(When he told her it was time to retire and give up the game for good, a tearful Paris Hilton told Dana: "But I am the game!" Only then did he fully understand the devils of fame and the ransom they demand. True story.)

- UFC president Dana White talked with Inside Fighting about the disappointing main event at UFC 97, and he also reiterated his commitment to keeping Chuck Liddell firmly in retirement, saying, “Believe me, it will be a fucking war if he tries not to retire, believe me.”  When pressed on other rapidly aging fighters who might need to be nudged into retirement, White admitted that Wanderlei Silva and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira “are right there too and yes, I will pull the trigger on them too.”  Dear God, he’s not going to kill them, is he?!

- A crazy rumor on the information superhighway says that Fedor Emelianenko and Shinya Aoki will square off against each other in a special grappling match at the “Deep M-1 Challenge 3rd Edition” in Japan on April 29th.  I’ll pause a moment and let that one sink in.  If true this would be completely insane, but to deny that we would totally want to see it would be to deny the very curiosity of the spirit that makes us human, and we aren’t about to do that.

(Props: Nightmare of Battle)

Masanori Kanehara thinks you can, and at his open workout in Tokyo he told media members that that’s how he intends to beat Chan Sung Jung, also known as “The Korean Zombie,” (that’s who he’s supposedly preparing for in the above photo, but man what a cheap zombie mask) in the Sengoku featherweight Grand Prix.  Conventional wisdom has always held that the best way to deal with a zombie is by destroying the brain or removing the head, preferably by doing something awesome/gruesome.  

But the rear naked choke?  I guess that could work, though your risk of getting bitten while sinking in the choke seems pretty high.  Still better than an armbar or guillotine choke, though.  And don’t even think about trying to heelhook one of those suckers.

Basically, to sum up: if there is a zombie attack and you are forced to choose which MMA fighter to team up with until the whole thing blows over, Demian Maia is probably not your safest pick.  Your first instinct might be to go with Fedor Emelianenko, but lest you forget, he’s lived with some fear issues when it comes to darkness.  Something to think about.

On a related note, the zombie embodies man’s fear of the crushing force of society and conformity.  Discuss.

(‘And what is deal with airline food? Is no good, am I right?’)

Want to hear something totally insane and probably not true?  That was a rhetorical question.  Of course you want to hear this.  According to a Croatian newspaper article translated for us by Robert of betwwx.com, Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic’s next bout will be this July in an Affliction/Dream co-promotional event full of all kinds of fights that only sort of make sense.  

The article quotes Cro Cop as saying that he’d like to fight four times this year (he knows it’s already mid-April and he’s fought zero times so far this year, right?) and five times in 2010, so the credibility of this report seems strained to begin with.  But then the article declares that the “only certainty” is a Cro Cop-Alistair Overeem rematch on a July 20 Affliction/Dream co-promotion in Japan.  Also on that card, according to this report, will be Fedor Emelianenko taking on Jeff Monson and Josh Barnett facing off against Andrei Arlovski.

Whoa, let’s back up a second, Croatian newspaper.  Now who’s this Fedor guy anyway and what has he done to deserve a shot at "The Snowman"?

(Kid Yamamoto highlight reel, y’all. Bounce ta dis.)

As previously rumored, former K-1 HERO’s champ and #4-ranked featherweight Norifumi "Kid" Yamamoto will end a year-and-a-half hiatus at DREAM.9 (May 26th; Yokohama, Japan) when he enters their ongoing featherweight grand prix, taking an automatic bye to the quarterfinals. Yamamoto hasn’t competed since his second-round TKO victory over Rani Yahya at K-1 Premium 2007 Dynamite!! on New Year’s Eve 2007, which was his 14th-consecutive win. And it seems like DREAM’s organizers have a sense of humor, because they’re slotting him against former U.S. wrestling champion Joe Warren, who, like Yamamoto, was involved in a reputation-injuring marijuana scandal. (Weed is a big no-no over there. Very dishonorable.) May the best pothead win? DREAM.9′s featherweight GP matchups will be arranged thusly:

Norifumi “Kid” Yamamoto vs. Joe Warren
Masakazu Imanari vs. Bibiano Fernandes
Yoshiro Maeda vs. Hiroyuki Takaya
Abel Cullum vs. Hideo Tokoro*

(Hayato Sakurai vs. Shinya Aoki. Listen for the Japanese version of Frank Trigg calling the action at the 1:20-1:27 mark of the video.)

The opening round of DREAM’s 2009 welterweight grand prix went down today at DREAM.8 in Nagoya, Japan, with Hayato Sakurai and Andre Galvao establishing themselves as early favorites to go all the way. In the evening’s main event, Sakurai was able to defeat Shinya Aoki for the second time in his career, reversing position after a slick takedown from Aoki, then unleashing a brutal series of knees to the head and punches that forced a stop to the action just 27 seconds into the fight. Aoki, who didn’t bother putting on weight for the match, hopefully learned that he’s better off at lightweight.

Elsewhere in the welterweight GP, Andre Galvao looked impressive yet again, taking out UFC/WEC vet John Alessio by armbar at 7:34 of the first round; the powerful jiu-jitsu ace increases his record to 3-0, with all wins by armbar. Jason High was able to bounce back to the W column with a quick choke-out of Yuya Shirai, while Marius Zaromskis edged out Seichi Ikemoto by decision after a 15-minute slugfest.

In the non-tournament bouts, Jeff Monson won for the third time in three weeks (!), using his significant grappling advantage over Sergei Kharitonov to sink in a north-south choke early in the first round. Vitor "Shaolin" Ribeiro was also victorious in his return to competition, controlling Katsuhiko Nagata for most of the first round of their match until a series of knee-strikes from Ribeiro opened up a nasty gash on Nagata’s head; doctors immediately went in to check the wound, and decided to stop the fight. And in a minor upset, Riki Fukuda — a late replacement for Dong Sik Yoon — was able to score a very close decision over Murilo Rua after a 15-minute standup battle.

Full results and more videos after the jump…

(Via DreamOfficial.com)

Above you see the interpretive dance routine choreagraphed and directed by Shigeru Saeki in its debut at the Dream 8 weigh-ins.  A stunned Shinya Aoki watched from just off-stage.  He later described the routine to reporters as "breathtaking."

Then this guy showed up and ruined everybody’s fun.

(Shaolin’s fateful match against JZ, K-1 Hero’s Tournament Final, 9/17/07)

Former top ten lightweight Vitor "Shaolin" Ribeiro hasn’t competed since September 2007, when he suffered a detached retina during a fight against Gesias Cavalcante. ("It seemed like my eye was inside my head," he told Sherdog. "The pain was unbearable.") And though rumors of his return have swirled since last year, it looks like it’s finally happening — for real this time. DREAM has added a bout between Ribeiro and Olympic silver medalist Katsuhiko Nagata to Sunday’s DREAM 8 card, bolstering that event’s weak-sauce lineup.

Ribeiro, who holds notable career victories over Tatsuya Kawajiri, Joachim Hansen, and Mitsuhiro Ishida, spent his time off opening a gym in New York City called Modern Martial Arts. Unless his skills have deteriorated significantly in his hiatus, he should have no problem dispatching Nagata, who has gone 1-3-1 in his last five fights. Video of Ribeiro kicking Ryuki Ueyama’s ass in March 2007 is after the jump.

#4: Takanori Gomi vs. Ralph Gracie @ PRIDE Bushido 3 (5/23/04), 6 seconds

Known for his very un-Gracie-like hard-charging style, Ralph Gracie racked up five-straight first-round stoppages in vale tudo matches during the ‘90s before re-entering competition in 2003 to test himself against modern mixed martial artists. But his PRIDE debut against Dokonjonosuke Mishima at Bushido 1 didn’t go so well — he only won by decision — and he returned to the ring seven months later ready to murder somebody. And that babyfaced little Japanese dude in the red corner, who Ralph’s student BJ Penn had choked out the year before? Yeah, he’d do. But Gracie was a little too anxious to get out there and kick ass (as evidenced by his refusal to touch gloves), and when he shot in right after the bell, his jaw ricocheted off Gomi’s knee; the Fireball Kid took over from there. This was the fight that officially put Gomi on the map — and served as the final six seconds in Ralph Gracie’s MMA career.

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO…

("Just out of curiosity, what’s up now, bitch?" Mousasi surveys the wreckage of the similarly-named Musashi in their K-1 match at Dynamite!! 2008.)

— Though he may still be making his U.S. debut for Affliction, Gegard Mousasi‘s next fight will be in Japan. FiveOuncesofPain reports that DREAM’s 2008 middleweight grand prix winner could return at DREAM 9 (May 23rd) to take on Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou; it would be Mousasi’s debut as a light-heavyweight, and his first MMA fight since last September. Sokoudjou currently carries a 5-4 record, and has dropped his last two matches to Luis Cane (at UFC 89) and Renato Sobral (at Affliction: Day of Reckoning). The African Assassin needs a break, but he probably won’t catch one here.

— A battle between two middleweight grapplers who flamed out of the UFC despite loads of talent has been booked as the main event of MFC 21 (May 13th; Edmonton, Alberta, Canada). MFC prez Mark Pavelich announced yesterday that Travis Lutter vs. Dean Lister would headline the show, which will also feature Marcus Aurelio, David Heath, John Alessio, and Solomon Hutcherson. Lutter hasn’t competed since his loss to Rich Franklin at UFC 83 last April, while Lister made his most recent appearance at UFC 92 in December, where he dropped a unanimous decision to Yushin Okami.

("I used to be an AFC like Shinya. Now that I’ve learned the Mystery Method, I pull more tail than Hayato.")

DREAM’s 2009 welterweight grand prix kicks off April 5th at DREAM 8, and four of the tournament matchups have just been announced, along with a few features in other weight classes. The event will be headlined by a rematch between Shinya Aoki and Hayato "Mach" Sakurai; Sakurai previously won a decision over Aoki at a Shooto event in August ’05. Check out the current lineup below, and keep in mind that the opening round kicks off ten days from now, and only half the field is assembled. Not that this is the first time that DREAM hasn’t had all their GP participants locked down before the opening round, but this is really pushing it…

I don’t see how the winner of Aoki/Sakurai doesn’t just pwn the fuck out of this field, which is easily the weakest of any DREAM GP to date. Shirai and Ikemoto are local jobbers, and UFC/WEC-castoff John Alessio is only slightly better. High just got owned by Jay Hieron at Affliction: Day of Reckoning; too bad the Thoroughbred isn’t available for this tournament. And while Andre Galvao is a stud when it comes to jiu-jitsu, he’s underexperienced in MMA. There’d better be some big names attached to those last four spots, or the tourney could be a gigantic bust.

And the other bouts on the card aren’t much better. The Kharitonov/Monson clash could be entertaining, but of the six men in the other non-GP bouts, only Minowaman and Ninja have winning records. Seriously. DREAM is hoping for a big ratings resurgence when they return to a decent time-slot, but it’ll be hard to get fans interested — especially in the U.S., where once again, HDNet is airing the event days later on tape-delay.

(Satoru Kitaoka finishes Takanori Gomi at "Sengoku no Ran 2009" in January. I’m not sure feet are supposed to bend that way.)

Before he rose to international fame as PRIDE’s most dominant lightweight, Takanori Gomi was a local hero in Japan’s Shooto league, where he reigned as the 154-pound champ from December 2001 to August 2003. Now, after two upset losses to Sergey Golyaev and Satoru Kitaoka in Sengoku, the Fireball Kid is heading back to his roots. Writes Japan MMA:

As we learned recently, Gomi’s head hasn’t been in the game for a while, so maybe a stint on a smaller, familiar stage will help him find his confidence  and regain his competitive spark. Of course, the fight with Nakakura is a must-win for Gomi’s career, and the current Shooto champ is no pushover. Can Gomi get his balls back, or will he join the ever-growing club of former PRIDE legends whose skills have mysteriously evaporated? (President: Wanderlei Silva / Treasurer: Mirko Cro Cop) Nakakura’s last fight, a rear-naked choke victory over Bendy Casimir, is after the jump.

(Props: FightTrend)

- Muhammed Lawal def. Ryo Kawamura via unanimous decision
- Hatsu Hioki def. Chris Manuel via submission (armbar), 4:12 of round 1
- Nam Phan def. Hideki Kadowaki via TKO, 3:09 of round 1
- Jim York def. James Thompson via KO, 4:33 of round 1
- Michihiro Omigawa def. L.C. Davis via unanimous decision
- Marlon Sandro def. Matt Jaggers via submission (arm-triangle choke), 2:57 of round 2
- Masanori Kanehara def. Jong Man Kim via unanimous decision
- Chan Sung Jung def. Shintaro Ishiwatari via submission (rear-naked choke), 4:29 of round 1
- Ronnie Mann def. Tetsuya Yamada via unanimous decision
- Nick Denis def. Seiya Kawahara via TKO, 2:36 of round 1

Notes:

— King Mo was yellow-carded in the second-round for poking Kawamura in the eye twice. He dominated the fight with his takedowns; one judge scored the fight 30-24 for Lawal.

— The second-highest-ranked featherweight in the tournament, L.C. Davis, lost to the fighter with the worst record. Yes, we’ll be updating that Power Rankings page soon. Red-hot prospects Marlon Sandro and Ronnie Mann may have a spot on it shortly.

— The night’s other notable upset belonged to Nam Phan, a middling lightweight who dropped a weight class to be in the tournament and wound up knocking out former Shooto champ and top-15 featherweight Hideki Kadowaki.

— James Thompson went back to doing what he does best: Getting KTFO’d. His traditional fight-opening gong-and-dash nearly sent him flying out of the ring.

(Worth it just for the introductions.)

Sengoku 7 is popping off tonight live on HDNet at 3 am EST.  Sure, you could DVR it and get some sleep instead of staying up to watch it live, but wouldn’t that only make the people at HDNet feel like they made the right decision by not showing the last Dream event live?  I don’t know about you, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s allowing others to feel as if they’ve done the right thing.

That’s why I’m staying up to watch it.  Maybe that means I’ll be a mess tomorrow, but the way I see it the quality of my work is already so poor, who’s going to notice?  Here are some things you can do while you’re waiting for tonight’s broadcast and fighting off the powerful forces of sleep:

(Via Dreamofficial.com)

Need a reason to continue living until April 5?  How about Dream 8, which will feature the rematch between crazy-talking, tights-wearing submissions wiz Shinya Aoki, and amateur porn star Hayato "Mach" Sakurai.  It has now been officially announced.  So step in off that ledge (we knew you weren’t going to jump anyway, you pansy) and get through the next couple of weeks.  You will be rewarded with what should be one hell of a fight.

If you need help passing the time, watch what happens when dudes try to get funny with Aoki on their back.  It’s not funny ‘ha-ha,’ more like funny ‘you’re a moron.’

("The Year of the Mo: Part One," courtesy of Esther Lin.)

With no UFC event scheduled until April 1st’s UFC Fight Night: Condit vs. Kampmann, the MMA world feels like a bit of a wasteland lately. But if you get HDNet in your cable package, you’re in for a treat. Sengoku: Seventh Battle goes down Friday at the Yoyogi National Gymnasium in Tokyo, and will be broadcast live on HDNet beginning at 3 a.m. ET/midnight PT. (So, late Thursday night, in other words.) A replay is scheduled for Friday night at 10 p.m. ET/7 p.m. PT, in case you forget to set your DVR, or you’re too poor to afford one or something.

Sengoku 7 features the first round of the league’s featherweight grand prix — which includes #7-ranked featherweight Hatsu Hioki, undefeated Nova Uniao prospect Marlon Sandro, UFC vet Michihiro Omigawa, and former Shooto champ Hideki Kadowaki — as well as a headlining light-heavyweight scrap between King Mo and Pancrase vet Ryo Kawamura, and James Thompson‘s latest attempt to participate in a fight that doesn’t turn into an utter fiasco. The official bout order is after the jump, courtesy of Nightmare of Battle. Will any of the gaijins fail as hard as David Gardner did at the last DREAM show? Tune in to find out!

(Aoki vs. Gardner. Props to MMALinker.)

The opening round of DREAM’s featherweight GP is in the books, with tournament standout Masakazu Imanari advancing (just barely) over Atsushi Yamamoto, former wrestling world champion Joe Warren scoring a cut-stoppage victory over former WEC bantamweight champ Chase Beebe, and Korean judo champ Jong Won Kim losing his MMA debut to Hiroyuki Takaya.

The non-tourney bouts were all easy victories for the big names, as Mitsuhiro Ishida used his wrestling to dominate Daisuke Nakamura for 15 minutes, and Tatsuya Kawajiri was able to choke out BJ Penn student Ross Ebanez in the shortest fight of the night. The Shinya Aoki/David Gardner 163-pound feature started out exciting, with the American punishing Aoki with punches to the face after Aoki tried to pull guard, but once Aoki took his back it was only a matter of time before the submission came. Completely trapped, Gardner took a couple opportunites to wave to the audience. I don’t think I need to tell you what happens when you’ve got Aoki on your back and you decide to lift your arm to wave.

Full results are after the jump, followed by videos of the Warren/Beebe and Ishida/Nakamura scraps.

(Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

FEG has finalized the lineup for this Sunday’s DREAM 7 in Saitama, Japan, which will feature the opening round of their featherweight grand prix. Even though the card contains such big names as Shinya Aoki (in a welterweight tune-up match), Tatsuya Kawajiri, and Mitsuhiro Ishida, the show’s main event will be the tournament’s most anticipated first-round bout, between #5-ranked featherweight Masakazu Imanari and Krazy Bee standout Atsushi Yamamoto. Here’s how the fights will go down: 

9. FW GP: Masakazu Imanari vs. Atsushi Yamamoto
8. FW GP: Hiroyuki Takaya vs. Kim Jong Won
7. FW GP: Yoshiro Maeda vs. Micah Miller
6. Lightweights: Tatsuya Kawajiri vs. Ross Ebanez 
5. Welterweights: Shinya Aoki vs. David Gardner
4. Lightweights: Mitsuhiro Ishida vs. Daisuke Nakamura
3. FW GP: Akiyo Nishiura vs. Abel Cullum
2. FW GP: Chase Beebe vs. Joe Warren
1. FW GP: Takafumi Otsuka vs. Bibiano Fernandes

You might have noticed that DREAM 7 will only produce six quarterfinalists for the featherweight GP. The other two will be Norifumi "Kid" Yamamoto, who’s getting a bye to the second round, and the winner of the Daiki Hata/Hideo Tokoro match at DREAM 8 (April 5th, Nagoya, Japan). Unfortunately, Sunday’s event won’t be broadcast on HDNet until next Saturday, but we’ll post the best fights on Sunday and Monday, so stay tuned.

(Props: "Card" on the UG. Lots more robo-scraps here.)

Are you sitting down? Good — prepare to have your mind blown. When I started to watch this Japanese robot MMA video, I thought, okay, these little guys are going to throw haymakers until one of their heads pop up. I was not expecting the little gray one to duck the hook then shoot in for the single-leg takedown (1:01), then follow it up with a suplex (1:26). Classic striker vs. grappler battle here. Alright, so it gets a little sloppy after a while, but the PRIDE victory music makes up for it. Skip to 3:42 for another epic slam, and if you watch to end, you’ll see that even in robot fights, the Japanese are fond of their freak shows.

(Photos courtesy of DreamOfficial via BloodyElbow)

How does one say "no homo" in Japanese? Shinya "Tobikan Judan" Aoki and Masakazu "Ashikan Judan" Imanari showed up to a recent media grappling session in costume for some reason, with Aoki dressed as a schoolgirl and his Nippon Top Team homeboy as some sort of lecherous gym teacher. Sources tell CagePotato that Imanari had originally planned to go as a tentacle monster, but thought it would be too subtle. Enjoy the pics…?

 
Yoshihiro Akiyama vs. Denis Kang – Watch more free videos
(Akiyama putting a hurting on Denis Kang, back when that meant a little more.)

UFC.com announced this afternoon that Yoshihiro Akiyama has signed on with the UFC.  There’s no word on who his first opponent will be, but he’s expected to step into the Octagon for the first time this summer.  

This is a big move for the UFC because it not only bolsters their middleweight roster, but also helps Dana White’s eventual plan to take his business to Japan.  Akiyama is the kind of fighter many Japanese fans (and Shinya Aoki) love to hate, partly because he is ethnically Korean and has been involved in one or two greasing scandals of his own.  As the UFC gets more top Japanese fighters on its roster, especially ones the Japanese fans will pay to see in spite of themselves, it’s going to make things much easier when the UFC finally manages to schedule an event over there.  

As Dana White is quoted as saying in the UFC.com story:

(Caol Uno vs. BJ Penn at UFC 34. Okay, so they weren’t all brilliant performances…)

After nearly six years away from the organization, one of the UFC’s early lightweight stars will be making his long-awaited return this summer. MMA Junkie reports that Japanese grappler Caol Uno has re-signed with the UFC and will likely step back into the Octagon against Spencer Fisher at UFC 99 (June 13th; Cologne, Germany). 

After beginning his MMA career in Shooto, where he eventually won the league’s 154-pound title, Uno entered the UFC in 2001 and immediately fought for the UFC’s "bantamweight" (155-pound) title against Jens Pulver. He lost a decision to Lil’ Evil, but after going 2-1 in his next three fights — including wins over Fabiano Iha and Yves Edwards, and the 11-second loss to BJ Penn shown above — Uno was invited to compete in a four-man UFC tournament to fill the lightweight title that Pulver had vacated. Uno defeated Din Thomas by decision in the tourney’s first round at UFC 39, but ran into Penn once again at UFC 41 in February 2003. The two fought to a frustrating five-round split-draw, which led the UFC to disband the 155-pound division for three years.

Uno fought for K-1 during that time, scoring notable wins over Hideo Tokoro, Rich Clementi, and Kultar Gill in their Hero’s promotion. Last year, Uno entered DREAM’s lightweight grand prix, where he choked out Mitsuhiro Ishida in the quarterfinals before losing to Shinya Aoki by decision in the semis. In recent weeks, Uno was mentioned as one of the fighters that the UFC wanted to use to break into Japan. Said Dana White: "Caol Uno, I love him. He’ll always be a part of the UFC. And yeah, we’re talking to him, too." 

Uno’s next opponent, Spencer Fisher, is 7-3 in the Octagon and has won his last two bouts against Jeremy Stephens and Shannon Gugerty; he also holds UFC wins over Thiago Alves, Matt Wiman, and Sam Stout. So, it won’t exactly be an easy "welcome back" fight for the Japanese veteran.

Two videos of Uno actually winning fights are after the jump…

(Props: Nightmare of Battle)

Proving once again that Japanese MMA organizations have much better senses of style than their American counterparts, here’s the latest promotional image for DREAM 7 (March 8th; Saitama, Japan; airing free on HDNet). You can download wallpaper images here. DREAM 7 will feature the first round of their featherweight grand prix, which explains the inspiration for the winged fighter shown above. But since I’m a dumb round-eye, I have no idea what those characters on the wing say. Can anybody help?

Previously:
UFC 94 Poster: Pure Win
Fields Dynamite!! 2008 Poster

(Props: Japan-MMA.com)

With DREAM’s next set of tournaments just around the corner — the featherweight GP starts March 8th, and the welterweight GP starts April 5th — highlight video maestro Genghis Con teamed up with "Bestrafer7" to create this hot-to-death tribute to DREAM’s 2008 lightweight and middleweight brackets. We don’t know much about this Bestrafer character, but judging from his bizarre J-Pop rap video-themed compilation of Kotetsu Boku, he’s got a style all his own. Below: Wanderlei Silva shows off his new gym in Las Vegas. ("Yeah, welcome!") Looks like a great space, though maybe he should have hired a native English speaker to handle the talking. And will somebody please shut that kid up?

(Props: MMA Mania)

(Masakazu Imanari during his win over Mike Brown at DEEP 22 in December 2005. Photo courtesy of stephenfactory.)

DREAM’s next multi-event grand prix kicks off at DREAM 7 (March 8th; Saitama, Japan), featuring featherweights; the exact weight limit will be either 63 or 63.5 kilograms, which is closer to 140 pounds than the 145-pound Western definition of the weight class. According to Nightmare of Battle, eleven fighters have been officially announced so far. Norifumi "Kid" Yamamoto’s participation is still a question mark, though he’d probably get seeded to the second round if he signs on. Here’s what the field is looking like currently:

Masakazu Imanari: #5-ranked featherweight. Is the reigning Cage Rage World Featherweight champion, and DEEP Bantamweight champion.

Hiroyuki Takaya: Shooto/K-1 vet who most recently fought for the WEC, where he has lost consecutive fights to Leonard Garcia and Cub Swanson.

Takafumi Otsuka: DEEP/Fury FC vet

Hideo Tokoro: Has had nearly 40 career fights, with three appearances at DREAM events. Most recently lost to Daisuke Nakamura at Dynamite!! 2008 on New Year’s Eve. Holds wins over Alexandre Franca Nogueira and Royler Gracie; once fought Royce Gracie to a draw.

(Respect the tights, or lose the fight.)

Man, you people do have inquisitive minds, don’t you?  Not only do you have a ton of questions, some of you even write whole, coherent paragraphs while asking them.  The least we can do is try and provide you with some answers in another edition of Ask the Potato.

Got a question of your own?  Head on over to the forums (particularly this thread) and let us know.  Go on, don’t be shy.  Remember your first-grade teacher, the one who said there’s no such thing as stupid questions?  Well she was just killing time until happy hour, so forget everything she told you. 

I hear so much about "The Best Pound-for-Pound" fighter. Is this really a legit "title" of worth or just a lot of "hooey"? Is it really, and I mean REALLY, a legit argument to crown someone the best PFP fighter? – Old, Bald, & Irish

Is it a lot of hooey (interesting word choice, OB&I)?  Yeah, basically.  Not only is it not an actual title in the sense that it can be won and defended, it’s also based on subjective judgments and is ultimately a pointless exercise.  But you know what else?  It’s fun.  So that’s why we keep doing it.

The concept of the pound-for-pound title is generally attributed to boxing observers who wanted a way to celebrate “Sugar” Ray Robinson’s greatness.  He was a middleweight, and the boxing world has always revolved around the heavyweights, even more so back then.  So they started calling Robinson the pound-for-pound best boxer, mostly as a way of giving him the credit they thought he deserved.

In the MMA world, we don’t have the same problem.  We love all our fighters, and not just the big boys.  But we keep the concept alive because it gives us something to argue about, and because – much like chaos moves toward order and order toward chaos – the day we created weight classes was also the day we started trying to imagine what it would be like without them.  

In other words, don’t take it too seriously.  Pound-for-pound rankings are more a thought experiment than anything else.  And we all know Anderson Silva wins any p4p argument, anyway.

im a Norifumi Yamamoto and Shinya Aoki fan. is there any possiblity that they’ll fight in the US and i was wondering if ufc (aoki) and wec (yamaoto) are interesed in them when their contracts are up. and also when are their contract r up? – eat my buns

Hey, alright! A big thanks to everybody who signed up for our forums to compete in this week’s caption contest. And special thanks to the few of you who were actually funny. Here are the five people who scored subscriptions to Fight! Magazine:

Lethal Infection: John Coffey appears to be losing his touch.

homyluv: Call me Picachu again bitch!!!!!

milo bling: only the japanese would let an inexperienced cartoon character compete in the ring. kinnikuman shouldn’t be in there either.

Kevinhfry: Moments later, Bruce Willis burst in with a Katana.

omfgdommy: DONT FORGET TO CHECK YOUR TICKETS! WE WILL BE GIVING AWAY A FRESHLY PISSED IN PAIR OF PANTIES BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND ROUND!!

Lovely. If you’ve won, please shoot your real name and address to feedback@cagepotato.com. No Greg Kellying allowed.

(The hell of it is, the fight was no good anyway.)

We knew that Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva was making himself an enemy of the California State Athletic Commission by flouting their suspension and fighting in Japan anyway this past weekend, but we didn’t know that he might also have condemned the friends who aided and abetted him.  

The CSAC is setting a February 10 hearing date to decide what to do about Silva, who claimed from the beginning that he was the victim of faulty steroid testing, but they’re also going after his cornermen and his manager, American Top Team’s Alex Davis, for negotiating the fight.  Dave Meltzer says Davis has been fined $2,500 and suspended for the remainder of his license for setting up the bout, and the CSAC’s Bill Douglas is notifying all athletic commissions about Silva’s cornermen and the assistance they gave to this fugitive from steroid justice.

Sounds like Bill Douglas comes from the Keyser Soze school of management.  He’s not just punishing Silva; he’s punishing his friends, his manager, his family, people who owe him money, people who owe his parents money… the point is, it’s needlessly harsh.  

 
(Photo courtesy of SportsNavi via Fightlinker)

Hey, check this out: Fight! Magazine has hooked us up with five more subscriptions to give away to our readers. Except, we never give away anything around here. As always, if you want the goods you’ll have to earn it.

We probably don’t need to tell you that the above photo depicts the monumental Dynamite!! 2008 superfight between Bob Sapp and Kinnikuman. (Also known as "The Death-Rattle of Japanese MMA.") Give us some creative captions for this pic and our five favorites will win one-year subscriptions to the magazine. Easy enough, right? Well, here’s the deal…

All entries must be submitted to this thread in the CagePotato Forums. So if you haven’t created an account yet, do so now. It’s quick and easy, and you should be using our forums anyway you lazy bastards. Feel free to submit multiple entries, but get ‘em in by 2 p.m. ET on Thursday. The winners will be announced shortly afterward. Good luck!

(Kitaoka vs. Gomi)

Not that Sengoku lightweight grand prix winner Satoru Kitaoka was some scrub that Takanori Gomi was going to run over, but few people expected Kitaoka to give the Fireball Kid the quickest loss of his career. Yet that’s what happened today at Sengoku’s "Rebellion 2009" card in Saitama, Japan, as Gomi found himself on the painful end of a heel-hook before the two-minute mark. That makes it five impressive wins in a row for rising star Kitaoka — who is now Sengoku’s lightweight champion — and the third loss in five fights for Gomi, whose legendary reputation takes another tough hit.

In the event’s middleweight championship bout, Jorge Santiago put Kazuo Misaki to sleep with a rear-naked choke at the 3:26 mark of the fifth round; if Misaki made it to the bell, he would have likely won the decision after a grueling war that saw the "Grabaka Hitman" dominate Santiago with his striking.

In heavyweight action, Antonio Silva’s suspension-defying matchup with Yoshihiro "Kiss" Nakao ended in disappointing fashion, as Nakao’s knee gave out early in the first round after a couple of brief exchanges. Also, heralded up-and-comer Dave Herman took his first loss after being overwhelmed by punches in the second round of his match against Korean PRIDE vet Mu Bae Choi. Full results and more videos are after the jump…

I don’t want to speculate as to what kind of diet Alistair Overeem has been on, but as Robert from Free Fight Videos points out with this helpful timeline, dude has gotten progressively bigger over the last few years.  He dwarfed Badr Hari when they squared off at Fields Dynamite, weighing in at 254.3 lbs for the fight.  This is a guy who used to be tall and lanky.  Now he’s a mountain of muscle, with a noticeably bulkier face, and the transformation has happened mostly while fighting in Japan.  There, I said it. It’s now officially MMA news.

Just take a look at this video of Overeem’s fight with Chuck Liddell back in 2003.  He looks like a beanpole compared with the monster who knocked out Hari.  They must have some really excellent weight-gainer shakes in Holland…