(We know Dan, he watches over us all.) 

It looks like Dan Hardy won’t be getting that fight against Matt Hughes he was angling for. And thank God, because we hear Hughes’ country breakfasts consist of Ovaltine and Total these days (we kind, we kid; they consist of grilled bobcat).  

After going 0-4 through 2010 and 2011, Hardy has been matched up with a perfect opponent to kickstart 2012, when he takes on UFC veteran Duane “Bang” Ludwig at UFC 146. Hardy, who has not fought since falling to a third round guillotine choke in Chris Lytle’s retirement bout in August of 2011, took some time off to refocus, train, and get pestered by drunken fans. Ludwig also saw his last fight end by way of guillotine, only he chose to adhere to the “tapping is for bitches” rule when he was choked out by Josh Neer at UFC on FX. The loss snapped a two fight win streak for Ludwig, his first since 2008, which included wins over Nick Osipczak and Amir Sadollah.

Although this wasn’t the match Hardy wanted, you gotta imagine he’ll be stoked knowing he’s taking on a fellow slugger with a limited ground game. But it will be interesting to see if Hardy follows a more subdued gameplan here. Like we said, the man’s dropped 4 straight, and another loss could mean his Zuffa career. Then again, the only reason that he is still in the UFC is thanks to his consistently exciting performances, so a snoozer against Ludwig seems unlikely. Let’s just sit back and enjoy what is sure to be a war, ladies and gentlemen.

In other UFC 146 news…

Props: Twitter (@JacobVolkmann)

A few days ago, we tried to warn Jacob Volkmann that it might not be in his best interest to continue to market himself as “that UFC fighter who hates Obama and got punked by the Secret Service”. It’s a stupid thing to take pride in, and we can’t help but feel that it fuels the whole “MMA fighters are stupid and violent” stereotype that many detractors carry. And frankly, Volkmann hasn’t been finishing his real fights, so it’s hard to suspend our disbelief when we hear him talk about how he’d rip the president’s arm with a Kimura.

Well, Jacob Volkmann now has some extra time to either take our advice or write better jokes, as he has been placed on administrative leave from his coaching job at White Bear Lake High School. This is the second time that the school has placed Volkmann on administrative leave for his comments about the president. The first came after his infamous comments after UFC 125, which also earned him a visit from the Secret Service.

We realize that administrative leave must be frustrating, but it’s confusing to hear Jacob Volkmann call the move “unethical”. The last time Volkmann was disciplined by White Bear Lake High School for his comments, the school explained why he was placed on leave and what was expected of Volkmann in future interviews. As Ariel Helwani reported:

Jacob Volkmann is a man of many faces; he is an excellent, if somewhat frustrating grappler, a small business owner, and someone who knows how to pick a nickname. But among those faces, you will not likely see Volkmann donning “the fight finisher” or “the comedian” anytime soon. If you, like Joe Rogan and the few audience members present for his decision victory over Efrain Escudero at UFC 141, didn’t find Jacob Volkmann’s “glassectomy” bit to be all that amusing, then you weren’t alone. Lucky for us, our buddies over at MiddleEasy were able to catch up with “Christmas” recently, and allowed him to clarify his statement:

 I heard that joke when I was six years old. ‘Glassectomy’ is when they cut your belly button out, put a piece of glass in there, and when you have your head up your butt so you can see where your going.

We guess that it’s just one of those “you had to be there” kind of jokes. Then again, we’re glad we weren’t there the day that one of the Volkmann clan opted to have this procedure carried out. But apparently one visit from the Secret Service was not enough to convince Volkmann that he might want to tone down the threats aimed at the leader of the free world, because when questioned on the specifics of his beef with Obama (and what he would do to him in a fight), Volkmann had the following to say:

(Come on, Fitch wasn’t out. He was just resting his arms.)

On Friday night, Alistair Overeem successfully gut-shotted his way to a title shot against reigning UFC heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos — and his larger-than-life opponent Brock Lesnar will likely never set foot inside of an Octagon again. But the fates of the other winners and losers from UFC 141 are still up in the air. So let’s put on our Joe Silva skin-suit and see if we can make some thoughtful matchmaking suggestions for these guys, shall we?

Nate Diaz: As ferocious as he looked against Donald Cerrone, part of me thinks that Nate is going to get rudely decisioned as soon as he goes back to facing wrestlers; guys like Clay Guida, Joe Stevenson, and Gray Maynard have already proved that putting Diaz on his back is his kryptonite. But I don’t want to see that happen, at least not right away. Next month’s UFC 144 event provides two compelling options for Nate’s next opponent — either the winner of the Anthony Pettis vs. Joe Lauzon scrap, or Ben Henderson if he loses his title challenge to Frankie Edgar. Either matchup would give Diaz an ideal dance partner for another guaranteed Fight of the Night.

Donald Cerrone: Not to steal the thunder from Diaz’s masterful performance, but Cerrone looked like shit on Friday. Sorry, it needed to be said. The highly technical fight-finisher that we’ve come to know and love was M.I.A., replaced by an outgunned cowpoke who was as sloppy as he was tentative. Cerrone needs a rebound fight to find his mojo again. Setting him up against fast-rising Ultimate Fighter 13 winner Tony Ferguson would be a great test for both fighters. Either Cowboy gets back on track against a solid opponent, or Ferguson continues to prove that he’s more than just a TUF-guy.

(Similar to Georges St.Pierre, MMA pundits, and most fans heading into UFC 129, Dana White was looking right past Jake Shields.)

2011 is approaching it’s final hour, Potato Nation, and when we typically take a look back at the year that was, we often lump things in terms of the very best, and more often than not, the very worst. But even though it has been arguably the biggest year in the sport’s History, it hasn’t gone without it’s fair share of snoozefests, sparring matches, and fights that simply didn’t live up to their own hype. For every Rua/Hendo, there was a Torres/Banuelos, so to speak, that kept us from having a full-on Chuck Liddell style freak out. It’s not that these fights made us angry, it’s just that they failed to make us feel anything.

In a way, they were actually a good thing for the sport, as they raised our appreciation for the epic slugfests, the back and forth brawls, and the technical battles to new heights. So it is for these unsung heroes that we bring you The Ten Most Forgettable Fights of 2011, presented in chronological order.

#10: Jacob Volkmann vs. Antonio Mckee

We know what you’re thinking, Potatoites, you’re thinking, “My God, it’s only been a year since this clown (dis)graced the UFC with that performance?” Well the answer is yes, and almost to the exact date. On January 1st at UFC 125, Anthony Mckee made his long awaited debut in the UFC. And when we say “long awaited,” we mean by none other than Mckee himself. You see, Anthony Mckee followed the James Toney method of trolling his way into the UFC through a shitstorm of self absorbed and ridiculous claims, despite only claiming seven finishes in his previous thirty contests. Well, DW took the bait, and threw Mckee humble wrestler and future threat to Homeland Security, Jacob Volkmann, for his big debut.

(Bones, Chubs and Harmony.)

Newly-crowned UFC light heavyweight champion Jon “Bones” Jones will take his belt and his amazing story of catching a thief hours before his UFC 128 bout with Mauricio “Shogun” Rua to the NBC studios Thursday night when he appears on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.

Jones will be the second guest of the evening after Kirstie Alley if he makes it out of the green room alive without being eaten by the failed Jenny Craig spokesperson and chronic yo-yo dieter. If he does, he will become the first MMA fighter to “officially” appear on the late night talk show. An interview Jacob Volkmann did with Ariel Helwani in which the UFC lightweight criticized President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform policy was spoofed by The Tonight Show in January.

(Volkmann got Obama’ed on The Tonight Show)

Jacob Volkmann will likely think twice next time about cracking a joke about wanting to ground and pound the Commander in Chief of the United States.

The UFC lightweight, who made headlines when the Secret Service paid him a visit to question him about post-UFC 125 comments he made about wanting to go a few rounds with President Barack Obama so he could show him what he thought of his healthcare policy.

It now appears that the tongue-in-cheek soundbite he fed Ariel Helwani got him more than just a spot on The Tonight Show and Fox Business News. 

Volkmann was informed this week that he has been temporarily suspended with pay from his assistant wrestling coach position he has held for the past several years at White Bear Lake Area High School, pending an investigation of his remarks about Obama by the school administrators.

The 30-year-old Minnesota chiropractor who owns his own practice also serves as the volunteer head coach of the town’s elementary school wrestling team, but was told that his non-paid coaching position was not at risk.

(Oh man. 1:00-1:10 is just too much. Props: ix3623vault)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– Manager: “Chael Sonnen’s Career is Far From Over” (5thRound. Welcome to the club, guys!)

– UFC to Announce Formal Intent to Bring Event to New York (MMA Fighting)

– MMA Hot List: Fights Booked, Careers Put on Hold (Versus MMA Beat)

– Watch Nam Phan’s Guide to Judging in MMA (MiddleEasy)

– Jacob Volkmann on Fox News. You Figure Out the Rest. (the all-new MMA-Scraps.com)

– Bellator Signs Top 50 Middleweight Joe Riggs (FightMagazine)

– Dan Henderson In Talks For Title Shot Against Rafael Feijao On March 5 (MMA Convert)

– Jon Jones: I Would Definitely Take a "Right Fight" at Heavyweight (LowKick)

– Chad Griggs Taking on Regional Prospect in Final Strikeforce Grand Prix Reserve Bout (Five Ounces of Pain)

– UFC And Strikeforce Situations Make Heavyweight The Division To Watch In 2011 (SBNation.com/MMA)

Jacob Volkmann vs Barack Obama (with: Ariel Helwani, presented by: Jay Leno) from starglide1 on Vimeo.

("…and when I said I wanted to wring Barack’s neck, I meant I wanted to re-align his vertebrae.")

Well Jacob Volkmann won’t be getting the fight that’s at the top of his wishlist for 2010, but the UFC lightweight did get two things this week that most fighters, or even U.S. citizens will never receive: a visit from the Secret Service and guaranteed yearly IRS audits for the rest of his life.

The men in black visited Volkmann’s home before locating the mixed martial artist at his Brooklin Center, Minnesota gym on Tuesday where they questioned him about remarks he made to Ariel Helwani after his UFC 125 win over Antonio McKee. When asked by Helwani whom he would like to face next, Volkmann dryly responded that he wouldn’t mind stepping into the Octagon with President Barack Obama to let him know what he thought of his healthcare policy.

Apparently whenever anyone in the country makes a perceived threat towards the President, SS protocol requires them to be interviewed to discern whether or not the threat was legitimate.

According to one of the agents who paid him a visit, several calls came in to Washington to report that Volkmann had threatened Obama’s life, but they wouldn’t say whether or not they came from Bob Reilly’s office.

(Oh boy. This is really going to affect his position as "baddest N-word on the planet." / Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

“I feel like I’m the Muhammad Ali of MMA. I feel like I’m the Don King of MMA. I feel like I’m the Tupac Shakur of MMA. I’m the mouth, the talent, the brains, and I’m also the business side. Where does that put me? That puts me as one of the all-time greatest black mixed martial arts fighters.” — Antonio McKee 

"I feel sad for the opponents, you know? I hope maybe they’ll just let me submit them, because I really don’t want to hurt them. What are they going to do, stop me from taking them down? Stop me from ground-and-pounding them? Stop me from hitting them with the elbows? Come on, you serious?" — Antonio McKee 

"GSP needs to be compared to *me*." — Antonio McKee

"You’re fucking fired." — Dana White

(Antonio McKee, pictured here with the script he soon plans to flip. PicProps: amam-magazine.com)

Got to admit, when we brought you the news earlier this week that leading up to his UFC debut on Saturday Antonio McKee was comparing himself to Muhammad Ali, Don King and Tupac, we pretty much assumed our McKee reporting duties were done for the year. No dice, P-Nation. Lo and behold, not three days later McKee is back in an interview with Old Dad at MMA Fighting that strikes us as even crazier than the one before. During this latest conversation with Our Former Ben, McKee adopts a strategy of making a point, then immediately contradicting himself all while tossing in the prerequisite insane claims about his own greatness and occasionally referring to himself in the third person. Seriously, when you go third person and it starts looking like you might actually have a split personality? Shit is disconcerting.

In the course of this interview, McKee pretty well talks himself in circles, among other things contending that: Upcoming opponent Jacob Volkmann is either a really tough dude or just some poor sap he’s about to run out of the UFC; now that he’s scored a four-fight deal in the Octagon he’ll either go back to his conservative, decision-oriented game planning or he’ll keep busting heads as quickly as possible; and he’s still morally opposed to hurting his opponents, but will totally do it if the money’s right.

A few things McKee is unwavering about, though: He’ll be UFC lightweight champion by the end of 2011, at 40 years old age won’t be a problem because he’s “made from better stuff than Randy (Couture)” and he thinks MMA fans are barbaric and distasteful. C’mon, follow the jump to find out what a disgusting animal you are.

(You know it’s crazy when Antonio McKee makes a face like someone *else* is out their damn mind. Props: ProMMANow)

Antonio McKee’s long awaited (by McKee himself) and briefly rumored (by McKee himself) Octagon debut is scheduled to go down this weekend at UFC 125. The 40-year-old motormouth will take on Jacob Volkmann on the undercard of Saturday’s "Resolution" card in Vegas and it’s a fight he frankly better win, lest his years of trash-talk appear all for naught. Luckily for us, the grapple-first, ask-questions-later McKee isn’t letting his impending UFC entry get in the way of his on-going monologue with the world at large. Nope, he wastes little time this week making some typically farfetched comparrisons to Todd Martin in a sprawling and fairly entertaining long-form narrative at Sherdog.com.

“I feel like I’m the Muhammad Ali of MMA,” McKee says within the first three or four paragraphs. “I feel like I’m the Don King of MMA. I feel like I’m the Tupac Shakur of MMA. I’m the mouth, the talent, the brains, and I’m also the business side. Where does that put me? That puts me as one of the all-time greatest black mixed martial arts fighters.”

Huh, “greatest black MMA fighters” is a Top 10 list we’ve never even considered before. Consider that one tucked away for a rainy day.

(Back from the grave: James Irvin yesterday [left], and in March [right]. Photos courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Spoilers after the jump…

(Paulo Thiago commits a major Brazilian faux pas by wearing red after Carnival.)

It’s like that old saying, God never closes a door without opening a window so someone else can sneak inside and steal all your jewelry.  In the case of the UFC 106 main card, Karo Parisyan seems to have closed that door all by himself, and now the window is wide open for Paulo Thiago and Jacob Volkmann, whose fight has just been bumped to the televised portion of the pay-per-view. 

As you’ll no doubt recall, Thiago was originally supposed to face Thiago Alves in the most confusing match-up of names since Gegard Mousasi fought Musashi, but after some reshuffling he ended up getting the Octagon rookie Volkmann.  Just yesterday they were still relegated to the dark portion of this card, but as things continued to fall apart around UFC 106 the outlook got brighter.  Now the entire paying world will get to see them square off, with the pay-per-view broadcast currently looking like this:

(Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs. Dan Henderson, 4/23/05)

Of the 22 fighters testing their fates on Saturday night, three of them will be stepping into the Octagon for the first time — but don’t expect these guys to crack under the pressure. Read on to meet the MMA veterans and submission experts who will be trying to make dominant first impressions at "Ortiz vs. Griffin II"…

ANTONIO ROGERIO NOGUEIRA (LHW)
Experience: 17-3 record, with notable victories over Dan Henderson, Alistair Overeem (twice), Kazushi Sakuraba, and Vladimir Matyushenko (in January, which avenged his first career loss). Has won his last five fights, most recently submitting Dion Staring via triangle choke in May.
Will be facing: Luis Cane (10-1 with 1 no-contest, 3-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Whether you know him better as "Minotoro" or "Lil’ Nog," there’s a good chance you’re already aware of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira’s twin brother. The 33-year-old veteran of PRIDE, Affliction, and Sengoku has had a decorated career dating back to March 2001, and is considered by many to be one of the ten best light-heavyweights in the world right now. Though Antonio Rogerio comes from a BJJ background like his bro (who he trains with at Black House), four of his last six wins have come via TKO, and he won a bronze medal in boxing at the 2007 Pan American Games. Minotoro hasn’t lost a fight since his shock-upset KO defeat against Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou at PRIDE 33, nearly three years ago. Says Rogerio of his UFC debut: “For more than three years, UFC was my goal and now I’m just very happy to be here in the best event. The UFC has the best talent in the world, and I feel like now I’m going to be challenged like I’ve never been challenged before in my career…The fans can expect to see a very well-trained and well-prepared athlete who’s very focused and determined to win."