(Hey Tito, do you mind taking a look at this fungus I’ve got growing on my foot? I figured if anyone could spot a bizarre infection, it would be you.) 

It’s looking like Tito Ortiz will be getting his wish to go out on a hotly contested decision like he’s always wanted. Though the event or location has yet to be determined, Lorenzo Fertitta announced to the Twittersphere last night that the rubber match between Ortiz and Forrest Griffin will in fact be happening, and, just like Ortiz requested, could transpire on Fourth of July weekend.

After saving his Zuffa career by submitting Ryan Bader at UFC 132, Ortiz has dropped two straight to Rashad Evans and Antonio Rogerio Nogueria, both coming by way of TKO. Griffin is also coming off a first round TKO loss, which he suffered in his rematch with fellow former Light Heavyweight champ Mauricio Rua at UFC 134.

Ortiz and Griffin first met way back at UFC 59 in the spring of 2006. At the time, Griffin was on a four fight win streak including his TUF 1 Finale victory over Stephan Bonnar. Ortiz had scored two straight after being knocked out by Chuck Liddell at UFC 47, and would follow his split decision victory over Griffin by beating the piss out of poor Ken Shamrock twice in a row. Their second meeting, which went down at UFC 106, saw Griffin emerge victorious by an equally controversial split decision.

Speaking of trilogies…

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFCTHQ)

THQ released this hilarious video today of Frank Mir’s final day of motion capture filming for the next edition of UFC Undisputed. Apparently this dude from THQ thought it would be funny to get all of the fighters in the game to do the Hokey Pokey — either for his own satisfaction since he was likely picked on in high school or because he was planning on releasing the footage as a special feature or Easter egg.

Well, either Frank caught on to the ploy or someone tipped him off. Either way, he made the prankster shit his pants.

Check out a few more of our favorite MMA pranks after the jump.

(Video courtesy of IronForgesIron)

When FUEL TV stated that it will be dedicating a lion’s share of its programming to UFC-related shows as a result of its parent company Fox’s new multi-year contract with the promotion, most of us wondered what the quality of said shows would be like.

If this UFC Champions Roundtable special is any indication, it’s going to be pretty decent.

Hosted by Jay Glazer, the half-hour program that debuted during FUEL’s 24-hour New Year’s UFC marathon, featured a handful of UFC champs — past and present — who reflected on the early days in the sport and how far it’s come since Bonnar fought Griffin on SPIKE TV back in 2006.

Some highlights after the jump.

(And now, two useless MMA commentators miss a fantastic standing heel-hook finish while trying to figure out how to pronounce “Vovchanchyn.” Props: EliteMMA)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- UFC 145: Brendan Schaub vs. Ben Rothwell Booked for March 24 in Montreal (MMA Mania)

- Frank Mir Says Alistair Overeem’s Cardio Will “Suck” Against Brock Lesnar (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Top 10 Worst New Year’s Eve MMA Fights in Japan (The Fight Nerd)

- Nate Diaz Denies October Run-In With Donald Cerrone (5th Round)

- The $8.18 UFC 141 Parlay That Will Literally Make You a Millionaire (MiddleEasy)

- As He Reflects on Loss to Michael Bisping, ‘Mayhem’ Miller Focuses on Uncertain Future (MMA Fighting)

- NYE Storylines: Who Retires First After a Loss, Fedor or Lesnar? (Fight Opinion)

- Moving Past ‘Worst Time Ever,’ Karo Parisyan Rediscovering Fire To Compete (FightLine)

- Gabriel Gonzaga: ‘The UFC Is My Home’ (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Countdown to UFC 141 Attracts Just 15,000 Viewers on FUEL (MMA Payout)

- Inside MMA: The 2011 Bazzie Awards (MMA Convert)

- Jon Fitch Says He Should Fight the Winner of Condit-Diaz if Victorious Against Johny Hendricks (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

(Looks like it’s been a fruitful year at UFC HQ.)

With Christmas almost here and with *some* remaining contacts at Zuffa who like us, we were able to snag a few photos using x-ray technology of what gifts a few UFC employees are getting this year. It’s amazing what apps you can get for your iPhone these days.

Anyway, at least we know that the recipients will be able to use these thoughtful token gifts.

Check the gallery out after the jump.

(“Look kid, I’m gonna find the man who did this to you. And when I do, so help me God, I’m gonna dock him one point for shorts-grabbing.” / Photo of Stout vs. Edwards aftermath via ESPN)

With a little help from the Potato Nation, we spent the last couple days gathering videos of the nastiest, ugliest, most-painful looking knockouts and submissions from this year. Finding 25 of them was the easy part. (Damn, MMA fighters. You seemed especially angry this year. Problems at home?) Putting them in order was a little more challenging.

Obviously, Frank Mir snapping Nogueira’s arm at UFC 140 was the people’s choice for #1. But how do you rank a head-kick knockout against a spinning-backfist knockout, when they both leave their victims zombie’d on the mat with their eyes open and their arms in the air?

So here’s what we’ll do. Instead of arranging these brutal stoppages in some arbitrary order, we’ll arrange them in groups. Use the links below to navigate through the sections, and take a moment to appreciate the human devastation that our great sport has caused in the last 12 months. And all this without a single death! Enjoy…

(Ben Goldstein)

- Page 1: The Perfect One-Shot (Or Two-Shot) Knockouts
- Page 2: The Savage Striking Onslaughts
- Page 3: The Gruesome Submissions
- Page 4: Fancy Kicks and Other Insanity

(Nog with his new bionic arm.)

Two days after UFC president Dana White was shaking his head during the UFC 141 conference call wondering aloud what ever possessed Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira to opt to try to choke out a rocked Frank Mir rather than finish him up on the ground with punches during their UFC 140 bout a week and a half ago, and “Big Nog” has offered an explanation. According to the former PRIDE star and one-time interim UFC light heavyweight champion, referee Herb Dean made him switch gears when he told him his punches were illegal.

(I see trouble a brewin’ on the horizon.) 

Given their frequency within the sport, we oft discuss the rematch here at CagePotato: we’ve mentioned a few that we’d like to see, we’ve mocked the possible occurence of others, and we’ve even gone as far as to predict how future ones would go down. And with 2011 featuring over 10 in the UFC alone, we decided to take a look back at at a year that both showcased and disgraced the awesomeness that is the rematch. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you?

The Ones We Needed to See 

#5 – Anderson Silva vs. Yushin Okami at UFC 134

(Silva v. Okami, though this image could be from just about any of Silva’s fights.) 

Why it had to happen: Because the first fight marked the last time Silva had lost…at anything, and even if it was by way of illegal upkick DQ, it was enough to convince some people that Okami had his number. Plus, Okami had earned his shot by this point, and we were getting pretty damned tired of debating this old issue.

How it happened: Absolute. Domination. In typical fashion, Silva toyed with Okami like he was wrestling with his 4 year old nephew, letting the audience know that the fight would end when he decided it would. A head kick that rocked Okami at the end of the first round reinforced this belief, and Silva mercifully finished him off in the second. Cut. Print. TKO.

What it proved: That, outside of Chael Sonnen, there are no threats left in the UFC’s middleweight division for Anderson Silva. As with Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos, Silva must journey to another weight class if he desires a true challenge. Even DW is coming around to the idea, sort of.

(Chan Sung Jung strikes Mark Hominick with the ferocity of someone who has just discovered Canadian beef in his bulgogi. / Photo via Cagewriter)

No matter how much Dan Henderson begs, Jon Jones‘s next opponent will be the winner of Rashad Evans vs. Phil Davis. Other than that, the fates of UFC 140‘s winners and losers are currently floating in limbo. But if we know matchmaking as well as we think we do, you might be seeing a few of these fights announced in the near future…

Frank Mir: His arm-snapping win over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira was exactly what Frank needed to pull him out of his career holding pattern. Pundits are already chattering about a trilogy match with Brock Lesnar, in case there’s some truth to those ugly rumors about Alistair Overeem getting pulled from UFC 141. Let’s hope that’s not the case. Instead, we’ll set up a hypothetical booking between Mir and former champ Cain Velasquez, whose title reign and undefeated record were abruptly smashed at UFC on FOX 1. There’s always the chance that Mir would get overwhelmed by Velasquez’s power — see Mir vs. Carwin, Mir vs. Lesnar 2 — but his jiu-jitsu prowess and dangerous hands could make Frank vs. Cain a thriller.

Chan Sung Jung: In four fights under the Zuffa banner, Chan Sung Jung has given us a Fight of the Decade candidate and 2011′s greatest submission, and has now tied the (official) record for fastest UFC knockout; I just wanted you to take a moment and appreciate that. Smashing a recent featherweight title contender in Mark Hominick shoots the Korean Zombie way up the 145-pound ladder. He hasn’t earned a title shot yet, but he’s knocking at the door. Give him the loser of the Jose Aldo vs. Chad Mendes title fight next month in Rio and see if he can turn in another brilliant performance.

What a couple of weeks it has been for the avid Jiu Jitsu fanatic. Diego Brandao scored a brilliant last second submission over Dennis Bermudez to walk away with a UFC contract and a down payment on his momma’s new house, Frank Mir added the most prized arm of all to his collection (a feeling that Mir would later refuse to go into detail about, but we imagine felt something like this), and Jon Jones used his Stretch Armstrong genetics to choke out a Jiu Jitsu black belt in Lyoto Machida with relative ease. And with each beautiful, gruesome, or eye opening technique that graces the octagon, Ryron and Rener are here to make sense of it all.

Today, the Gracie brothers touch on Tony Ferguson’s slick omaplata attempt from his unanimous decision victory over Yves Edwards at the TUF 14 Finale as well as Brandao’s glass plaque-earning effort before breaking down possibly the most shocking submission finish in MMA history, Frank Mir’s come from behind kimura over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria that absolutely destroyed the Brazilian’s arm, a picture of which can be seen after the jump:

There’s a time for fightin’, and a time for dancin’! Nog breaks out “The Robot“, Mir shows off the “Smooth Criminal“. (Photo: UFC.com)

I’m not sure what sort of pre-fight pep talk was given to the fighters in their locker rooms last night, but I hope somebody recorded it to play at all future events. “Never leave it in the hands of the judges” doesn’t begin to capture the sentiment that most of the fighters carried with them to the Octagon. Last night’s finishes were emphatic and extraordinary. Knocking your opponent out wouldn’t do—it would have to tie for the quickest KO in UFC history. Subbing the previously untapped wasn’t enough—you had to break them or render them unconcious.

We’ve already broken down the Jones-Machida bout, so we’ll just say the champion definitely gave us something to Skype about. Now, onto the rest of the card.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/FightersOnlyMagazine)

Heads up: last week’s Fighters Only World MMA Awards will air tomorrow night at 8pm (ET) on FSN. Judging by their selection of Chael Sonnen as this year’s host, the show’s producers are hoping to add a little heat to their event much like the Golden Globes did courtesy of host Ricky Gervais.

If you needed further evidence that somebody’s going to get all butthurt tomorrow, the above video featuring UFC bantamweight champion Dominick Cruz and light-heavyweight contender Phil Davis doesn’t pull any punches. As they climb through a storage unit, the duo take shots at Arianny Celeste, Jon Jones, Cecil Peoples, Wanderlei Silva, and more. It’s definitely worth a couple of minutes of your time.

Yesterday’s skit probably reminded you that a good chin doesn’t always equate to strong acting chops. Then again, there’s only so much you can do with the script you’re handed. Speaking of which, the comedic stylings of Frank Mir await you after the jump.

(Photo via @ufc)

The fighters for tomorrow night’s UFC 140 event just finished weighing in at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre, with 23 of the 24 competitors coming in at or below their contracted limits. The sole fuck-up was Dennis Hallman, who was scheduled to make his lightweight debut against John Makdessi. Instead, he crushed the scales at 158.5, and was granted some extra time to get down to 156. And he’d better make it happen, considering that he’s already on the UFC’s bad side due to his unfortunate wardrobe choice in his last fight. Update: Hallman has been fined 20 percent of his purse for failing to make weight.

The other item worth noting is that Frank Mir weighed in 21 pounds heavier than Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira for their heavyweight rematch. Three years ago, their size difference was only five pounds. The full list of “Jones vs. Machida” weigh-in results is after the jump. Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the pay-per-view main card, and catch up on our previous UFC 140 coverage on the Main Event page.

(The CagePotato HR Department: Boldly squashing inter-office disputes since 2007.) 

Just like pictures of hot womens and irresponsible opinions, pre-UFC event bickering has become a fixture here at CagePotato. In advance of this weekend’s card in Toronto, we locked Danga and ReX in a miniature Octagon with energy drinks, a blow-up doll, and a set of questions. We were dubious about the doll, but ReX insisted that hilarity would ensue, and he assures us that it did. It wasn’t mentioned in the final article, but some things you just don’t want to ask about.

Come on in past the jump and witness the confusion of two men discussing MMA while being distracted by said hot womens, touching on the subjects of likability, MMA Math, and the potential importance of fashion choices.

Our good buddies at Victory Belt are about to release The Grappler’s Manifesto: The Guide to Strangling, Torquing, & Bludgeoning Your Way to Victory in The Cage [Ed. note: My God this title], in which some of the world’s greatest grappling instructors and MMA fighters — including Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Greg Jackson, Dave Camarillo, Randy Couture, and Neil Melanson — share their secrets for winning fights on the ground. Compiled by writer/trainer Lance Freimuth, the 272-page tome is packed with never-before-published techniques, and we’d like to give a copy to a lucky CagePotato reader in a test of fight-picking expertise.

This Saturday at UFC 140, Jon Jones will attempt to make his second light-heavyweight title defense against ex-champ Lyoto Machida. Plus, Frank Mir and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira rematch in the heavyweight division, and Tito Ortiz returns to action against Big Nog’s slightly-smaller twin. Submit your predictions for these three fights in the comments section below, including the winner’s name, the method of victory, and the time/round of stoppage, if any. Your entry should be in this format:

Last week, we let none other than The Great Potato step in and give you guys some gambling advice for the TUF 14 Finale. He went spuds out, gambling his son Tater’s future college fund on a parlay that included Jason Miller and T.J. Dillashaw. He has since gone into hiding and refused to answer any of our calls. Now that UFC 140 is on the horizon, we bring you some saweet betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our advice, in order to ensure his children receive the education they deserve.

Main Card
Jon Jones (-440) vs. Lyoto Machida (+350)
Frank Mir (-250) vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria (+210)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueria (-225) vs. Tito Ortiz (+175)
Brian Ebersole (-125) vs. Claude Patrick (-105)
Mark Hominick (-380) vs. Chan Sung Jung (+290)

The Main Event: The fact that Lyoto Machida is listed with a slightly better chance to beat Jones than Rampage Jackson, a.k.a the last person to beat Machida, is intriguing to say the least. We all know Lyoto has stepped up his training camp for this bout, and packed on an incredible 21 pounds of muscle to try and deal with the size and strength of Jones, but will this weight gain hinder the Dragon’s renowned elusiveness? And despite Jones’ near immortal stature among the UFC’s light heavyweight division, there is still one huge facet of his game that has yet to be tested, his chin.

(Props: mmapain)

Once in a while, a singular talent will arise and utterly dominate this sport. He comes out of nowhere, immediately starts whipping top-ranked fighters with years’ more experience, and leaves both fans and his opponents in awe of his abilities. Jon Jones is that guy right now. And nobody knows how fleeting that moment is better than Lyoto Machida, whose invincible aura (and “era“) went up in smoke as quickly as it arrived.

That’s what gives Jon Jones vs. Lyoto Machida such a great storyline for their meeting on December 10th in Toronto. Besides Machida’s unorthodox style, which could be an effective counter to Bones’s own funky attacks, the Dragon stands as a living reminder that nobody is invincible — seriously, not even Jon Jones — and defeat is simply a matter of running into the wrong guy on the wrong night.

(The only less popular piece of gold in MMA is Kimbo’s licensed signature fist necklace.)

Considering that every one of the six men who has worn it since this day three years ago has fallen to illness or injury, the UFC heavyweight belt could soon become the least desired trophy in sports.

The latest victim of the ill-fated gilded strap is Junior dos Santos, who went into his UFC on Fox heavyweight title bout with Cain Velasquez with a torn meniscus which will probably require surgery and an extended recovery time, making his first title defense unlikely until the second half of 2012. Somebody needs to bring the belt to a priest and have him perform an exorcism on it. Otherwise, we may only see one heavyweight title bout per year.

Check out the breakdown of the unlucky timeline of the cursed hunk of leather and gold after the jump.

(Free shirt goes to whoever can pick out Dan Hardy.) 

This past weekend, the 21st annual K-9 Trials went down. What are the K-9 Trials you ask? Well, they are like the Westminster Dog Show, only points are awarded on each dog’s ability to tear you limb from limb. This year, UFC fighters Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Dan Hardy, and Frank Mir got in on the action, because when presented the opportunity to be mauled by a dog, who wouldn’t jump?

(Sorry Roy, casting for Tucker and Dale vs. Evil 2 is down the street.)

Leading into his UFC 137 bout with Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic, former IFL heavyweight champ Roy “Big Country” Nelson has enlisted the help of former UFC heavyweight champion Frank Mir to prepare him for the Croatian legend. Mir, who defeated Nelson by unanimous decision at UFC 130 back in May, also holds a knockout victory over Cro Cop from their headlining bout at UFC 119. Nelson explained his decision to bring in Mir during a recent interview with NBC Sports:

Well it looks like Dennis Hallman’s wardrobe malfunction at UFC 133 won’t cost him his job with the UFC.

“Superman” Tweeted last night that he will be dropping back down to lightweight for the first time in 10 years to take on undefeated Canadian prospect John Makdessi at UFC 140 in December in Toronto.

A true moneyweight fighter, Hallman who is 50-12-1 (1 NC) in 64 professional fights as a light heavyweight, middleweight, welterweight and lightweight, defeated Matt Hughes at 155 at UFC 23, earning him a shot at then-lightweight champ Jens Pulver at UFC 33, but fell short, losing to “Lil’ Evil” by unanimous decision. That was his last fight at 155.

(Like two little Fonzies. Photo via CombatLifestyle)

Coming off his redemptive knockout of Brendan Schaub at UFC 134, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira‘s next fight will give him a chance to settle an old score. The UFC announced yesterday that Big Nog will rematch Frank Mir at UFC 140, December 10th in Toronto.

The two heavyweights first met at UFC 92 in December 2008 following a shared stint on TUF 8. Despite coming in as a 3-1 underdog, Mir shocked fans by outstriking Nogueira en route to a second-round TKO. Then, Nogueira pee-peed on Mir’s parade by revealing that he was fighting with a staph infection and injured knee, which didn’t exactly sit well with Mir. Nogueira has wanted a rematch ever since, and re-called-out Mir following his big win last month.

The UFC announced today that it will be holding an impromptu media conference call tomorrow at 1:00 pm ET, during which Dana White is expected to make a “major announcement.” It didn’t take long for the UFC president to reveal via his favorite communication channel, Twitter, that the announcement will be the two main event combatants in the promotion’s inaugural show on Fox which will also feature a featherweight scrap between Dustin Poirier and Pablo Garza.

Some are hypothesizing that former Strikeforce heavyweight champion Alistair Overeem, who was dropped by the promotion last month for what Zuffa termed as “an issue with his management team” Golden Glory, will make up half of the bout and that his opponent will either be Brock Lesnar, Shane Carwin or Frank Mir.

(You know you’ve been an ass when Captain America spanks you – Vid courtesy of YouTube/zansinigoj)

Back in the day, Tito Ortiz had the uncanny ability to piss off even the most level-headed opponents, but since he dropped off in the rankings, nobody has been paying his mouth much attention the past few years. As such, “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” announced last week during a UFC 133 conference call that he’s done with smack talk and that he’s instead going to put all of his energy into training.

We’ll believe it when we see it, but in the meantime, check out what Tito had to say about the new breed of trash talkers in the sport after the jump.

(A wise man once said, ‘Success is the best revenge.’ A slightly less-wise man once said, ‘All y’all haters can blow me.’ / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

When Tito Ortiz choked out Ryan Bader at UFC 132 — breaking a four-and-a-half year winless streak in an upset that absolutely nobody saw coming — he immediately became MMA’s comeback story of the year. And if Ortiz can defeat old rival Rashad Evans at UFC 133 on August 6th, he’ll have earned a place among the greatest MMA comebacks of all time.

In honor of the Huntington Beach Bad Boy’s return to legit contendership, we decided to look at MMA’s classic career comebacks, and the non-MMA sports comebacks that we most closely associate them with. Check out the list below, and ask yourself one question: If Tito can leave the Octagon with a victory next Saturday, would he deserve the #1 spot?

FRANK MIR

Rise and fall: The brash submission specialist earned a heavyweight title shot at UFC 48 in June 2004, against 16-0 champion Tim Sylvia. Mir famously snapped Sylvia’s forearm with an armbar and went home with the belt. Three months later, Mir was struck by a car while riding his motorcycle. The accident broke his femur, tore up his knee, and nearly cost him a toe as well. His return to competition a year-and-a-half later was a minor miracle in itself, but the “comeback” saw him get smashed by Marcio Cruz, followed by a lackluster win over Dan Christison, followed by another smashing at the hands of Brandon Vera.

They had all the momentum in the world — and then it fell apart. Whether it was due to poorly-timed losses, fan-unfriendly fighting styles, or both, these UFC fighters have reached a holding pattern in their careers, and will need a few dramatic performances to break out of it…

Demian Maia

After kicking his UFC career off with five-straight submission victories, Demian Maia began drawing comparisons to Royce Gracie Himself. A 21-second knockout loss at the hands of Nate Marquardt put the reins on his hype, and a bland stretch of five consecutive decisions — including his debacle of a loss to Anderson Silva and his most recent defeat by Mark Munoz — snuffed that hype out for good. It’s not just that Maia’s been relegated to the middle of the pack. With all the heat generated by outspoken middleweight contenders like Chael Sonnen, Chris Leben, Michael Bisping, and now Jason Miller, Maia is barely a blip on the radar these days.

Miguel Torres

(Photo props: Ed Mulholland)
From 2004-2009, Torres racked up 17 straight wins (15 by stoppage), won the WEC’s bantamweight title and defended it three times in breathtaking fashion. Not only was he one of the most dangerous fighters in the sport, he was also one of the most consistently entertaining. Back-to-back stoppage losses to Brian Bowles and Joseph Benavidez changed all that. Torres re-located his training camp to Tristar gym in Montreal and re-emerged as a more cautious, measured fighter who jabbed a lot. It was the right choice for his fight record, as he won his next two matches against Charlie Valencia and Antonio Banuelos, but it was clear that we weren’t watching the same mulleted buzzsaw that we knew and loved. Then, at UFC 130, he got outwrestled by undersized up-and-comer Demetrious Johnson. No more win streak, no more fan-favorite cred — Torres is back at square one.

(Back when Ken was making more than GSP…)

The TUF 11 Finale went down 1 year ago.

Why it matters:

Five of the fighters from the show are still active in the UFC and four are undefeated in the Octagon.

TUF winner Court McGee, who defeated Kris McCray in the finale by rear naked choke also beat Ryan Jensen by arm triangle at UFC 121 in October. He’s set to face Don Yi Yang at UFN “Battle at the Bayou” in September.

Kyle Noke, who was beaten by teammate McCray by unanimous decision in the quarterfinals of the show, defeated Josh Bryant by TKO at the finale and rattled off two rear naked choke submission wins against Rob Kimmons at UFC 122 in November and TUF 11 cast mate Chris Camozzi at UFC 127 at home in Australia in February. He’ll face Tom Lawlor next at UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle in August.

Brad Tavares, who lost to McGee in the semi-finals by rear naked choke is undefeated in official competition as well as 2-0 in the Octagon.He defeated TUF 11 quarterfinal opponent Seth Baczynski at the finale by unanimous decision and Phil Baroni by knockout at UFC 125 in January.

(We would have also accepted ‘extreme-constipation’. Photo courtesy of HeavyMMA.)

Breaking away from his usual “fat guy who can throw down” persona, Roy Nelson just looked like your garden-variety fat guy last weekend at UFC 130, wheezing through three rounds, too exhausted to do anything besides absorb blows from Frank Mir. Was it a sign that Roy should finally hook up with a nutritionist and get his BMI in order?

The obvious answer is yes, definitely. Just because you can drag around a barrel of adipose tissue around your midsection and still compete at the highest levels of MMA doesn’t make it a good idea. Nelson is literally weighing himself down in the Octagon, and putting himself at a profound competitive disadvantage; even most 205-pounders in the UFC outsize Nelson at this point. But according to a new report, there was another factor in play on Saturday that made a victory for Big Country even less likely:

(Rear-naked chokes exist in a surplus in some markets, causing their value to be diluted, but their rarity at UFC 130 inflated their value to $70,000 apiece. See, I told you economics could be fun! Photo courtesy of Heavy.com.)

The UFC paid out $1,211,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses to the fighters at UFC 130, according to new figures released by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. The highest paid fighters were headliner Quinton Jackson — whose salary was a flat $250,000 — and Frank Mir, who doubled his $125,000 to-show pay by defeating Roy Nelson. Three other fighters were able to crack the six-figure mark thanks to their $70,000 performance bonuses. The full UFC 130 payout list is below; keep in mind that the figures don’t include deductions for taxes, insurance, and license fees, or additional revenue from sponsorships and undisclosed discretionary bonuses.

Quinton “Rampage” Jackson: $250,000 (no win bonus)
def. Matt Hamill: $32,000

Frank Mir: $250,000 (includes $125,000 win bonus)
def. Roy Nelson: $15,000

Travis Browne: $86,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus, $70,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Stefan Struve: $21,000

(Meanwhile in Roy’s stomach, a dozen undigested cheeseburgers cried for mercy. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Look, I was all for sweeping UFC 130 under the rug and never mentioning it again, but since ReX has shamed me into doing this, it’s time to look back at Saturday’s big winners (and big, big losers) and see if we can devise some future matchups for these guys that will actually produce interesting fights. Make it happen, tiny atheist.

Quinton Jackson: Dana White seems dead-set on giving Rampage a title shot if his hand is healthy enough to accept it. Ugh, terrible. Why the UFC isn’t interested in promoting the hottest rivalry in the sport is anybody’s guess. (And don’t give me that bullshit about “timing”; it’s more likely related to White’s personal feelings about Rashad Evans.) In a perfect world, Rampage sits out for a few months and faces the winner of Shogun vs. Forrest at UFC 134 in Rio. With losses to both on his record, I don’t think motivation would be an issue.

Matt Hamill: Sure, on paper Hamill was coming into the fight against Rampage with a five-fight win streak — but considering that the most impressive victory in that streak (by far!) was his knockout of Mark Munoz, you have to wonder where the Hammer really sits in the light-heavyweight pecking order. My first thought was that Hamill should face the resurgent Vladimir Matyushenko next — but Vlad already has a date in August. So give him the winner of Kyle Kingsbury vs. Fabio Maldonado at this Saturday’s TUF 13 Finale. Either Hamill rebounds, or a rising prospect gets a big-name notch on their belt. Seems win-win to me.