a clinch and kissed Vargas, ever so gently, on his neck. 

It took Vargas a moment to realize it, but he responded by drilling Titsworth on the jaw with a right hand on the break.  Technically, that’s a foul, and Vargas lost a point for it.  But kissing your opponent is apparently also a foul, though we admit we always thought it was simply frowned upon.  The ref initially takes one point away from Titsworth for his ill-timed display of affection, then decides that it’s bad enough to be worth a two-point deduction.  Some people just can’t help but stand in the way of love, can they?

Vargas would go on to win the four-round bout via decision (39-34 on all three scorecards).  Titsworth is still trying, unsuccessfully, to live this one down.

(Props: zmmajunky)

As ‘zombiekilla’ mentioned in the comments section of the last post, UFC 101‘s real Fight of the Night took place in the crowd, when a group of meatheaded douchebags got a little too caught up in the action and began warring amongst themselves. As security intervened, a female meatheaded douchebag swung her purse at some other broad, then went after her with furious Brock Lesnar-style hammerfists. Everyone in the vicinity roared their approval and watched it play out, paying no attention to the Aaron Riley/Shane Nelson scrap that was going on inside the Octagon.

And so, we must amend Dana White’s beloved four corners analogy: If people are playing soccer on one corner, basketball on the second corner, street hockey on the third corner, a bunch of drunk Philadelphians are throwing haymakers on the fourth corner, and a professional mixed martial arts contest is taking place in the center of the street, people will watch the meatheads brawl every time. That’s how we know this is the sport of the future.

Unrelated, but important: Forrest Griffin‘s camp confirmed that the fighter suffered a broken jaw and partial hearing loss during his whuppin’ at the hands of Anderson Silva, and sprinted out of the cage in order to seek immediate medical attention. Well, we’re sorry to hear that, but Quinton Jackson still thinks you’re a ‘LOSER!!’

MMA Weekly confirmed with Griffin’s management that Griffin’s jaw was not injured, but "emotionally he is definitely not dealing well with the loss."

(Fence grab is at 10:18, the alleged illegal blow comes at 17:25. Props: MMA Share.)

Benji Radach has filed a formal appeal with the California State Athletic Commission through his agent, Ken Pavia, challenging his TKO loss to Scott Smith on the April 11 Strikeforce show in San Jose, California.  We contacted Radach earlier today to get him to explain, in his own words, why he’s appealing the loss and what he hopes to accomplish.  Here’s what he had to say.

CagePotato.com: If you could Benji, sum up for me the main points outlined in your appeal.

Benji Radach: There are two main points.  One, in the second round I had him in a guillotine, choking the piss out of him, and I thought I was just going to choke him unconscious.  But he grabbed the fence and used it to pull us into a scramble and get out of the choke, which is illegal.  

(And to think this all started with a colorful gi, some little shorts, and a dream.)

It looks like Combat Sambo tournaments might actually lead to career advancement opportunities, after all.  Blagoi Ivanov has signed a three-fight deal with Sengoku and will reportedly face former Pride fighter Kazuyuki Fujita in his first fight at Sengoku 9 in August.  Ivanov is the guy who made minor waves (more like ripples by the time they reached the U.S.) when he beat Fedor Emelianenko on points in the World Combat Sambo Championships last November.  Fujita’s claim to fame is that he once hit Fedor so hard it briefly stunned him.  Neither of these accomplishments is enough to make this a truly interesting fight, although Sengoku has got to take what they can get when it comes to heavyweights. 

Since Bas Rutten is the former coach of the IFL’s L.A. Anacondas team, Kimbo Slice’s trainer, and a personal hero of CagePotato, you’ll be seeing a lot of him on this site, and it would behoove you to get acquainted with his work. A good place to start is this video of Rutten taking on Frank Shamrock in a 1996 Pancrase match. For those of you who grew up on the UFC, the Pancrase rules might throw you off — wikipedia has a decent overview here.

The fight was so theatrical that some have accused it of being a work. Check out Rutten and Shamrock toppling out of the ring at 5:00-5:06; Shamrock’s backward somersault at 7:14-7:18; the exchange at 9:02-9:18 that I won’t even try to explain; and Bas’s celebratory “Rutten Jump” beginning at 11:50, after the fight was stopped due to a cut near Shamrock’s eye.