(So you’re saying you have no idea how you caught hepatitis, Vitor? No idea whatsoever?)

If MMA has a Job figure, Vitor Belfort is it. The man who famously “expect Jesus bro, every day” has suffered everything from personal tragedies, to injuries, to disappointing matchups, to freakish, one-in-a-million knockout losses. An agonizing liver disease is the last thing he needs at this point. But as always, God works in mysterious ways. Belfort broke the news yesterday evening via Twitter:

“I have hepatitis a. This thing hurt so bad I pray that God will take [care] off me . Don’t forget to pray for me…Guys I just want to let u know that this hepatitis A is easy to treat so don’t worry guys in 2 weeks I am back in the gym…Sorry Canada I will not be able to be there but I am sure u guys will have the best time in life…I love Jesus. I know that this will make me more strong then before, please God burn hepatitis and send her to hell”

According to Belfort’s representative Pedro Lima, doctors are unsure how Belfort caught Hepatitis A — which is generally transmitted by ingestion of contaminated food or water or through contact with an infected person — but the Phenom’s upcoming fight with Yoshihiro Akiyama should still proceed as planned.

(‘I drink gypsy potion during full moon.  Hepatitis gone now.  Is fine.’)

In a statement posted by Dream Fighters, Aleksander Emelianenko announced that he has left Russia’s Red Devil team under what he claims are amicable circumstances.  Of course, he also goes on to claim that he will soon be fighting in America again, so maybe we shouldn’t believe everything we read here:

I will say right away that there was no conflict between us. I asked the club president Vadim Filkenstein to remove all contractual obligations from me connecting me to “Red Devil”, as well as their obligations for me. Vadim was not against this. But we have also agreed, that as a promoter he will still offer me to participate in some events and fights, and I will review those offers. I asked Vadim to put me down for the next Affliction event, which will happen in the Summer, since I have the contract with Americans for three fights. Currently there is no concrete answer, since it is not yet known when exactly this event will take place, and who will be participating. But nothing is interfering with me fighting on such a big show in America.

Nothing is interfering with you fighting in America, Aleks?  Not even the California State Athletic Commission refusing to license you and then vowing that no other commission in the country would do so either?  Any of that ring a bell?

(In his own words: “Tattoos are my hobby. That is that.” Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

While you’re trying to figure out what witty zingers might pass between Aleksander Emelianenko, Vladimir Putin, and Jean-Claude Van Damme in our latest caption contest, you might be wondering to yourself, what ever became of Aleks after he was kicked off the Affliction event amid rumors that he may or may not have Hepatitis B? Well don’t worry. According to Aleks, it was all just a paperwork issue, as he explains to The Fight Network:

“I came late, couldn’t get my Visa in time and I was not allowed to fight. I’m healthy.”

That’s weird, because just last week M-1′s Raimond Joost said you had “medical issues.” Granted, he also expressed optimism that they could be resolved, but he sure as hell didn’t try and chalk the whole thing up to Visa troubles. Not to mention, if it was just a paperwork snafu, why would the CSAC’s Bill Douglas say this:

“The one thing that I can absolutely say is that he (Emelianenko) was not and will not be cleared to fight in California. He is officially denied a license and that will stand for all of the United States of America.”

Aleks, I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that you are lying to us, and doing a really bad job of it. Couldn’t you at least think of something more plausible? The strangest comment of the interview, however, was this one:

(Props: “Kakkarotto_san” on the UG)

Check out this clip of Fedor and Aleksander Emelianenko (along with their coach, Vladimir Voronov) putting on a Sambo demonstration in Korea — and pay attention, because this might be the only time you’ll see Fedor tap in your lifetime. There’s a lot of super-slick throws from both brothers during the demo, though we don’t understand why Aleks didn’t haul off and start whaling on Fedor’s face when he had the chance.

Speaking of Aleks, the younger Emelianenko brother claims that those Hepetitis reports were false, and he was blocked from competing at Affliction only because he was late in getting his medical tests done. Well, who are you gonna believe, us or some mulleted ex-con? (It’s times like these that I truly appreciate the fact that I can hide behind a computer.)

Somewhat related: The upcoming Street Fighter IV video game will contain a new character named Abel, an MMA fighter whose outfit looks to be Sambo-influenced. Dude kind of looks like Jake O’Brien on massive amounts of steroids. According to DasGamer.com, Abel was a huge hit among nerds gamers? nerds at Comic-Con, who overwhelmingly chose to play as him rather than new female character Crimson Viper.

(“According to WebMD, I may also have shingles.”)

From MMA News via Fightlinker:

A source close to the situation spoke to MMANews.com’s Michael Moody on a condition of anonymity and explained that the blood tests came back right before Aleks and Buentello were scheduled to weigh in and that is why there was so much confusion around the stage and why the fighters did not weigh in. Gary Goodridge ended up stepping up on extremely short notice and filling in for the Russian heavyweight. The tests were positive for Hepatitis B which resulted in the CSAC cancelling the fight.

Previously: Aleks Emelianenko Might Have the Hep

I haven’t been able to get an audio confirm myself yet, but various listeners of Sherdog Radio (and fans who bumped into Paul Buentello) are passing along the word that Aleksander Emelianko’s mysterious pull from Saturday’s Affliction: Banned event may be due to a positive test for Hepatitis B.

In its acute form, the viral liver disease can be treated and will leave a person’s system within two months. In some cases the disease turns chronic and the person remains infected, running the risk of cirrhosis and liver cancer. No word yet on Emelianenko’s exact condition, though as long as he carries the virus he’ll be unable to fight in the United States, which means this could potentially be a career-ender. His last two professional fights — in July and October of 2007 — were held in Canada, which also requires blood tests for fighters, suggesting that Emelianenko acquired the disease relatively recently. Says Wikipedia:

Transmission results from exposure to infectious blood or body fluids containing blood. Possible forms of transmission include (but are not limited to) unprotected sexual contact, blood transfusions, re-use of contaminated needles & syringes [Ed. note: extensive tattooing with prison buddies?], and vertical transmission from mother to child during childbirth.

We’ll update you when we know more.