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The Best of Anne Hathaway [49 Photos]

Tag: Insanity

Alexander Emelianenko Got Engaged! While in Jail! Awaiting Trial!! For Sexual Assault!!1!


(He’ll fight for my love AND he bakes! *swoon*)

Love is…strange, Nation. It requires trust, understanding, patience, and occasionally, the willingness to look a convicted sex offender in the eyes and say “I do” from behind the bars of a Russian prison.

What? Haven’t you heard? Alexander Emelianenko — the very same who is currently awaiting trial for the sexual assault of a 27 year-old woman – recently got engaged to a living, breathing woman named Pauline, reports MMABoxing.ru. Break out the streamers! Fire up the band! Just make sure you tell them to keep it down!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, that just means that he’s prison engaged, if you know what I’m saying.” First off, don’t nudge me, and secondly, you’re wrong. According to BloodyElbow, “Emelianenko, through the request of his lawyer, got permission to marry inside the detention center. It also appears that it was his fiancé, Pauline, who proposed.”

So there you have it. Alexander Emelianenko is engaged to be married. And I have no one.

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ICYMI: The Tito Ortiz-Stephan Bonnar Grudge Match Now Includes an Undercover Double Agent Storyline

(And this simply amazing/incoherent video.)

Things seemed to have calmed down a bit between Stephan Bonnar and Tito Ortiz following their plain cartoonish “brawl” at Bellator 123. Now less than a week out from their Grudge Match for the Ages at Bellator 131, the time for trash-talk has come and gone, thankfully, and the time to get this damn thing over with is nearly upon us. Now if only we can finish this sentence uninterrupt-

(*checks earpiece*)

What’s that? Tito’s saying what? What do you mean a spy is involved? (via Ortiz’s interview with MMAWeekly):

Well, it really came down to a plan, an idea that I thought would work, worked perfectly.

When I first signed with Bellator, I guess Dana (White) and Bonnar kind of had an idea that if they called me out, I would come back to the UFC and fight. And this was a year ago that this happened. And I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I wanted to fight in Bellator, so I signed with Bellator and I thought in my mind, ‘How can I get Bonnar to Bellator to finally shut him up and smash him after the things he said?’

And sneakily on my side, I got (fighter manager) Dave Thomas to sign him. Dave Thomas signed him and we had to think of something to make him believe that Dave Thomas doesn’t like me, that Paul Herrera didn’t like me. Paul Herrera was going to coach him. And Stephan Bonnar bit the line, hook and sinker. He thought in his own mind that all of his guys were against me and I fooled him.

And now it’s a week out from the fight. I know how his training camp went. I know the ins and outs. So he just got baited. That’s how bad I want to cave his face in.

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TIL That War Machine Once Abandoned Ken Shamrock’s 17 Year Old Daughter in Mexico [VIDEO]

Leave it to Ken Shamrock to add a whole ‘nother chapter to the increasingly morbid saga that is the life of Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver.

Koppenhaver, who was captured by US Marshals last week while hiding out in Simi Valley, California, has something of a history of violence and general sketchiness when it comes to women, you see. He’s been arrested what feels like a dozen times now for starting bar brawls, crashing a porn star’s birthday party (with his fists), and most recently, brutalizing girlfriend Christy Mack in particularly heinous fashion. He will more than likely assault a fellow inmate and/or have sex with deli meat within the following weeks, and is overall just a terrible, terrible human being who deserves none of our sympathy.

But what I (and therefore you Taters) have been wondering in these troubling times is: What does Ken Shamrock have to say about all this?

Well, strap in brothers and sisters, because shit’s about to get weird…

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Quote of the Day: Wanderlei Silva Honest-to-God Thinks He’ll Be Fighting in Two Months


(“350 bucks?! These supplements were only 315 last week, you snake in the grass!”)

In news that is gonna blow your mind right through the back of your skull, Wanderlei Silva is once again talking absolute nonsense about the future of his MMA career.

If you’ve forgotten or simply don’t care anymore, Silva is still awaiting his official punishment from the Nevada State Athletic Commission for skipping out on his random drug test prior to UFC 175, which he claimed he didn’t do, then claimed he did do but only because he was on diuretics. While Dana White assured us that he would be “buried” for his insolence, Silva recently popped out of the hole he’s been presumably living in for the past month to ensure us that everything is hunky-dory (via Tatame/Bleacher Report):

Life is great. I’m training well. I did a test on my own in Brazil, on June 6, to see if the corticoid and the diuretic were already out of my body. I also tested my testosterone levels. At my age, the level is 180, and I’m at 160. I’m totally clean and cleared to fight as soon as possible. I’m just waiting for the UFC to tell me a date and local. In two months, I will be ready to fight.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d have a lot more faith in Wandy’s words had they been shouted at me in a basement while bro-rock blared in the background.

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“Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” Is The Weirdest/Greatest Fanboy Video of All Time


(I’m just sayin’, Whatever this is > Those “Step Into Our World” posters.)

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about MMA fan art over the years, it’s that more often than not, it takes a turn for the captivating, the hilariously awful, or the just plain creepy. Though no two pieces of MMA art are the same, at the root of them all is usually a highly disturbed, manically-depressed individual crying out for help and/or a pack of UFC trading cards.

Today’s entry, however, is something of an entirely new breed. It’s what some would call “avant-garde”; combining equal parts Transformers cartoon and Tim and Eric sketch with some of the most proficient Microsoft Paint skills ever put on display. It’s goddamn glorious to be completely frank. Tweeted out by Eddie Bravo yesterday, “Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” is one of the most brilliantly-retarded things you or I will ever see, so do yourself a favor and check it out after the jump.

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Rousey vs. Mayweather: The MMA vs. Boxing Debate Finally Hits Rock-Bottom


(Joe Rogan talks Rousey vs. Mayweather on ESPN’s SportsNation, because it’s not like there was an actual event worth discussing or anything.)

By Jared Jones

I must be confused.

You see, when I awoke yesterday morning, I was under the impression that MMA was still a sport with plenty of goings-on worth talking about, not a platform so desolate of intriguing discussion that its only current purpose in this world was to push energy drinks and stir up farcical “Who would win?” scenarios like a goddamn episode of Deadliest Warrior. “There are *two* UFC events alone going down this week,” I said to myself, “Not to mention an *actual* TUF premiere, a Bellator event, and who knows what else. Surely there is plenty of real-life, newsworthy information to be had today.”

So you can imagine my surprise when I awoke to find “Joe Rogan says Ronda Rousey would beat Floyd Mayweather Jr.” as the headline dominating many an MMA site and even some that aren’t. And even worse, nearly all of these articles were flooded with the hundreds of comments from people who actually found it necessary to offer their insight into this absolutely imbecilic piece of non-news. (Rousey vs. a cheetah in sweatpants: Who’s the better dancer?”)

“Every fight starts standing, and we all know Floyd’s not afraid to hit women,” joked a commenter who vehemently expressed his outrage over the idea of allowing Fallon Fox to continue fighting just months earlier. “Floyd’s speed would be no match for Ronda’s armbar,” said another who had chastised his favorite MMA publication for daring to waste his time with a breakdown of the Undertaker’s signature move days prior.

I bit my tongue at first, because I don’t exactly have a foot to stand on when it comes to publishing news items that are ever-so-tangentially related to MMA. But the tipping point occurred during last night’s TUF Nations Finale broadcast, when during yet another time-killing session in the FOX studios, Karyn Bryant posed the same question to Daniel Cormier and Anthony Pettis.

“This is ridiculous,” said Pettis before declaring that Floyd would easily win. Unfortunately, it appeared that the idea of a woman beating a man in a fight was what Pettis found ridiculous, not the question itself as I had hoped.

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Human Cockfighting Alert: A Fighter Was Allowed to Continue After Collapsing In His Corner [UPDATED]


(Screencap via Deadpsin)

We’re sure you’ve heard all about it by now, but this issue warrants covering by every MMA media outlet around.

At yesterday’s RFA 14, flyweight fighter Junior Maranhao blacked out in his corner between the fourth and fifth rounds.

Did his corner stop the fight?

No.

Did the doctor stop the fight?

No.

Did the referee stop the fight?

No.

The man fell unconscious on the floor (he was out cold) and the fight was allowed to continue. Here’s a GIF (via Zombie Prophet):

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Non-MMA Video of the Day: Massive Fist Fight Breaks Out at Ukraine Parliament


(“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the war room!”)

I won’t pretend to be an expert on the Ukraine situation, and I cite that I just referred to an ever-developing international crisis and seemingly inevitable civil war as “The Ukraine situation” as proof of that. I do know, however, that it is never a good sign when you country’s average Parliamentary session for peace ends in the same fashion as a Polish Team-MMA Fight. But that’s just what happened in Kiev, Ukraine earlier today, as communist and nationalist parties clashed over accusations that the latter had resorted to extremist tactics in their seizing of several buildings in Eastern Ukraine earlier this week.

It all started when communist Petro Symonenko (the man at the rostrum) took aim at the nationals, stating, “You are today doing everything to intimidate people. You arrest people, start fighting people who have a different point of view.” It was a harsh accusation to say the least, so clearly, the best move the nationalist Svoboda deputies could make to shed this notion would be to violently pull Symonenko away from the podium and kick and punch him repeatedly. And that’s what they did.

As if the situation wasn’t ironic enough already, you should probably know that the man hurling accusations of extremist tactics at the nationalists (Symonenko) just so happens to be a member of the very same party who supported ousted President Viktor Yanukovich after more than 100 protesters were shot dead by police snipers in Kiev less than two months ago.

So yeah, this Jerry Springer-esque madness just went down at the Ukraine Parliament, and it isn’t even the first time it’s happened. To that point: I’m not saying I’d respect Obama more if I knew he was packing a solid right hook, but yes I would respect him more.

-J. Jones

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Why Can’t War Machine Just Get a Motherf*ckin Slurpee? [VIDEO]


(Warning: Language is waaaaaay NSFWProps: YouTube.com/AlphaMaleShit)

Along with his recently launched Alpha Male Shit clothing line, War Machine‘s media empire now includes a YouTube channel where he rants in his car about strangers who he would have beaten up if he wasn’t on probation. War’s latest video blog is above, and it officially places him in the pantheon of batshit car-rant Hall of Famers like Dan Quinn and Nick Diaz.

Here’s the basic premise: WM goes to a 7-11 to satisfy a Slurpee craving, and the clerk on duty immediately asks him to lower his hoodie, since that’s become a rule in places that are often robbed. Not a huge fan of rules in general, War Machine refuses, and literally uses the phrase “I thought this was America.” Another 7-11 worker threatens to call the cops, so War Machine dumps his Slurpee on the floor in protest — you know, like a child would — then leaves. Re-telling the story fills War Machine with the kind of barely contained rage that Werner Herzog should be narrating over.

War Machine gets himself scarily amped up to obtain a Slurpee at a different 7-11 location. He leaves his phone in the car, still recording (“I don’t want evidence in case I freak out”), and then disappears for an agonizingly long two minutes. Anything could be happening in those two minutes. When he returns with his Slurpee, it’s a relief for everyone. The guy who sold War Machine that Slurpee didn’t know how close he came.

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A Brief History of the Insane Sh*t Nick Diaz Has Said in Interviews [w/Reaction Gifs]

It’s a testament to Nick Diaz the fighter that Nick Diaz the person can continue to make headlines with his ridiculous statements despite retiring from the sport almost a year ago. Or maybe it’s a testament to the nadir of journalism present in today’s MMA landscape, but in any case, Stockton’s finest is once again attempting to use his retirement as a bargaining chip, telling Fox Sports in a recent interview that he would consider returning to MMA, but only for an immediate title shot:

I don’t care, I’m talking about a title fight matchup. Bottom line, I’m the only draw here. Bottom line. We had like the third biggest [pay-per-view]. That wasn’t just because of Georges St-Pierre. And these guys aren’t doing that. People want to pay to see me fight, they want to see someone get knocked out or someone get tapped out, or they want to see me get my ass whooped like they’ve been waiting to see but they still don’t get to see.

I’ve been fighting for 11 years. I already did all those [contender] fights. I don’t have to take a warmup fight. Why would I take a warmup fight? To help somebody out? To bring them to my level? I’ve already been through all that and you still didn’t see me take an ass whipping.

While Dana White has publicly squashed this notion already, MMA fans and pundits alike have already taken to hyping the “inevitable” return of Diaz to the UFC. Because like the man himself said, he is a draw. That doesn’t change the fact, however, that Diaz’s understanding of how one achieves a title shot is absolute nonsense.

Come to think of it, the statement above is just the latest in what has been a career filled with borderline insane ramblings on Diaz’s part. Join us after the jump to see what we mean…

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