MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Tag: Funny Shit

Let’s Celebrate Matt Serra’s Upcoming FOX Analyst Gig By Looking Back at Some of His Most Quotable Moments

Gentlemen, rejoice, because everyone’s favorite ball-bustin’, cold cut connoisseur just landed himself a FOX analyst gig! HeeYEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

During last night’s edition of UFC on FOX, it was announced that none other than Long Island’s own Matt Serra (and also Jake Ellenberger) will be serving as a guest analyst for this Saturday’s Fight Night 49: Henderson vs. dos Anjos card. Finally, the era of awkward on-camera fighters stuttering out base-level advice between fights will be over, as the former welterweight champion and TUF 4 alum has become somewhat infamous for his jabberjaw skills. We can only hope now that FOX doesn’t force him to pull in the reigns (or pull out his teeth).

To celebrate what will surely be the funniest night in UFC on FOX history, join us after the jump as we look back at some of “The Terra’s” finest moments.

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Seth vs. Jared: UFC 175 Edition


(Undercard fighter or ESPN personality? – it’s a surprisingly difficult game. Photo courtesy of Stuart Scott’s Twitter.)

CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.

Al Bundy gifs will reign.

Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?

SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?

As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.

JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.

Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”

My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.

This has gotten off to a depressing start.

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GamePotato: The 12 Original Super Smash Bros. Characters and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents


(I’d be jealous of those biceps too, Roy.)

By Jared Jones

It is a widely-accepted fact that any MMA fan who discovered the sport circa 2000 A.D did so thanks to the release of Super Smash Bros. on the Nintendo 64. Whether any of us who grew up in the 90′s realize it or not, Smash Bros. is almost solely responsible for our infatuation with mixed martial arts and the modern era boom of the UFC. Smash Bros. is in our DNA, as the Baldfather would put it.

Ye, the similarities between SSB and the UFC run deep, my friends. Both pitted competitors of all shapes and sizes against one another in a tournament-style battle of wills, with the ultimate goal of proving which fighting style could truly defeat the rest. Both have also drawn harsh criticism for being an excessively violent and harmful influence on the fragile minds of our nation’s youth. Super Smash Bros. was released (in Europe) on November 19th, 1999. UFC 23: Ultimate Japan 2 went down on November 19th, 1999. I rest my case.

It was the glaring similarities between Smash Bros and the UFC (along with Ben’s thrilling take on the Buffalo Wild Wing sauces and their fighter equivalents) that ultimately led to the creation of this article. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to join me in this skull-shatteringly stupid escapade into the world of Super Smash Bros, then tweet at me how much you loved it/hated it with the hashtag #WeekofDanga. Enjoy (or don’t)!

Donkey Kong

Wiki description: “Donkey Kong is one of the most powerful characters in the game, with the downside of being one of the slowest as well.”
UFC Fighter Equivalent: With his freakish proportions and serious KO power in his right hand, DK’s gotta be Antonio Silva, and not just because they stand next to one another on the evolutionary scale.

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Don Frye’s UFC 175 “Predator Predictions” Features the Glorious Return of His Facial Hair, Rampant Sexism


(*blows bubbles with sippy straw*)

Do you guys remember where you were when you found out that Don Frye had shaved his legendary mustache? I do. I was on the toilet, weeping into my paperback copy of The Fault in Our Stars while blaring Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboy’s Gone?” to drown out the sound of my cries, as has become my standard Sunday morning ritual. It was with tear filled eyes that I opened up CagePotato to see in what fashion Saccaro had managed to shit on the previous night’s UFC event when I was instead greeted by the horrific image of a plain-lippy Don Frye. There he was, the most rugged man to ever walk the face of the earth, with his upper lip just exposed for everyone to see. Like some kind of broad.

The paramedics told me I had lost nearly a quart of blood by the time they kicked my door down.

It was a traumatic day to say the least, but in any case, I’m glad to see that Frye had the good sense to grow his stache back out for his UFC 175 edition of “Predator’s Picks,” which I’ve kindly thrown after the jump for you.

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Beatdown of the Day: Little Kid Bitch Slaps Smack-Talking Foe *While* Ghost-Riding Bicycle (#WeekofDanga)

As you might’ve heard (from me, earlier today), BG is on vacation for the week, which can only mean one thing: The #WeekofDanga is now in full swing. That means no rules, no filters, and most likely, no readers. (*self burn-five*)

What it also means is that I’ll be taking any and all suggestions/submissions in regards to potential news items from the few of you readers who haven’t already removed CagePotato from your bookmarks bars in light of this (albeit brief) coup d’etat, via tips@cagepotato.com. But let’s get one thing straight; I will not be devoting any coverage to fighter beefs on Twitter, mundane fight-bookings, or other such articles that none of you care to read anyway.

Instead, let us use this week to highlight the absurd, the hysterical, and the just plain bizarre aspects of our once-proud sport that we all know and love. Got a sweet muay Thai fight/KO that you think deserves more coverage? Pass it along. A tenuously-connected gallery idea of hot women doing insert workout here? Let me know about it. In short, this is the week that your opinions actually matter, Tater Nation, so let’s make full use of it.

Take the video above, for instance, in which a small child bitchslaps a foe *while* ghost riding his bicycle. I found it in my inbox this morning, and have watched it no less than 15 times since. Is it in anyway related to MMA? Not really, except for that whole “fighting is in our DNA” shtick Daddy Dana seems to love. Is it undeniably entertaining? Absolutely. Therefore, relevant.

What? I’m just following the business model laid out by the UFC in recent years, best known as “Fuck You, Take It.” If you don’t like the content we churn out this week, you’re probably not a real fight fan anyway. Let the #WeekofDanga commence, Taters.

-J. Jones

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Meanwhile, In Boxing: Internet Troll Gets Flattened By Heavyweight Champ, Learns Nothing [VIDEO]

If you’ve been visiting CagePotato for over a week, chances are that you’ve been subject to a fair share of trolling, whether in the comments sections of our articles or the articles themselves. Hopefully, you’ve been able to laugh it off for the most part, or at the very least, release your pent-up rage via a cathartic rant before the comments sections closed due to our ongoing technical issues.

But our differences aside, I think we can all agree that internet trolls are just the *worst* kinds of people (next to reality show stars, douche-bros, and members of the paparazzi, of course). So let’s all watch this video of internet troll and hilariously overconfident fighter Charlie Zelenoff getting his ass kicked by WBC Continental Americas Heavyweight Champion Deontay Wilder and do our best Nelson impressions, shall we?

You see, Zelenoff has allegedly been trolling Wilder with racist remarks and text messages for close to three years now, but it wasn’t until he threatened to murder Wilder and “tape [his] daughter’s mouth” that the champ decided to take action. And by “take action,” we mean slap Zelenoff around like a child while reminding him of every nasty thing he ever said over the years.

I know what you’re thinking, “After getting absolutely clowned like the bitch that he is, Zelenoff probably apologized to Wilder and hugged it out, right?” HAHAHAHA, this is 2014, you idiot. Even in defeat, Zelenoff continued to hype himself as “the best” while claiming that Wilder “got lucky” and would surely lose their rematch before running out the door with his tail between his legs. U-S-A! U-S-A!!

Today’s lesson: The only thing more powerful than revenge is denial. Amen.

-J. Jones

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The 21 Weirdest Fighter Names on Sherdog’s Fight Finder

Earlier this week, Nick Newell alerted us to the Sherdog Fight Finder profile of That Guy, a middleweight veteran of Japan’s Tenkaichi Fight promotion. If anybody knows That Guy’s real identity, please get in touch with us, because we’d love to interview him about how he came to compete under the most anonymous billing since Unknown Fighter. In the meantime, here are 20 more ridiculous MMA fighter names we’ve found while browsing the Fight Finder, accompanied by the fighters’ profile photos when available. Enjoy, and let us know if we left out any good ones.

Fat Guy

Flippin’ Kevin

Koji of Joytoy

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A Brief History of the Insane Sh*t Nick Diaz Has Said in Interviews [w/Reaction Gifs]

It’s a testament to Nick Diaz the fighter that Nick Diaz the person can continue to make headlines with his ridiculous statements despite retiring from the sport almost a year ago. Or maybe it’s a testament to the nadir of journalism present in today’s MMA landscape, but in any case, Stockton’s finest is once again attempting to use his retirement as a bargaining chip, telling Fox Sports in a recent interview that he would consider returning to MMA, but only for an immediate title shot:

I don’t care, I’m talking about a title fight matchup. Bottom line, I’m the only draw here. Bottom line. We had like the third biggest [pay-per-view]. That wasn’t just because of Georges St-Pierre. And these guys aren’t doing that. People want to pay to see me fight, they want to see someone get knocked out or someone get tapped out, or they want to see me get my ass whooped like they’ve been waiting to see but they still don’t get to see.

I’ve been fighting for 11 years. I already did all those [contender] fights. I don’t have to take a warmup fight. Why would I take a warmup fight? To help somebody out? To bring them to my level? I’ve already been through all that and you still didn’t see me take an ass whipping.

While Dana White has publicly squashed this notion already, MMA fans and pundits alike have already taken to hyping the “inevitable” return of Diaz to the UFC. Because like the man himself said, he is a draw. That doesn’t change the fact, however, that Diaz’s understanding of how one achieves a title shot is absolute nonsense.

Come to think of it, the statement above is just the latest in what has been a career filled with borderline insane ramblings on Diaz’s part. Join us after the jump to see what we mean…

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Don’t Worry, You Guys, Steven Seagal Says That The Sochi Olympics Will Be Fine [VIDEO]

I think something in my brain broke, you guys.

You see, where I’d typically be filled with blood-boiling rage and simultaneous “Holier than thou” frustration with all the things wrong in the world while watching something like the above video of Steven Seagal pretending to be a security expert on the Sochi Olympics (previously: inventor of the front kickschool shooting task force specialistactormusician, etc.) I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I hated every word that Seagal said, and I really, truly wanted to hate him for saying them, but I’m just too…bewildered, I guess. Apathetic even. Seagal’s self-servicing arrogance has reached a level so unbelievably high that it almost transcends him as an individual. The portrait he has painted of himself and his standing in our society as a source of wisdom is so out of touch with reality that it borders on an Always Sunny episode. How can you make a joke about a joke, you know? You’re not going to “reach” Seagal, because if you looked behind his firing range goggles you’d probably see something like this. He’s just a vessel, a skin suit in which the entity of madness has been contained for the good of the many, until he dies and passes it on to the next generation.

You can’t get mad at Steven Seagal. It would be like screaming at a rain cloud.

The real question is: Which of these facts is makes you the saddest?
a) STEVEN SEAGAL has a better relationship with Vladimir Putin than our President
b) STEVEN SEAGAL is asked to give foreign policy advice to the President in the above video (and does), or
c) There are people out there who might actually find comfort in the words of STEVEN SEAGAL, the same guy who once threatened to “cut off the head and piss down the throat” of that chicken-shit pussy asshole Richie?

THIS GUY’S NOTHING WITHOUT THAT BADGE AND GUN.

-J. Jones

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Here’s Don Frye Drinking Whiskey and Making UFC 168 Predictions, Because Holidays [VIDEO]

On the off chance you didn’t get everything you wanted for Christmas this year, here’s a video of everything you could ever want for Christmas any year: Don Frye, Don Frye’s mustache, whiskey, a hot chick, and UFC 168 predictions. My chest hair grew three sizes just watching this video.

I can think of no greater gift to bestow upon you Taters this year, so merry (belated) Christmas, you sons a bitches.

-J. Jones

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