(Please Cyborg don’t hurt ‘em.)

Chute Boxe coach Rafael Cordeiro has confirmed to Tatame that Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos will compete next at EliteXC’s third CBS card (October 4th; Fort Lauderdale, FL) against “Yoki Takarashi.” Bloody Elbow is re-translating that as Yoko Takahashi, a 13-9-1 vet of Smackgirl, DEEP, and Fatal Femmes Fighting. She most recently fought Mika Hayashi to a draw at last Saturday’s DEEP Megaton GP Finals.

Though she said she didn’t know who her next opponent would be during a recent interview with Sherdog, Santos provided some insight on EliteXC’s plans for her:

“[I]f Carano and I win, people will be expecting our fight and we will have to face each other. The event should start marketing for it and we should be facing each other on the pay-per-view by the end of the year. [ed. note: Most reports say that EliteXC's first PPV show will actually take place in early '09.]

…

I think everybody wants to watch this fight. I’ll keep on training, I’ll win my fights and I’ll be very well prepared, just waiting for the right time to come. It will be inevitable. She will have to face me sooner or later. I’m waiting for her.”

Fortunately, Carano has a “let’s do this” attitude in regards to Cyborg. And if EliteXC manages to generate a few more matchups with a similar amount of heat behind them, their first pay-per-view card could help turn their financial fortunes around. Nick Diaz vs. KJ Noons? Robbie Lawler vs. Frank Shamrock? Kimbo Slice vs. Bo Cantrell II?

(They grow ‘em sturdy in Minnesota.)

On this week’s edition of MMA Rated Radio Ariel Helwani and I talk with female MMA fighter Kelly Kobold, who confirmed that she will be facing Gina Carano in Elite XC on CBS in October. This, despite the fact that Kobold is coming off two straight losses and “Cyborg” Santos waits in the wings after her downright frightening performance at “Unfinished Business”. Perhaps it helps that Kobold has been openly critical of Carano’s inability to make weight. She even refers to interviews where Gina has been asked about it and instead of answering, “evaded the question and went on to spout some patriotic crap.” We also discuss UFC 87, Affliction’s newest signings, and other stuff. Check it out here.

In other news, WAMMA sent out a press release today announcing the Josh Barnett-Andrei Arlovski match as an “elimination fight” with the winner taking on Fedor Emelianenko for the WAMMA heavyweight title. I guess they’re assuming that Fedor won’t defect to the UFC with their title in order to face Randy Couture.

In case you’re wondering, Barnett is ranked third by WAMMA and Arlovski moved up to fourth with his win over Ben Rothwell. You can probably guess who number two is (hint: he’s in the Rob Schneider clip below, and it isn’t Bob Sapp or Don Frye).

Now that it’s looking more likely that Gina Carano will face Kelly Kobald-Gavin at EliteXC’s next CBS card on October 4th, we decided to do some scouting. Above is the video of KK-G‘s last win, which came against Adrienna Jenkins last March in Minneapolis at an all-female fight event called “NFF: The Breakout.” (Props to MMALinker.) Watch as Kobald comes out like a woman scorned, beating Jenkins to the mat with power punches, then tying her up in a triangle choke and slugging her in the face until she gives up. Reffing provided by the incomparable Nick “The Goat” Thompson!

Now, some fights from last night’s WEC show…

(The brief and violent lightweight title match between Jamie Varner and Marcus Hicks.)

(Guess who’s getting promoted to the position of Kimbo’s Official Gold Chain Holder. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

When news dropped that Gary Shaw had resigned from Pro Elite just shortly after everyone within the company, including his son Jared, assured the media that things were just fine and nobody was going anywhere, we naturally assumed that Jared was on his way out too. It’s like when you’re the son of a third world dictator and you get some cushy do-nothing job. When your dad is overthrown by a power-hungry general in a bloody coup, it usually means you’re on the next flight out with a briefcase full of cash or you get killed in your sleep.

But according to new Pro Elite Chairman Charles Champion, whose name is awesome and maybe fake, Jared is going to be sticking around in some capacity:

Jared has been with the company from the beginning. Gary has often said that it was really Jared that brought Gary into it. Jared has continued to work on making matches and continue to promote ProElite and ProElite athletes. He’s continuing to work with the fight team. I haven’t talked to Jared about what he’s going to be doing ten years from now but I have talked to Jared about what he’s going to be doing for the next while with us. He’s enthusiastic and others are enthusiastic about his approach and what he’s doing now, so we think that is all going to work out well.

Seriously? So the lesson here is, nepotism works? Man, this is why I hate learning lessons.

So Robbie Lawler is clearly not into doing this interview with MMA Rated’s Ariel Helwani. That’s nothing new for the Elite XC middleweight champ. Media shy isn’t quite the term for how Lawler deals with the press. More like media contemptuous. But to hear Ariel tell it, Lawler isn’t the only one who seems unenthusiastic about this event:

We just came back from the EliteXC press conference at the Stockton Arena and the only word that comes to mind is “surprised.”

Surprised that there was virtually no media there. Seriously, maybe a handful…tops.

Surprised that the Shaws (Gary and Jared) were no where to be found. Surprised that no one is willing to give a straight answer as to where they are hiding. Trust me, I asked around. Surprised that there appears to be zero excitement online, around town or even in the local media for this event.

What’s going on here? Elite XC broke a major barrier with their first show on CBS, but now they’re on the verge of their second and already people are treating it like their grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary party. Not that we’re saying this is necessarily wrong on the part of the media or the fans or even the fighters. We can definitely relate to those feelings. It’s just odd.

Is it bad timing, coming on the heels of the biggest MMA weekend of the year thus far? Is it the line-up? The promotion itself? The lack of a big media build-up? Lack of MMA lightning rods like Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano? What’s the deal?

(Insert lame “picture in a picture” joke here.)

I’ll admit it, I’m having a hard time getting excited for this Elite XC event tomorrow night. Part of it is the hangover from the huge MMA weekend we just had with Affliction, UFC, and Dream all crammed into a couple of days. After that sensory overload, I feel like a teenager who took way too much acid: there are no highs and no lows for me right now, plus I’m frightened by bright colors and strong breezes.

Another part of it is the fight card. It’s not a bad card, just kind of uninspired. Nothing leaps out at you as a match you absolutely have to see. As an attempt at making things more interesting, here are some unreasonably specific predictions for Saturday night’s show. I look forward to hearing how hopelessly wrong I am in the comments section.

Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith

I’d like to say that I predicted stoppage by accidental eye-poke for the first meeting, but it isn’t so. TKO by Lawler seems to be the smart choice, even though Lawler seemed unable or unwilling to really go after Smith and finish him when he had him hurt the last time. That won’t be the case this time. Lawler will stun Smith with an uppercut, then finish him off with a left hand that will drop him without putting him all the way out. The ref will move in to stop it just a little bit too soon (this is on CBS, after all) and Smith will make that I-just-can’t-catch-a-break face. The CBS commentators will then attempt to claim that it was the fight of the year.

When Will It Happen: 3:14 of round two.

What to Watch For: After the victory, the stone-faced Lawler will look only about as happy as a man who just found a good parking space at the mall.

Nick Diaz vs. Thomas Denny

(“Conviction” returns in October.)

— Thales Leites and Dean Lister will reportedly meet in a middleweight bout at UFC Fight Night 15 (September 17th; Omaha, NE), while lightweights Thiago Tavares and Kurt Pellegrino are slated to fight at UFC 88 (September 6th, Atlanta); both Tavares and Pellegrino are coming off losses in their last fights, to Matt Wiman and Nate Diaz, respectively. The UFC has also confirmed widely rumored UFC 88 matches between Rich Franklin and Matt Hamill, Dan Henderson and Rousimar Palhares, and Karo Parisyan vs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida.

— Gina Carano will fight next at an EliteXC event on October 4th. According to Sherdog, the event is likely to be televised on CBS, and her opponent may be Kelly Kobald, a Minnesota Martial Arts Academy product who started her career on a 16-0-1 tear before dropping her last two fights to Tara LaRosa and Julie Kedzie.

— This may help explain why Affliction’s attendance was so good: All tickets in all sections were discounted to $39.95 on the day of the show.

— Sengoku’s lightweight grand prix — which will go down August 24th in Saitama, Japan — will include IFL lightweight champion Ryan Schultz, King of the Cage lightweight champion Clay French, Cage Force lightweight champion Mizuto Hirota, and former DEEP lightweight champion Kazunori Yokota. Takanori Gomi and Frank Trigg will also be fighting, in separate non-GP bouts.

Video of the day, y’all: On a recent episode of American Gladiators, Gina “Crush” Carano proved that she gives no quarter to the elderly, absolutely brutalizing a grandmother named Yoko in the “Pyramid” event. Honestly, watch that toss at 1:48-1:52 and remind yourself that what you’re seeing is real, and not a clip from a Wayans Brothers comedy. I don’t know about you, but if that was my grandmother, I’d be fucking furious. Additional comic relief is provided by Yoko’s bridge-and-tunnel opponent, who mocks Yoko’s accent and shouts “IT ENDED EARLY!” at the Gladiator who just kicked her ass (Panther, which she pronounces as “Pantha”). My God, why haven’t I been watching this show?!?

Though Gary Shaw previously stated that EliteXC was tentatively looking at early Fall for their next “Saturday Night Fights” card on CBS, the impressive ratings that the May 31st show pulled in has the network wanting to bring it back in the summer. As Dave Meltzer reports:

Shaw said the date of the next CBS card is expected to be finalized this week in a joint decision with CBS. Due to the success of the first show, CBS wants to have a return date in late July to capitalize on the momentum. Shaw feels Lawler and Smith wouldn’t be ready for a July date, nor would Slice.

As disappointing as the Kimbo Slice/James Thompson fight was, Kimbo is still EliteXC’s biggest draw, and CBS may be shooting themselves in the foot a bit by scheduling the next SNF broadcast before he’s ready to return. To ensure strong ratings for their second CBS event in his absence, EliteXC would probably need to bring back Gina Carano, and stack the rest of the card with recognizable names. Unfortunately, Nick Diaz, KJ Noons, Yves Edwards, and Murilo Rua are already booked for this Saturday’s EliteXC show in Hawaii, which will be televised on Showtime. Outside of setting up a Brett Rogers/Antonio Silva bout for EiteXC’s vacant heavyweight title, there aren’t many compelling matchups that Shaw & Co. could schedule for six weeks later. Waiting until early Fall definitely seems like the best option — but good ratings tend to make people do crazy things…

(Fist bump: BloodyElbow)

(“Chained Fists,” only available at NathanDiaz.com.)

On Friday, we put two Nate Diaz-related t-shirts up for grabs to the readers who could provide the best captions for the above photo involving Randy Couture, Gina Carano, and three of their groupies. And apparently you really want to represent tha’ 209, because you came full force with it. First, our honorable mentions…

Matt Herpes: This is exactly why Kim bought that testicle-scale.

F.A.S.: Xtreme Ho-ture

Damien: Looks like Fedor isn’t the only heavyweight that Randy wants to get his hands on.

boobah: Gina later realized that Applebee’s was not the best choice for cutting weight.

MMA-hole: “Yeah, that’s right…I’m Bruce Willis…”

TheFeniX: Shown here: People who make a living destroying others for monetary gain, every 6 months or so. Also pictured: Randy Couture and Gina Carano.

bmwtech: Just goes to show you that every group of girls has a DBUF. Designated bald ugly friend.

And now, the shirt-winners…

(“Stockton 209,” only available at NathanDiaz.com)

Not only is Nate Diaz one of the most exciting lightweights in the UFC, but the t-shirt designs on his website kick more ass than a no-hands triangle choke with double “F-you” fingers. If you’re a Diaz fan, you should definitely order one to cover your torso — or, you can win one in today’s caption contest. The two CagePotato readers who provide the best captions to the photo below will win a t-shirt of their choice from NathanDiaz.com. All entries must be submitted to the comments section of this post by Monday at 2 p.m. ET. Good luck out there, and always, always represent your area code.

It wasn’t just American Gladiators that kept Gina Carano from making weight on Friday. “Conviction” had also been busy filming live-action interlude scenes for Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3, which will be released for Xbox 360 and PC in October. Here’s the promo, which shows her dressed as her character “Natasha.” (Hopefully she’ll have a terrible Russian accent in the game to go along with that name.) Warning: The cheesiness level on this one is HIGH.

(Props: EA via Kotaku via reader Trevor E.)

(Kaitlin Young was swept under the rug after her fight with Gina Carano.)

“[T]he doctor actually cleared me to fight the third round but the commission said no. I wanted to continue, my corner wanted to continue. The cut likely would have opened in the third but it was under the eye. If I had to guess, I would say that they didn’t want the visual of a woman with a bloody face on CBS. They also chose not to do a post fight interview with me or to include me in the post fight news conference and after party. I think the reason for that was my beat up appearance after the fight because I was not seriously injured and was completely coherent. I am very disappointed about that but cant help but wonder how people would have responded to that, as stupid as it is.” — Kaitlin Young, on her loss to Gina Carano and resulting media snub.

“Brett is gonna have to learn that it’s about the money…I don’t think [a fight between Brett Rogers and Kimbo Slice] is a fight that I would do. I might do Brett Rogers against [Antonio] Silva…but that’s what makes me a promoter. I appreciate all you guys, but you don’t run me. I’m just saying, I don’t read blogs, I don’t read anything…I run a professional sports franchise. My job is to put asses in seats, build stars, build superstars, not let someone guide me who fights who.” — Gary Shaw, getting a little hot under the collar during an interview with MMARated.

“I’m confident I’ll fight again. I’m also OK with the idea that it may not happen. I may get a bad (court) ruling and I can’t really see myself at this point going back and fighting two more times for the UFC if that’s what the state says I have to do. So there’s the potential I could be done fighting and I’m OK with that too.” — Randy Couture, on his disputed contract status with the UFC.

“Ortiz says he’s ’65 percent’ sure that he’ll begin his own MMA organization. ‘When I was in the UFC, they talked so much about how I wanted to get out of it and how I wanted to stop fighting,’ Ortiz said. ‘It was a bunch of baloney. I still see 3-4 more years of competition left (in me) and I want to build. I want to make a (rival) company neck and neck with the UFC. I think it’s going to be about taking care of the fighters and that’s what I’m going to do.’” — Tito Ortiz in an interview with the Boston Herald.

(Kimbo Slice vs. James Thompson)

(Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young)

(Joey Villasenor vs. Phil Baroni)

Smith/Lawler is here and Rogers/Murphy is here. James Thompson, Phil Baroni, and Gina Carano react to their matches after the jump.

(The New York Badass struts into the abyss.)

Some visual highlights from my visit to the Prudential Center. Click photos for larger versions; hold cursor over photos for identifications. All images courtesy of BG/CagePotato.com, and may be reproduced with credit.

(Hey, she could be a lightweight and we’d still love her. Welterweight would be pushing it. Photo taken by Esther Lin for EliteXC; props to Fightlinker.)

Weigh-ins for tomorrow’s EliteXC “Saturday Night Fights” event were held today in Newark, and all fighters weighed-in successfully — meaning that all fighters succeeded in finding the scale and stepping on it. If you’re wondering whether all fighters came in at their assigned weight limits, well, that’s another story.

In what’s now a recurring theme in her career, Gina Carano missed her 140-pound limit by a wide margin, hitting the scale at 144.5, which is about what Urijah Faber and Jens Pulver will weigh when they check in for Sunday’s WEC show. As MMAMania reports:

Normally, she would have one hour to lose 3.5 pounds; however, MMAmania.com learned from Nick Lembo, the New Jersey Athletic Control Board (NJACB) Deputy Attorney, that the regulatory body didn’t want her to cut any more weight at that time.

Therefore, prior to the official weigh-ins, a deal was struck between the Carano and Young camps that the fight would go on and “Conviction” would surrender a 12.5 percent purse penalty.

An embarrassing moment for Carano, to be sure. But on the bright side, Kaitlin Young will probably be able to afford that Jeep Wrangler now. The full weigh-in results are as follows:

Kimbo Slice (235.5) vs. James Thompson (257)
Robbie Lawler (184.5) vs. Scott Smith (184.5)
Joey Villasenor (184.5) vs. Phil Baroni (185)
Gina Carano (144.5) vs. Kaitlin Young (140.5)
Brett Rogers (263.5) vs. Jon Murphy (260.5)
Carlos Moreno (261) vs. Carlton Haselrig (263)
Chris Liguori (161) vs. Jim Bova (160.5)
Nick Serra (167) vs. Matt Makowski (171)
Wilson Reis (140.5) vs. Justin Robbins (140.5)
James Jones (154.5) vs. Calvin Kattar (155.5)
Zach Makovsky (135) vs. Andre Soares (134)
Mike Groves (154) vs. Joe Sampieri (155)

UPDATE: Kaitlin Young is ripped. Photo comparison after the jump.

Sure, it’s a hacky concept that you’ve probably seen before on an MMA forum, but we haven’t weighed in on it yet. Plus, Fighthype recently put together a list on the same theme that really sent us over the edge. (Lyoto Machida and Evan Tanner made their list, among other jacked and crazy-looking sonsabitches.) So without further ado, here are the fighters we wouldn’t mind coming across in a dark alley. Keep in mind that placement on this list is no judgment on their abilities as fighters, just on the fact that they look better suited to customer service or fast food restaurant management than cage fighting. Happy Friday.

***

9. Luke Cummo

8. Emmanuel Yarborough

7. Fedor Emelianenko and Wanderlei Silva (only when in drag)

(“I’m not a little girl by any means.”)

The hordes of screaming Gina “Crush” Carano fans who tune into the premiere of CBS’s “Saturday Night Fights” this weekend to see EliteXC’s poster girl kick some ass might be in for a seriously rude awakening. Carano’s opponent for the co-featured bout is Kaitlin Young, a 21-year-old Minnesota Martial Arts Academy product who famously knocked out three women in a one-night HOOKnSHOOT tournament last November; the combined fight time was just one minute and 45 seconds. We gave Kaitlin a call last night to ask her about rolling with dudes, the advantages she’ll have in her fight against Carano, and her shitty ’91 Honda Accord.

***

CAGEPOTATO: We recently posted the video of your “Caveman Training” at Athletic Performance Incorporated. Be honest — they took they engine out of that pickup truck you were pulling, right?
KAITLIN YOUNG: No, everything was as-is, just as it came from the factory. Honestly, it’s not as hard as it looks. The wheelbarrow is the real killer.

When did you know you wanted to be a competitive fighter?
It’s really all I ever wanted to do. I did Olympic-style Tae Kwon Do starting when I was 14, and I’ve enjoyed the fighting arts ever since then.

Are there enough women at Minnesota Martial Arts Academy to spar and roll with, or do you usually have to train with the guys?
There are a couple of other girls, but it’s mostly guys that I’m training with at this point. Greg Nelson and Tom Schmitz help me a lot. My boyfriend Ryan Murray is a big heavyweight pro Thai boxer, so he helps me with striking and pads, and some of the wrestlers from the University of Minnesota have been working with me too.

What else do you do when you’re not training for a fight?
This semester I was a full-time student at the University of Minnesota, studying kinesiology — exercise science, which kinda fits in — and I also do a bit of strength and conditioning coaching on the side at API.

You took your first pro loss in February, against Sara Schneider at a BodogFight event. What do you think went wrong?
She did a good job executing her game plan, so I don’t want to take anything away from her, but I think I made the mistake of following a good grappler to the ground when I’m a striker. I was winning pretty decisively on the feet, and I tried to pound her out and got caught in an armbar.

How do you think you’ll apply that lesson to Gina Carano? She comes from a Muay Thai background, but she’s at least serviceable on the ground.

The Irish Hand Grenade says he has impeccable timing, and can knock you out with one punch. He’s also expecting a better Mike Swick at UFC 85 than the one who grabbed a narrow decision against Josh Burkman at UFC Fight Night 12. For Swick’s sake, we hope he’s right

Kaitlin Young pulls around a pickup truck (among other hardcore shit) at API Training Center, in preparation for her fight against Gina Carano on May 31st. Not sure what’s up with the Enya music at the beginning, but my back is killing me just watching this.

In a conference call held yesterday with Gina Carano and Kaitlin Young, EliteXC boss Gary Shaw announced that he intends to create the league’s first women’s title, with the winner of the Carano/Young scrap on May 31st likely fighting for the 140-pound belt sometime this fall; other titles in different weight divisions will follow once EliteXC builds up its roster of female fighters. Shaw also mentioned his goal of putting an all-women’s MMA card on CBS or Showtime next year. And just when we were about to hail Shaw as a champion of gender equality, he hits us with this:

Question: The IFL is very interested in the notion of having unified champions, wherever it’s possible or practical. Would that be something you would want to get involved with?
Shaw: I’m all for it…If they want to do women’s, we’ll fight for a women’s IFL belt…Women like jewelry. The more belts the better for them. They like accessories. So why not fight for an IFL belt or a DREAM belt?

Shaw also gave credit to Kaitlin Young as a dangerous and exciting striker, despite the fact that she’s probably a very bad driver. But it wasn’t all assholishness during the conference call. Shaw gave reporters some straight talk about EliteXC’s financial status and their ability to compete with the UFC:

Here’s Gina Carano’s segment from yesterday’s ESPN E:60, in which we learn that “Crush” got into kickboxing after one of Kit Cope‘s trainers called her fat, she’ll be appearing in EA’s new Command and Conquer video game, she’ll never do Playboy, and Tara LaRosa still can’t stand her.

Related: MMAPayout reports that ESPN is launching an online MMA news show this Thursday, which will be hosted by Kenny Florian for the first two weeks. Said MMAPayout: “The program’s launch was apparently delayed by the UFC’s insistence that it be exclusive to the UFC.”

Heads up, “Crush/Conviction/Beautiful Disaster” fans — Gina Carano will be featured on today’s ESPN E:60, which airs at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT. A sample clip is above; after the jump is a recent American Gladiators promo where Crush reveals she prefers pizza to sushi, and can’t watch love scenes because she’s single and it’s hard to see other people in love. Awwww! :’ (

The smirky dude above is Kristopher "Kit" Cope, a former Muay Thai champion with an unfortunate MMA record of 1-4. You might know him as the dude who used to be engaged to Gina Carano, or the guy who got hit with a steroid suspension after getting steamrolled by Rob McCullough at WEC 25, or as one of the subjects in MTV’s True Life episode "I’m a Muay Thai Fighter." According to his Wikipedia page, "He once armwrestled a warewolf [sic] and won."

Here’s the short follow-up to E:60‘s profile on Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson that aired last December. To answer the first question you’ll have after seeing this: Blood and Bone is about a drifter who gets caught up in a mob-controlled street-fighting ring. It’s Kimbo’s first acting role, and the flick also features appearances by Bob Sapp, Gina Carano, “Justice” and “Toa” from American Gladiators, and coincidentally, another guy named Kevin Ferguson. It will be released, probably straight-to-DVD, sometime later this year. And hey, why not check out the trailer after the jump.

Tickets for CBS/EliteXC’s first “Saturday Night Fights” card (May 31st; Newark, NJ) are now available at Ticketmaster and PruCenter.com. Prices range from a mere $18 in the mezzanine nosebleeds to a whopping $1,003 for VIP ringside seating (the $3 covers the bag of peanuts they bring you). A press release sent out by ProElite yesterday contained the following notable quotes…

“This is a tremendous opportunity for me and I will have a solid game plan for it. The world will be watching. I’ll be ready.’’ — James Thompson

“I don’t take anyone lightly. I’ve got a big target on me.’’ — Gina Carano

“I’m totally pumped. Gina always comes to fight and doesn’t seem to have an off day. I think on paper we are probably even. One of my greatest advantages is definitely that I have a very aggressive striking style. I think it’s more aggressive than Gina’s.’’ — Kaitlin Young

“I am sick and tired of what’s been going on and someone’s going to pay and that someone is Villasenor. I am going to knock the s— out of Villasenor and then go after one of the champions again.’’ — Phil Baroni

Note to CBS: After Phil Baroni fights, do not give him the microphone.

(Erin Toughill, limbering up before a pill-induced rage.)

In a development that will set female American Gladiators back ten years, MMA fighter Erin Toughill — who will be appearing alongside Gina “Crush” Carano in the next season of the spandex-and-ball-cannon freak show — was slapped with a restraining order last week by her husband Clark Bevans, who also happens to be an MMA fighter. As TMZ reports:

[Bevans] claims Toughill went “insane” with jealously, and accused him of being “a pedophile, sociopath and homosexual.” Aside from allegedly beating him on several occasions, Bevans claims Toughill smashed the windshield of his RV. He also says Toughill “bodychecked, hockey style” a trainer at Gold’s Gym he had dated years before. … Bevans has filed for annulment. As for the restraining order, it was granted.

Sadly, that description only scratches the surface. Combing through the criminal report reveals the most amazingly batshit craziest bits. For example:

— “Over a twelve month period, during and after our marriage, Respondent obtained over nineteen (19) prescriptions for NORCO, a narcotic similar to “Oxycontin.”

— “We both came clean about dating other people during our separation…lmmediately after the “coming clean” session, Respondent went insane that I had dated others, despite the fact that she slept with two of my best friends and is currently engaged to a fellow marine friend of mine. Since then, Respondent tapped into my cell phone and has harassed, stalked and threatened most of the people that she found in my text messages (women). Said parties include my attorney, my hairdresser, my manager, various employees, a restaurant owner and her daughter and even the janitor at Gold’s Gym. She has even gone around and accused me of sleeping with my friend Andrew.”

— “On April 4, 2008…Respondent arrived at Shear Talent Hair Salon, barged in at 10:15 a.m. and yelled ‘Who’s Shelley Smith?’. Ms. Smith is my hairdresser. l had not seen her in over a year. A couple of days prior, via text message only, we confirmed a haircut appointment for me at 11:00 a.m. for the 4th. Respondent then yelled out – ‘Great, just wanted to see the bitch that was fucking my husband while we were married.’ [ed. note: LOFLZ!] When I arrived and learned all of this from Ms. Smith and others in the salon who were shaken up, I realized that once again, Respondent is accessing my T-Mobil account.”

Wait, it gets better…

(Kimbo and “Crush”: And then what? Slice photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

CBS recently announced that they’ve set July 26th as the date for the second installment of EliteXC’s Saturday Night Fights. Coming less than two months after SNF‘s debut broadcast on May 31st, the scheduling feels premature for a couple of reasons:

1) What if, God forbid, the first show is a ratings disaster? I don’t know if CBS has the power to immediately end their agreement with EliteXC if that happened, but they’d certainly be wise to postpone the next event for a couple more months, reassess what went wrong, and spend more time publicizing their new product.

2) When you stack a card with your two biggest stars (Kimbo Slice, Gina Carano), and fill it out with a few more of your most popular fighters (Robbie Lawler, Phil Baroni, Scott Smith, James Thompson), who’s left to fight eight weeks later? Even if Kimbo and Gina are physically capable of competing again so soon, would casual viewers be interested in seeing another event with the same headliners? Could exciting new opponents be found for them in such a short time-frame? Who’s going to carry card #2?

If you answered Nick Diaz, Jake Shields, KJ Noons, and Yves Edwards — well, you’re wrong. It turns out that all four of those mid-level stars have been booked for EliteXC’s June 14th show in Honolulu. Diaz will face Muhsin Corbbrey, Shields will take on Drew Fickett in EliteXC’s first welterweight title fight, and Noons and Edwards will meet in a lightweight championship bout. Sounds like a killer card, right? It seems like Pro Elite’s best move would be to cancel the Hawaii show and move all the fights to July 26th. Sure, Diaz might be a risk with his medical marijuana routine, and Noons is reportedly staying off the CBS cards due to mismanagement, but it’s hard to think of many other names that EliteXC has in its roster, other than the aforementioned, that could carry a big show, especially when it’s all but guaranteed that no title fights will be included on the July 26th card. Unless, of course, they set up Kimbo to face someone like Antonio Silva for an ill-advised heavyweight championship match. Was Gary Shaw even thinking this far into the future?

Semi-related: Murilo “Ninja” Rua has been dropped from the May 31st CBS card for undisclosed reasons. His opponent, Phil Baroni, will now be facing Joey Villasenor, who knocked out Ryan Jensen three weeks ago at “Shamrock vs. Le.” The rest of the main card is still as-is.

Yesterday’s Quote of the Day involving Dana White’s guarded interest in Kimbo Slice had us wondering if the UFC would try to make a play for the popular brawler after his four-fight EliteXC contract was finished. Well, such a play will have to wait, as EliteXC has wisely re-signed Slice — as well as Gina Carano and middleweight champion Robbie Lawler — to long-term, multi-year contracts. In a press release sent out last night, EliteXC Live Events prez Gary Shaw said:

“We’re extremely happy to get these deals done with Kimbo, Gina and Robbie. Fighters know EliteXC is the place to be and the organization to fight for, which is why we’ve always been able to sign or re-sign almost each and every one of our fighters…You don’t see our guys leaving. With us, it’s family and all about the fighters. Every fighter who has fought on an EliteXC card has come away being ambassadors for EliteXC.”

On Gina “Crush” Carano, Shaw said:

“She truly is the face of women’s MMA, an inspiration to many up-and-coming athletes and is a perfect illustration as to why women do indeed have a place in this sport and with EliteXC.”

Slice, Carano, and Lawler will be competing on EliteXC’s premiere Saturday Night Fights broadcast, which airs May 31st on CBS. Though an official lineup will be released in the next few days, the televised card is looking like this:

Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson vs. James Thompson (heavyweights)
Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young (140-pound limit)
Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith (middleweight championship fight)
Phil Baroni vs. Murilo “Ninja” Rua (middleweights)
Brett Rogers vs. John Murphy (heavyweights)

(Gina Carano poses for her Glamour Shot.)

Slow-ass news day, people. But help is on the way. Here are a few MMA-in-the-media bits you may want to check out. Consider it TV Guide for MMA.

— The lovely Gina Carano (aka, Crush from “American Gladiators”) is slated to fight in perhaps the biggest battle ever for women’s combat sports when she fights Kaitlin Young on May 31st for CBS’ ElieXC broadcast. It’s only a few weeks away and Crush is currently shooting “American Gladiators” while training for her next MMA fight — in fact, she’ll be taping the show right up until two weeks out from her CBS fight. MMARated had a solid interview with Carano recently where Gina chats about her busy schedule as well as trying to successfully juggle fighting and show business.

“I’m just going to try it out and I think that I can do it. I just feel like I’ve put my fighting off long enough and I don’t want to keep doing that because that’s where my heart is and that’s where my passion is. And I wanna, you know, be right to the fans of the sport and continue on fighting so I had to decide: I could be super busy for, you know, two months and try to double-team it.”

Ariel Helwani, MMARated’s interviewer, specifically referenced Lennox Lewis being distracted from fighting while shooting on Ocean’s 11, as well as Chuck Liddell’s “acting career”. Good point, but at least Gina’s Gladiator job involves some sort of training and physical activity. However, not training in MMA full-time and only having two weeks to hit it full-force could spell trouble for Gina — and on a national stage. Wonder what a loss at that level would do to her “AG” job status?

(Bone is for the dog; meat is for the man.)

Hey Potato Heads; couple things to pass along this afternoon…

Commenters “Near07″ and “Da Freak” are refuting our earlier report, taken from The Fight Network, that Gary Goodridge has dropped out of YAMMA Pit Fighting’s debut show on April 11th. From the comments on Wednesday’s post:

Near07 Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
I am talking to Gary and he claims that this article is bogus, and he is indeed fighting butterbean in Yamma!! Not sure who puts thes up, but it should be scraped!! Thanks

Near07 Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Gary just sent this to me 2 minutes ago
“Just post on it, that you talked to me and I told you it was all bogus and I already talk to Bob M Yesterday being Thursday. We got everything straight. I have but one Manger and it is not Dave Wallis”

Da Freak Says:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Hey gang ,
I have no idea where this BS came from, but I am Gary’s training partner and we are in full training camp mode for Butterbean.
GARY WILL BE THERE AND WILL KICK SOME UGLY ASS
Fredd

As with everything posted by blog commenters, everything related to YAMMA Pit Fighting, and pretty much everything posted on this site, take the above with a nice-sized chunk of rock-salt.

In other news, top-ranked female fighter Tara LaRosa, who openly despises Gina Carano, recently made the following post on The UnderGround Forum in reference to “Crush”: