MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Tag: Funny Shit

Knockout of the Year Candidate: A Man Known Simply as “Tick” Uncorks a Rolling Falcon Punch in an Ammy Fight


(Props: MiddleEasy)

To the untrained eye, it might appear as if the Team Quest Thailand amateur MMA fighter above (known simply as “Tick”) pulled this one-punch knockout from the deepest, darkest realms of his asshole. But as Sensei Rogan would tell you, fighting is equal parts technique and deception, and being that Tick started his fight against David Van with a picture perfect spinning back kick to de liver, we know he’s got the former in spades. So to claim that the “Rolling Falcon Punch” he finishes Van with at the :37 mark was anything less than Machida-esque in its timing and grace would not only be wrong, it would also be incorrect, inaccurate, fallacious and plain ig’nant.

Lucky punch, you say? Please, luck is for people who didn’t play Super Smash Bros as a child and immediately start applying those techniques to real life. It is a well known fact that Jon Jones learned most of that crazy spinning shit he throws by mimicking Youtube videos — this is simply the next evolutionary step of that mentality. Tune in to Tick’s next fight, where he will attempt to inhale his opponent, drain his powers and crush him by turning into a boulder in mid-air.

Here’s a cool screenshot I grabbed from the video. Captions, please.


“Derp!”

-J. Jones

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Hilarious Boxing Update: Dude Tells his Opponent to Come at Him, Is Immediately KTFO.


(If you’re coming on…shit, where’d I put my glasses? Props to Deadspin for the find.)

For those of you who still don’t think that taunting only looks cool if the person who wins the fight does it, please direct your attention to Exhibit Z: This clip from a boxing match between Miguel Zuniga and Daquan Arnett on Saturday night.

During the fifth round of the bout, Zuniga began to finally crack Arnett’s counterpunch-heavy style, backing Arnett up against the ropes as he unleashed his hardest punches. Sensing his opponent was in trouble, Zuniga was all about trading haymakers, while Arnett was more interested in silly things like defense, counter left hooks and not getting his ass kicked. Clearly frustrated, Zuniga decided that his best option in this situation was to channel his inner Harold Howard, signaling for his opponent to “COME ON!” while he let Arnett off the ropes.

I’m not here to fault Zuniga for attempting a mid-fight Harold Howard tribute. Hell, I don’t think anyone reading this is here to do that. But…if you’re telling your opponent to “come on,” can you at least do it in a stereotypically Canadian accent? And for crying out loud, please don’t immediately get knocked the fuck out, either. Especially if you attempt zero cartwheel kicks in the process.

@SethFalvo

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This Bigfoot Silva/Taylor Swift Mashup is the Greatest Thing You Will Ever Witness Today [VIDEO]

It’s pretty much known by anyone who possesses a working set of ears that Taylor Swift has the vocal range of a walrus being strangled to death by a vibrating belt machine (as opposed to say, Warbringer, who are basically the Three Tenors of our generation). Still, that fact hasn’t stopped her from snatching up damn near every Billboard, CMT, MTV, BET, or Grammy award out there, because musical talent is something that is apparently determined by how many lovestruck 12 year-old girls buy your relationship-prostituting albums nowadays.

In any case, Ms. Swift and her voice have become quite the subject of parody on the Twitters and Youtubes lately, with her hit song “I Knew You Were Trouble” taking the brunt of it. While her duet with a screaming goat might be the most notorious of these parodies, Youtube user FreeFights4You has offered an alternative, MMA-themed take on the song that will surely ascend to the top of the Taylor Swift-based parodies for at least a week.

Featuring none other than UFC 160′s Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva on guest vocals, this parody might just be the greatest thing you will ever witness today. I mean, it’s no “baby monkey riding on a pig,” but what will ever top that slice of fried gold, honestly?

Now if only the UFC would quit being so stubborn and start accepting fan-made promos like “Nick Diaz: Crazy, Shirtless Mofo” and “Knowing About Horse Meat is Half the Battle,” we guaran-damn-tee that they would see their pay-per-view sales increased tenfold. TENFOLD WE TELLS YOU.

-J. Jones

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Tim Sylvia is Still Chasing That UFC Dream, Wants Either Frank Mir or Pat Barry for His Never-Gonna-Happen Return


(Sure, “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Champion” is a respectable title in its own right, but it just doesn’t carry as much weight at the Playboy Mansion, you know?) 

If there’s one thing you can say about former UFC heavyweight champion and Depends spokesperson Tim Sylvia, it’s that the SOB is persistent. Although his once successful MMA career has become little more than a series of punctuated jokes nowadays — most of which revolve around his fat, fatty, “Fatty Boom-Boom” fatness – “The Maine-iac” will simply not be denied his rightful place back in the UFC’s heavyweight division no matter how many times Dana White pisses in his cornflakes.

But the main issue preventing Sylvia’s UFC aspirations from coming to fruition is one that he doesn’t seem to realize: relevant wins. In the past few years, Sylvia has crushed a few cans (and a professional bodybuilder) in unimpressive fashion, been decapitated in 9 seconds by an aging boxer, dropped a decision to Satoshi Ishii, and been spared a loss on a loosely-defined technicality in his completely unnecessary fourth fight with Andrei Arlovski at OneFC 5. Yet despite all this, Sylvia is still holding onto the hopes that he will end his mixed martial arts career “where it started,” which for all intents and purposes is the UFC. He spoke with MMAWeekly:

I don’t know what is going to happen in the future of the UFC heavyweight division. Ideally I would like to finish out my career where it started and that is in the UFC. There’s great fights out there for me and I’d like to put on a great show for the fans on the biggest stage there is, and that’s obviously the UFC.

And who would Boom-Boom like to face in his glorious return, you ask? For starters, Frank Mir, who infamously snatched Sylvia’s title (and his arm) at UFC 48: Payback, otherwise known as the event wherein Ken Shamrock scored his last relevant win…over Kimo. But the second name on Sylvia’s hit list (just beating out Jared from the Subway commercials because “I ate a thousand of those subs and didn’t lose a fucking pound.”), might surprise you:

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Suicidal Call Out of the Day/Possibly Year: Cody McKenzie Wants in on Josh Thomson’s Highlight Reel


(Must…resist…shit…getting…too…real…)

As a big fan of TUF 12′s Cody McKenzie, I’ve come to realize that it’s hard to fault the guy for his nonsensical and often self-destructive decisions, especially when it comes to choosing his opponents. The man reaches for the stars, dammit, and will simply not be told that he doesn’t have the right to call out Frankie Edgar, or Jose Aldo, or Chad Mendes, despite the fact that just managed to bring his win-loss ratio in the UFC to the .500 mark.

No, “The AK Kid” wasn’t one to overthink, or even realize the fact that he had dropped 3 out of his last 4 fights heading into his do-or-die bout with Leonard Garcia at UFC 159, which is why it makes total sense that he, now a featherweight, is calling out top lightweight contender Josh Thomson, like he didn’t just save his UFC career by beating a guy on a four-fight losing streak. How can you not love this kid?

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Oh, the Irony: June White is Back With Her Most Hilariously Misguided Venture Yet


(A dead-eyed lunatic who will not stop until she has destroyed her own kin? Where have we seen this sort of thing before?) 

Aren’t the elderly adorable, you guys? With their slow driving and their old-timey racism and their inability to adjust to current technological changes, they are all but walking punchlines just waiting to be set up! Take June White, for instance, who you might remember as the vitriolic, money-grubbing mother of UFC President Dana White. You see, old June wrote a tell-all book about her son a while back in which she claimed he was a soulless devil reincarnate, and has rightfully been raked over the coals for being the deplorable, transparent piece of garbage that she truly is in the time since. Typically, these attacks could be found in the form of comments like the one I just made on her Twitter account or her book’s Amazon page.

While most of us — like our buddies at Fightlinker, for instance — would write off the public’s harsh yet appropriate treatment of June as simple poetic justice, June herself has apparently viewed the backlash as an opportunity to self-implode with irony. Believe it or not, The Baldmother is now attempting to sue anonymous internet commenters with names like Bootyduty3 (If only I was joking) for “defamation, libel and civil conspiracy.” Sea Coast Online has the scoop:

June White, a Hampton resident and the mother of Ultimate Fighting Championship President Dana White, has filed a lawsuit to find out who has been smearing her name on the Internet ever since the release of a highly critical unauthorized biography she wrote about her son.

White claims a troop of cyberbullies — with aliases such as Bootyduty3, Joe Stranger and The Real June White — have been posting “horrific” comments about her and her family for more than a year. She said she fears her son’s company is behind the attacks. “I hate to say it but it could be (UFC that’s organizing the bad-mouthing), and that’s one of the reasons I really want to find out,” White said Wednesday. “If it is, that’s pretty sad.”

That’s Pretty Sad…June, I think someone just came up with the title of their soon-to-be-released autobiography!

More from this story, along with our running commentary, is after the jump.

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[VIDEO] Pat Barry Completely Loses His Sh*t Celebrating Rose Namajunas’ Win at Invicta FC 5

It’s a pretty well known fact that UFC heavyweight Pat Barry is a pretty eccentric guy. The same can be said for his girlfriend, Invicta FC strawweight Rose “Thug” Namajunas — in fact, it’s probably what drew them to each other in the first place.

Anyway, Rose recently scored her second professional win via 12-second flying armbar at last weekend’s Invicta FC 5, as you well know. While we were thrilled for her for obvious reasons, our excitement paled in comparison to that of “HD,” who proceeded to jump up from his ringside seat and leap onto the cage like he had just finished stomping a mudhole in Christian Morecraft following Rose’s big win. Thank God there were no small children in his way, or we may very well have witnessed a massacre worse than Cyborg vs. Muxlow that night.

Barry’s (literally) over-the-top celebration should come as no surprise to those of us who have seen him corner Namajunas before, but damn, I just really want what those two have. Not love, I’m talking about brutal knockout power and the ability to pull off flying armbars. I can force someone to love me with those two things.

After the jump: A video of Namajunas’ brilliant submission from Invicta FC 5, because big whoop wanna fightaboutit?

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MMA Meme of the Day: Clark Gracie, Ridiculously Photogenic Jiu-Jitsu Guy


(The original image, via Deadspin.)

Meet Clark Gracie. The decorated BJJ blackbelt is the son of Carley Gracie, the master of the Clarkoplata (Crucifix Omoplata hybrid), and the owner of The Clark Gracie Jiu Jitsu Academy in La Jolla, CA. He also happens to be a ridiculously photogenic guy, capable of making a blackbelt grappling match look like an Esquire Magazine photo-shoot. Even though this image has been around for a while now, the jokesters over at quickmeme have finally taken notice and created “Ridiculously Photogenic Jiu-Jitsu Guy” in his honor. We’ve compiled some of the best ones after the jump.

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WTF?! Video of the Day: Michael Schiavello Just Cannot Stop Talking About His Anus, You Guys

Upon doing a little research, we have discovered that longtime MMA announcer Michael “Good Night Irene” Schiavello is from some place called Australia. Awwstraileeyah. We’ve never heard of it either, but what you should know is that folks who hail from this…AUSTRALIA, tend to have funny-sounding voices. Not funny in a German nihilist kind of way, but funny nonetheless. At last Friday’s RFA 7 event, we found out that Schiavello’s accent becomes particularly amusing when attempting to pronounce the name of young fighter Danny Mainus.

You see, Mainus sounds a bit like “my anus,” you dig? It’s a fact that becomes quite humorous when Schiavello says things like “There’s a cut on Mainus,” or “Mainus is ready to pounce here.” And while this kind of humor might not be up your alley if you have moved on from the 8th grade, well, you’re probably not in our target audience anyway. So check out the video above and rate it on a comedic scale of Zookeeper to The Big Lebowski in the comments section, with Zookeeper obviously being on the upper end of the spectrum. When Kevin James started talking to that monkey, you guys, I totally roflcoptered. I roflcoptered all over myself.

Now piss off, because I need to finish writing this note to pass to Patty Nelson in chemistry class (more like phlegmistry class, amiright? *receives high fives from everyone at the cool kids lunch table*) to see if she’ll go with me to the Spring semi-formal. If she denies me, I’ll just tell Tony T and Space Face Mike that she has herpes anyway.

-J. Jones

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[VIDEO] Scariest BJJ Coach Ever, Wanderlei Silva, Coaches Son to Glorious Victory

Wanderlei Silva Chris Leben UFC 132
(The family who pimps together, stays together.) 

Folks on the mats at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournaments tend to notice whenever a coach is shouting our instructions to their students in Portuguese or even a Portuguese accent. The reason being that it probably means they are from the fighting style’s native country and therefore know certain deadly secrets to convey to their pupils in their mystical coded language.

Or something.

The point is, some times the opposition can get psyched out by the ol’ Romance languages during tournaments. Imagine you’re a coach doing his best to prep a young student for his or her first Jiu Jitsu match and then you hear their opponent’s coach talking to them in Gracie-speak. Now, imagine if said Brazilian coach was Wanderlei Freaking Silva coaching his own son in his first tournament.

That’s just what happened last weekend, as Wandy was recorded…er…recording his son’s very first tournament performance whilst shouting instructions that likely left everyone else’s dad looking for the nearest exit. Fresh off a brutal KO victory of Brian Stann at UFC on FUEL 8, Wandy showed up, head shaved, tribal skull tattoo on full display, but holding a cell phone camera up to his face to capture his son on tape just like any other dad. Check out the video of Silva coaching his son, Thor, after the jump.

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