Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Tag: Funny Shit

Knockout of the Day: Ammy Fighter Gets Kneed Into La La Land, Literally

For those of you who thought we’d never see a more cartoonish, WWE-esque reaction to a knockout than Rolles Gracie’s Flair Flop at WSOF 5, boy oh boy do we have a treat for you.

Inside MMA have always been a great source for amatuer and local fight highlights across the globe, but they may have outdone themselves with this clip from last month’s VCFC: Danville Destruction 5 event in Virginia. In an amateur match between welterweights Chris Henderson and Chris Gardner, Henderson landed a knee from the clinch so vicious, so devastating, that it sent his opponent into a 360 degree tailspin complete with airplane arms before faceplanting him on the canvas. It was absolutely ridiculous, and even after some two dozen views, I’m still not convinced that the whole thing wasn’t a work.

Video after the jump. 


VIDEO: Crazy Woman Breaks Into Urijah Faber’s Home, Sh*ts Everywhere

Urijah Faber was once nearly beaten to death by a gang of Indonesian thugs while vacationing in Bali, and yet I think this might be the nastiest thing that’s ever happened to him.

The story goes like this: Over the weekend, some crazy, likely drunk woman wandered into the former WEC champion’s California home, locked herself in his bathroom, and proceeded to channel the vengeful spirit of Duane Ludwig via a stream of poop and vomit.

Okay, so it’s not all that intricate a story.

Anyways, Faber eventually had to call on the cops to bust open his bathroom door, but not before recording the entire incident via Snapchat. Not much has been revealed about the woman in question up until this point, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see if she was sent to deliver a message on TJ Dillashaw’s behalf.

But yeah, that’s the second poop-centric story we’ve now covered in the past week. What a sport.


Horrible Video of the Day: Amatuer Fighter Gets Tapped Out, Then Craps Himself

(don’t make a Tim Sylvia joke…don’t make a Tim Sylvia joke…)

As MMA fans, we’ve seen some rather nasty things occur inside the cage. We’ve seen a guy celebrate his victory by projectile vomiting, we’ve seen a guy lose a fight by…projectile vomiting, we’ve seen ears explodelegs snap in half, the worst cases of staph infection known to man, and a guy’s foot begin to peel off mid fight.

One thing we haven’t been treated to on many occasions, thankfully, is a fighter voiding his bowels in the cage. I mean, sure, there are those rumors about what happened to Chuck Liddell after Rashad Evans snatched the life out of him at UFC 88, and we all know that Tim Syl-no, Jared, you’re better than this. But at an amateur event in Beckley, West Virginia over the weekend, one poor bastard literally got the shit kicked out of him, it seems.

Caution: You might want to put down you breakfast before watching this.


TIL That Chris Weidman Almost Sh*t Himself Before His UFC 187 Title Fight

(“No, Floyd, I said *shitter*, not *hit her*. What were we even talking about, again?” via Weidman’s instagram)

If you’ve ever heard the story about how Chris Weidman wooed his wife, chances are that you took two things away from it: The middleweight champion is an incredibly honest and upfront person, almost to a fault, and he sometimes has to poo when he gets nervous.

Although he may not have appeared so heading into his title fight with Vitor Belfort last weekend (or while eating a hailstorm of Belfort’s punches), it turns out that UFC 187 was one such time that Weidman came down with a case of the butterflies. He was so nervous, in fact, that just moments before he was set to walkout, he came to the realization that he might become the first UFC fighter to sh*t himself in the octagon (well, second). Had Burt Watson been backstage doing his classic “We rollin!” pump-up routine, we can almost guarantee that the pressure would have gotten to him.

As Wediman told Ariel helwani on yesterday’s edition of The MMA Hour:


Damn, Scott Coker & Co. Are Really Pulling Out All the Stops to Promote Bellator 131

In the MMA marketing game, the list of tactics used to promote a fight card goes something like this:

1. Bring in a recently disgraced legend from your more popular rival promotion to play skeeball/sign autographs.

2. Everything else.

Unfortunately for Bellator, option 1 is no longer on the table, as Wanderlei Silva has been contractually cock-blocked from appearing at their Dave & Busters party this Friday. So with their backs against the wall, Scott Coker’s crack team of ad execs have been forced to reach deep into their idea banks to promote this weekend’s Bellator 131 card. The results have been nothing short of hilarious — like something Jackie Moon would come up with if he was stuck in a creative slump.

Bellator kicked things off in style last night with (what I can only assume was) their first “Taco Tuesday” event, hosted at Dave & Busters and MC’ed by Bellator colorman Jimmy Smith — who I absolutely refuse to talk trash about because he seems awesome. If you hadn’t guessed, “Taco Tuesday” pitted 10 or so diehard MMA fans against one another in a taco-eating competition, with the winner earning a ticket to Bellator 131. And right now, AS WE SPEAK, the promotion is hosting a scavenger hunt across San Diego for, you guessed it, tickets to Bellator 131.

After the jump: Play-by-play analysis of said scavenger hunt (not really), and a few of our ideas about how Bellator can promote themselves in the future.


You Knew This Was Coming: Mike Goldberg’s NFL Lowlight Reel [VIDEO]

Perhaps the nicest thing we can say about Mike Goldberg’s stint as an NFL play-by-play announcer (and subsequent Twitter tirade) was that it was shortlived. While Goldberg has already been pulled from this week’s Vikings-Bills game, he was quick to apologize for his social media retaliation via, you guessed it, Twitter:

I just want to apologize to everyone at FOX and elsewhere for my momentary lapse of reason Sunday night,” Goldberg wrote on Twitter. “I let some mean-spirited folks on twitter get to me and I should have had thicker skin instead of reacting so quickly and emotionally. I don’t want to be a distraction on the upcoming broadcast Sunday, so we mutually agreed that it would be best to sit this next one out. I’m not happy about it personally but, professionally, it’s the right thing to do after my mistake. Thank you to FOX and to others who have been so great to me and understanding.

Oh, I can’t stay mad at you, Goldie. I can, however, revel in your shortcomings via this lowlight reel of your one-off gig last weekend, via SportsGrid.

After the jump: You know.


6 Post-Fight Celebrations Rory MacDonald Should Consider [w/GIFS]

(Woah. He almost looked human there for a second.)

We know exactly two things about Rory MacDonald right now: He will “absolutely, positively, without a doubt” face the winner of Johny Hendricks vs. Robbie Lawler II for the welterweight title (and in Canada, no less!), and he is something of a novice when it comes to the art of the post-fight celebration.

The post-fight celebration is a crucial and oft overlooked aspect of mixed martial arts competition, serving as a triumphant final display of a given fighter’s dominance. As a male peacock displays its feathers to attract a mate, an MMA celebration likewise let’s every member of the opposite sex know that you are the Alpha Male, the pack leader, the mate with the most irresistible “plumage.”

Should Rory manage to defeat the winner of Hendricks vs. Lawler in his own backyard, he will need to bring a lot more to the table than “The Spastic Ape” seen above if he hopes to attract a premo Canadian mistress. With that in mind, here are a few celebrations he should consider working on…

The Bernie

A classic go-to at any wedding, birthday, or gala event, the Bernie would allow Rory to shed the notion that he is a stiff, soulless combination of gears and wires contained within a human skinsuit. He could even combine the Bernie with his pre-fight stare into the abyss for a truly haunting experience.


Let’s Celebrate Matt Serra’s Upcoming FOX Analyst Gig By Looking Back at Some of His Most Quotable Moments

Gentlemen, rejoice, because everyone’s favorite ball-bustin’, cold cut connoisseur just landed himself a FOX analyst gig! HeeYEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

During last night’s edition of UFC on FOX, it was announced that none other than Long Island’s own Matt Serra (and also Jake Ellenberger) will be serving as a guest analyst for this Saturday’s Fight Night 49: Henderson vs. dos Anjos card. Finally, the era of awkward on-camera fighters stuttering out base-level advice between fights will be over, as the former welterweight champion and TUF 4 alum has become somewhat infamous for his jabberjaw skills. We can only hope now that FOX doesn’t force him to pull in the reigns (or pull out his teeth).

To celebrate what will surely be the funniest night in UFC on FOX history, join us after the jump as we look back at some of “The Terra’s” finest moments.


Seth vs. Jared: UFC 175 Edition

(Undercard fighter or ESPN personality? – it’s a surprisingly difficult game. Photo courtesy of Stuart Scott’s Twitter.)

CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.

Al Bundy gifs will reign.

Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?

SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?

As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.

JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.

Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”

My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.

This has gotten off to a depressing start.


GamePotato: The 12 Original Super Smash Bros. Characters and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents

(I’d be jealous of those biceps too, Roy.)

By Jared Jones

It is a widely-accepted fact that any MMA fan who discovered the sport circa 2000 A.D did so thanks to the release of Super Smash Bros. on the Nintendo 64. Whether any of us who grew up in the 90′s realize it or not, Smash Bros. is almost solely responsible for our infatuation with mixed martial arts and the modern era boom of the UFC. Smash Bros. is in our DNA, as the Baldfather would put it.

Ye, the similarities between SSB and the UFC run deep, my friends. Both pitted competitors of all shapes and sizes against one another in a tournament-style battle of wills, with the ultimate goal of proving which fighting style could truly defeat the rest. Both have also drawn harsh criticism for being an excessively violent and harmful influence on the fragile minds of our nation’s youth. Super Smash Bros. was released (in Europe) on November 19th, 1999. UFC 23: Ultimate Japan 2 went down on November 19th, 1999. I rest my case.

It was the glaring similarities between Smash Bros and the UFC (along with Ben’s thrilling take on the Buffalo Wild Wing sauces and their fighter equivalents) that ultimately led to the creation of this article. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to join me in this skull-shatteringly stupid escapade into the world of Super Smash Bros, then tweet at me how much you loved it/hated it with the hashtag #WeekofDanga. Enjoy (or don’t)!

Donkey Kong

Wiki description: “Donkey Kong is one of the most powerful characters in the game, with the downside of being one of the slowest as well.”
UFC Fighter Equivalent: With his freakish proportions and serious KO power in his right hand, DK’s gotta be Antonio Silva, and not just because they stand next to one another on the evolutionary scale.