Steroids in MMA
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Tag: injury

“Rumble” Out, Arlovski in Against Mike Kyle at WSOF 5 Main Event


(We know we’ve beaten this horse to death, but the guy on the left USED TO FIGHT AT F*CKING WELTERWEIGHT.)

Some mixed news out of the World Series of Fighting, as news broke yesterday that Anthony “Rumble” Johnson, who was slated to brutally KO the recently un-retired Mike Kyle at WSOF 5 in September, has been forced to pull out from the headlining fight. Although Johnson’s camp is citing a “training injury” as the reason for his withdrawal, our inside sources tell us that Rumble actually suffered an “empathy implosion” of his ACL while watching the Korean Zombie/Jose Aldo fight car wreck last weekend. Just when you thought you’ve heard it all.

Thankfully, the man stepping up on short notice to take Rumble’s place will be none other than the last man to be defeated by him, former UFC heavyweight champion Andrei Arlovski. “The Pit Bull” has not fought since his aforementioned loss at WSOF 2, where he dropped a unanimous decision to Johnson in an entertaining slugfest.

While we imagine that Kyle is probably elated to learn that he is now fighting a guy he stands a decent chance of actually knocking out, expect him to be a huge underdog heading into this one nonetheless. Minus his setback at the hands of Johnson, Arlovski has gone 4-0 with 1 NC since exiting Strikeforce back in 2011 (well, 5-0 if you also happen to think that ONE FC’s stance on soccer kicks is f*cking ridiculous). Kyle, on the other hand, recently scored a quick KO over Travis Wiuff in his comeback bout last May.

Anybody liking “MAK” for the upset here?

-J. Jones

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Despite Actually Losing the TUF 17 Finale, Everyone is Still Terrified of Uriah Hall


(Gold Bond foot lotion: So soothing, it’ll knock you right off your motherfucking feet.) 

Since we know how much you guys love a good old fashioned conspiracy theory, try this one on for size: Everyone in the middleweight division is still scared shitless of Uriah Hall and will do anything within their power to avoid fighting him. Yes, despite the fact that he dropped a unanimous decision to Kelvin Gastelum in his UFC debut, Hall seemingly cannot find an opponent brave (or healthy) enough to face him at UFC on FOX Sports: Shogun vs. Sonnen on August 17th.

First, Nick “mumblegumblemurglegurgle” Ring was scheduled to face Hall at the event. Then we posted this video, then Ring suspiciously went down with the first “blown asspussy” in UFC history. Ring was quickly replaced by Hall’s fellow TUF 17 alum, Josh Samman, and everything seemed to be back on track. Until yesterday, that is, when Samman likely realized that he would never be able to complete his Ethnography of Women and Violence in Post-war Guatemala thesis while comatose. Subsequently, Samman has also been forced to withdraw from his fight with Hall, paving the way for a certain UFC veteran (and Boston native) to reclaim the spotlight…

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Who Saw This Coming? T.J. Grant No Longer Guaranteed a Title Shot Upon November Return


(If you enjoy seeing someone immediately regret a decision they made on camera, it doesn’t get much better than this.)

For better or worse, we as a society have become completely incapable of accepting any information at face value. It’s why some of us simply can’t believe that, yes, if you drop your hands and clown around a little too much against a world class fighter, you might get knocked the fuck out even if you’re Anderson Silva. It’s also why some of us simply refuse to believe that T.J. Grant was actually injured when he pulled out of his title fight with Ben Henderson, despite all the evidence pointing to the contrary.

Well, conspiracy theory or not, the concussion Grant suffered while rolling will keep him out of action until at least November. Unfortunately for Grant, his stock will have plummeted so far by the time he returns that he will likely have to fight his way back to a title shot that he will never truly receive once again. That’s UFC politics, baby — greed, get the money, dollar, dollar bill, y’all.

During an appearance on yesterday’s edition of The MMA Hour, Grant spelled out what the future had in store for him and also detailed his decision to pull out of the fight. And again, he would like you to know that it was actually his decision to make:

I’m not scared to fight anyone. If I was healthy and I knew that I could get in shape, I would’ve [tried it.]. It’s a little scary. I wanted to kind of make the best decision for myself. I want to do what’s best for me.

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Anthony Pettis Out Six Weeks With Torn Meniscus, Ben Henderson Conspiracy Theory Officially Debunked


(A visibly ecstatic Grant reacts to the news.) 

Good news, Potato Nation, we can all officially put to rest the theory that Anthony Pettis was faking an injury to steal T.J. Grant’s title shot against Ben Henderson. After news detailing the extent of Pettis’ injury was first passed along by ESPN.com, Dana White recently confirmed with MMAFighting that “Showtime” will be looking at a six week layoff as a result of the knee injury that forced him out of his UFC 163 title fight with Jose Aldo. Unfortunately for us fans, our insatiable need to watch bubble-wrapped Brazilians get the living shit kicked out of them will have to be put on hold for the time being. *pushes school books off desk*

Pettis met with a UFC-approved doctor in Las Vegas who informed him that his torn meniscus injury will require him to sit out for six weeks, UFC president Dana White confirmed the news to MMAFighting.com after ESPN.com first reported it. Pettis originally believed he would return to full-strength in half that time.

The good news for Pettis is that he does not require surgery to fix his injured knee.

So there you have it. Pettis is out, Zombie and Grant are still in, and poor Ricardo Lamas continues to regret denying that Gypsy an extension on her mortgage payment.

-J. Jones

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‘WTF?!’ of the Day: Waylon Lowe Suing Philly Sex Shop After Gel Permanently Disfigures His Junk


(“On second thought, I’ll just take your word for it…” – Guy on the Left)

Horrific penis injuries: They’re the new injured foot of MMA injuries.

UFC veteran Waylon Lowe has made his way back into headlines the hard way today, as he is suing The Mood – a sex shop on South Street, Philadelphia – for selling him a product that has permanently scarred his genitals. Of course this is how the unfortunate bastard manages to finally get MMA fans talking about him again, because why wouldn’t it be.

Assuming you haven’t already skipped to the comments section to unleash your best one-liners, you can read details about the product he used and the injury itself [NSFA] after the jump.

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Rumor: Chad Mendes vs. Clay Guida Being Rebooked, Possibly for UFC 164


(Guida engages the UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Dodson audience in the ancient Native American dance known as the “Iwannanothadrinka.” Photo via Combat Lifestyle.)

We’ve thrown the word “curse” around a lot here at CagePotato in the past year or so (as in “injury curse,” “cursed from birth,” and “curse you Dana for setting this up!”), but featherweight contender Chad Mendes is one of the few fighters who might actually be able to stake a claim to that title. In his past three scheduled fights, all of his original opponents have pulled out due to a last minute injury, leaving Mendes to face off against late replacement opponents on two occasions and cancelling his fight altogether in the third. Then again, any curse that ends in you collecting two quick knockouts and upwards of eighty thousand dollars is a hell of a lot better than the festering boils and dead first born I’ve been stuck with.

Anyway, the last man to pull out of a fight with Mendes was none other than recently-converted featherweight Clay “N-Pray” [*rimshot*] Guida, who was replaced by Darren Elkins just as quickly as Darren Elkins was defeated by Chad Mendes when the two eventually met at UFC on FOX: Henderson vs. Diaz. According to Ariel Helwani, the UFC is considering rebooking Mendes vs. Guida for the August 31st-scheduled UFC 164 card, which will also feature the beginning of Brandon Vera’s second attempt to become the UFC’s first two-division champ when he returns to the heavyweight division to face…Ben Rothwell. Baby steps, folks.

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Update: Dan Henderson vs. Rashad Evans Now Headlines UFC 161, MMA Fans Trapped in 2011 Rejoice


(Oh yeah, Rashad, we just went there.)

It has recently been announced that, following Renan Barao’s withdrawal from his scheduled interim title fight with Eddie Wineland — the battle between light heavyweight wrestlers Rashad Evans and Dan Henderson will now serve as the headliner for UFC 161. While this change would at first seem like a huge downgrade (hence the kneejerk reaction title) given both fighter’s underwhelming performances against Antonio Rogerio Nogueira and Lyoto Machida, respectively, it actually has all the makings for one hell of a fight. Perhaps even because of that fact.

The news was passed along by the UFC’s official twitter account earlier today. The fight is still scheduled for three rounds.

Evans has dropped two of his past three fights and is in need of a big win if he is to ever delay any more discussion of a potential (and likely dreadful) drop to middleweight. Henderson also finds his back somewhat against a wall, as the 42-year old’s stock has been decreasing ever since he was forced to pull out from his UFC 151 title fight with Jon Jones. Again, these may sound like criticisms, but in all reality, they only heighten the chance that these two veterans put on a show for the ages come June 15th.

As for the Jake Shields/Tyron Woodley fight that will likely be bumped up to the main card in light of this…

-J. Jones

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Gross Photo of the Day: Man Grapples With Wedding Ring On, Literally Skins Himself Alive


(Symbol of eternal love and devotion…or DEATH TRAP? We’re just kidding. It’s both.)

We’re not sure if we can “thank” MiddleEasy for passing along the image that awaits you after the jump, but out of morbid curiosity, we are going to pass it along to you nonetheless. We do not know who the poor sap on the receiving end of this…flensing is; all we know is that he apparently suffered it while grappling with his wedding ring on. As if we needed another reason to take them off, amiright fellas? *raises hand for high-fives, receives none* 

In any case, just be prepared for what you are about to witness. Anthony Njokuani’s hand? Rubbish. Martin Kampmann’s axe wound? Child’s play.

I know I have a tendency to embellish these things. I know this. But if the photo below does not make you recoil in disgust, then vomit into your lap and possibly even denounce the concept of marriage altogether, I will proudly hand over my expired press pass and gun to the CagePotato offices and retire.

You have been warned.

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Gross Photo of the Day: Ross Pearson’s Kirby-esque (Yet Somehow Not Broken) Foot From UFC on FUEL 9

Sometime after he had finished spoiling Ryan Couture’s UFC debut at UFC on FUEL 9, it was revealed that TUF 9 winner and TUF: Smashes coach Ross Pearson had allegedly broken his foot warming up. Obviously fearing that those namby pamby Swedes would pull him from the fight, Pearson opted to keep his injury quiet until the fight was over, a strategy commonly known in the fight game as “Ortizing.” The main difference between Pearson and Ortiz being that Pearson saves his complaints for fights he actually wins.

And although it was later revealed that Pearson did not in fact break his foot, he recently tweeted the above image to prove that he wasn’t exactly telling porky pies either. It’s not often that a foot swells up so bad that it forms a cankle, so we must applaud Pearson for his grit and determination in not only fighting with such a disadvantage, but finishing a tough dude like Couture in the process.

I mean, just look at that thing. It looks like what I imagine Rosie O’Donnell’s inner thighs look like. It looks like someone stuffed a stocking with ground beef and threw it at a red birch tree. It looks like Kirby took a particularly vicious beating on the Planet Zebes level of Super Smash Brothers. 

-J. Jones

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A Note to the MMA Media: Please Stop Asking Dominick Cruz When He’s Coming Back

Dominick Cruz UFC ring girls Kenda Perez Brittney Palmer MMA photos
(“Laid up” takes on a whole new meaning when you’re a UFC champion.) 

According to his website, Dominick Cruz is “a professional mixed martial artist and UFC champion.” However, according to his MMA record, Cruz has been anything but since October of 2011. The ironic thing? Cruz’s website has not been updated since his coaching gig on The Ultimate Fighter 15, wherein he suffered the ACL injury that has kept him out of action ever since.

But if you were hoping that Cruz would give us a timetable for his return following his second ACL injury last December, you better think again. And while you’re at it, you should just stop asking Cruz about the issue altogether if you happen to be a member of the MMA media (you know, those people who get fancy lanyards at UFC events), because he will wait until 2020 to return to action if he damn so pleases (via Sherdog radio):

I’m not gonna let media or anybody else push me on a date. ‘Give us a date. That’s all we want. We want a date, Dominick. Give us a date to look at!’ I can’t. I want a date. I don’t have one. I’m listening to my doctors because if I don’t do that, I get hurt again. The focus is ‘pull the reigns down’, pull the reigns on myself. Don’t let myself go in there too soon and just do the work I can with the UFC, with my sponsors, do everything I can on Fuel TV and say to the fans I will be back. I’m coming back. I’m working hard. No date yet but I’ll give it out when I have it. I promise. 

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