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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Frankenhood

Bob Sapp, Start Working on Your Oscar Speech!

Bib Sapp Charlie Murphy Frankenhood movie poster
(Props: Fightlinker)

Bob Sapp has lent his hulking, cartoonish presence to such critically acclaimed films as Big Stan and Elektra, but his next movie, titled Frankenhood, could be his biggest challenge yet. DreadCentral (via Fightlinker) gots da synopsis:

Motown (DeRay Davis) and Darius (Jasper Redd) work in a morgue, trading put-downs and toiling among the most undemanding of customers. But outside of their decidedly dreary jobs, the two dream of bigger and better things. If only they could win the $25,000 prize that will go to the winners of the upcoming 3-on-3 Streetball Tournament. One night, having been demoted to graveyard shift, they run into their semi-sane colleague Franklin (Charlie Murphy) in a dark alley outside the morgue. They find Franklin using the auto battery of Motown’s precious Gremlin to bring to life a monstrous dead man (Bob Sapp) whose heart Franklin has just replaced. That 3-on-3 basketball tournament isn’t looking so bad…if they can just get their new mutant friend to play basketball!

Holy Fucking Shit. It’s like a Tracy Jordan movie, but real. It’s also worth mentioning that the director of Frankenhood is a man named Blaxwell Smart, which I’m convinced is just a pseudonym for Ron Howard.

You have to give Bob credit — the man has never been afraid to humiliate himself for money. But here’s the problem: Who would look at Sapp’s dead body and think "basketball ringer"? He’s about as tall as a shooting-guard, and on the wrong side of 350 pounds. When Michael J. Fox put on the fur suit in Teen Wolf and started dunking on fools, I was like, "yeah, I can see that happening." Now cut to the set of Frankenhood, where a dangerously winded Bob Sapp is sucking an oxygen mask after doing one take of a scene where he has to zombie-walk downcourt.

Another question: What are Motown and Darius going to do with that $25,000 prize to turn their lives around? (Don’t say "scratch tickets.") And what will happen to their mutant friend after they’ve achieved their goal? Are they just going to rip out his battery and shove him in the dumpster? Can JB Smoove possibly save this wreck? Will Tyler Perry direct the sequel? Is it weird that I kind of want to rent this movie to see how it plays out?

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