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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Gabriel Gonzaga

UFC 102 Preliminary Card Results

Gabriel Gonzaga UFC 102 MMA
("That was me, Gabriel Gonzaga, before I joined Nutrisystem and Alcoholics Anonymous." Photo courtesy of this set on Combat Lifestyle.)

Spoilers after the jump…

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Exclusive: Chris Tuchscherer Discusses His Road to the UFC, Throwing Down With Brock Lesnar, and the Curse of the YAMMA

Chris Tuchscherer MMA UFC
(Tuchscherer puts Alexey Oleinik right where he wants him during the semi-finals of YAMMA Pit Fighting last April. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

With a record of 17-1 and wins over UFC vets like Krzysztof Soszynski, Travis Fulton, and Branden Lee Hinkle, Chris Tuchscherer has been paying his dues for over five years. And yet, the 33-year-old North Dakota native and former two-time NCAA Division II All-American wrestler was told "no dice" when he tried out for TUF 10 earlier this year. Luckily, the UFC came to their senses and decided to give the Crowbar a shot against Gabriel Gonzaga at UFC 102 this Saturday, in a match that could be pivotal for both of their careers. After months of training with long-lost-twin Brock Lesnar, Tuchscherer is ready to test his might in the Octagon. And his first opponent had better watch the hell out…

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CAGEPOTATO: You tried out for the tenth season of The Ultimate Fighter, and ended up with a contract to fight Gabriel Gonzaga. How exactly did that come about?
CHRIS TUCHSCHERER: I thought I was going to get on the show — I tried out, everything was looking good, I got a second interview — then I got home and I got a call saying I wasn’t going to make the show. Later on that week, I got an e-mail from Joe Silva with a contract offer, so it worked out for the best. But I honestly couldn’t tell you why it went down like that. I was never told, like, “your record is this good, so we just want you to have a contract.”

If you did end up as a castmember on this season of TUF, how do you think you’d do?
I think I would have done very well. I would have seen myself as one of the guys to make it to the finals.

At UFC 102 you’ll be facing Gabriel Gonzaga, who’s very dangerous but has been somewhat inconsistent during his time in the UFC. Do you view this fight as a big step up in competition?
Well, I’ve faced some pretty good guys in the past. Gonzaga’s made his resume as a dangerous opponent in every aspect of the game, so I guess it’ll be a step up in competition considering where he’s been so far, but I don’t look at him as being any better of a man than me, or intimidating to me, because we’re all the same. He got his shot in the UFC in a different way, he made a name for himself right when he got in there, and he is who is now.

I’ve seen a few of your fights online, and your general strategy seems to be to take your opponent down and finish the fight with strikes from the top. Is that pretty much how it’s going to go down against Gonzaga?

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Back at the Bottom, Gabriel Gonzaga Slated to Face Tuchscherer in August

Chris Tuchscherer Brock Lesnar MMA UFC 102
(Blonde ambition: Chris Tuchscherer with his road-dog Brock Lesnar. Photo courtesy of snbcmma.com.)

Though Gabriel Gonzaga is one of the most fearsome can-crushers in the sport, he has repeatedly struggled against high-level competition during his tenure in the UFC. Now coming off a knockout loss to Shane Carwin at UFC 96 — his third defeat in his last five fights — Gonzaga may be getting his "win or GTFO" matchup. MMA Weekly reports that "Napao" and UFC newcomer Chris Tuchscherer have agreed to face each other at UFC 102, which is scheduled for August 29th in Portland.

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Junior Dos Santos Is Being Built Up Ass-Backwards

Dos Santos Struve Miragliotta UFC MMA
(Dos Santos makes short work of Stefan "Skyscraper" Struve at UFC 95 in February. Photo courtesy of DayLife.com.)

There are some MMA fans who will tell you that Junior Dos Santos is one of the ten best heavyweights in the world. Personally, I think he needs one more win over a credible opponent before he becomes Power Ranking-worthy, but I won’t deny that he’s got serious talent and potential. Which is why it’s strange that for his third fight in the Octagon, he’s being given someone near the very bottom of the UFC heavyweight totem pole. MMA Junkie reports that Dos Santos and Justin McCully have agreed to face each other at UFC 102 (August 29th; Portland, Oregon). So, quick MMA Math…

Junior Dos Santos wasted Fabricio Werdum, who pwned Gabriel Gonzaga, who made McCully his bitch = OMFG can this fight even get approval by the Oregon State Athletic Commission?

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Shane Carwin: A Man in Need of a Nickname


(I know, tons of words rhyme with Shane, but let’s think this through.)

There’s a discussion brewing in our forums right now, begun by user LuketheDuke, with the goal of finding a suitable nickname for UFC heavyweight Shane Carwin.  Luke is right, here.  Carwin doesn’t have a nickname (that we know of — maybe he’s keeping it a secret?), and after knocking out Gabriel Gonzaga and cracking the all-important top ten in the Cage Potato Power Rankings, the time is now.  

Trouble is, after looking through your forum posts I see that many of you are in love with the rhyming nickname.  This disappoints me.  As awesome as suggestions like Shane “The Great Dane” Carwin and Shane “You’ll Need a Cane” Carwin are, rhyming nicknames always seem forced.  Although at least T Rex rhymed the last name with his submission: Shane “Darwin” Carwin (since the dude is bringing survival of the fittest back to the UFC’s heavyweight division).  I like that.

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UFC 96 Payouts: Only One Superstar on This Card


(Fight night Danavlog reveals that someone is a little self-conscious about his weight.)

The UFC paid out $762,000 in base fighter payroll for UFC 96 in Columbus, Ohio, and they dispersed this money according to their usual principles: from each according to his ability, to each according to his marketability.  Full disclosed payout figures are below.  For a more accurate accounting, imagine Rampage Jackson, Keith Jardine, and Matt Hamill all pocketing an extra $60,000 for their end of the night bonuses:

Quinton Jackson — $325,000 (includes $100,000 win bonus)
Keith Jardine — $55,000
Shane Carwin — $32,000 (includes $16,000 win bonus)
Gabriel Gonzaga: $60,000
Matt Brown — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
Pete Sell — $12,000
Matt Hamill — $40,000 ($20,000 win bonus)
Mark Munoz — $12,000
Gray Maynard — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Jim Miller — $9,000
Tamdan McCrory — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Ryan Madigan — $3,000
Kendall Grove — $44,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus)
Jason Day — $5,000
Jason Brilz — $10,000 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Tim Boetsch — $12,000
Brandon Vera — $60,000 (includes $30,000 win bonus)
Michael Patt — $5,000
Shane Nelson — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus
Aaron Riley — $6,000

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UFC 96 Bonuses and Videos


(‘Page vs. Keef. Props to MMALinker.)

After a wild, occasionally bizarre night of action which once again proved that weak-on-paper cards often turn out to be the most entertaining ones, the UFC released $60,000 end-of-night bonuses to UFC 96‘s standout fighters. Taking home the extra cash are…

Fight of the Night: Quinton Jackson and Keith Jardine, who put on a surprisingly competitive three-rounder in the main event; in fact, the fight was one of the few matches on the card that wasn’t a one-sided squash.

Knockout of the Night: Matt Hamill, obviously, for his Cro Coppian head-kick obliteration of Mark Munoz. 

Submission of the Night: No bonus was given out, even though Tamdan McCrory did technically make Ryan Madigan tap due to strikes. We’ll let you know if he decides to file a complaint with the athletic commission.

UFC 96 drew a very-impressive 17,033 spectators to Nationwide Arena, for a gate of $1.8 million. 

After the jump: The Hammer’s nasty KO, Carwin’s ownage of Napao, the Brown/Sell fiasco, and Kendall Grove’s job-saving beatdown of Jason Day.

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UFC 96: Liveblogging Because We Care


(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

It’s a lovely spring day in Columbus, Ohio and the streets of the Arena District are teeming with fans eager to find out, can Keith Jardine really continue his streak of ruining every good plan the UFC has, or will "Rampage" Jackson save him from the ethical quandary of a potential future title shot against his dear friend Rashad Evans?  We’ll be liveblogging all the action as it unfolds, so stick with us.  And when I say stick with us I really mean it.  God help me, if I find out you’re two-timing us with some other liveblog there will be hell to pay.

Before we get started, how about giving this a quick Digg.  It only takes a second, and you’ll feel better about yourself afterwards.  Remember to hit refresh often to keep up with the action.  We’ll get started any minute now…

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 96


(Only one thing could make "The Dean of Mean" smile like that: ice cream sandwich.)

Need some money and don’t want to go through the tedious motions of acquiring it through work?  Man, I sympathize.  That’s why I’m moving to an internet gambling-based personal financial model.  Yes, literally every piece of financial advice I read strongly suggests I not do this, but if those people know so much why are they still working as financial advice writers instead of living it up in limos with a bunch of Armenian strippers?  Riddle me that, suckas.

Betting lines come to us via BestFightOdds.com, as usual.

Quinton Jackson (-281) vs. Keith Jardine (+261)
Gabriel Gonzaga (-160) vs. Shane Carwin (+150)
Matt Hamill (-160) vs. Mark Munoz (+150)
Pete Sell (-131) vs. Matt Brown (+121)
Gray Maynard (-160) vs. Jim Miller (+155)
Tamdan McCrory (-290) vs. Ryan Madigan (+275)
Kendall Grove (-160) vs. Jason Day (+165)
Tim Boetsch (-130) vs. Jason Brilz (+130)
Brandon Vera (-500) vs. Mike Patt (+450)
Aaron Riley (-205) vs. Shane Nelson (+190)

Thoughts…

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UFC 96 Video Promo: Rampage Is Having a Meltdown Trying to Compute That In His Brain Right Now


(Props: BloodyElbow)

Well, we’re nine days away from the most-anticipated [Columbus, Ohio-based] UFC card in history since last March. No, the lineup isn’t exactly knocking anybody’s dick off. But people bitched about UFC 95, and that turned out to be insane from top to bottom, so who really knows? Above is the extended promo clip for the night’s two main events. Quinton Jackson says Keith Jardine‘s chin is suspect, and vows that somebody’s gonna pay for making him go back to the chilly U.K. to train. Jardine says he an overall better fighter that Jackson, and plans on testing his spirit.

Meanwhile, both Gabriel Gonzaga and Shane Carwin take pride in the fact that they finish fights. The undefeated Carwin still hasn’t been out of the first round in his career, which is both a good thing (can anybody make it to the second bell against this guy?) and potentially a bad thing (will he gas out if it goes to rounds two and three?). But now that Carwin is training with Greg Jackson’s camp, he’ll be able to draw from the wisdom of guys like Keith Jardine, Nate Marquardt, Rashad Evans, and GSP, and the brilliant gameplans of the team’s namesake. Deal with that, Team Link.

Semi-Related:
— Quinton Jackson is not Lyoto Machida’s biggest fan: "I mean, he’s good, he’s undefeated, but he’s boring. If I was the promoter of a show I wouldn’t have guys like that fighting on my show.” And so the trash-talk for an eventual face-off begins…

— Sore as hell from his three-round burner against Troy Mandaloniz last Saturday, Rampage’s Wolfslair teammate Paul Kelly is dropping to lightweight.

— Keith Jardine’s friendship with Rashad Evans would prevent him from fighting "Sugar" for the UFC light-heavyweight title. If it comes to that. Which it won’t.

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