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FoodPotato: The UFC Fighter Drinking Guide, Part 1

Lyoto Machida drinks urine
(“You’ve heard of a caipirinha, right? Well, this is nothing like that.” / Photo via Sherdog)

By Chris Morse, the artist formerly known as Viva Hate

As has been clear to fans of the UFC for some time now, the organization is holding more and more events every year. The problem with this over-saturation is that it can lead to some cards that lack the firepower of others. The best solution for such events is to drink your way through them, and that is where CagePotato has you covered. After considerable research, taste testing, and taking into account various factors such as nicknames, fighting styles, and personality traits, here are some drinks to enjoy based on the UFC fighters you support…

Lyoto Machida
Dragon Piss

1 ounce Cinnamon Schnapps
3/4 ounce Butterscotch Schnapps
4 ounces Mountain Dew

Mix all ingredients and drink as a LARGE shot. Act like it was no big deal.

Soa Palelei
Incredible Hulk
2 ounces Hypnotiq
2 ounces Cognac

Pour in a glass over ice, mix and watch the magical transformation. Down a few of these, and you’ll be kissing whoever’s closest to you.


FoodPotato: The 16 Buffalo Wild Wings Sauces and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents

(Believe it or not, this isn’t a sponsored post. It’s just one of those things that happens when it’s a slow news week and you’re desperate.)

By Ben Goldstein

If you’re a UFC fan who doesn’t live in a densely-populated urban area with multiple sports-bar options within walking distance, chances are you’ve spent some time in a Buffalo Wild Wings, since it’s one of the only chain restaurants that reliably shows UFC events. The food is almost beside the point, though BWW is known for its wings (obviously) and the 16 signature sauces you can put on them.

So as a tribute to everyone who’s ever waited an hour-and-a-half for a table at B-Dubs because you’re too cheap to order a pay-per-view at home, I humbly present one of the dumbest list ideas I’ve ever come up with. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the 16 Buffalo Wild Wings wing sauces and their UFC fighter equivalents. Just be grateful I didn’t arrange this in slideshow format.

Sweet BBQ
BWW description: “Traditional BBQ sauce: Satisfyingly sweet.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Non-threatening and vaguely Southern? I’m gonna go with Jessamyn Duke — but only because Bubba McDaniel isn’t on the UFC roster anymore.

BWW description: “Terrifically tasty Teriyaki sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Takeya Mizugaki. He’s Japanese, he’s consistently good, but he’s not going to blow anybody’s mind, flavor-wise.

BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: High flavor, low heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Gleison Tibau, a guy who never made a major impact in the UFC and yet is tied for the most victories in UFC lightweight history. How the hell did that happen? Like mild sauce, he’s just always been around.


FoodPotato: Picking the Right Meal for Each Level of UFC Fight Card

(Gobbling down buffalo wings = UFC on FOX. Being excited about iceberg lettuce = watching Fight Pass GIFs on a late-’90s Toshiba Satellite.)

By Matt Saccaro

Food is the most underrated, undiscussed aspect of MMA fandom. Watching other people fight requires constant sustenance. The calories you burn shadowboxing with your shirt off during commercials don’t replenish themselves, you know.

As with other aspects of the sport, eating at a high level requires loads of nuance—more than many fans are aware of. We’re experts on the topic, though, so we figured we’d drop a little knowledge today.

First off, you should only eat certain kinds of food. I missed the Donald Cerrone punch that nearly KO’d Edson Barboza because I was cutting a chimichanga. The lesson learned? Do not eat food requiring too much attention.

Food is to enhance your MMA viewing, not replace it. The food makes the event festive, but is not the festivity in and of itself, like Thanksgiving turkey. The chimichanga I ate was delicious, but cumbersome and unwieldy. I had to spend time looking down—away from the computer and television—to cut it into a more manageable size. Even then, I had to be extremely careful when lifting it into my mouth with a fork. I didn’t want chicken, cheese, refried beans, and other greasy goodness spilling onto my keyboard.

Which reminds me, if you’re going to be live-tweeting or live-blogging a fight card, you can’t eat something that makes your fingers gross and sticky. That means no ribs, and no burgers that are dripping with ketchup or other condiments. I thought Cool Ranch Doritos Tacos might be safe one Bellator event, only to find that the Cool Ranch dust was all over my fingertips. My jokes were seconds late—an eternity on twitter—and the CagePotato twitter lost out on precious engagement statistics.

An additional thing to consider: Never eat something that will give you diarrhea. I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to spend $60 on a PPV just to wind up giving the bathroom a new paint job and missing all the in-cage action.

So what foods are safe?