Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Tag: Funny Shit

Don Frye’s UFC 175 “Predator Predictions” Features the Glorious Return of His Facial Hair, Rampant Sexism

(*blows bubbles with sippy straw*)

Do you guys remember where you were when you found out that Don Frye had shaved his legendary mustache? I do. I was on the toilet, weeping into my paperback copy of The Fault in Our Stars while blaring Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboy’s Gone?” to drown out the sound of my cries, as has become my standard Sunday morning ritual. It was with tear filled eyes that I opened up CagePotato to see in what fashion Saccaro had managed to shit on the previous night’s UFC event when I was instead greeted by the horrific image of a plain-lippy Don Frye. There he was, the most rugged man to ever walk the face of the earth, with his upper lip just exposed for everyone to see. Like some kind of broad.

The paramedics told me I had lost nearly a quart of blood by the time they kicked my door down.

It was a traumatic day to say the least, but in any case, I’m glad to see that Frye had the good sense to grow his stache back out for his UFC 175 edition of “Predator’s Picks,” which I’ve kindly thrown after the jump for you.


Beatdown of the Day: Little Kid Bitch Slaps Smack-Talking Foe *While* Ghost-Riding Bicycle (#WeekofDanga)

As you might’ve heard (from me, earlier today), BG is on vacation for the week, which can only mean one thing: The #WeekofDanga is now in full swing. That means no rules, no filters, and most likely, no readers. (*self burn-five*)

What it also means is that I’ll be taking any and all suggestions/submissions in regards to potential news items from the few of you readers who haven’t already removed CagePotato from your bookmarks bars in light of this (albeit brief) coup d’etat, via But let’s get one thing straight; I will not be devoting any coverage to fighter beefs on Twitter, mundane fight-bookings, or other such articles that none of you care to read anyway.

Instead, let us use this week to highlight the absurd, the hysterical, and the just plain bizarre aspects of our once-proud sport that we all know and love. Got a sweet muay Thai fight/KO that you think deserves more coverage? Pass it along. A tenuously-connected gallery idea of hot women doing insert workout here? Let me know about it. In short, this is the week that your opinions actually matter, Tater Nation, so let’s make full use of it.

Take the video above, for instance, in which a small child bitchslaps a foe *while* ghost riding his bicycle. I found it in my inbox this morning, and have watched it no less than 15 times since. Is it in anyway related to MMA? Not really, except for that whole “fighting is in our DNA” shtick Daddy Dana seems to love. Is it undeniably entertaining? Absolutely. Therefore, relevant.

What? I’m just following the business model laid out by the UFC in recent years, best known as “Fuck You, Take It.” If you don’t like the content we churn out this week, you’re probably not a real fight fan anyway. Let the #WeekofDanga commence, Taters.

-J. Jones


Meanwhile, In Boxing: Internet Troll Gets Flattened By Heavyweight Champ, Learns Nothing [VIDEO]

If you’ve been visiting CagePotato for over a week, chances are that you’ve been subject to a fair share of trolling, whether in the comments sections of our articles or the articles themselves. Hopefully, you’ve been able to laugh it off for the most part, or at the very least, release your pent-up rage via a cathartic rant before the comments sections closed due to our ongoing technical issues.

But our differences aside, I think we can all agree that internet trolls are just the *worst* kinds of people (next to reality show stars, douche-bros, and members of the paparazzi, of course). So let’s all watch this video of internet troll and hilariously overconfident fighter Charlie Zelenoff getting his ass kicked by WBC Continental Americas Heavyweight Champion Deontay Wilder and do our best Nelson impressions, shall we?

You see, Zelenoff has allegedly been trolling Wilder with racist remarks and text messages for close to three years now, but it wasn’t until he threatened to murder Wilder and “tape [his] daughter’s mouth” that the champ decided to take action. And by “take action,” we mean slap Zelenoff around like a child while reminding him of every nasty thing he ever said over the years.

I know what you’re thinking, “After getting absolutely clowned like the bitch that he is, Zelenoff probably apologized to Wilder and hugged it out, right?” HAHAHAHA, this is 2014, you idiot. Even in defeat, Zelenoff continued to hype himself as “the best” while claiming that Wilder “got lucky” and would surely lose their rematch before running out the door with his tail between his legs. U-S-A! U-S-A!!

Today’s lesson: The only thing more powerful than revenge is denial. Amen.

-J. Jones


The 21 Weirdest Fighter Names on Sherdog’s Fight Finder

Earlier this week, Nick Newell alerted us to the Sherdog Fight Finder profile of That Guy, a middleweight veteran of Japan’s Tenkaichi Fight promotion. If anybody knows That Guy’s real identity, please get in touch with us, because we’d love to interview him about how he came to compete under the most anonymous billing since Unknown Fighter. In the meantime, here are 20 more ridiculous MMA fighter names we’ve found while browsing the Fight Finder, accompanied by the fighters’ profile photos when available. Enjoy, and let us know if we left out any good ones.

Fat Guy

Flippin’ Kevin

Koji of Joytoy


A Brief History of the Insane Sh*t Nick Diaz Has Said in Interviews [w/Reaction Gifs]

It’s a testament to Nick Diaz the fighter that Nick Diaz the person can continue to make headlines with his ridiculous statements despite retiring from the sport almost a year ago. Or maybe it’s a testament to the nadir of journalism present in today’s MMA landscape, but in any case, Stockton’s finest is once again attempting to use his retirement as a bargaining chip, telling Fox Sports in a recent interview that he would consider returning to MMA, but only for an immediate title shot:

I don’t care, I’m talking about a title fight matchup. Bottom line, I’m the only draw here. Bottom line. We had like the third biggest [pay-per-view]. That wasn’t just because of Georges St-Pierre. And these guys aren’t doing that. People want to pay to see me fight, they want to see someone get knocked out or someone get tapped out, or they want to see me get my ass whooped like they’ve been waiting to see but they still don’t get to see.

I’ve been fighting for 11 years. I already did all those [contender] fights. I don’t have to take a warmup fight. Why would I take a warmup fight? To help somebody out? To bring them to my level? I’ve already been through all that and you still didn’t see me take an ass whipping.

While Dana White has publicly squashed this notion already, MMA fans and pundits alike have already taken to hyping the “inevitable” return of Diaz to the UFC. Because like the man himself said, he is a draw. That doesn’t change the fact, however, that Diaz’s understanding of how one achieves a title shot is absolute nonsense.

Come to think of it, the statement above is just the latest in what has been a career filled with borderline insane ramblings on Diaz’s part. Join us after the jump to see what we mean…


Don’t Worry, You Guys, Steven Seagal Says That The Sochi Olympics Will Be Fine [VIDEO]

I think something in my brain broke, you guys.

You see, where I’d typically be filled with blood-boiling rage and simultaneous “Holier than thou” frustration with all the things wrong in the world while watching something like the above video of Steven Seagal pretending to be a security expert on the Sochi Olympics (previously: inventor of the front kickschool shooting task force specialistactormusician, etc.) I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I hated every word that Seagal said, and I really, truly wanted to hate him for saying them, but I’m just too…bewildered, I guess. Apathetic even. Seagal’s self-servicing arrogance has reached a level so unbelievably high that it almost transcends him as an individual. The portrait he has painted of himself and his standing in our society as a source of wisdom is so out of touch with reality that it borders on an Always Sunny episode. How can you make a joke about a joke, you know? You’re not going to “reach” Seagal, because if you looked behind his firing range goggles you’d probably see something like this. He’s just a vessel, a skin suit in which the entity of madness has been contained for the good of the many, until he dies and passes it on to the next generation.

You can’t get mad at Steven Seagal. It would be like screaming at a rain cloud.

The real question is: Which of these facts is makes you the saddest?
a) STEVEN SEAGAL has a better relationship with Vladimir Putin than our President
b) STEVEN SEAGAL is asked to give foreign policy advice to the President in the above video (and does), or
c) There are people out there who might actually find comfort in the words of STEVEN SEAGAL, the same guy who once threatened to “cut off the head and piss down the throat” of that chicken-shit pussy asshole Richie?


-J. Jones


Here’s Don Frye Drinking Whiskey and Making UFC 168 Predictions, Because Holidays [VIDEO]

On the off chance you didn’t get everything you wanted for Christmas this year, here’s a video of everything you could ever want for Christmas any year: Don Frye, Don Frye’s mustache, whiskey, a hot chick, and UFC 168 predictions. My chest hair grew three sizes just watching this video.

I can think of no greater gift to bestow upon you Taters this year, so merry (belated) Christmas, you sons a bitches.

-J. Jones


Knockout of the Year Candidate: A Man Known Simply as “Tick” Uncorks a Rolling Falcon Punch in an Ammy Fight

(Props: MiddleEasy)

To the untrained eye, it might appear as if the Team Quest Thailand amateur MMA fighter above (known simply as “Tick”) pulled this one-punch knockout from the deepest, darkest realms of his asshole. But as Sensei Rogan would tell you, fighting is equal parts technique and deception, and being that Tick started his fight against David Van with a picture perfect spinning back kick to de liver, we know he’s got the former in spades. So to claim that the “Rolling Falcon Punch” he finishes Van with at the :37 mark was anything less than Machida-esque in its timing and grace would not only be wrong, it would also be incorrect, inaccurate, fallacious and plain ig’nant.

Lucky punch, you say? Please, luck is for people who didn’t play Super Smash Bros as a child and immediately start applying those techniques to real life. It is a well known fact that Jon Jones learned most of that crazy spinning shit he throws by mimicking Youtube videos — this is simply the next evolutionary step of that mentality. Tune in to Tick’s next fight, where he will attempt to inhale his opponent, drain his powers and crush him by turning into a boulder in mid-air.

Here’s a cool screenshot I grabbed from the video. Captions, please.


-J. Jones


Hilarious Boxing Update: Dude Tells his Opponent to Come at Him, Is Immediately KTFO.

(If you’re coming on…shit, where’d I put my glasses? Props to Deadspin for the find.)

For those of you who still don’t think that taunting only looks cool if the person who wins the fight does it, please direct your attention to Exhibit Z: This clip from a boxing match between Miguel Zuniga and Daquan Arnett on Saturday night.

During the fifth round of the bout, Zuniga began to finally crack Arnett’s counterpunch-heavy style, backing Arnett up against the ropes as he unleashed his hardest punches. Sensing his opponent was in trouble, Zuniga was all about trading haymakers, while Arnett was more interested in silly things like defense, counter left hooks and not getting his ass kicked. Clearly frustrated, Zuniga decided that his best option in this situation was to channel his inner Harold Howard, signaling for his opponent to “COME ON!” while he let Arnett off the ropes.

I’m not here to fault Zuniga for attempting a mid-fight Harold Howard tribute. Hell, I don’t think anyone reading this is here to do that. But…if you’re telling your opponent to “come on,” can you at least do it in a stereotypically Canadian accent? And for crying out loud, please don’t immediately get knocked the fuck out, either. Especially if you attempt zero cartwheel kicks in the process.



This Bigfoot Silva/Taylor Swift Mashup is the Greatest Thing You Will Ever Witness Today [VIDEO]

It’s pretty much known by anyone who possesses a working set of ears that Taylor Swift has the vocal range of a walrus being strangled to death by a vibrating belt machine (as opposed to say, Warbringer, who are basically the Three Tenors of our generation). Still, that fact hasn’t stopped her from snatching up damn near every Billboard, CMT, MTV, BET, or Grammy award out there, because musical talent is something that is apparently determined by how many lovestruck 12 year-old girls buy your relationship-prostituting albums nowadays.

In any case, Ms. Swift and her voice have become quite the subject of parody on the Twitters and Youtubes lately, with her hit song “I Knew You Were Trouble” taking the brunt of it. While her duet with a screaming goat might be the most notorious of these parodies, Youtube user FreeFights4You has offered an alternative, MMA-themed take on the song that will surely ascend to the top of the Taylor Swift-based parodies for at least a week.

Featuring none other than UFC 160′s Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva on guest vocals, this parody might just be the greatest thing you will ever witness today. I mean, it’s no “baby monkey riding on a pig,” but what will ever top that slice of fried gold, honestly?

Now if only the UFC would quit being so stubborn and start accepting fan-made promos like “Nick Diaz: Crazy, Shirtless Mofo” and “Knowing About Horse Meat is Half the Battle,” we guaran-damn-tee that they would see their pay-per-view sales increased tenfold. TENFOLD WE TELLS YOU.

-J. Jones