UFC veteran Michael Bisping married his longtime girlfriend Rebecca Sidwick in California last weekend and got Veteran Voice of the Octagon™ Bruce Buffer to introduce the couple after the ceremony. True to form, Buffer sells the hell out of the script. (“…entering the true fighting arena of champions called MARRIAGE”…”as they walk down the AISLE of LOVE, FOREVERRRR…”)
What can you say about MMA referee Kim Winslow? Is she legitimately the worst, or does Cecil Peoples still rank below her? Watch all of Kim’s late stoppages, early stoppages, questionable stand-ups, and other assorted failures in this lowlight reel, and tell us what you think.
The rest of the Renato Laranja Show: Episode 1 is brilliant as well — “Are you a chicken farmer? Because you raised my cock. Porra.” — but honestly, that Heat parody needs to be a full-length movie, with Roy Nelson in the Val Kilmer role.
1. The official name of this news segment is “Ruben takes on the ‘Black Beast’ at the new UFC gym.” The Black Beast in question is a large African-American dude who is never referred to by name. When you are the Black Beast, you don’t need a real name. [Update:The Black Beast has been identified as UFC heavyweight prospect Derrick Lewis.]
2. We hear Ruben before we see him. But once we do…holy crap, it’s wonderful. Ruben is going for the knockout, baby. He is dressed in male yoga pants, a sleeveless zip-up, and fingerless gloves, because he’s a real reporter. He sounds like a young, Latino Richard Simmons.
3. Close-up on a replica UFC belt, held by some kid. “Here it is, it’s the official UFC belt. I’m not lying! Seriously! Right, Randy?” Randy: “That’s correct, it is the actual UFC championship belt.”
4. After a whole lot of chest pummeling, the white guy with the dreads flips his female partner, and Ruben’s like “OH MAH GAWSH, HE JUST TOOK HER DOWN.” Ruben did not see that one coming.
5. Ruben after witnessing a triangle choke: “I wanna try that before I hit the ring with the Black Beast.” Patience, Ruben.
6. White guy with dreads: “Get on your back.” Ruben: “No, I don’t want to get on my back, you get on your back.”
The infamous “brawl” episode of TUF Brazil 3 finally aired yesterday, giving us a complete picture of what led up to Wanderlei Silva and Chael Sonnen tussling on the gym floor, and it’s honestly one of the funniest moments in TUF history. Silva instigates the situation by punching his palm and repeating the word “soon!” at Sonnen, like a schoolyard bully from a Disney movie. He spits at Sonnen’s feet, and I hate to make insulting comparisons here, but it’s the kind of thing that a llama or ape would do.
Chael remains as a cucumber, though: “How do you feel when you say crazy things like that to me, when I’ve been challenging you for years. You ever feel weird about that?”
At the 0:40 mark, I kid you not, Wanderlei says that Sonnen is going to have a daymare. Goodness, the English language offers so many possibilities for clever turns of phrase. But the best part is when Chael tries to grill Wandy on when exactly they’re going to fight. Of course, Wandy doesn’t have a clear answer for that. Then, Silva does some kind of slapping thing in front of Chael’s face, and the next time Silva closes distance on him, it’s on. Before you know it, Sonnen is on top of Silva, and Andre “Dida” Amade — who is an assistant coach on the show, not a competitor — is slugging Sonnen in the back of the head and ripping his jersey.
And that’s when this whole incident goes from comedy to tragedy. Sonnen called Dida’s behavior “straight-up illegal”, and he might have a point there. Just because you’re sucker-punched on a reality show doesn’t mean that normal assault rules don’t apply. Right? I have no idea, actually; I’ve never been on a Brazilian reality show. But I hear good things.
A few more important notes about this episode, via Wikipedia:
When an MMA fighter gets KO’d immediately after a glove-tap, it often means that his opponent was being a cheap dick about it. But in the lightning-fast knockout you see above, all blame should lay upon the victim. See, if you’re going to touch gloves before a fight, do it fast and then get out of the way. DON’T lumber forward with your feet flat and your chin out. And after you do your little fist-bump, for the love of God, get your damn hands up or you will be head-kicked into an embarrassing reverse somersault, like this idiot.
If you’ll notice, the guy on the left doesn’t initiate the tap, but he’s courteous enough to oblige when dipshit over there dangles his arm out like an overcooked noodle. Guy On The Left sees an opportunity, and snatches it with a front-leg roundhouse to the face. The impact is loud, and it is awesome. The only disappointing part is that the shirtless guy still looked like he was ready to bang some more. Ah well. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you aspiring fighters: After the ref starts the fight, “Wait, bro, I wasn’t ready” isn’t really a valid excuse.
A couple of videos came to our attention today, both of them shot by MMA fans whose devotion to cage-fighting has begun to bleed into their surroundings. One is high-budget, one is low-budget, but they’re both — in their own special ways — kind of creepy. (We’ll let you decide which obsessed fan is scarier in the comments section.)
First up, the “Cave of MMAn” featured above, in which a longtime Ultimate Fighting mark shows off what has to be the most elaborate UFC fandom HQ ever built on a private residence. You will see…
- A Star Wars-style text-crawl intro, letting us know that we’re about to enter some serious geek territory.
- A chain-link Octagon, which doubles as an outdoor deck, an Octagon-themed bar (“The Octobar”), and a Octagan-themed coffee table.
- An entry portal that features TapouT decals on glass and a gloved fist punching through the side of the house.
- The phrases “NEVER LEAVE IT IN THE HANDS OF THE JUDGES” and “AS REAL AS IT GETS” stenciled near the ceiling.
- An actual Octagon canvas on the floor, which appears to be the real deal, judging by the visible blood-stains.