As co-host of the Opie & Anthony radio show on SiriusXM, comedian Jim Norton has become the designated punching bag for visiting MMA stars. He’s been choked, he’s been kicked, he’s had his foot twisted 180 degrees by Brock Lesnar. And considering what a sick, depraved bastard Norton is, you have to wonder if he enjoys it on some level. Here’s everything we could collect from Jim Norton’s MMA-related body of work. All videos courtesy of opieradio.
Guest:BJ Penn, 4/14/10 Technique: Armbar In Jim’s words: “That is fuckin’ horrible…Besides the fact that your arm is ready to be ripped out, it puts pressure on your fuckin’ — it stretches you both ways, I didn’t realize it did that.”
…because Tom Lawlor and Kyle Kingsbury have. Boy, have they ever. This regrettable booze-fueled moment is the latest example of what I’ve started calling the “Nick Ring Theory” (previously known as the “Seth Petruzelli Theory“): At a certain point, pretending to be gay to get a rise out of people becomes a lifestyle choice in itself. But they seem happy, so who am I to judge?
MMA Fighting’s Ariel Helwani took to the streets of Los Angeles to find out what the general public thought of the UFC’s network television debut on Saturday — or if they were even aware of it. But since it’s L.A., the “general public” includes a lot of fictional characters and crazy people. Here’s what we learn:
- Every Cookie Monster or Spiderman you see walking around Los Angeles is just a guy with a funny accent trying to make a living.
- You can trace Mr. Muscles’s MMA lineage all the way back to the famous UFC fighter who went to Russia and got the belts. (It wasn’t Niko. It was his partner.)
(“Brock Hunt,” the latest piece of brilliance by notlookoutawhale. I don’t like muskmelon; put that in your little notebook.)
This week’s featured stories…
- Divine Inspiration: Interview Exclusive With UFC Middleweight Contender Chael Sonnen (MMA Mania)
“Let me ask you something: when you have a big project or plans for a big goal, do you let yourself get derailed by a whiny coworker that always finds an excuse to shovel work on someone else? NO! You do your work, you beat your obligations senseless, you shine like a pagan sun god, you make that whiny prat look foolish, you take their job, you laugh as they leave with a box of their effects, and you comfort their obviously unsatisfied wife by taking her out to dinner. I’m not cooling my heels just because Anderson’s are kicked up on the sofa.”
- Despite Large Audience Expectations, UFC on FOX Debut Will Be Money Loser for UFC (MMAFighting)
“It’s an investment in the company,” Dana White recently said. “In no way, shape or form do we come anywhere close to making our money back. You don’t go on free television and make your money. That’s just not how it works. We’re going to get smashed on this fight, but it’s an investment in the future of the business.”
- 15 Worst One-Sided Beatdowns Ever Witnessed in MMA (BleacherReport.com/MMA)
“Kazushi Sakuraba and Wanderlei Silva fought against one another on three separate occasions in fights that should have never happened. The Japanese great never made it to the final bell against the heavy-handed striker in Silva. In the end, Silva was always the victor at the expense of Sakuraba, who always left their outings a bludgeoned mess, resulting in some of the worst performances of his career.”
The inaugural UFC on Fox event goes down in less than a week, and to get us amped for the big night, someone out there in them internets whipped up this gem of a video, featuring a mash up of the 2002 remake of The Ringwith the greatness that is Bruce Buffer. A man already responsible for showing the world such moves as The Buffer 360 and The Buffer Two-Step, Bruce hasn’t had a challenge to keep him busy lately, and though we would have preferred to hear him introduce some of the undercard fights in Spanish, it seems he’s decided that haunting little children was next in line. And now that you’ve all officially joined The Buffer Hitlist, may we suggest you start bidding your close friends and relatives adieu, because when Bruce strikes, “It’s faster than fuckin’ shit.”
In the early days of The Ultimate Fighter, simply spraying water on a sleeping person was considered a brilliant prank. But after 14 seasons, the bar has been steadily raised for in-house trickery, to the point where even the coaches are now gleefully stripping cars of their tires. We thought we’d pay tribute to the TUF prank tradition by running down the most infamous pranks of the show’s history. Enjoy, and let us know if we’ve left out any of your favorites…
See, this is what I’m talking about. Any moron can piss on a bed — but it takes a man to spend all afternoon painting walls pink and arranging stuffed animals in vaguely sexual poses. The best moment is at the very end, when Rashad Evans comes to the realization that the pacifier he’d been sucking on had definitely been up Tiki’s ass at some point.
My God this global superstar. Fresh off his stirring performance in that Burger King commercial, Anderson Silva has now popped up as the male lead in Marisa Monte‘s new music video for “Ainda Bem.” Monte is a multi-platinum-selling Brazilian pop singer who’s preparing to release her first album in five years. Anderson Silva is an unbeatable UFC champion who happens to be a very fine dancer.
And here we have UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva lip-synching to Minnie Riperton as part of his new endorsement deal with Burger King. The lack of business regulation in Brazil means that BK can legally sell five-patty Deathburgers there, and we totally believe that Silva eats those things all the time. The King is dead. Long live the King.
Semi-related: After the jump, MMA stars predict the winner of Silva vs. Okami in a new video from UFC Connected. Silva juuuuust sneaks by with 100% of the vote.
You can see clips of the debacle in the above highlight-reel. Skip to the 2:14-2:28 mark to witness the PRIDE rope-crew earn their paychecks in the most humiliating way possible. As with his two subsequent fights, Son tapped before his opponent could inflict any apparent damage. But by that point, he had violated every set of eyeballs in the audience. Joe Son, you are truly MMA’s Worst Person Ever.
Look, these two guys are never going to fight, okay? Even Sakara has permanently given up on it. Which makes this video from Ranger Up almost a collector’s item — a memento from a mythical bout that never happened. The RU boys filmed it a few weeks ago, back when it looked like the middleweight slugfest was finally going to come to fruition. No dice. Now all we have is this preview package, in which Alessio and Jorge talk about how much they respect each other. What’s the opposite of “no love lost between these two”? “Lots of love lost”? Because that doesn’t make any damn sense either.
In a way, it’s perfectly fitting that this video would come out the same day that Ryan Dunn died. Dunn was perhaps best known from that infamous scene in Jackass: The Movie in which he stuffed a toy car up his ass then went to the doctor complaining of a stomach ache. (Is it ironic that his tragic passing was car-related? I still don’t know what the word “ironic” means.)
Assuming there’s YouTube in the afterlife, I think Dunn would appreciate this prank. Instructional video star Rener Gracie dresses his associate Brian Ortega up as Bubba the Grappling Dummy, then films the reaction of people who are asked to retrieve him from Rener’s office at the Gracie Academy. Personally, my favorite reaction is the dude at 2:55 who gets his balls grabbed (“God damn you. You suck!”), and Grand Master Rorion at 5:07, who manages to keep control of the situation. Good times. RIP, Ryan.
The public service announcement has been part of American culture for decades. Popularized by the perpetually foxy Nancy Reagan in the ’80s, the PSA has taught us everything from not smoking crack to not dumping a pot of boiling oil on your face, and a whole bunch of other not’s. It has also served as a way to punish celebrities and athletes who did something incredibly stupid and got caught.
MMA fighters eventually began to get roped into this as the popularity of the sport rose; some are good, while others should be avoided as much as strangers in pick-up trucks who offer to let you see their puppy. That is why today I present to you the top eight public service announcements featuring MMA fighters. Why? Because knowing is half the battle…
8. Randy Couture VS Crystal Meth
Just say no to drugs! Randy Couture enters the battle against Methamphetamines in this PSA, because when you think crystal meth, think Randy Couture. For a video that is meant to appear sad and claustrophobic, it comes off like an amateur snuff film and loses its impact with the soft-spoken UFC veteran.
Couture has done plenty of these ads, so don’t be surprised if he pops back up on this list. Am I saying he will for sure? No, but if I did, would you stop loving me? I can’t handle any more rejection…oh man, sinking back into that pit of despair. I need some meth. But if I do that, then Randy won’t love me either. Argh, what a vicious cycle! But seriously kids, don’t do drugs. If you feel yourself losing power to your addiction, go punch a hobo instead. It’s much more fulfilling, but don’t take my word for it.
Oh, and I lied. Randy does not appear again on this list. That was the crystal meth talking.
Phil and Rog each bang a shot of the red stuff at the 4:04 mark, and Baroni immediately follows it up with shot #2 . “How the fuck did you do that shit,” asks a visibly-shaken Huerta. “How did you do two?” Says Baroni, like a boss: “I’m gangsta.” Later, he eats the snake’s penis, which is somewhat less gangster in my opinion.
Whenever me and my college buddy Derek get together, we refer to ourselves as the “P.O.P. Squad.” P.O.P stands for “poop our pants.” We gave ourselves this name because both of us, at one point in our young adult lives, accidentally defecated ourselves in public.
For me, it was simply a matter of a taco-truck-hopping excursion gone horribly wrong. This was about seven years ago in Austin. For Derek…well, I’m not going to dishonor him by re-telling the whole thing myself, but the short version is this: Derek was on Spring Break in Cancun, and after a night of ferocious drinking at Carlos ‘n Charlie’s, he woke up on a bench wearing a fecally blown-out pair of khakis, with no money in his wallet and no way to get back to his hotel, which turned out to be 18 miles away. The story of how he eventually did get back to his hotel is an epic, at times heartbreaking tale, that really needs to be turned into a movie someday. (We hear that Fox Searchlight is interested, and James Marsden is already attached as the lead.)
That random anecdote may or may not have to do with this video we found of Pat Barry, which you can watch after the jump. But there’s one thing we can tell you for sure — it is by far the most epic, rawesome, unbelievably incredible video you’ve ever seen in your life. That’s a guarantee. If you don’t think so, you have full permission to slap me in the face the next time you see me.
Via IronForgesIron.com, here’s the video of Jon Jones‘s appearance on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno last night. The segment began with the UFC light-heavyweight champ handing Jay his belt as the Rickey Minor Band gamely worked its way through the Ultimate Fighter theme music. (“Time to end this suffering,” indeed.) Bones handed himself well. While fending off the advances of a very-smitten Kirstie Alley, Jones told the full story of his robber-apprehension in New Jersey before UFC 128, explained MMA to the old folks in the crowd, revealed how his mom beat him and his brothers twice a day (you know, because he grew up in such a strong Christian home), and then plugged his next fight against Rashad Evans, date still TBA. Your move, Brock. What did you guys think?
After the jump: Photos of Jonny Bones choking out Jay Leno and getting comfortable with Kirstie Alley.
The Shake Weight thing? Nah, not humiliating enough. In an effort to turn himself into MMA’s version of Ryan Dunn, UFC lightweight contender Kurt Pellegrino follows up his last video effort with this little nugget, in which he eats 17 Activia yogurts to achieve regular poops/laughs. Bro, Jamie Lee Curtis is so disappointed in you right now.
This video has been making the rounds today mostly because of the part that begins at the 4:40 mark, in which Rashad Evans describes a physical encounter he had with Quinton Jackson recently at a Las Vegas nightclub. Basically, Rashad approached his TUF 10 coaching rival to congratulate him on his win over Lyoto Machida (and also bust his balls a bit). The conversation took a left turn, which led to Rampage slapping Rashad in the face. Rashad returned the slap, and then security stepped in. End of story.
But the way Rashad sets up the story is a little strange. He says: “I seen him at XS, right? And I go up to him and give him his props for his win, y’know, he beat Machida, I beat Machida, and I was like ‘good job,’ you know. And I said ‘but you know, you kind of used a little bit of my strategy in that fight.’ [Rampage said] ‘Whatchu talkin’ ’bout?’ And I said, ‘well I mean, you were taking him down a lot, and you said that I wrestled you a lot, so, you said I was kinda weak for doing that, but then you go and do the same thing.”
(If you don’t know the backstory on this one, Krazy Horse claims to have knocked Wand out back stage at a PRIDE Bushido event, which led to him later being choked out by Cris Marcello -VidProps MegaSlim7)
Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail email@example.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…
"Ryan’s mentioning that he thinks that I’ll cut down on my flashiness? That’s what he’s afraid of. So that’s exactly what I’ll probably give him the most, is a lot of weird, unorthodox techniques that he’s never seen, even in wrestling."
So says light-heavyweight contender Jon Jones, who’s set to face off against Ryan Bader in a high-profile matchup at UFC 126: Silva vs. Belfort on Super Bowl weekend. In his most recent fights against Vladimir Matyushenko, Brandon Vera, and Matt Hamill, Jones simplified his gameplan so that he was pretty much just taking guys down with his Greco throws then smashing them with elbows and punches until the ref pulled him off. Bader will be expecting that, which may be why Jones is promising brand-new techniques. But what can he throw that he hasn’t shown us already? Is there such a thing as a spinning-flying-knee?
After the jump:Chuck Liddell‘s guest-spot on Blue Mountain State (damn right it’s horrible!), Michael Schiavello repeats his catch-phrase over and over again, and MMA makes it onto Comedy Central’s brand-new Sportsdome series. Sort of.