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Tag: Funny Shit

Damn, Scott Coker & Co. Are Really Pulling Out All the Stops to Promote Bellator 131

In the MMA marketing game, the list of tactics used to promote a fight card goes something like this:

1. Bring in a recently disgraced legend from your more popular rival promotion to play skeeball/sign autographs.

2. Everything else.

Unfortunately for Bellator, option 1 is no longer on the table, as Wanderlei Silva has been contractually cock-blocked from appearing at their Dave & Busters party this Friday. So with their backs against the wall, Scott Coker’s crack team of ad execs have been forced to reach deep into their idea banks to promote this weekend’s Bellator 131 card. The results have been nothing short of hilarious — like something Jackie Moon would come up with if he was stuck in a creative slump.

Bellator kicked things off in style last night with (what I can only assume was) their first “Taco Tuesday” event, hosted at Dave & Busters and MC’ed by Bellator colorman Jimmy Smith — who I absolutely refuse to talk trash about because he seems awesome. If you hadn’t guessed, “Taco Tuesday” pitted 10 or so diehard MMA fans against one another in a taco-eating competition, with the winner earning a ticket to Bellator 131. And right now, AS WE SPEAK, the promotion is hosting a scavenger hunt across San Diego for, you guessed it, tickets to Bellator 131.

After the jump: Play-by-play analysis of said scavenger hunt (not really), and a few of our ideas about how Bellator can promote themselves in the future.

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You Knew This Was Coming: Mike Goldberg’s NFL Lowlight Reel [VIDEO]

Perhaps the nicest thing we can say about Mike Goldberg’s stint as an NFL play-by-play announcer (and subsequent Twitter tirade) was that it was shortlived. While Goldberg has already been pulled from this week’s Vikings-Bills game, he was quick to apologize for his social media retaliation via, you guessed it, Twitter:

I just want to apologize to everyone at FOX and elsewhere for my momentary lapse of reason Sunday night,” Goldberg wrote on Twitter. “I let some mean-spirited folks on twitter get to me and I should have had thicker skin instead of reacting so quickly and emotionally. I don’t want to be a distraction on the upcoming broadcast Sunday, so we mutually agreed that it would be best to sit this next one out. I’m not happy about it personally but, professionally, it’s the right thing to do after my mistake. Thank you to FOX and to others who have been so great to me and understanding.

Oh, I can’t stay mad at you, Goldie. I can, however, revel in your shortcomings via this lowlight reel of your one-off gig last weekend, via SportsGrid.

After the jump: You know.

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6 Post-Fight Celebrations Rory MacDonald Should Consider [w/GIFS]


(Woah. He almost looked human there for a second.)

We know exactly two things about Rory MacDonald right now: He will “absolutely, positively, without a doubt” face the winner of Johny Hendricks vs. Robbie Lawler II for the welterweight title (and in Canada, no less!), and he is something of a novice when it comes to the art of the post-fight celebration.

The post-fight celebration is a crucial and oft overlooked aspect of mixed martial arts competition, serving as a triumphant final display of a given fighter’s dominance. As a male peacock displays its feathers to attract a mate, an MMA celebration likewise let’s every member of the opposite sex know that you are the Alpha Male, the pack leader, the mate with the most irresistible “plumage.”

Should Rory manage to defeat the winner of Hendricks vs. Lawler in his own backyard, he will need to bring a lot more to the table than “The Spastic Ape” seen above if he hopes to attract a premo Canadian mistress. With that in mind, here are a few celebrations he should consider working on…

The Bernie

A classic go-to at any wedding, birthday, or gala event, the Bernie would allow Rory to shed the notion that he is a stiff, soulless combination of gears and wires contained within a human skinsuit. He could even combine the Bernie with his pre-fight stare into the abyss for a truly haunting experience.

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Let’s Celebrate Matt Serra’s Upcoming FOX Analyst Gig By Looking Back at Some of His Most Quotable Moments

Gentlemen, rejoice, because everyone’s favorite ball-bustin’, cold cut connoisseur just landed himself a FOX analyst gig! HeeYEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

During last night’s edition of UFC on FOX, it was announced that none other than Long Island’s own Matt Serra (and also Jake Ellenberger) will be serving as a guest analyst for this Saturday’s Fight Night 49: Henderson vs. dos Anjos card. Finally, the era of awkward on-camera fighters stuttering out base-level advice between fights will be over, as the former welterweight champion and TUF 4 alum has become somewhat infamous for his jabberjaw skills. We can only hope now that FOX doesn’t force him to pull in the reigns (or pull out his teeth).

To celebrate what will surely be the funniest night in UFC on FOX history, join us after the jump as we look back at some of “The Terra’s” finest moments.

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Seth vs. Jared: UFC 175 Edition


(Undercard fighter or ESPN personality? – it’s a surprisingly difficult game. Photo courtesy of Stuart Scott’s Twitter.)

CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.

Al Bundy gifs will reign.

Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?

SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?

As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.

JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.

Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”

My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.

This has gotten off to a depressing start.

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GamePotato: The 12 Original Super Smash Bros. Characters and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents


(I’d be jealous of those biceps too, Roy.)

By Jared Jones

It is a widely-accepted fact that any MMA fan who discovered the sport circa 2000 A.D did so thanks to the release of Super Smash Bros. on the Nintendo 64. Whether any of us who grew up in the 90′s realize it or not, Smash Bros. is almost solely responsible for our infatuation with mixed martial arts and the modern era boom of the UFC. Smash Bros. is in our DNA, as the Baldfather would put it.

Ye, the similarities between SSB and the UFC run deep, my friends. Both pitted competitors of all shapes and sizes against one another in a tournament-style battle of wills, with the ultimate goal of proving which fighting style could truly defeat the rest. Both have also drawn harsh criticism for being an excessively violent and harmful influence on the fragile minds of our nation’s youth. Super Smash Bros. was released (in Europe) on November 19th, 1999. UFC 23: Ultimate Japan 2 went down on November 19th, 1999. I rest my case.

It was the glaring similarities between Smash Bros and the UFC (along with Ben’s thrilling take on the Buffalo Wild Wing sauces and their fighter equivalents) that ultimately led to the creation of this article. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to join me in this skull-shatteringly stupid escapade into the world of Super Smash Bros, then tweet at me how much you loved it/hated it with the hashtag #WeekofDanga. Enjoy (or don’t)!

Donkey Kong

Wiki description: “Donkey Kong is one of the most powerful characters in the game, with the downside of being one of the slowest as well.”
UFC Fighter Equivalent: With his freakish proportions and serious KO power in his right hand, DK’s gotta be Antonio Silva, and not just because they stand next to one another on the evolutionary scale.

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Don Frye’s UFC 175 “Predator Predictions” Features the Glorious Return of His Facial Hair, Rampant Sexism


(*blows bubbles with sippy straw*)

Do you guys remember where you were when you found out that Don Frye had shaved his legendary mustache? I do. I was on the toilet, weeping into my paperback copy of The Fault in Our Stars while blaring Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboy’s Gone?” to drown out the sound of my cries, as has become my standard Sunday morning ritual. It was with tear filled eyes that I opened up CagePotato to see in what fashion Saccaro had managed to shit on the previous night’s UFC event when I was instead greeted by the horrific image of a plain-lippy Don Frye. There he was, the most rugged man to ever walk the face of the earth, with his upper lip just exposed for everyone to see. Like some kind of broad.

The paramedics told me I had lost nearly a quart of blood by the time they kicked my door down.

It was a traumatic day to say the least, but in any case, I’m glad to see that Frye had the good sense to grow his stache back out for his UFC 175 edition of “Predator’s Picks,” which I’ve kindly thrown after the jump for you.

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Beatdown of the Day: Little Kid Bitch Slaps Smack-Talking Foe *While* Ghost-Riding Bicycle (#WeekofDanga)

As you might’ve heard (from me, earlier today), BG is on vacation for the week, which can only mean one thing: The #WeekofDanga is now in full swing. That means no rules, no filters, and most likely, no readers. (*self burn-five*)

What it also means is that I’ll be taking any and all suggestions/submissions in regards to potential news items from the few of you readers who haven’t already removed CagePotato from your bookmarks bars in light of this (albeit brief) coup d’etat, via tips@cagepotato.com. But let’s get one thing straight; I will not be devoting any coverage to fighter beefs on Twitter, mundane fight-bookings, or other such articles that none of you care to read anyway.

Instead, let us use this week to highlight the absurd, the hysterical, and the just plain bizarre aspects of our once-proud sport that we all know and love. Got a sweet muay Thai fight/KO that you think deserves more coverage? Pass it along. A tenuously-connected gallery idea of hot women doing insert workout here? Let me know about it. In short, this is the week that your opinions actually matter, Tater Nation, so let’s make full use of it.

Take the video above, for instance, in which a small child bitchslaps a foe *while* ghost riding his bicycle. I found it in my inbox this morning, and have watched it no less than 15 times since. Is it in anyway related to MMA? Not really, except for that whole “fighting is in our DNA” shtick Daddy Dana seems to love. Is it undeniably entertaining? Absolutely. Therefore, relevant.

What? I’m just following the business model laid out by the UFC in recent years, best known as “Fuck You, Take It.” If you don’t like the content we churn out this week, you’re probably not a real fight fan anyway. Let the #WeekofDanga commence, Taters.

-J. Jones

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Meanwhile, In Boxing: Internet Troll Gets Flattened By Heavyweight Champ, Learns Nothing [VIDEO]

If you’ve been visiting CagePotato for over a week, chances are that you’ve been subject to a fair share of trolling, whether in the comments sections of our articles or the articles themselves. Hopefully, you’ve been able to laugh it off for the most part, or at the very least, release your pent-up rage via a cathartic rant before the comments sections closed due to our ongoing technical issues.

But our differences aside, I think we can all agree that internet trolls are just the *worst* kinds of people (next to reality show stars, douche-bros, and members of the paparazzi, of course). So let’s all watch this video of internet troll and hilariously overconfident fighter Charlie Zelenoff getting his ass kicked by WBC Continental Americas Heavyweight Champion Deontay Wilder and do our best Nelson impressions, shall we?

You see, Zelenoff has allegedly been trolling Wilder with racist remarks and text messages for close to three years now, but it wasn’t until he threatened to murder Wilder and “tape [his] daughter’s mouth” that the champ decided to take action. And by “take action,” we mean slap Zelenoff around like a child while reminding him of every nasty thing he ever said over the years.

I know what you’re thinking, “After getting absolutely clowned like the bitch that he is, Zelenoff probably apologized to Wilder and hugged it out, right?” HAHAHAHA, this is 2014, you idiot. Even in defeat, Zelenoff continued to hype himself as “the best” while claiming that Wilder “got lucky” and would surely lose their rematch before running out the door with his tail between his legs. U-S-A! U-S-A!!

Today’s lesson: The only thing more powerful than revenge is denial. Amen.

-J. Jones

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The 21 Weirdest Fighter Names on Sherdog’s Fight Finder

Earlier this week, Nick Newell alerted us to the Sherdog Fight Finder profile of That Guy, a middleweight veteran of Japan’s Tenkaichi Fight promotion. If anybody knows That Guy’s real identity, please get in touch with us, because we’d love to interview him about how he came to compete under the most anonymous billing since Unknown Fighter. In the meantime, here are 20 more ridiculous MMA fighter names we’ve found while browsing the Fight Finder, accompanied by the fighters’ profile photos when available. Enjoy, and let us know if we left out any good ones.

Fat Guy

Flippin’ Kevin

Koji of Joytoy

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