(Two words: Cultivating mass.)

Oh my God, you guys. We are just two days away from a match so epic that it threatens to implode our entire universe and send it spiraling down a black hole quicker than a Duane Ludwig knockout. And since most of us are still trying to financially recover from Christmas (only to spend nearly as much on New Year’s Eve, ironically), why not place some bets with us and end this sumbitch on a bang instead of a whimper? Check out the betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our Negrodamus-esque advice below.

Main Card
Brock Lesnar (+110) vs. Alistair Overeem (-130)
Nate Diaz (+240) vs. Donald Cerrone (-280)
Jon Fitch (-230) vs. Johny Hendricks (+190)
Vladimir Matyushenko (+285) vs. Alexander Gustafsson (-345)
Nam Phan (-230) vs. Jimy Hettes (+190)

Preliminary card (televised on Spike)
Ross Pearson (-300) vs. Junior Assunçao (+250)
Anthony Njokuani (+155) vs. Danny Castillo (-175)

Preliminary card (Facebook)
Dong Hyun Kim (-360) vs. Sean Pierson (+300)
Jacob Volkmann (-260) vs. Efrain Escudero (+220)
Matt Riddle (-115) vs. Luis Ramos (-105)
Manvel Gamburyan (+200) vs. Diego Nunes (-240)

Thoughts…

(“Dun, dun, dun, dun, da-dun, dun, da-dun. Dah, dah, dah, dun, da-dun, dun, da-dun…“)

Props to MMAMania for directing us to the current betting lines for this Saturday‘s Strikeforce women’s featherweight title fight between Cristiane “Cris Cyborg” Santos and mysterious ex-dominatrix Hiroko Yamanaka. As of now, the champ is a -900 favorite, meaning that you’d have to bet $900 to collect a $100 profit if she wins. Yamanaka is a +550 underdog, meaning that a $100 bet would return a $550 profit if hell freezes over the challenger takes the belt.

Here’s why you might bet money on Yamanaka to score an upset: Cyborg hasn’t competed since June 2010; Yamanaka has gone 3-0 since then, with all wins by stoppage. Yamanaka might be able to keep Cyborg at bay with her height and range. Crazy shit happens in this sport all the time.

Here’s why you shouldn’t actually consider doing this: Literally every other reason you could possibly think of, including Cyborg’s unparalleled aggression, her history of consuming Japanese opponents, her home field advantage in the U.S., and most importantly, that it sucks to lose even small amounts of money in this economy.

If you have to bet on something this weekend, fill out this helpful questionnaire, then continue reading for a few wagering suggestions that are almost as risky, but not completely insane.

Last week, we let none other than The Great Potato step in and give you guys some gambling advice for the TUF 14 Finale. He went spuds out, gambling his son Tater’s future college fund on a parlay that included Jason Miller and T.J. Dillashaw. He has since gone into hiding and refused to answer any of our calls. Now that UFC 140 is on the horizon, we bring you some saweet betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our advice, in order to ensure his children receive the education they deserve.

Main Card
Jon Jones (-440) vs. Lyoto Machida (+350)
Frank Mir (-250) vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria (+210)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueria (-225) vs. Tito Ortiz (+175)
Brian Ebersole (-125) vs. Claude Patrick (-105)
Mark Hominick (-380) vs. Chan Sung Jung (+290)

The Main Event: The fact that Lyoto Machida is listed with a slightly better chance to beat Jones than Rampage Jackson, a.k.a the last person to beat Machida, is intriguing to say the least. We all know Lyoto has stepped up his training camp for this bout, and packed on an incredible 21 pounds of muscle to try and deal with the size and strength of Jones, but will this weight gain hinder the Dragon’s renowned elusiveness? And despite Jones’ near immortal stature among the UFC’s light heavyweight division, there is still one huge facet of his game that has yet to be tested, his chin.

It’s been a long road, ladies and gentlemen, but it seems the time of network television MMA not involving Kimbo Slice and a screaming Gus Johnson is finally upon us. UFC on Fox kicks off at 9 o’clock tomorrow night, and for those of you who are looking to get some last minute gambling in, well, allow us to help you scratch that itch. Check out the betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our Morgan Freeman-eqsue advice on what to do below.

Main Card/Event:
Cain Velasquez (-175) vs. Junior Dos Santos (+155)

Preliminary Card
Benson Henderson (-260) vs. Clay Guida (+220)
Dustin Poirier (-300) vs. Pablo Garza (+250)
Aaron Rosa (-140) vs. Matt Lucas (+120)
Mike Pierce (-340) vs. Paul Bradley (+280)
Mackens Sermizer (-115) vs. Robert Peralta (-105)
DaMarques Johnson (-270) vs. Clay Harvison (+230)
Norifumi Yamamoto (-360) vs. Darren Uyenoyama (+300)
Ricardo Lamas (-145) vs. Cub Swanson (+125)
Cole Escovedo (-260) vs. Alex Caceres (+220)

Before we’ve even had time to clear out the cobwebs from UFC 137, this Saturday already promises to bring us more bone crushing action with UFC 138, featuring a showdown between middleweight sluggers Chris Leben and Mark Munoz. And since we will be treated to a free card this weekend, why not turn that extra cash…into more extra cash? Check out the betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our advice, which should have already netted you some extra dough this month.

 
(Not yet………………………………..getting warmer…….)

UFC 137 is just around the bend, and since the lineup has made more changes than a MTV awards show host, we figured we’d lay out the current odds before something else horrible happens. So, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com, check out the sweetest lines available, along with our time tested advice below.

PPV Main Card
B.J. Penn (-115) vs. Nick Diaz (-105)
Matt Mitrione (-135) vs. Cheick Kongo (+115)
Roy Nelson (-290) vs. Mirko Filipovic (+245)
Hatsu Hioki (-330) vs. George Roop (+270)
There is no line yet available for the recently bumped up Tavares/Jacoby fight.

Spike TV Prelims
Donald Cerrone (-225) vs. Dennis Siver (+185)
Tyson Griffin (-290) vs. Bart Palaszewski (+245)

The undercard odds have yet to be released as well, but we only bet big here, so forgeddaboutit!

The Main Event:

(Stock-trader vs. Wall Street protester — who ya got? Photo via MMA Mania)

Want to make some real money this weekend? Then come over to my place on Saturday afternoon and be prepared to clean some toilets. Want to make some hypothetical, for-entertainment-purposes-only money this weekend? Then check out the latest UFC 136 betting lines (via BestFightOdds) and read our gambling advice after the jump.

PPV Main Card
Frankie Edgar (-125) vs. Gray Maynard (+120)
Jose Aldo (-320) vs. Kenny Florian (+301)
Chael Sonnen (-255) vs. Brian Stann (+227)
Nam Phan (-210) vs. Leonard Garcia (+208)
Melvin Guillard (-312) vs. Joe Lauzon (+310)

Spike TV Prelims
Demian Maia (-275) vs. Jorge Santiago (+245)
Anthony Pettis (-277) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+250)

Facebook Prelims
Joey Beltran (+190) vs. Stipe Miocic (-210)
Tiequan Zhang (-120) vs. Darren Elkins (+115)
Aaron Simpson (-313) vs. Eric Schafer (+300)
Steve Cantwell (-135) vs. Mike Massenzio (+130)

We’ll begin…at the beginning:

(The Royce Gracie of our generation poses with the Anderson Silva of his generation. Props: facebook.com/ufc)

On August 27th, Rio de Janeiro will be Blowout City. Aside from two matches on the preliminary card — Loveland vs. Jabouin and Assuncao vs. Eduardo — every fight at UFC 134: Silva vs. Okami features a fighter who’s a 2-1 favorite or higher. In times like these, it’s not about picking the winners, it’s about picking the upsets. So where they at? Check out the UFC 134 gambling lines below (via BestFightOdds), and consider our advice after the jump.

Main Card (PPV, 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT)
Anderson Silva (-471) vs. Yushin Okami (+425)
Maurício Rua (-220) vs. Forrest Griffin (+225)
Brendan Schaub (-230) vs. Antônio Rodrigo Nogueira (+216)
Edson Barboza (-300) vs. Ross Pearson (+280)
Luis Cane (-200) vs. Stanislav Nedkov (+195)

Spike TV Prelims Live (8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT)
Thiago Tavares (-205) vs. Spencer Fisher (+200)
Rousimar Palhares (-275) vs. Dan Miller (+252)

Facebook Prelims (6 p.m. ET / 3 p.m. PT)
Paulo Thiago (-389) vs. David Mitchell (+340)
Raphael Assunção (-160) vs. Johnny Eduardo (+149)
Erick Silva (-270) vs. Luis Ramos (+246)
Yuri Alcantara (-437) vs. Felipe Arantes (+379)
Ian Loveland (-195) vs. Yves Jabouin (+180)

(“Overeem is my son. Scott Coker is my uncle. Gina Carano is my hot cousin. Josh Barnett is my sister’s meathead boyfriend.”)

Betting odds for the complete lineup of tomorrow night’s Strikeforce card were released yesterday, and looking over these numbers, it seems like the perfect opportunity to dig yourself out of the hole you put yourself in by following our previous gambling advice. Now, we don’t actually recommend the use of off-shore gambling sites these days, in light of the government’s recent eRaids, but hey, entertainment purposes and all, right? Check out the juiciest lines for Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com, then listen very carefully to what we have to say…

Main Card (Showtime, 10 p.m.)
Alistair Overeem (-321) vs. Fabricio Werdum (+300)
Josh Barnett (-319) vs. Brett Rogers (+309)
K.J. Noons (-144) vs. Jorge Masvidal (+135)
Daniel Cormier (-300) vs. Jeff Monson (+325)
Valentijn Overeem (+111) vs. Chad Griggs (-122)

(Something’s different here. I just can’t put my finger on it)

It kind of snuck up on you there, didn’t it? Don’t worry, us too. Funny, we must’ve had other stuff on our minds this week because it feels like we haven’t given UFC 128 the attention it probably deserves. Without the UFC’s historic acquisition of that other company whose name already escapes us, this weekend’s main event featuring largely overlooked champion Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and insanely hyped challenger Jon Jones would be one of the most hotly anticipated fights of the year. Instead, it feels as if it’s already on top of us and we haven’t even figured out if Jones and Rashad Evans are still boys yet.

Anyway, you know what you came here for. As always, the odds for this week’s event come to us from Sportsbook.com and our picks are presented for entertainment purposes only. Also, for the purposes of WINNING MAJOR WADS OF CASH! What! … yeah … ahem … you’ll have to excuse us, we’re pretty jacked about this one. After the jump find our foolproof scheme for checking major bank at UFC 128, all without leaving your couch.

(Now that’s gangster. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com) 

Strikeforce: Diaz vs. Noons II goes down Saturday night (Showtime, 10 p.m. ET/PT), and it’s not too late to put some cash on the fights. If you’ve already blown your kids’ college fund — hey, it happens — please swing by MMA Fightpicker and made your picks there. Otherwise, check out the Internet’s most favorable betting odds (below, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com) and let’s get to work…

MAIN CARD
Nick Diaz (-199) vs. KJ Noons (+200)
Sarah Kaufman (-290) vs. Marloes Coenen (+273)
Josh Thomson (-160) vs. Gesias "J.Z." Cavalcante (+159)
Tyron Woodley (-240) vs. Andre Galvao (+220)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Bret Bergmark (-124) vs. James Terry (+120)
Eric Lawson (-110) vs. Ron Keslar (EV)

After an unsuccessful stint in rehab, the Gambling Addiction Enabler has returned to do what it does best — make large, ill-advised wagers simply for the thrill of gambling. We’re not saying you should follow our betting advice, necessarily, but there are plenty of opportunities to beat the bookies at UFC 119, which goes down this Satuday in Indianapolis. The betting lines are below, courtesy of bestfightodds.com. If you can’t afford to waste real money, please hit up MMA FightPicker and throw down some virtual PotatoChips on the fights. And if you don’t know what these numbers mean, please read this first.

MAIN CARD
Frank Mir (-220) vs. Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic (+215)
Ryan Bader (-165) vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (+155)
Chris Lytle (-125) vs. Matt Serra (+120)
Evan Dunham (-204) vs. Sean Sherk (+190)
Melvin Guillard (-150) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+140)

SPIKE TV PRELIMS
CB Dollaway (-295) vs. Joe Doerksen (+270)
Matt Mitrione (-140) vs. Joey Beltran (+136)

UNAIRED PRELIMS
Thiago Tavares (-290) vs. Pat Audinwood (+240)
Steve Lopez (-115) vs. Waylon Lowe (-115)
T.J. Grant (-150) vs. Julio Paulino (+145)
Mark Hunt (-215) vs. Sean McCorkle (+200)

And away we go…

("Listen, Jacare, those hotel carpets are usually covered in…you know what, forget it.")

Strikeforce Houston is set to blast off this Saturday and your old pal Gambling Addiction Enabler has just one question: Could you loan us a few bucks until payday? Seriously, man, we’ve got some can’t-miss fight picks cookin’, and we swear it won’t be like last time. Thanks, bro. For real, you won’t regret this. Would it be cool if we used your shower?

The available betting lines, courtesy of bestfightodds.com:

Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal (-376) vs. Rafael Cavalcante (+375)
Ronaldo Souza (-255) vs. Tim Kennedy (+215)
KJ Noons (-205) vs. Jorge Gurgel (+205)
Bobby Lashley (-500) vs. Chad Griggs (+370)
Daniel Cormier (-1350) vs. Jason Riley (+700)*
Andre Galvao (-280) vs. Jorge Patino (+240)**

* The Cormier/Riley and Galvao/Patino prelim fights will both be streamed live on Sherdog before the Showtime broadcast.

** Jorge Patino is a late replacement for Nate Moore, who has dropped out of the event due to injury. Please make your Fightpicker changes as necessary.

Anyway…

(Keith Jardine: The love child of Michael Berryman and this thing. Photo courtesy of ESPN)

You know what time it is, Potato Nation — it’s time to steal some money from your girlfriend’s purse and wire it to a shady off-shore gambling site in the faint hope that A) You’ll win your bets, and B) They’ll eventually send you your profits. Lots of luck, suckers! As tradition dictates, here are the betting lines for Saturday’s TUF 11 Finale, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com 

Court McGee (-180) vs. Kris McCray (+175)
Matt Hamill (-138) vs. Keith Jardine (+125)
Aaron Simpson (-334) vs. Chris Leben (+292)
Spencer Fisher (-175) vs. Dennis Siver (+163)
Jamie Yager (-105) vs. Rich Attonito (+105)

John Gunderson (-245) vs. Mark Holst (+285)
Brad Tavares (-205) vs. Seth Baczynski (+200)
Kyle Noke (-185) vs. Josh Bryant (+170)
Chris Camozzi (-125) vs. James Hammortree (even)
Travis Browne (-185) vs. James McSweeney (+155)

So how can we beat the bookmakers on Saturday? Pull up a chair and I’ll lay it all out for you…

(Props: CagePotato reader Mitch C.)
 
After making a solid profit on Heavy Artillery, the Gambling Enabler is ready to let it ride on UFC 114. Are you ready? Or are you too chickenshit to claim what’s yours in this life? Seriously, if you don’t have the balls to make hypothetical online wagers on UFC fights, then LEAVE NOW BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT YOU. Odds are only being offered on seven matches from the #114 card, but that’s enough to make us a little cash, so lets take a look at the numbers courtesy of MMAMoneyline…

Rashad Evans (-115) vs. Quinton Jackson (+105)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (-540) vs. Jason Brilz (+375)
Michael Bisping (-185) vs. Dan Miller (+160)
Todd Duffee (-430) vs. Mike Russow (+325)
Diego Sanchez (-220) vs. John Hathaway (+185)
Amir Sadollah (-130) vs. Dong Hyun Kim (+120)
Efrain Escudero (-400) vs. Dan Lauzon (+350)

Now then…

(Fun fact: Jose Aldo got that scar when he was a baby, after his sisters rolled him onto a barbecue pit. Well, maybe that’s not so much a "fun" fact as a completely horrifying one. Depends on your definition of fun, I guess. / Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Now that some of you are sitting on hefty tax returns from defrauding the government while in prison, it’s time to see if we can turn those little nest eggs into big, throbbing piles of money. WEC 48 is this Saturday — only on Pay Per View! — and there are plenty of opportunities to beat the oddsmakers. But before we share our red-hot, sure-thing, can’t-miss tips*, let’s take a look at the betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com…

MAIN CARD
Jose Aldo (-295) vs. Urijah Faber (+289)
Ben Henderson (even) vs. Donald Cerrone (-110)
Mike Brown (-600) vs. Manny Gamburyan (+500)
Shane Roller (-140) vs. Anthony Njokuani (+115)
Scott Jorgensen (-250) vs. Antonio Banuelos (+230)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Leonard Garcia (-130) vs. Chan Sung Jung (+110)
Anthony Pettis (-550) vs. Alex Karalexis (+505) 
Brad Pickett (-127) vs. Demetrious Johnson (even)
Chad Mendes (-465) vs. Anthony Morrison (+375)
Takeya Mizugaki (-150) vs. Rani Yahya (+130)
Brandon Visher (-300) vs. Tyler Toner (+240)

* We kindly request that you don’t consult previous editions of the Gambling Enabler to verify this claim.

Damn, a lot of surprises here…

(Nothing to see here but me yappin’ with Steve Cofield and Dave Farra about how to lose money most efficiently at UFC 111.)

For those of you lucky enough to snag tickets to UFC 111 before they sold out, you get to play an entirely different kind of betting game in Newark, New Jersey on Saturday night. We like to call it, ‘Mugged or Propositioned?’ It’s simple, really. You try and guess whether you will be mugged, or offered drugs and/or the services of a prostitute. Both are bound to happen eventually, but the key is to peg which one will happen first. You don’t win anything if you guess right. That’s why this game sucks.

As usual, the best odds on the internet come to us from BestFightOdds.com:

Georges St. Pierre (-650) vs. Dan Hardy (+638)
Frank Mir (-140) vs. Shane Carwin (+130)
Ben Saunders (-155) vs. Jake Ellenberger (+148)
Jon Fitch (+140) vs. Thiago Alves (-145)
Jim Miller (-332) vs. Mark Bocek (+310)
Nate Diaz (-275) vs. Rory Markham (+250)
Ricardo Almeida (-138) vs. Matt Brown (+135)
Kurt Pellegrino (-165) vs. Fabricio Camoes (+160)
Rodney Wallace (-120) vs. Jared Hamman (-103)
Rousimar Palhares (-237) vs. Tomasz Drwal (+211)
Matthew Riddle (-217) vs. Greg Soto (+190)

The breakdown…

(Proof that being a bad-ass does not prevent you from looking like a stereotypical tourist in a foreign country. Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

This weekend’s UFC event down under is a tricky one for your old pal the Enabler. You see, years ago I promised my sponsor that I wouldn’t bet on any more Australian sporting events. It’s a long story that I’d rather not get into right now, so let’s just say that it involved a high-stakes netball match and a ’92 Pontiac that wasn’t exactly mine to lose.

But this is different. This is the UFC. Surely I can make an exception here, right? Not even that lot of criminals can fix a fight in the UFC. Not like those crooked netball games. The tastiest betting lines on the internet come to us courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (+105) vs. Cain Velasquez (-110)
Wanderlei Silva (-130) vs. Michael Bisping (+130)
Joe Stevenson (-240) vs. George Sotiropoulos (+218)
Keith Jardine (+140) vs. Ryan Bader (-135)
Mirko Filipovic (-135) vs. Ben Rothwell (+130)

UFC 107 Gambling Enabler – Watch more Funny Videos

Some people say that there’s nothing worthwhile you can accomplish with one camera, two untrained actors, and very little in the way of budget or professional lighting equipment. We say those people are a bunch of negative jerks who probably hate themselves and smell really bad. In the name of trying something a little different, we produced a video version of our old “Gambling Addiction Enabler” for UFC 107. We mainly did this because our latest research suggests that many of you are functionally illiterate, but also because we thought it would be fun. We were right. On both counts.

Enjoy our first effort at this. We can only get better.

(A quick game of rock, scissors, paper to determine who has to sit next to Jerry Millen. Photo courtesy of MixFight.ru.)

If there’s anything the old Gambling Addiction Enabler loves more than placing irresponsible bets on sporting events, it’s placing irresponsible bets on sporting events that are broadcast on network TV.  It has an odd way of making you feel less like a degenerate and more like a regular citizen with a crippling addiction.  It’s like going from drinking malt liquor behind T.J. Maxx to drinking it in a nice, drafty flophouse.  You end up sleeping on broken glass either way, but there’s something that feels so much classier about indoor broken glass, you know?

The best betting odds on the internet come to us courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Fedor Emelianenko (-495) vs. Brett Rogers (+497)
Jake Shields (-266) vs. “Mayhem” Miller (+236)
Gegard Mousasi (-460) vs. Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou (+393)
Antonio Silva (+156) vs. Fabricio Werdum (-165)

The breakdown…