(War Machine, Unidentified Mayhem Monkey, and Frank Lester: Worst game of FMK ever.)

It seems that an insane amount of heart doesn’t necessarily guarantee job security if you can’t win fights. After being choked out by Nick Osipczak at the Ultimate Fighter 9 Finale — which followed a TUF 9 run where he beat Kiel Reid and Dave Faulkner and lost twice to James Wilks — Frank Lester has been cut by the UFC. The Team Quest fighter’s pro record dropped to 3-3 after his most recent loss. Godspeed, young shadow-boxer.

10. "I’m here to get paid and hurt people’s feelings, so…it’s time to do the man dance." — Damarques Johnson, offering his mission statement.

9. "You just gotta do what you gotta do whatcha can." — Dan Henderson, on the meaning of life.

8. “Oiiiieeeeehhhh!” — Michael Bisping, every time a Team U.K. fighter landed a shot on an American, and sometimes when they just came close.

7. "Put another shrimp on the barbie!" — Rob Browning, not the most worldly gentleman, tries to mock the Brits with a beloved Australian catchphrase.

(Click above for the completed TUF 9 welterweight bracket. Props: Wikipedia.)

With the last welterweight semifinal coming up, Team U.S. comes together for one last barbecue. Frank Lester gets all swoony over Dan Henderson, telling Hendo "your eyes don’t look bad at all" and "I wouldn’t fuck with you because of your ears." This is what six weeks without women will do to a man.

Damarques Johnson does his best to build up Lester’s confidence for his fight against James Wilks. He says James can’t absorb as much damage as Frank and be okay with it. We never really got to see why Damarques hates James so much, but Damarques tells us that "James is just such a pompous prick, and I want Frank to hurt him badly." He also refers to James as a "pretty boy." Seriously. This James Wilks. I think it’s safe to say that Damarques has a different standard of beauty than the rest of us. Just another example of how the absence of females can distort your perceptions.

("Back, and to the left…back, and to the left…")

With Jason Pierce pulled from the competition due to a combination of staph infection and bitchassness, Team USA needs to replace him with one of their eliminated welterweights. Mark Miller tells Dana White that he’s down to fight, but he has a broken nose ("It’s just a nose, I’m not getting any prettier"), and privately he wonders if he’s ready, since he hasn’t been able to train since his last fight. Frank Lester wants it bad, but his face is an absolute mess, with two black eyes, an aching nose, and a row of missing teeth.

Santino interrogates Pierce about why he isn’t fighting. Pierce claims that he totally tried to stay in the competition, but Dana looked at his leg and said he couldn’t fight — which is not exactly what happened, and the guys know it. Damarques thinks Pierce should be stripped of his TapouT gear. Lester furiously shadow-boxes.

The Ultimate Fighter 9 – Episode 6 Submissions – Watch more Funny Videos

When Michael Bisping went AWOL during Dean Amasinger’s fight against Damarques Johnson, the nation wanted answers. Had he been in a car wreck? Was he holed up in a motel room with a crack pipe? Did he finally get picked up on his outstanding buggery warrants? Nah, the dude just overslept. He was badly jet-lagged, and was sawing logs while Dean was getting his ass kicked. Not exactly the cliffhanger we were hoping for, and the whole thing was resolved in about 20 seconds. 

Other than that, last night’s episode was very satisfying, with two fights (I’m liking this trend) and some highly ironic tooth-loss thrown in at the end. To begin at the beginning…

The Ultimate Fighter 9: Episode 3 Stoppages – Watch more Funny Videos
(Last night’s stoppages. See you at the TUF 9 finale, Rob.)

To quote Sgt. Hartman, it looks to me like the best part of Rob Browning ran down the crack of his momma’s ass and ended up as a stain on the mattress. My God what a useless dipshit. He’s like the dumbest redneck in the world doing a bad impression of Junie Browning. Anyway, he’s gone now, after folding like a bitch at the first sign of pressure during last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: U.S. vs. U.K., meaning UFC washout Jason Dent is now a full-fledged member of Team USA. The 8th American spot went to welterweight alternate Frank Lester who benefitted from Kiel Reid’s unfortunate self-knockout.  But before all that…

Both teams arrive at the TUF house, and everyone’s fairly cool with each other at first. But when nobody steps up to be Rob Browning’s drinking buddy — his Shane Nelson, if you will — he gets all butthurt and starts launching eggs at his housemates from a balcony. Then he pisses in a shower, and promptly gets in the face of the larger Jason Pierce (a recurring theme with these Browning brothers). Rob smashes an egg on Jason’s chest, and Jason shows tremendous restraint in not ripping him about five new assholes.