(There may be only one man on earth who can make the Santa hat look cool.)

I don’t want much this holiday season.  Well, besides that Red Ryder BB Gun I ask for every year.  And a pony.  But there are some fights I’d like to see in 2009, and while I don’t think that mall Santa I tried to talk to is going to be any help (let’s just say it got heated and we both said some things we didn’t really mean), I’m holding out hope that the powers that be will hear my pleas and make some of these happen.  

Here’s my wish list of ten fights for 2009.  Some are very likely.  Some are just barely feasible.  But I tried to stay away from the downright impossible, hence the absence of Fedor vs. The Highlander.  Feel free to let me know all about what’s on your list in the comments section:

1. Anderson Silva vs. Georges St. Pierre: Whether GSP beats Penn or not (magic eight ball says, “all signs point to yes,”) this has the potential to be the UFC’s biggest superfight ever.  They have precious few opportunities to settle pound-for-pound debates, but this is their best shot.  If MMA becomes legal in New York this year, as it probably will, this fight could do a Jay-Z and sell out the Garden in a day.

2. B.J. Penn vs. Kenny Florian: Perhaps no fighter in the UFC has improved so much by sheer force of will as KenFlo.  Penn is the lightweight champ, and he deserves to be, which is why I really wish he’d stop chasing fights in other weight classes and set his sights on defending that title.  Winning a belt is great, but defending it is how you cement your status as a dominant champ.  Penn probably beats Florian in a tough fight, but there’s only one way to find out.

3. Fedor Emelianenko vs. Josh Barnett: If he beats Arlovski, this is the only realistically possible bout for Fedor that would still be compelling.  I know they’re friends and all, but Affliction is starting to feel like a narrowing path leading only to this fight.  Hopefully all parties concerned – Affliction, Barnett, Fedor, Fedor’s management team – can hold it together long enough to make it happen.

(Oh yeah, Cyborg will definitely fall for that one.)

Reporting on the possibility of a match (someday, somewhere) between Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg, Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt shared this bit of informed speculation:

As of today, I’ve ascertained enough information to confidently say that an eleventh hour effort is afoot to resurrect Pro Elite. I’m told this new regime includes a mix of a new investor(s) and some of Pro Elite’s old guard, and they have submitted a bid to CBS to take over the promising contract left dormant after the Los Angeles promotion closed its doors in late October. Carano and Santos’ contracts — not to mention those of Elite champions Robbie Lawler and Jake Shields among others — could be legally bound to this reincarnated unit.

As long as the "old guard" in question doesn’t include Jeremy Lappen or anybody named Shaw, this could turn out to be good news. Say what you want about EliteXC’s former scumminess, but the sport needs a high-profile venue outside of the UFC, particularly one with network television coverage. The question is, can anybody run it correctly? MMA Junkie adds to the story, suggesting that ProElite’s assets could be purchased within the next few weeks by a familiar name:

(A snapshot of a culture with confused priorities.)

Yahoo! Buzz has an article on the top ten most influential women of 2008, and not only did Gina Carano, who is described as an “undefeated kickboxing champ,” make the list, she somehow landed just behind Hillary Clinton.  You remember her, the first woman to have a legitimate shot at becoming President of the United States!?  Also known as Barack Obama’s future Secretary of State!!?!  Apparently that makes you slightly more influential than a female MMA fighter who beat a few opponents she was supposed to beat and struggled to make weight every single time.

Look, I love Carano as much as anyone, except perhaps the creepy dudes or Jared Shaw, though that’s redundant.  I think it’s great what she’s done for female MMA.  Her contributions to the sport through the CBS fights are immeasurable, and if stuff like this helps her get signed by Zuffa, while simultaneously upping the credibility of female MMA (also known as kickboxing, apparently), then great.

But ranking her #5, when you don’t even know what sport she actually participates in?  That’s just indefensible.  Not that we should take this list that seriously.  Angelina Jolie is #1, after all, because apparently being an actress and having/adopting a bunch of children is more important than almost becoming president or commanding an army of willing women followers, as Oprah, who’s #3, has done.  Hell, Sarah Palin is #2, and she’s just a step up from an especially charming contestant on "America’s Got Talent."   In other words, the list is pretty bullshit to begin with.

Maybe I’d be more amenable to Carano getting a spot on this list if she had consistently made weight for her fights.  Or if she had faced a tough opponent, like “Cyborg” Santos.  I realize only one of those two things is under her control, but my point is she’s not exactly a female Jackie Robinson.  Though, if you don’t account for inflation, I’ll bet she and Robinson got paid about the same.

(Props: MMA Mania)

Gina Carano Interview – Watch more free videos

Our good friend Ariel Helwani of MMA Rated was kind enough to supply us with these exclusive video interviews that he conducted over the weekend. Above the lovely Gina Carano discusses her future, why she can’t run off to the WEC just yet even if Dana White decides he’d like her to, and what exactly was going on between her and Tonya Evinger in those infamous photographs we all enjoyed so much.

Randy Couture Interview – Watch more free videos

Randy Couture talks about his loss to Brock Lesnar, whether he’d consider heading back down to light heavyweight to get away from such beasts, and what’s next for “The Natural.”

After the jump, movie star Cung Le…

(Courtesy of billyjoemaclellan via Fight Opinion)

Near the end of yesterday’s raucous Georges St. Pierre/BJ Penn/Dana White press conference in Toronto — directly after a young boy asks GSP if he’s scared he’ll lose his belt — an audience member asks Dana White if he plans to install a women’s division in the UFC. White has spoken before about his contention that there aren’t enough talented female fighters to create a women’s division in the UFC, and he restated his feelings yesterday, but the second part of his answer (starting at the vid’s 2:08 mark) was pretty interesting:

“Gina Carano is a star. I think she’s talented, I think she’s got all the tools, so what I’m willing to do is bring Gina into the WEC. And we could do fights whenever there’s a challenger for Gina. ["Cyborg!" shouts an audience member.] Obviously. So I think that’s how I’ll test the waters and see how it goes.”

Hey, one-offs are better than nothing. It’s great to see that there’s at least one venue open for Carano to compete in, and with Crush on the roster, the WEC can continue to pursue its goal of putting on a pay-per-view event, which took a minor step backward after poster-boy Urijah Faber lost his title to Mike Brown. Once Dana White sees how quickly Gina takes over as the WEC’s biggest draw, a proper women’s division can’t be far behind.

(We love a woman who loves to party.)

- One man who won’t be sorry to see California State Athletic Commissioner Armando Garcia go is Sean Sherk, who still feels like he got a raw deal on his steroid case thanks to Garcia and his bungling of the appeals process. Sherk told MMA Rated that he “knew the guy had some issues” that would lead to his eventual removal, and now Sherk’s “glad to see that is finally taking place.” The sad irony is that it most likely wasn’t Garcia’s incompetence that got him in trouble so much as his ill-fated inter-office romance.

- Guess which over-stimulated, hyperbolic UFC announcer will be celebrating his 100th broadcast at UFC 91 on Saturday night? Did you guess Mike Goldberg? Damn, you’re good. UFC.com has an interesting article that looks at how Goldie went from some dude in front of a microphone who knew nothing about MMA to some dude in front of a microphone who is at least better than Mauro Ranallo. The best part of the article is hearing it all straight from Goldberg, who apparently loves mixing metaphors even when he’s not working. On why he stuck with the UFC even after the WWE made him a lucrative offer:

I can equate it to maybe playing for the Cincinnati Bengals and being 3-13 and 4-12, and finally you think you’ve got a team that might make it to the postseason. Do you bail and go to the Patriots or 49ers at that point, or do you say ‘the ship is sailing and is about to find a really cool island – do I want to jump off that ship now or see where it’s gonna land?’

Wait, are we still talking about the UFC?

(Props: thebigmansentme, MMA Fight Girls)

Not sure about the back-story on these photos, but basically we’re looking at noted lesbrawler Tonya Evinger — whose desire to make out with Gina Carano has never been a secret — corrupting Crush at a party. And if you send us $9.95, we’ll let you see the rest of the set! More wild pics below; please Digg this post if you can.

Previously: Tonya Evinger Lesbian Party

(GSP is not impressed. Props: MMA Mania.)

- Is Shonie Carter trapped in a foreign land? (Fightlinker)

- Talking WEC meltdown, Pro Elite antics, and more on internet radio. (MMA Rated)

- Matt Hughes is not a white supremacist. (Bloody Elbow)

- Randy Couture scoffs at your insults. (Las Vegas Sun)

- Gina Carano and “Cyborg” Santos to sign together as package deal? (Fighters Only)

- Gomi reloading to headline Sengoku 7. (MMA Junkie)

- Mike Massenzio looking to use CB Dollaway as a stepping stone. (Fight Hype)

- The 10 best bourbons you’ve never heard of. (Holy Taco)

- How the iPhone beat the Blackberry. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Milla Jovovich to play alcoholic stripper…finally. (Screen Junkies)

- Dry ice bomb owns dad. (Nothing Toxic)

(Anyone want to buy a Kimbo?)

The date is set for the auction of Pro Elite’s assets. On November 17, everything that isn’t nailed down, and probably a bunch of stuff that is, will all be sold to the highest bidder. According to the notice of sale, fighter contracts are just part of what’s on the auction block:

The Collateral includes all contracts between any Debtor and mixed martial arts fighters (including, but not limited to, Kevin Ferguson a.k.a. “Kimbo Slice”, Gina Carano, Jake Shields, Robbie Lawler, Frank Shamrock, Antonio Silva, Brett Rogers, Dave Herman, Scott Smith, Nick Diaz, Cristiane Venancio Justino a.k.a. “Chris Cyborg”, Eddie Alvarez, Yves Edwards and Wilson Reis) and all of each Debtor’s video library, still photographs and home videos (e.g., DVDs and VHS tapes).

VHS tapes?! Say no more.

Is it me, or is there something creepy about the idea of selling fighters at auction? I can’t help but picture poor “Cyborg” Santos standing up there while sweaty-palmed promoters and fetish pornographers bid for her services, all while she struggles to understand what’s going on. You add Frank Shamrock and Kimbo Slice into that scenario and it begins to feel like a nightmare you have after overdosing on cold medicine.

(‘That was…fun?’)

Kim Couture is set to get back in MMA action for the first time since having her jaw jacked in her pro debut against Kim Rose back in June, only this time she’ll be fighting in a real organization. Strikeforce sent out a press release to announce that “Sugar Free” would be competing on their Nov. 21 “Destruction” card in San Jose, Calif.

The wife of UFC heavyweight champ Randy Couture has tried her hand at just about every aspect of MMA except ring girl at this point, even messing around with management and promoting, with mixed results. Now she takes on Lina Kvokov, and she’s hoping for a better, or at least less grisly outcome this time around:

“Losing that fight was the best thing that ever happened to me,” said Couture who, despite sustaining considerable punishment, went the three round distance with Rose before losing a unanimous judges’ decision. “It’s completely changed me as a fighter. I’ve started doing things a lot different. It made me realize that I have to be the aggressor or I’m going to get hurt.”

Hurt, indeed. The more interesting (or perhaps only interesting) aspect of this news is it signals Strikeforce’s willingness to wade deeper into the waters of women’s MMA. With Gina Carano destined to eventually hit the free agent market and the UFC ruling out the idea of a women’s division at the moment, the opportunity exists for someone to step in and fill that void. Strikeforce could well be that someone.

Slightly related: Kim Couture and Gina Carano Grappling (video), Kim Couture surprised at UFC’s disregard for Brock Lesnar’s safety

(Will act coquettishly adorable and sexy for food?)

While none of us may be positively heartbroken or even surprised to see Pro Elite shut down its operation, the thing to keep in mind is that the MMA marketplace just got smaller. That means fewer opportunities for fighters and, at least for most, meager paychecks in the near future. Former Icon Sport promoter Patrick Freitas reminded us of this fact with a post to the UG that read, in part:

I Just wanted to say that as everyone here is dancing on the Elitexc’s grave, I think its important to remember that a shitload of good fighters (and great people) just saw their contracts disappear into the ether.

That’s the truth. Whatever you think of Pro Elite’s demise and the reasons behind it, one thing we can all agree on is it isn’t the fault of the fighters they employed. But now that those fighters find themselves without an organization to call home, where do they go? The answer, of course, depends on who they are. Most will end up in local promotions. But what about the big fish?

Jake Shields: If the UFC could only pick up one of the newly unemployed EliteXC fighters, Shields should be that one. He was probably the most talented guy on their roster, and something tells me Zuffa could scoop him up relatively cheaply. If he comes in and makes an impact on the UFC’s welterweight division right away, great. If he doesn’t, the UFC can claim it as proof that their fighters are far and away the best in the industry.

Kimbo Slice: The EliteXC collapse couldn’t have happened at a worse time for Ferg. Coming off an embarrassing loss and with a half a million dollar price tag, he does not look like a good investment right now. We know the UFC isn’t interested. Affliction has enough heavyweights to do something with him, but he’ll have to take a major pay cut. Even then his shelf life is a question, as is his desire to continue on as a pro fighter. Don’t be surprised if we’ve seen the last of Kimbo’s MMA days.

(Believe it or not, Kendall Grove vs. Chris Price was one of them.)

Using minute-by-minute Nielsen ratings data, MMA Weekly’s Ivan Trembow has painstakingly put together a list of the 20 individual MMA fights with the highest U.S. viewership. As he clarifies: “Viewership levels are based on live viewership, plus same-day DVR, rounded to the nearest 1,000 viewers, and the times listed are ET/PT. The indicated times begin at the opening bell of a fight and end at the minute in which the winner of the fight is known.” A few things to keep in mind before we get to the list:

— Pay-per-view fights are excluded due to a lack of reliable information, so the list only includes UFC fights on Spike and EliteXC shows on CBS.

— Seth Petruzelli actually appears on the list twice, thanks to his recent headlining fight at EliteXC: Heat and his fight against Matt Hamill at UFC: The Final Chapter in October 2006. Kimbo Slice, Gina Carano, and Hamill also show up on the list twice.

— Keep in mind that these aren’t even close to being the most-watched MMA fights worldwide. Due to Japan’s love of New Year’s Eve freak show bouts, a fight would need to draw over 30 million sets of eyeballs to crack the top five. In the U.S., only a bout between Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano would come close to putting up those kinds of numbers. So here we go…

1. EliteXC on CBS (5/31/2008): Kimbo Slice vs. James Thompson— 7.281 million viewers (Aired from 11:27 PM to 11:40 PM)

2. UFC on Spike TV (10/10/2006): Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock— 6.524 million viewers (Aired from 9:42 PM to 9:45 PM)

3. EliteXC on CBS (10/4/08): Seth Petruzelli vs. Kimbo Slice— 6.451 million viewers (Aired from 11:08 PM to 11:08 PM)

4. EliteXC on CBS (5/31/2008): Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith— 5.867 million viewers (Aired from 10.39 PM to 10:57 PM)

5. UFC on Spike TV (9/8/2007): Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson— 5.811 million viewers (Aired from 11:29 PM to 12:03 AM)

Gina Carano does her best to play down the various EliteXC controversies in this interview with Steve Cofield. They cover everything from her naked weigh-in (where maybe Jared Shaw tried to sneak a peek) to her very meager pay to the impending investigation into the Seth Petruzelli bonus fiasco to…wait a minute. Is that the national anthem playing in the background? Gina, did you carry on with the interview through the national fucking anthem? The goddamn Star-Spangled Banner!? Jesus, that’s worse than wearing a hat during it! And you call yourself an American Gladiator.

But on a serious note, where I get confused is where Carano says she’s actually happy that people know how little she made (1/20 of Kimbo’s purse, as Cofield points out) because now they’ll know she doesn’t do this for money. Now, I’m no high-powered sports agent, but I have to think that maybe it’s this attitude that’s the problem. It’s one thing to say you’re not only in this for the money, but this is your career. It’s not just about what you want; it’s about what’s fair. I’m sure there are plenty of up-and-coming women fighters who wish that you’d make this point to your employers a little more forcefully. Plus, maybe if you made more to fight you wouldn’t have to do all this other shit on the side. Just saying.

Below, check out a clip from Randy Couture‘s perfectly coiffured days as a wrestler. An extra special bonus surprise awaits you after the jump. Props to MMA Scraps for the find(s).

- Drew Fickett gets waaaaaay too personal in forum post. (UG)

- Kim Couture calls Jared Shaw a perv, no one is terribly surprised. (Steve Cofield)

- Kenny Florian struggles for answers on “MMA Live”. (ESPN)

- Michael Bisping responds to Chris Leben with dry British sarcasm. (Fighters Only)

- TUF 8 ratings rebound with Junie Browning’s alcohol-fueled antics. (MMA Payout)

- Marcus Aurelio says Hermes Franca is a bad person. (MMA Rated)

- Bobby Lashley goes from WWE to ATT. (AmericanTopTeam.com)

- Brett Rogers to fight TBA for EliteXC in November. (AOL Fanhouse)

- The sad state of product placement. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Tribute to the naughty nurse. (Holy Taco)

- Eric Cartman’s most evil moments. (Screen Junkies)

- Japanese wrestler beaten by coach. (Nothing Toxic)

Now we know why Kimbo Slice didn’t seem too bothered by his fourteen-second loss at Elite XC: Heat. Turns out he made half a million dollars for his brief night of work. That works out to $35,714.29 per second of cage time for Kimbo, which is an even better per second salary than Tim Sylvia received for his thirty-six-second loss to Fedor Emelianenko ($22,222.22, in case you’re curious).

It’s an especially impressive take when you consider that the live gate from Elite XC’s Ft. Lauderdale show was only $826,000. The only other fighter on the night to match Kimbo’s total was Andrei Arlovski, who was also paid $500,000 for his victory over Roy Nelson, though Affliction picked up the tab for both of them.

The full disclosed payout from Elite XC: Heat looks like this:

Kimbo Slice: $500,000
Seth Petruzelli: $50,000 (including a $15,000 win bonus)
Jake Shields: $50,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Paul Daley: $12,000
Andrei Arlvoski: $500,000
Roy Nelson: $80,000
Gina Carano: $25,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Kelly Kobald: $6,000
Benji Radach: $30,000 (including $15,000 win bonus)
“Ninja” Rua: $35,000

Kimbo Slice faces light heavyweight Seth Petruzelli, the man with the devastating front kick/jab combo. Relive the magic again and again. Things to take note of:

1) Kimbo’s tough guy act when he refuses to touch gloves.

2) Kimbo going face first onto the canvas a few seconds later.

3) At about the 0:57 mark, if you’re quick you can see Elite XC VP Jared Shaw at cageside screaming his head off at the referee, like any impartial promoter would surely do in that situation.

What a night. After the event Shaw spoke about that moment with MMA Rated, and even mentioned the possibility of a protest stemming from blows to the back of the head. That sounds fun. Videos of the evening’s other bouts are after the jump, courtesy of MMA-Core.

Spoiler alert: Ninja, Gina, Andrei, Jake, and Kimbo (!) are going to win, maybe all within the first round. If you’re curious about how exactly it’ll happen, read on. Hit that “more” link and refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest updates from the live CBS broadcast, comin’ atcha from the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida. Seriously though, this is about to be some lopsided shit. Grab some beers.

Get this: At about 6:20 p.m. ET, MMA Rated passed along the word that Ken Shamrock sustained a cut above his eye in the last 24 hours while training, forcing him to pull out of tonight’s main event against Kimbo Slice. Frank Shamrock — who is handling commentary tonight for CBS — actually volunteered to step in as a last-minute replacement, but he isn’t licensed to fight in Florida, so EliteXC instead had their eyes on KOTC brawler/UFC castoff Seth Petruzelli, who was supposed to face Aaron Rosa on tonight’s undercard. Then, MMA Rated reported that a very shady doctor was found who cleared Shamrock to fight around 7 p.m., saving “Heat” from one of the greatest Epic Fails in MMA history. Well, we hope. MMA Weekly now says that the fight has a 50/50 chance of happening. Other sources say the fight is 100% dunzo.

Update: Ariel Helwani tells Ben Fowlkes (who tells me) that Seth Petruzelli is 100% in as Ken’s replacement. Wow. On the bright side, Kimbo is finally fighting a legitimate heavyweight who isn’t riding an eight-fight losing streak. This should be interesting…

Update #2: “JM” wins the t-shirt. Shoot your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com, brah.

(Props: PureFight.org)

4:17 FTMFW.

Not making weight makes Gina sad…

Being naked in public? So fun!

Major props to Esther Lin @ Combat Lifestyle. (For more pics from the EliteXC weigh-ins, click here.) By the way, that’s her father on the right. Not sure how the dude on the left got the gig. Bonus hotness after the jump…

(It took her three tries, but she hit 141. That was close, Crush.)

- Gina Carano makes weight…just barely. (MMA Junkie)

- The pros offer their picks for Kimbo Slice vs. Ken Shamrock (Sherdog)

- Randy Couture and Brock Lesnar injury reports. (Brawl Sports)

- If you’re a fighter and you need a nickname, look no further. I’m torn between “The Gymnast” and “Hot Garbage.” (Bleeding Media)

- Don’t expect to see Tito Ortiz fighting again until Spring ’09. (MMA Rated)

- Don Frye is sober? So we’re drinking alone tonight, then? (Fightlinker)

- Media coverage ramps up for Elite XC: Heat. (Fight Opinion)

- Alistair Oveerem talks Cro Cop on ‘Inside MMA.’ (MMA Scraps)

- Wall Street starts the bailout celebrations. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Bill Maher’s “Religulous” is preachy, but good. (Screen Junkies)

- Comic book fans: then and now. (Holy Taco)

- Chick fight turns into huge family brawl. (Nothing Toxic)

Elite XC’s Jared Shaw takes a little shot at yours truly in this MMA Rated interview, calling me Ben “UFC” Fowlkes, which I suppose is an implication that I’m pro-UFC and anti-Elite XC, although I like to think that my record as an equal opportunity critic speaks for itself. If an organization does dumb things, it’s my job to point it out. If one organization does more dumb things than others, they’re going to receive more criticism. That’s just how it works. If it makes me a hater, I can live with that. But since when do we all have to like everything?

$kala says he just wants some love for his fighters, not himself. Fair enough, Jared. You do have some good fighters in your organization. Guys like Jake Shields, Robbie Lawler, Wilson Reis, Nick Diaz, and “Ninja” Rua, just to name a few. These are all fighters that I enjoy watching. But your fighters aren’t what you’ve been criticized for, and I think you know it.

Let’s take the event you’ve got this Saturday, for example. On the undercard you’ve got a few interesting scraps between guys like Paul Daley and Jake Shields, Benji Radach and “Ninja” Rua, and a sweet little co-promotional joint between Affliction fighters Andrei Arlovski and Roy Nelson (nice work scoring that, by the way, whether you had anything to do with it or not).

But your main event features a 3-0 fighter in Kimbo Slice, who has yet to face an opponent coming off a win, taking on a forty-four-year-old legend of the sport who hasn’t won a fight or even made it out of the first round in over four years. And that’s your main event.

(Different crumpled body, same end result on Saturday night?)

It’s Friday, there’s an event tomorrow (which we’ll be liveblogging, of course), and questions abound as to Elite XC’s long term viability and Ken Shamrock’s short term punchability, so that means one thing…it’s Ben vs. Ben time. In this edition, we talk Kimbo Slice, underdogs, co-promotions, and other stuff. We argue, we call each other names, we reconcile, we hug (just playin’, we don’t hug…anyone…ever), and in the end we arrive at few, if any, conclusions. But it’s about the journey, man. Not the destination. So without further ado…

Assuming we agree that Kimbo Slice will be victorious over Ken Shamrock, how and when will it happen? What’s next for Ferg?

Fowlkes: If this were five years ago I’d take Shamrock over this strange Kimbo character and I wouldn’t think twice about it. But it’s not five years ago, alas, so Shamrock is in for yet another disappointing performance in a career that has seen too many of them lately.

In his more lucid moments, Shamrock knows he needs to get this to the ground in a hurry. He should also know that his forty-four-year-old legs don’t have too many explosive shots left in them, so he has to be smart and make his takedown attempts count. That’s why he’ll try and trap Kimbo against the cage in a clinch and look for a throw or leg sweep – something that won’t sap too much precious energy. Kimbo will circle away from him and tee off. Shamrock will try again with similar results, but eventually a punch will clip him and he’ll go down. Then the ref will step in and Shamrock will be protesting the stoppage before he’s even back on his feet. It won’t get out of the first round or even past the four-minute mark. Thank you, Florida, and good night.

This fight will prove nothing for Kimbo’s credibility. Even Elite XC has to see that. After this they’ll load up for one big pay-per-view with Kimbo vs. Brett Rogers as the main event, figuring it’s time to go all-in. They have no choice. Antonio Silva is dealing with his steroid charges, Justin Eilers is damaged goods, and Sean Gannon wants too much money. Rogers is the only guy people will pay to see Kimbo fight. If Elite XC is smart they’ll realize they can leverage Kimbo’s stardom into a big push for Rogers, who might actually have the skills to justify the hype in the long run.

Goldstein: Dude, Ken hasn’t made it to the four-minute mark in a fight since 2002, and he’s not about to start now. I’m going to bring your estimate down 90 seconds and say The Miami Pound Machine finishes The World’s Most Glassiest Chin within the first 2:30. It’ll start with Kimbo knocking Shamrock down after about a minute-and-a-half. (No more than one shot will be attempted by Ken during that time.) The ref won’t stop it right away. Kimbo will get on top of Shamrock and punch him out on the ground. People will say “wooooo!” And the broadcast will immediately end because they’ll already be over their timeslot by like a half-hour.

MMA Rated’s Ariel Helwani is live on the scene of Elite XC: Heat and managed to score interviews with some of the principle players in Saturday night’s event. Above, Kimbo Slice explains why he had to turn his phone off so he could fully focus on battering his senior citizen opponent.

Once more Kimbo makes his case as a populist fighter based on shopping at the same stores normal people shop at. Of course, he shops there with the hundreds of thousands of dollars he made for beating up substandard opponents, and he may or may not be wearing shoes with his picture on them. So there is that minor difference.

Ariel also spoke with Kelly Kobald — who very politely explains her desire to make Gina Carano the “broken, bruised, and bloody face of women’s MMA,” — as well as Gina Carano herself, who seems to genuinely like Ariel for some bizarre reason. Just proves she has poor taste in men. First Kit Cope, now Ariel Helwani? Gina, why do you do this to yourself?

Check it out after the jump.

(What, no odds on whether Gina will make weight?)

If betting odds are any indication of how competitive MMA bouts will turn out to be, expect a lot of one-sided blowouts on Elite XC’s CBS offering this Saturday night. Not that it’s any surprise, really. In fact, with five fights crammed into a two-hour time slot CBS is going to need some quick beatdowns if they don’t want to run way over and have to cut into precious local news time. In any event, Best Fight Odds supplies the most gambler-friendly betting lines for ‘Elite XC: Heat,’ and they break down like this:

Kimbo Slice (-325) vs. Ken Shamrock (+329)
Jake Shields (-550) vs. Paul Daley (+524)
Gina Carano (-550) vs. Kelly Kobald (+525)
Ninja Rua (-196) vs. Benji Radach (+210)
Andrei Arlovski (-428) vs. Roy Nelson (+385)

Some thoughts…

(Props: MMA Payout)

Gina Carano was a guest on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson last night to plug her upcoming appearance at EliteXC: Heat. It’s nice to see her getting some late-night couch time for a change (not that Kimbo’s appearances on Jimmy Kimmel don’t make for classic television). Explaining why she has chosen such a painful profession, Conviction explains, “I’d rather have a job where I travel and fight people and train than be married with children who hate me and a horrible husband.” Gina? WHY DO YOU HATE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE SO MUCH? She also drops this bomb on Craig: “You can’t really hide anything in the cage. It’s just real, two people going at it. It’s kinda like sex.” But it’s cool, because she’s “just kidding.”

(‘Come get some, little Couture.’)

- Gina Carano says she sparred with Randy Couture’s son to prepare for Kelly Kobald. (AOL Fanhouse)

- “Ninja” Rua wants a title shot next. (Fighthype)

- Goldstein chats with the Fightlinker boys on BetUs Radio (BetUs.com)

- Fowlkes talks with Steve Cofield and Ariel Helwani. (MMA Rated)

- WEC drops 185 and 205 pound weight classes. (MMA Weekly)

- Jason Day has successful surgery. (MMA News)

- Assessing the “MMA Lifestyle Apparel” as an opportunity field. (MMA Payout)

- Randy Couture talks Brock Lesnar bout. (MMA Scraps)

- SFW porn somehow better than NSFW porn. In a way. (Holy Taco)

- Bailout Protests: suits vs. hippies. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Presidential debate drinking game. (Screen Junkies)

- Most amazing football catch ever. (Nothing Toxic)

(Lose the huge sunglasses and that’s a 1/4 pound, at least.)

Every time Gina Carano fights we always hear the same question: will she make weight? Since the answer she gives is always the same, even when it turns out not to be true, people have turned to asking what she weighs at the present moment. Carano sounds like she’s tired of all weight-related queries, and had this to say to AOL Fanhouse:

“I’m going to weigh 140 pounds next Friday. How much I weigh right now I’d rather keep to myself because I don’t want to answer any more questions about it. …I’ve got really high expectations for this weigh-in.”

Two things here:

1) I completely understand why Carano would be sick of that question. I also think she’s smart enough to know why she keeps hearing it and how she can make it stop.

2) She’s got high expectations? For a weigh-in? That’s a phrase you usually hear from NFL coaches before the season or defense attorneys who know their clients are probably guilty. The weigh-in should be a sure thing. It’s just getting up on a scale, which you get plenty of chances to do beforehand.

Carano did say she’s hired a nutritionist for this bout, so maybe that means there won’t be any issues. If there are, I seem to remember doing an interview on MMA Rated radio with Kelly Kobald, who hinted at a contingency plan she had in the event that Carano missed weight. On a related note, Kobald admitted to weighing 160 as of today — twenty pounds from the goal weight. She’s either really confident she can shed that by next Friday, or else, like me, she has a weakness for hot wings.

Gina Carano, her form-fitting yoga pants, and an extremely drowsy dog hang out with Shape magazine. Remember, girls — it’s okay to be you! Props to Showtime Sports.

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Courtesy of FiveOuncesofPain, here’s the new trailer for M-1 Challenge, which premieres on HDNet this Friday at 8 p.m. ET. Ten MMA teams from eight different countries competed against each other in a series of tournaments held around the world over the last year; the TV series shows how it all went down. Friday’s episode showcases the battle between Team France and Team Russia (Red Devil).

Something truly awful awaits you after the jump…

Crush and Sugar Free getting down at Xtreme Couture. Props to BloodyElbow.

A promo for SpikeTV’s upcoming preview show on “Breakthrough,” which features actual footage of Chuck Liddell’s hamstring injury in April, and Matt Hamill wreckin’ dudes as a kid. Props to FiveOuncesofPain.

(Unrelated picture of Gina Carano posing with Tim Curry for EA’s Red Alert 3 courtesy of Fightlinker.)

Just in case you were worried, Kelly Kobald won’t let her respect for Gina Carano get in the way of kicking the crap out of her when they meet at EliteXC/CBS’s third “Saturday Night Fights” show on October 4th. Fighthype has a great interview with Kobald where the Minneapolis native puts the full measure of her ‘tude on display. For example…

On her physique: “I’m probably the biggest girl Gina has ever fought. I’m not tall, but I’m built like a brick shithouse. I’m pretty thick as far as that goes. I have more of a powerlifter type build. I’ve damn near had to cut off a leg to make 135 in my last 2 fights. My comfort range is to fight at about 150-155 pounds…I’m definitely not going to be someone that she can push around.”

On her back-to-back losses: “It’s unfortunate that Gina has to be the opponent that I have to face coming off of those losses because I’m coming out to win. I’m coming for blood. I’m out to validate my name and I’m looking to hurt somebody; not just win. I need to win and once she steps inside of the cage with me, my respect for her as a fighter, or lack thereof, is really not going to come into play.”

On her training camp: “I have a really good training partner that has already fought Gina (Kaitlin Young)…I’m training with Brett Rogers, the heavyweight from EliteXC and Team Bison, and I’m also training with former UFC champion Sean Sherk and also Brock Lesnar at Minnesota Mixed Martial Arts Academy as well. I couldn’t have a better group of people to train with.”

On her match with Gina: “I’m looking for a 1st or 2nd round TKO or stoppage. Gina may be the face of MMA, but I have to say, win, lose or draw I’m going to be the pretty one leaving the cage. I plan on fucking her shit up.”

Boo-yah! We suggest you read the rest here. Props to Bloody Elbow for the heads-up.

Related: Kelly Kobald vs. Adrienna Jenkins (video)