(“…and that’s the ‘bleeding robot’. For my next impression — the ‘bleeding hula girl’.”)

Two pivotal light-heavyweight matchups have been added to UFC 139: Velasquez vs. Dos Santos, November 19th in San Jose. First, in the night’s “no pressure” match, Ryan Bader and Jason Brilz will both try to snap their two-fight losing streaks. Bader is skating on thin ice after being utterly ass-handled by Jon Jones in February, then getting choked out by Tito Ortiz in the upset of the year. Brilz kicked off his losing skid with a valiant effort against Lil’ Nog, followed by a far-less-impressive 20-second knockout loss to Vladimir Matyushenko at UFC 129. Winner keeps their job. Loser…well, who knows anymore?

(Maybe it’s not too late to learn to hit the 3-wood, Jase. Pic: Some Blog)

Well, this is just about the most pussy thing we’ve ever heard: Sherdog reports this week that UFC B-listers Jason Brilz and Jake Ellenberger are likely out of their jobs as assistant wrestling coaches at University of Nebraska-Omaha, as the university plans to scratch its powerhouse grappling program while making the jump to Division I.

A longtime juggernaut at the NCAA Division II level, UNO reportedly has designs on joining something called the Summit League, a D-I conference that includes such bastions of higher learning as Oral Roberts, Southern Utah and Western Illinois but does not offer wrestling or football. As a result – and despite the fact the Maverick grapplers have won six national titles in the last eight years – the school plans to cut both sports, replacing them with (holy fucking shit) men’s golf and soccer. Are you kidding me? Men’s golf? To make matters worse, Brilz reports UNO brass called longtime wrestling coach Mike Denney to let him know they were axing his whole program the same night the team won its third consecutive national title.

(Damn, Arianny. Him too?)

After out-pointing Michael Johnson last December to win the TUF 12 lightweight trophy, Jonathan Brookins is gearing up for his first post-TUF opponent in the UFC. MMA Junkie reports that the super-chill bro-dog with the funky hair will take on Jeremy Stephens at the TUF 13 Finale (June 4th, Las Vegas). Stephens is 6-5 in the Octagon (19-6 overall), and most recently knocked Marcus Davis out of a job at UFC 125. Despite Stephens’s spotty record, he’ll be a tough challenge for Brookins, whose biggest weakness seems to be his standup defense; against an explosive power-puncher like Stephens, that could be a problem.

In other UFC booking news…

Losing isn’t always the end of the world. Sometimes, taking an ass-kicking — or getting screwed out of a well-deserved victory — can be the best thing for a fighter’s career. Don’t believe us? We’ll start with one that should still be fresh in your minds…

#7: Jason Brilz‘s split-decision loss to Antonio Rogerio Nogueira
UFC 114, 5/29/10

(Early front-runner for Punch Face of 2010. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

What happened: Lil’ Nog was originally supposed to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 114, until Griff was struck down by a shoulder injury three-and-a-half weeks before the event. The UFC had to book a replacement, and fast, so they called up wrestling specialist Jason Brilz. Like a true warrior, Brilz put down his beer, blew off his 10-year wedding anniversary, and stepped up to the plate. On paper, he should have been destroyed by the sharp hands and top-flight experience of Nogueira. Instead, Brilz nearly choked Nog out with a guillotine in the second round, wobbled him with strikes, out-wrestled him, and arguably controlled the majority of the fight. But after the last horn sounded and the scores were added up, only one judge saw it his way.

Victory in defeat: If you didn’t know who Jason Brilz was before last weekend’s show, you do now. Brilz picked up even more classy-points by not bitching about the decision: "I’m not upset. Sure, I’d have liked to win. Everybody likes to win. I think I went out there and I proved to people, but more importantly I proved to myself, that I can compete with the top dogs. That’s sort of what I’ve been aiming for my whole career.” We don’t know exactly what Jason’s future holds, but it’s looking a lot brighter now. The $65,000 bonus check probably doesn’t hurt either.

#6: Jon Jones‘s disqualification loss to Matt Hamill
TUF 10 Finale, 12/5/09

(In retrospect, eating that gallon of chili before the fight was probably a bad idea. / Photo courtesy of MMA Fighting.)

Sorry for the delay on this one, dear readers — the Potato Index was waiting on its customary bribe from the UFC before it could give favorable rankings to the fighters at "Rampage vs. Evans." Now that the check has cleared, we’re ready to roll. So who went from zero to hero? And who went from classy to gassy?

Rashad Evans +125
Sugar’s measured, wrestling-based gameplan didn’t exactly transform the haters into fans, but he achieved something a lot more important — he beat an arch-rival and stayed relevant. Rampage can keep his legion of devotees; Rashad is getting a title shot against Shogun, so eat it.

Quinton Jackson -150
Except for his brief blast in the third round, Quinton was just too slow and too predictable. Ring rust was obviously an issue; still, we’re more concerned about Jackson’s ongoing unwillingness to do anything other than box. Those who don’t evolve in this sport are destined to get their asses dug by hungrier competitors. Rampage’s days as an elite light-heavyweight may be numbered.

("This is bullshit, I’ll be in my trailer. Somebody come get me when craft services arrives." / Photo courtesy of the ‘UFC 114 Photos’ gallery on MMAFighting.com.)

Before Rashad Evans restored order to the universe by outmaneuvering and out-grappling Quinton “Rampage” Jackson in the main event, UFC 114 turned out to be a surprisingly good night for guys sporting what might charitably be described as the “man on the street” build. A dumpy Mike Russow and a doughy Jason Brilz each turned in the evening’s most interesting performances, for different reasons.

Brilz, who stepped in on short notice for an injured Forrest Griffin, got flat-out screwed in dropping a split decision loss to Antonio Rogerio Nogueira after clearly winning at least two rounds of their fight. Russow, on the other hand, spent almost three full periods letting Todd Duffee use his face for target practice before he calmly clicked Duffee’s off switch with a lucky right midway through the final round.

It’s a shame the UFC doesn’t award a bonus for “Most Obvious Post-Fight Comment,” because the winner certainly would’ve been Russow, who (without a hint of irony) told Joe Rogan: “I need to get back in the gym,” during their in-ring interview, after Rogan called his KO of Duffee “the best come-from-behind, one-punch knockout in (MMA) history.”

Uh, dude, you need to get back in the gym?

(Care to share what’s so funny, girls?)

Kevin Iole reveals in latest Yahoo!Sports mailbag that up-and-coming UFC light heavyweight star John Jones declined a slot on the upcoming UFC 114 card as a fill-in for Forrest Griffin against Antônio Rogério Nogueira because he didn’t feel that one month was enough time to prepare for the fight. Jones explained that he hadn’t been in the gym since his win over Brandon Vera a month and a half ago at UFC LIVE: Vera vs. Jones in Broomfield, CO.

(Jason desperately tries to defend the unpredictable mucous attacks of Eliot Marshall. / Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Sorry guys, it won’t be Jon Jones. Not long after word came out that Forrest Griffin had to withdraw from his UFC 114 fight against Antonio Rogerio Nogueira due to injury, wrestling specialist Jason Brilz has reportedly stepped up in Griffin’s place; bout agreements are expected to be finalized shortly. 

Brilz (18-2-1 MMA, 3-1 UFC) has been quietly heating up as a light-heavyweight prospect, most recently scoring a unanimous decision win over Eric Schafer at UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones. His only loss in his last 15 fights was a decision against Eliot Marshall last September, and he also holds career wins over Tim Boetsch, Brad Morris, Jason MacDonald, and Alex Schoenauer. Of course, holding his own against a world-class 205′er like Lil’ Nog on less than a month’s notice will be a tall order, but at the very least, Brilz is tough enough to avoid being steamrolled. As long as Nogueira stays on the card, we can’t really complain…

(Dan Miller kneebars the crap out of Ryan McGivern to win the IFL’s middleweight title in May. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Like other Fight Night shows in the past, tomorrow’s “Diaz vs. Neer” joint features an undercard packed with fresh faces (though there’s no guarantee those faces will be too fresh by the end of the night). Let’s take a look at some of the guys who will be trying to prove themselves in the Octagon for the first time — and who you might get to see in action if they’re on the giving or receiving end of a quick finish.

JOE VEDEPO (MW)
Experience: 7-1 record (3 TKOs, 3 subs), primarily in small, Iowa-based promotions. Last fight was a submission victory over Brian Green in June.
Will be facing: Alessio Sakara (12-7, 3-4 w/1 no-contest in the UFC)
Lowdown: The two questions that come to mind are “who?” and “why?”. We can’t really answer that last question, but we do know that Vedepo is a former standout high school wrestler who (for unknown reasons) turned down a spot on The Ultimate Fighter 7. The 25-year-old trains in Cedar Rapids with Team Hardrive MMA. The dude finishes fights, but may not be ready for the competitive leap into the UFC — even against the struggling Alessio Sakara.

JASON BRILZ (LHW)
Experience: 15-1-1 record (9 wins by submission), fighting all over the Midwest, including five appearances in the Iowa-based Victory Fighting Championships. Notable wins over Jason MacDonald and Alex Schoenauer; hasn’t lost a fight since September 2001. Last fight was a first-round submission win over Erik Jenks in May.
Will be facing: Brad Morris (9-3, 0-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Repping Omaha like Houston Alexander, Brilz was a state wrestling champ in high school who went on to be a four-year letterman at the University of Nebraska. The 33-year-old pays the bills as a firefighter and an assistant wrestling coach for U of N.