(Kung Fu Panda, seen here at the Haywire premier. Just kidding Gina, you know we love you. Seriously, we fucking love you.) 

You see, Potato Nation? This is why we can’t have nice things. Continuing the decades-old trend of movie going audiences and critics having the exact opposite opinion of what correlates a decent film, the Gina Carano starring, Steven Soderbergh directed action thriller Haywire opened with a measly 9 million dollars. This, in a weekend that saw Underworld: Rise and Fall of Vamipirous Werewolves 3:The Awakening’s Resolution take in over 25 million and Marky Mark Action Movie #346 take in over 12 million.

Now, it is a well known fact that most movie studios save their biggest cinematic turds for January (this is the month that brought us Season of the Witch, people), but this has to be a disheartening, if not foreboding sign to Gina Carano 2.0, or whatever we refer to her as now that she isn’t actually fighting MMA anymore. Is it too early to write her off? Of course; that moment will come after one of us manages to get off our lazy asses and check out the movie. Shit, I still haven’t seen Warrior, and I watch a disturbing amount of movies.

As you’ve already heard, the critics thus far have praised Haywire for its stripped down feel and intense pace, scoring it an 82% on the Tomatometer. Audiences, on the other hand, have unanimously trounced Haywire, giving it a D+ on Cinemascore. These are the same audiences, mind you, that gave Transformers: Baygasm an A.

[*Pours first glass of scotch for the day.*] 

(Carano with Lil’ Gina.  Neither of them will go out with you.)

Awww, having her own Round 5 MMA action figure makes Gina Carano smile like she hasn’t since she got naked behind a towel at a public weigh-in.  It’s just a prototype, but it looks like the Round 5 people went ahead and enhanced some of her feminine features.  This is not all that surprising.  Round 5 even managed to make Sean Sherk look like he had normal-length arms, so we know they have no problem presenting their own alternate version of physical reality.  At least Gina’s figure will give both little girls and creepy old dudes the hero they need so badly in their lives.