("Let’s make this quick, I gotta be back underneath my bridge in two hours." / Photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

Former UFC vet Keith Jardine snapped a five-fight losing streak last night at the postponed Nemesis MMA: Global Invasion event in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, where he scored a unanimous decision victory over submission specialist Francisco "Kiko" France. It would have been a celebratory moment, if not for the peripheral weirdness that surrounded the show. As Ben Askren tweeted last night: 

"Just talked to [Kiko] he said nemesis was a complete mess. No judges. Jardine was greased. His check bounced. Doesn’t get much worse."

Which of course begs the question, how does one lose a decision in a fight with no judges? The greasing thing could be sour grapes, but it’s always notable when a Greg Jackson-associated fighter is accused of lubing up, considering that so many of them have been accused of that particular cheat in the past. (See: Georges St. Pierre, Nate Marquardt, Roger Huerta, Rashad Evans, Diego Sanchez.)

(Photo courtesy of Strikeforce.)

As first reported by f4wonline.com and confirmed by FiveOuncesofPain, members of Mitsuhiro Ishida‘s camp have issued a verbal complaint to the California State Athletic Commission that Gilbert Melendez was illegally greased up during their fight at Saturday’s Strikeforce event. Melendez defeated Ishida by third-round TKO in a one-sided match marked by Melendez’s flawless counter-punching and takedown defense. During their first meeting in 2007, Ishida was able to control Melendez with his takedowns and grappling, which could explain why Ishida thought something didn’t feel right in San Jose. Melendez, of course, dismissed the charges as ludicrous, telling Sherdog:

Ishida has until the end of the week to file a formal complaint in writing if he wants to further pursue the charge. As we’ve seen in the past, greasing accusations can be effective if you’re Japanese, and the guy who beat you is Korean, and the fight took place in Japan. It’s a lot harder to find sympathy in the U.S., even when you have an entire music video’s worth of evidence.

I spoke to Kenny Florian last week for this SportsIllustrated.com article on the effects of the dreaded “Octagon jitters,” and naturally our conversation turned to his upcoming UFC lightweight title fight against B.J. Penn at UFC 101.  When I asked about Penn’s claims that Florian had warned him of potential “greasing” by Georges St. Pierre before their UFC 94 superfight, Florian did his best to downplay the dust-up.

“I’m not sure what that was.  Maybe it was a miscommunication, after what I had said about Roger Huerta.  Maybe it was head games on his part.  Maybe he genuinely believes that.  I don’t really know.  But I have a lot of respect for B.J.  I think he’s a proud champion.  I think he worked hard for that fight against Georges, and he just wasn’t able to deliver.  That can be hard to deal with.  I think that loss hurt him.”

Hey everybody, look who has a sense of humor!  Responding to renewed Lubrigate allegations, Georges St. Pierre admits that he did cheat, only not by greasing up his body.  Instead, he hired some long-hair to kiss B.J. Penn on his way down to the Octagon and sap all his strength before the fight even started.  That devious French-Canadian.

GSP also insists that his best revenge against B.J. Penn now would be to "’elp Kenny Florian to kick ‘ees ass.”  Or maybe he can just keep Penn tied up in hearings and out of the gym all the way to fight time.  Although judging from how he talks about the outcome of this week’s hearings, it seems as if GSP is under the impression that he won.  I guess that’s kind of true, in the sense that he didn’t lose.  Maybe his legal representatives are giving GSP a simplified account of what happened at the NSAC.  That’s probably for the best.  The guy doesn’t want to hear all the back and forth.  Just tell him ‘we won!’ and he’ll sleep better.

(Props: Cage Writer)

So you want B.J. Penn to stop his courageous fight for truth, justice, and a no contest?  That probably means you’re a bad person who hates MMA.  Bummer.  Penn continues to frame this as a crusade to clean up the sport, which would be great.  But odds are the UFC is still not going to give him that "fair fight" rematch he wants.  And maybe he should be thankful for that.

(From All Elbows, via Fightlinker)

King Mo tries to entertain himself while he waits for his Sengoku bout.  I have to admit that it’s refreshing to see how much pleasure he gets out of old episodes of “Martin,” but when he starts telling the Japanese media how much he loved pro wrestling as a kid and mentions both The Ultimate Warrior and “Ravishing” Rick Rude as favorites, that’s where I get suspicious.  How can you like both guys, Mo?  Don’t you know they were mortal enemies?!  Just ask Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.  He’ll tell you.

(Welcome to the world, Jameson twins.  You’re screwed.)

Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson have put the unfathomable power of their two super-brains to work and come up with names for their newborn twins: Jesse and Journey Jett. 

You know, considering who their parents are, I’d say these kids got off pretty easy.  Although it is a bit of a screw-job to give one kid a normal name and then name the other after a band that won’t even be ironically cool anymore by the time they’re in junior high.  But hey, as long as they’re both carrying around the illustrious Jameson surname neither one of them is going to be lacking in emotional baggage.

In other news…

(If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.)

B.J. Penn brought the big guns to today’s hearing with the Nevada State Athletic Commission.  Not only did the Hawaiian have his lawyer on hand to go over his twenty-page complaint, Penn’s mother, Lorraine Shin, got up and read a statement that, according to MMA Weekly, “accused the Commission of not doing its duty to protect fighters.”

That’s right, Penn brought his mother.  And she was allowed to deliver a statement for some reason.  Apparently someone was worried that this whole greasing scandal thing hadn’t gotten ridiculous enough yet.  Problem solved.

(The greasing heard ’round the world. Photo courtesy of NBC Sports.)

Following repeated arguments from BJ Penn that Georges St. Pierre‘s cornermen improperly used vaseline during their UFC 94 fight in January, the Nevada State Athletic Commission will meet today in Las Vegas at 9 a.m. PT to discuss what action, if any, should be taken against Phil Nurse and Greg Jackson.

Though Penn wants the fight to be changed to a no-contest, that scenario is unlikely; as NSAC executive director Keith Kizer explained to Sherdog, an MMA bout in Nevada can only be ruled a no-contest after the fact if scorecards were added incorrectly, if a referee or judge was paid off to influence the fight, if the referee misinterpreted a rule that effected the fight’s outcome, or if there was the use of non-approved drugs or steroids. Kizer explained that the actual purpose of today’s hearing was to prevent controversial greasing situations from happening in the future:

(He will litigate to the death, and he is not joking about this.)

Well, he finally went and did it.  After weeks of less structured, though more entertaining gripes and accusations, UFC lightweight champ B.J. Penn and his camp have filed a formal complaint with the Nevada State Athletic Commission against welterweight champ Georges St Pierre.

The Penn camp filed a twenty-page document (so take that Jackson camp, with your puny seventeen pages) detailing the complaint and outlining the consequences they’d like to see.  And what are those consequences?  You know the usual.  They just want to see GSP, his trainers, and other as of yet unnamed parties fined $250,000, have the bout result changed to a no contest, suspend the licenses of GSP, Phil Nurse, and Greg Jackson, and force GSP to undergo pre-fight showers.  Basically just the regular old stuff.

The complaint also accuses St. Pierre of “ingesting a substance” to make his body especially slippery before the fight.  It makes us wish the formal hearing really does happen so we can hear Penn’s lawyer accuse GSP of drinking baby oil, and then hear GSP’s lawyer counter that baby oil is considered a delicacy in certain French-Canadian circles.

It’s in your hands now, NSAC.  Please do something and put an end to this epic paperwork war. 

In this clip from “Inside MMA” trainer Greg Jackson is asked about comments from Dana White insinuating that the greasing incident at UFC 94 was intentional, at least on the part of Georges St. Pierre’s trainers.  Jackson responds by calling the UFC prez a lying motherfucker.  Okay, not in those words, but it’s in his eyes.

Actually, the strange part is Jackson admitting that GSP’s magical breathing technique is “above my pay grade.”  Seriously?  You’ve got one of the best minds in MMA in your corner and even he doesn’t know what the hell you’re doing with your greasy hands on GSP’s chest?

After the jump, Raw Vegas takes a look at Gray Maynard’s training for his UFC 96 bout with Jim Miller.  You ask me, it could very well be one of the more interesting fights on the card.  Or it could be a typical Gray Maynard affair.  But I don’t know, those Miller boys, they’re tricky.

(Props: BJPenn.com)

As part of his one-man Warren Commission on that unfortunate UFC 94 greasing scandal, BJ Penn has released a highlight video of sorts, intended to prove exactly why Georges St. Pierre is a dirty, rotten, no-good cheater. I don’t know if Penn hired the same team responsible for putting together UFC Primetime, but this is a first-class production, all the way. Imagine if Genghis Con was a crybaby bitch who couldn’t accept that fact that he got crushed by GSP — this is the kind of video he’d make.

Oh, I kid the proud Hawaiian. To be honest, Penn presents a compelling case, and it does seem mighty suspicious that Sean Sherk, Matt Hughes, and Jason Miller all came up with the same excuse as to why they couldn’t handle St. Pierre. As the saying goes, where there’s smoke, there’s a hot pre-fight bath followed by a baby-oil rubdown. Also, the video’s use of "Tom Sawyer" by Rush? A very subtle dig at GSP’s Canadianism. Where’s your mean, mean pride, Georges?

(Say what you will about Big John, he could rock the black track pants and latex gloves with the best of them.)

The Los Angeles Times takes a look at various cheating methods in combat sports today, from the illegal substance in Antonio Margarito’s glove to the Vaseline on Georges St. Pierre’s body.  The message here is that cheating, or “gamesmanship,” as Bert Sugar charitably tags it, is nothing new.  

But of interest to MMA fans are remarks from former UFC referee “Big” John McCarthy, which suggest that greasing problems have persisted for some time now, and that it’s no big secret, either:

"Guys will push the envelope in every way possible," former UFC referee "Big" John McCarthy said of mixed martial arts fighters. "Vaseline has always been an issue in MMA. It’s a real problem."

McCarthy has seen MMA fighters come into the octagon after taking a bath filled with soapy water or even baby oil. "You can’t notice it when they’re dry, but when they get on the ground and start to sweat, it starts to come out of their pores," McCarthy said.

(Your attempts at psychological warfare amuse KenFlo.)

Sounds like Kenny Florian isn’t buying B.J. Penn’s revised story about the alleged GSP greasing and ‘roiding tip off any more than we are.  Talking with Fighters Only, KenFlo dismissed Penn’s claims outright, saying:

"Yeah it went from an email, to a text to a friend of the camp. I think next it will be a fax, and then it’ll probably be a bird that delivered a telegram to him from a roommate’s brother’s dog’s owner’s sister,” Florian laughed. 

"It’s kind of ridiculous. BJ is known as a trash talker and he plays a lot of mind games. He does a lot of psychological warfare. …People have tried that on me in the past, but what they don’t know is that they’re playing checkers and I’m playing chess," he said.

There you have it, B.J.  Kenny Florian is not impressed with your attempts at mind games.  Try again.  Or just get in the gym and prepare yourself to kick his ass over the course of five rounds.  Either one, though I hear the second option generally pays better.

(Plotting his next move…)

Someone please explain to me what has happened to B.J. Penn.  Did he suffer some sort of brain trauma in his fight with Georges St. Pierre?  Is he playing an elaborate practical joke on all of us, or does he just crave attention?

First Penn came out this week claiming that Kenny Florian, the man who will likely face Penn in the Octagon next (coincidence?), sent him an email before UFC 94 to tip him off about GSP’s greasing.  When Florian denied it, asking Penn to produce the email as proof, Penn changed his story completely.  In a video post to BJPenn.com yesterday, he claimed it was a text, not an email, and it was sent to a member of Penn’s camp, not Penn himself, and that it included charges of steroid use.  

I’m going to have to call shenanigans, as they say, and for several reasons.

("He was better than me that night," says Kos about his loss to GSP.)

Josh Koscheck knows he’s not your favorite UFC fighter.  But you know something?  He doesn’t really care.  The way he sees it, his job is to fight, and win, as often as possible.  After a highlight reel knockout of Yoshiyuki Yoshida at the UFC’s “Fight for the Troops,” he looks to continue he winning streak at UFC 95 next Saturday against Octagon newcomer and undefeated Brazilian fighter Paulo Thiago.

In our exclusive interview, Koscheck discusses his next fight, his career, and what he makes of the Georges St. Pierre greasing allegations.

CagePotato.com: Thanks for talking with me Josh.  What do you know about your opponent on the 21st, Paulo Thiago?

I really don’t know anything about him.  To be honest with you, I don’t even know what he looks like.  I’ve never seen video on him, nothing.  For me, it’s a fight.  I expect to go in there and fight and just do what I do, which is win.

Is the reason you haven’t seen any video on him because you can’t find any, or because you don’t care to look?

I just don’t even care to look.  I don’t care to watch it.  I don’t watch video on any of my opponents.  For me it’s just another fight.  I fight tough guys every single day at the gym.  I got a couple guys in the top ten in the weight class, like Jon Fitch and Mike Swick, plus the other guys from other weight classes at our gym.  I’m just looking for another good fight.  I’m sure he’s a tough opponent, but he hasn’t fought in the UFC yet.  This will be his first opportunity to fight somebody really tough.

The boys from “MMA Live” break down UFC 94, which, of course, includes a thorough look at LubeGate (or as some of you would rather call it, LubriGate).  Franklin McNeil is quick to dismiss it as no big deal, but Kenny Florian makes mention of a “select few” who do make use of greasing agents.  It’s almost as if he has someone specific in mind.  Someone he’s personally faced, who was “slippery,” and who had also trained with one Georges St. Pierre at various points.  Hmmmm….

(Props: MMA Videos)

Internet conspiracy theorists/video editors comb through GSP’s body of work, so to speak, in order to find evidence of past greasing.  The Zapruder film it ain’t, but still worth a look.

(Props: literally dozens of you)

Hey Potato Nation, how’s it going?  This greasing scandal got you down?  Yeah, it just keeps going, getting bigger and meaner every day.  Like that chick on “The View.”  We thought maybe we could cheer you up.  Here, look at this teddy bear, The 15” Ultimate Lover.  We’ll wait for your immature giggles to stop…  

He thinks you’re a knockout, and he even comes in a variety of different colors (we’re partial to the amethyst).  He’s made by the Vermont Teddy Bear Company, which, oddly enough, sponsors UFC Fight Night 17 participants Matt Grice and Josh Neer.  You remember Neer and his recent DUI, hit-and-run arrest.  Cuddly, no?  And this little guy is just $69.95.

Now that we think about it, maybe these people can even help put an end to LubeGate if only GSP would shell out for one of these…

(‘Okay…this is…way worse…than I…expected.’)

After deciding not to lodge a formal complaint against Georges St. Pierre and his cornermen over UFC 94’s greasing incident, B.J. Penn’s camp has sent a letter to the Nevada State Athletic Commission formally requesting an investigation, according to NBC Sports:

The letter was sent by Penn’s lawyer Raffi Nahabedian to Nevada state athletic commission executive director Keith Kizer. In the correspondence, which was given by the commission to NBCSports.com, Nahabedian states that the letter is not a formal complaint, but asks the commission to ensure that St. Pierre and his cornermen are "properly dealt with."

Consider this the Penn camp’s way of saying, ‘We don’t want to look like whiners complaining about this, but we don’t want to let GSP off the hook, either.’  And just when you were hoping this thing would die down and we could all move on to other topics.  Sorry.  This is only getting started.

On a related note, Dana White spoke with our friend MDS over at MMA Fanhouse about the incident, and summed it up thusly:

(‘An opportunity to criticize GSP, you say?  Count me in!’)

Well, LubeGate has officially run the gauntlet.  Matt Hughes is the latest former opponent of Georges St. Pierre to add fuel the greasy fire.  In a blog post to his website today, Hughes had this to say:

I’m not the only one who has said that GSP felt greasy during a fight. I know Matt Serra has mentioned it and, even in their first fight, I think BJ said something. I’m not saying GSP did something wrong and I’m not saying that it would have changed any outcomes of any fights; but what I am saying is, for my last two fights against Georges, he felt greasy.

Weird, he felt greasy in those last two fights?  As in, the two that Hughes lost?  Interesting.

Having more opponents jump on this bandwagon doesn’t help GSP’s case any, but what I’m wondering is, if he’s been greasing himself up for years why hasn’t he been caught before now?  The boys from the NSAC jumped all over him when they saw it at UFC 94.  How has he managed to apply Vaseline to his body in front of cameras and athletic commission observers for so long?  Is he taking a Vaseline supplement that makes it come out of his pores?  

(Noogie!)

The more Georges St. Pierre talks about his strategy for B.J. Penn, the more I’m struck by how scientific it sounds.  Usually when you hear fighters talk about their gameplan it’s vague classics like ‘push the pace’ or ‘take the fight to him.’  Basically, it’s stuff that is one step up from an inspirational slogan.

But GSP?  He practically steals your medical records in order to figure out how to beat you.  Just look at what he told SI.com about Penn’s physical strengths and weaknesses:

B.J. Penn, you were talking about his guard, he has very flexible legs. Another thing is, because he has very flexible hips, it made his thoracic cage more susceptible to being weak. That’s why I was working a lot of elbows to the body. On the ground I was putting my elbow in his stomach to make him tired. And a lot of knees. It was my game plan.

[…]

I know a lot of doctors. It’s a fact. When somebody has flexible hips, normally he has a weak thoracic cage. His bones are weaker. It’s science. And with B.J., that’s the case. He has very flexible hips, so his core is weaker than somebody who has normal hips. That’s why I was attacking the body a lot. People, when they fight B.J., they try to hit the head. But B.J. has very thick skin and he moves his head very well and his reaction time is very fast. He can move his head standing up, but his body never moves. I was targeting the body a lot.

As for allegations that he was greased up in the fight, GSP says he “cant’ believe” the Penn camp considered filing a formal complaint (though word now is that they’ve decided against it), that he’s not a cheater and will prove it in court if he has to, and also that it wasn’t any artificial substance that thwarted Penn’s high guard:

(Image courtesy of BloodyElbow) 

Despite rumors that BJ Penn was considering retirement directly before or after his brutal, slippery loss against Georges St. Pierre on Saturday, BJ Penn has updated his Facebook page with a message that he’ll "for sure" be facing Kenny Florian in his next fight, possibly in June. (This follows a previous Facebook comment where Penn wrote "gsp was a bit greased but that takes nothin away from him at all he was the better guy!") Florian last fought at UFC 91 in November, where he scored a first-round submission victory over Joe Stevenson. So, he’ll have to make a choice that’s now all-too-familiar — take a long layoff and wait for BJ to be ready in the summer, or risk his #1 contender status with another place-holder bout.

And just to keep you up to speed on "Lubegate"…

 
(Props: CagePotato reader Chris R.)

BJ Penn‘s trainer Rudy Valentino to InsideFighting (via Fightlinker):

St. Pierre‘s trainer Greg Jackson claims the back-greasing was completely unintentional, and was actually the result of another bizarre Jackson camp ritual. As he told MMA Weekly: