Jenna Jameson

(The Coleman: this year's most terrifying Halloween costume. Photo courtesy of MMA Authentics.)

If Tito Ortiz thought he could call Mark Coleman a sissy for pulling out of their UFC 106 fight on November 21 without any repercussions whatsoever, he clearly didn’t account for Coleman’s manager, Mike DiSabato.  After Ortiz ripped his fighter on Twitter, DiSabato fired back by blasting Ortiz for “get[ting] personal with a legend,” then launched into a tirade about Ortiz and his porn star girlfriend, Jenna Jameson.  That’s right.  He went there:

“The only thing Coleman is afraid of when it comes to Tito is contracting swine flu from that dirty ass d-bag.  We all know where he lays his head down at night. Tito wants to get personal with a legend? OK, let's get personal - we can all go to our porn collections and watch what Tito sleeps with night after night.”

There are only two words we can say about that.  They are OH and SNAP.  Turns out that Coleman’s purported sissyness is the result of a torn MCL, though DiSabato says Coleman will be ready to fight by January 2 and suggested that the fight be postponed until UFC 108.  Presumably that will also give Coleman’s camp more time to have Ortiz tested for swine flu, which, as we all know, is the scourge of the porn industry.

(Props: Hywel Teague; hint)

(Props: Mouastarz209; hint)

Yesterday we took a look at some classic MMA moments recreated in MS Paint, and suffice it to say, Potato Nation was inspired. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed us drawings of their own, many of which made us laugh our asses off. Our two favorites are above, and a few more are after the jump. Yes, you're all eligible for free t-shirts.

Remember that awful movie starring the powerhouse acting duo of Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz?  Sure you do, it’s called “Zombie Strippers!” and reading the plot synopsis alone is guaranteed to lower your IQ.  But give Spike TV credit, they recognize when something is so terrible that it’s actually enjoyable (as if the fact that the movie has an exclamation point in its title isn't a dead giveaway). 

That’s why they’re premiering the movie this Sunday night, and making absolutely no bones about how horrible it is with this press release they sent out today:

New York, NY, April 15, 2009 – Described as a combination of "Citizen Kane" meets "The Godfather" meets "A River Runs Through It," Spike TV presents the world television premiere of the sweeping epic "Zombie Strippers!" on Sunday, April 19 (10:00pm-12:00am ET/PT).

("Mommmmm, you're embarassing me!")

Netterbog on "Jenna Jameson Gives Birth to Two Lil’ Tito’s": As #2 was turtle-heading its way out, I wonder if Tito gazed lovingly into Jenna's eyes and said, "let me tell you how you're feeling right now."
[Ed. note: "Babe, made you me the happiest on Earth man."]

Ted Nutmeg on "Karo Parisyan Suspended, Fined, Stripped of Last Win, and Told 'Good Day' by NSAC": Commissioner John Bailey's statement that the NSAC "can’t have fighters drifting in and out of reality" should have far-reaching implications. At a minimum, I foresee lifetime bans for B.J. Penn, Tim Sylvia, Tito Ortiz, Patrick Cote's friends, and anyone who has ever had any affiliation with the Lion's Den at any point in his life.

FEDORISAPUSSY on "Must-See: Franky Van Hove, the One-Legged MMA Fighter": Talk about a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!
[Ed. note: For real. I bet Franky's cornermen never have to tell him to "stay busy".]

Marcer on "BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors": I came across a few examples of the classes that will be offered at this camp:
"PENN 101 - Maintaining narcissism in the face of adverse reality
PENN 213 - Increasing Chi by consuming blood
PENN 122 - The fundamentals of shit talking
PENN 203 - Cooking with a deep fat fryer - With a short intermission to cover cardiovascular training in its entirety"

If your name has been called, e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and shirt-size, and we'll get a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt out to you post-haste!

(Welcome to the world, Jameson twins.  You're screwed.)

Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson have put the unfathomable power of their two super-brains to work and come up with names for their newborn twins: Jesse and Journey Jett. 

You know, considering who their parents are, I’d say these kids got off pretty easy.  Although it is a bit of a screw-job to give one kid a normal name and then name the other after a band that won’t even be ironically cool anymore by the time they’re in junior high.  But hey, as long as they’re both carrying around the illustrious Jameson surname neither one of them is going to be lacking in emotional baggage.

In other news...