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Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

Tag: Houston Alexander

Freak Show Fight of the Day: James Thompson vs. Houston Alexander Added to Bellator 129

As the hilariously self-aware promotion of James Thompson vs. Eric Prindle (see above) already showed us, Bellator has shifted gears from the “toughest tournament in sports” to a more freakshow-centric form of MMA under The Coker Era, one which fans both casual and hardcore can enjoy. We could not be happier with this development, as any throwback to the late 90′s/early aughts of MMA is pretty much our bread and butter (that pathetic Bonnar-Ortiz brawl not included).

Forging ahead with their freak show narrative, Bellator has booked a heavyweight contest between James “The Colossus” Thompson and Houston “Get the F*ck off Facebook” Alexander for the main card of Bellator 129, which goes down on October 17 at the Mid-America Center in Council Bluffs, Iowa.

While Thompson has spent the majority of his career getting wrecked by everyone from Aleksander Emelianenko to Butterbean, he will actually be riding a four fight win streak into Bellator 129, his longest such streak since 2005. Thompson also impressed in his Bellator debut, pounding out Prindle en route to a first round TKO at Bellator 121. The 42 year old Alexander, on the other hand, has gone 1-1 since signing on with Bellator last year, dropping a decision to Vladimir Matyushenko at Bellator 99 before scoring a second round doctor stoppage TKO over Matt Uhde at Bellator 117 in April.

While typically calling the light heavyweight division his home, Alexander has actually fought at heavyweight once before, defeating the late Sherman Pendergarst via TKO due to leg kicks back in 2009.

So yeah, two aging journeymen with questionable chins are going to throw leather until one of them falls over. In Iowa. In less than a month. MARK YOUR CALENDARS, FUCKERS.

-J. Jones

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Paulo Thiago and Five Other Fighters Who Never Lived Up to Their UFC Debuts


(“Quick Paulo, more spinach!!!” Photo via Getty)

I think it was midway through the second round of Paulo Thiago‘s bout with Gasan Umalatov on the TUF Brazil 3 Finale undercard that I began to feel a heavy, sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought it was just fight fatigue at first, my body’s way of telling me to step away from the television and do something, anything to negate the effects caused by a (by that point) six hour binge of manure ads, Linkin Park-dubbed promos, and the occasional MMA fight.

It wasn’t until the Thiago-Umalatov decision was handed down, however, that I was able to identify the cause of my discomfort. Paulo Thiago, real-life superhero and a fighter I have unapologetically rooted for since watching him knock out Josh Koscheck in his promotional debut at UFC 95, is likely on his way out of the UFC.Old Dad best summed up my feelings about Thiago, tweeting after the decision “Is it time for me to admit that Paulo Thiago is probably never going to be as awesome as I want him to be? Maybe, yeah.

The fact is, Thiago has consistently underwhelmed since scoring violent finishes over Koscheck and Mike Swick early in his UFC career, dropping six of his past eight fights and only scoring decision wins over IDon’t and GiveaFuck. While I won’t go as far as to call his upset wins “flukes,” it’s safe to say that Thiago has unfortunately fallen into the category of UFC fighters who were never able to exceed the hype generated by their UFC debuts. Fighters like…

Houston Alexander 

MMA fans knew knew less than nothing about Houston Alexander before he was matched up with Keith Jardine at UFC 71. Sure, he looked like something out of a Scared Straight program, but at just 7-1 as a pro, he seemed well out of his league against “The Dean of Mean.” Even Jardine, fresh off the biggest win of his career over Forrest Griffin, was baffled by the matchmaking, all but dismissing Alexander in some uncharacteristic pre-fight trash-talk.

But as Raymond Atkins once wrote, “Hubris is when God screws you over for being a smartass.” And screw over Jardine he did. In less than a minute’s time, the TUF alum found himself lying face down on the canvas thanks to a barrage of uppercuts so vicious that even his mouthguard was forced to flee for its life.

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Bellator 117 Results: Lima Batters Hawn’s Leg to Become Bellator Welterweight Champion

Bellator crowned a new welterweight champion at Bellator 117, and also determined who’d fight in the finals of the season 10 lightweight tournament. In case you missed the fisticuffs, here’s our recap:

Patricky “Pitbull” Freire vs. Derek Campos

This lightweight tournament semifinal started with some feeling out. A flying knee from Pitbull missed its mark, as did a spinning back kick from Campos. Midway through the round, Pitbull landed a sick hook to the liver followed up by a hook to the head–easily the best combo of the round at that point. Shortly after this, a brawl ensued against the cage. Campos landed some jabs, Freire landed a knee and a right hand. They reset, but then Campos pressured Freire again, landing quite a few shots. Campos’ success continued until the end of the first round; he started to get the better of every exchange while Pitbull looked slow and uninterested.

Campos’ luck ran out in the second round. Pitbull tagged him with a nasty right hand that floored him. Campos managed to rise to his feet only to be floored yet again. Pitbull mounted him and finished him with ground and pound when Campos rolled over onto his stomach and covered up. What a comeback.

Freire will be fighting the winner of Marcin Held vs. Derek Anderson in the lightweight tournament finals.

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And Now He’s Retired: Steve Bosse Hangs ‘em Up Weeks After Signing with the UFC, Cites Nagging Injuries


(Obligatory gif of Bosse crushing Houston Alexander. You’re welcome.)

Less than a month after signing a multi-fight deal with the UFC, former semi-pro hockey enforcer turned mixed martial arts knockout artist Steve Bosse is calling it quits.

Bosse, who was scheduled to face Ryan Jimmo at the TUF Nations Finale on April 16th until a shoulder injury forced him off the card, cited a recent rash of injuries as the reason for his decision:

“My body is talking to me,” Bosse told Canadian publication La Presse. “It’s time that I make the right decision.”

The former hockey enforcer, who has allegedly partaken in over 200 hockey fights, will retire with a record of 10-1 and wins over UFC veterans Wes Sims, Marvin Eastman, and Houston Alexander (the last of which came via hellacious standing elbow KO, in case you weren’t aware). Additionally, word has it that Bosse holds the distinct honor of being the only hockey player who ever took off his skate and tried to stab someone with it.

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Counterpoint: Signing UFC Washouts Has Significantly Boosted Bellator’s Ratings (Sort Of) (Maybe)


(If you think Bellator’s main carders are old, you obviously haven’t checked out their prelims in a while…)

After months of rolling our eyes while trying to make sense of Bellator’s new “sign pretty much anyone the UFC cuts and pray that it boosts our ratings” business model, the ratings for Bellator 99 – the promotion’s first show as The MMA Senior Circuit – are finally in.

The show drew in 660,000 viewers, which is fairly impressive on its own, but even more so next to the 437,000 viewers that Bellator 98 drew in. Also significant, Bellator 99′s main event featuring Patricio Pitbull and UFC also-ran Diego Nunes hit a high point of 809,000 viewers, as opposed to the 595,000 viewers that Fight of the Year candidate Alexander Shlemenko vs. Brett Cooper managed to attract.

Now, how you chose to interpret these numbers depends entirely on who you feel like being cynical towards this afternoon.

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Bellator 99 Recap: Pitbull Smashes Nunes, Matyushenko vs. Alexander Was Pretty Much a Waste of Time


(Patricio Pitbull Vs. Diego Nunes.)

It would be a shame if we only remembered last night’s Bellator 99 as the first night of the promotion’s transformation into The UFC Senior Circuit, but honestly, there wasn’t much to write about on the main card of last night’s fights. So let’s start off on a positive note and talk about the main event.

In the main event of the evening, Bellator’s homegrown prospect Patricio Pitbull (Patricio Freire if you want to get technical) make very short work of Diego Nunes. The usually aggressive Pitbull was cautious during the bout, opting to wait for Nunes to lunge at him. The inevitable happened just over seventy seconds into their fight, and Pitbull made “The Gun” pay dearly for doing so. Pitbull not only improves to 19-2 in his professional MMA career, but now he also holds a victory over a guy that the casual MMA fan may have actually heard of – something that leads me to believe that Bellator’s “Sign Ex-UFC Fighters Who Won’t Challenge for the Title” business model may not be as foolish as most of us are making it out to be.

In fact, I’d be willing to write an Unsupportable Opinion piece based around that last sentence…if it weren’t for the gigantic waste of time that was the clash between Vladimir Matyushenko and Houston Alexander. Believe it or not, the fight between the forty-something ex-UFC gatekeepers was worse than you were expecting it to be. Probably not “Worst Fight of the Year” at this year’s Potato Awards bad, but it’ll certainly be included in the discussion. View at your own risk after the jump.

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Bellator’s Nine Hottest New Prospects for Season Nine


(Hey, if BJ Penn can be the UFC’s first three-title champion, then a middle-aged kickboxer can be the future of the heavyweight division. / Photo via crucifixusa.com)

By Adam Martin

Bellator’s ninth season recently commenced, and if last week’s opener is any indication, it’s going to be a fun and action-packed couple of months in the world of “Viacom MMA.”

During the summer, Bellator signed a number of new fighters that will make their promotional debuts during season nine, and we wanted to highlight a few of these hungry young prospects that fans should keep an eye on starting with tonight’s event in Temecula, California.

So, without further ado, here are nine Bellator prospects to watch out for during this coming season of fights.

9. John Alessio

(Photo via Getty)

The first fighter to keep an eye on this season is veteran John Alessio, who has been fighting professionally since 1998. After making his name as a top prospect fighting for SuperBrawl in Hawaii, the UFC fed Alessio to the sharks when, at just 20 years of age, he fought Pat Miletich for the UFC welterweight title. And while Alessio would get tapped out in just 1:43 and leave the UFC immediately afterwards, he returned in 2006 and fought both Diego Sanchez and Thiago Alves, losing to both and losing his spot on the roster again. Never perturbed, Alessio then carved out a solid run in the WEC, MFC, Dream, and a few other promotions to get yet another crack in the Octagon in 2012, but after losing to Mark Bocek and Shane Roller — becoming the only fighter in UFC history to go 0-5 — he was cut for good. Bellator then picked him up and he’s been installed as a participant in the season nine lightweight tournament. Winning it, he says, is his destiny.

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Bellator Signs UFC Vet Houston Alexander to Fight Vladimir Matyushenko at Bellator 99


(Future Bellator title fight? Photo via Sherdog)

September 13th’s Bellator 99 card was supposed to feature Vladmir Matyushenko’s promotional debut against former Bellator light-heavyweight champ Christian M’Pumbu, but a hand injury has forced M’Pumbu off the card. Stepping in to replace him against the Janitor is Houston Alexander, the ex-UFC brawler whose brief stint in the Octagon ended in one of the saddest fights of all time.

If this match was booked in 2007, it would be awesome. Back then, Matyushenko was dominating everybody in his path while competing for the IFL, while Alexander was establishing himself as a dangerous force in the UFC, knocking out Keith Jardine and Alessio Sakara in short order, before suffering his first loss to Thiago Silva.

Six years later, they’re both struggling to remain somewhat relevant. Matyushenko recently bounced out of the UFC after suffering back-to-back first-round losses against Alexander Gustafsson and Ryan Bader, while Houston Alexander has been rebuilding himself in the Nebraska-based Victory Fighting Championship, where he won two fights this year and became the promotion’s light-heavyweight champion last month with a knockout of Chuck Grigsby. Alexander’s post-UFC record is 6-4 with one no-contest.

As a short-notice replacement, Bellator could have done worse than Houston Alexander. But BloodyElbow passes along an alarming trend…

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[VIDEO] Can-Crushing Roundup: Pudzianowski and Blachowicz Victorious, Panajotovic Pulverizes Pathetic Foe


*sigh*

Sometimes, there’s no shame in being a can crusher. As much as we love watching close fights between our sport’s top fighters, some of our sport’s most entertaining finishes came to fruition because a fighter of reasonable competence was locked in the cage with an utterly hopeless ham-n-egger. There’s nothing wrong with pounding the bejesus out of a hapless jobber every once in a while, which is exactly what Mariusz Pudzianowski, Jan Blachowicz and Dusan Panajotovic did yesterday. Fortunately for us, they filmed it for posterity as well.

At thirty-five years old, “can crusher” is probably the ceiling for five-time World’s Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski’s MMA career. The odds of him ending up in the big leagues outside of his home country are pretty slim- which is perfect, because he seems more than content to smash freaks and nobodies in front of enthusiastic Polish fans. At yesterday’s KSW 20, Pudzianowski faced 4-1 Greek American prospect Christos Piliafas. All of Piliafas’ fights have ended by TKO- four of which in the first round. A technical grappling clinic this would not be, as Pudzianowski scored takedowns and eventually punched out Piliafas 3:48 seconds into round one. Unfortunately, videos of this scrap have quickly been taken off of YouTube. We know, we’re just as heartbroken as you are.

But as a consolation prize, we’re going to offer you KSW Light Heavyweight Champion Jan Blachowicz’s successful title defense against Houston Alexander from the same card. A win over Alexander may not mean too much anymore, yet Blachowicz never appeared in trouble throughout the fight. Unfortunately, save for an armbar at the end of round one and a triangle choke at the end of round two, neither did Alexander. Okay, so it’s a pretty lousy consolation prize. Whaddayagonnado?

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What a Rush! The 14 Greatest (and 3 Worst) Pro-Wrestling Moves Used in MMA


(“Call me Aldo Montoya again, bitch!”)

By Seth Falvo (@SethFalvo)

When Nick Ring walked to the cage on Saturday accompanied by professional wrestling legend Bret “The Hitman” Hart, it was one more example of mixed martial arts’ quirky love affair with professional wrestling. Oh sure, we like to pretend that we have nothing in common with those peculiar Puroresu practitioners because our sport is real, both in terms of the violence and the personalities associated with it. Nonsense. With fake fighters crossing over to the real stuff, real fighters crossing over to the fake stuff, fake matches “borrowing” their outcomes from real fights, real promos “borrowing” from the classic fake stuff and multiple guys dabbling in both sports, the line between the two is arguably blurrier now than it was back when Ken Shamrock was ankle locking fools in the World Wrestling Federation.

It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.

But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectivenesshow true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!

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