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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: Jerry Rips

Today in “JERRY RIPS!”: Greg Jackson Finally Loses His Goddamned Mind


(Props: Jerry Rips)

The latest installment of “hilarious UFC audio you weren’t supposed to hear” features bad deaf-jokes, botched game-plans, excessive cursing, and Greg Jackson reaching the absolute limits of human frustration. (As one YouTube commenter already pointed out, Jackson does indeed sound a little like Timothy Treadwell when he’s upset.) Some highlights…

0:00: Some asshole wonders why Matt Hamill needs walkout music if he’s deaf. HA! The joker in question acknowledges that the joke was mean…then repeats it, in case you missed it the first time.
1:10: ”Spread the fuckin’ legs. Fuck. Fuckin’.”
1:53: Hamill’s coach expresses his disappointment in a loving, supportive way.
2:37: “Elbows! Whrrsthgoddmnelbws?? Shut the fuck up. Shut up.”
3:54: “Tito! Get up! Try! You gotta try, Tito!”
4:29: “Well, he wants you to hit him. That’s cool.”
4:49: Donald Cerrone head-kicks Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as steam blasts out of Greg Jackson’s ears.
5:23: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson has a massive coronary and pisses himself.
5:40: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson’s head literally launches off his body.
5:46: “GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! FORWARD!”
6:18: Jackson calls Nate Diaz by his brother’s name, possibly on purpose just to fuck with him.
6:35: Richard. Fucking. Perez.

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Today in “JERRY RIPS!”: Nick Diaz’s Corner Would Prefer That His Opponents Stop Being All Slippery and Sh*t

If there’s one thing we know about Nick Diaz and the members of Team Cesar Gracie, it’s that they will not tolerate bullshit in *any* of its various forms. However, if the latest upload from ever-enigmatic Youtube user Jerry Rips — which features audio of Diaz’s corner during his bouts with Carlos Condit, BJ Penn, and Georges St. Pierre — is any indication, it would appear that wetness is just below bullshit on Team Cesar Gracie’s list of deplorable offenses. And once you realize what the average TCG training session looks like, you’ll begin to understand just what the punishment is for such an offense.

Confused? Well welcome to the 209, bitch. It’s a magical place where, should you find yourself fighting for a(n interim) title in MMA’s highest promotion, you will receive such sound corner advice as “That’s the kind of asshole shit he’s got,” “Fuckin’ dick,” and “Condit, you pussy!” But mainly, your teammates/coaches will be relegated to complaining about how slippery your opponent is. Not slippery in the figurative sense — we mean, like, that pussy just got out the pool or some shit. And don’t even get them started on what’ll happen if this fight goes the judges, who are all probably betting against you anyway. But seriously, they put waaay too much water on that motherfucker, man.

We could watch this all day, but we first feel compelled to ask: Nate Diaz vs. Frito in an academic decathalon — who takes it?

-J. Jones

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“JERRY RIPS!” Is Back With a Quick Reminder About Post-KO Memory Loss, Featuring Miguel Torres [VIDEO]

When all is said and done, UFC 159 will be remembered for three things: mangled appendagesJon Jones’ easiest challenge ever, and Jerry Rips, a Youtube user/possible demigod who seemingly hacked into the event’s audio feed with no ulterior motive other than displaying his immense power and creeping everyone the fuck out. Well Taters, if you thought Jerry’s trolling of UFC 159 was an isolated incident, START THINKING THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.

Somehow, Jerry managed to dig up the audio/video feed from the aftermath of Miguel Torres‘ KO loss to Michael McDonald at UFC 145 and threw it up on his Youtube page last night. And once again, we have been left with more questions than answers: How long has Jerry been hacking into UFC audio feeds? Does he plan on releasing audio of that time Tim Sylvia shit his pants? Do you think Timmeh’s corner noticed, like, immediately? Did Miguel ever go on that vacation Firas Zahabi promised him? Why did Torres think he was fighting Mark Hominick at featherweight? Do all white people look the same to semi-conscious Miguel Torres?

Based on the evidence, Jerry Rips can only be one of the following:

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“JERRY RIPS!”, Dumbass Event Staff, And More Things You Weren’t Supposed to Hear at UFC 159

For a card that featured a nearly-severed toe and two technical decisions due to eye-pokes, hearing the voice of Satan during the UFC 159 broadcast fit in perfectly with the “Cursed” theme of the night. That eerie, disembodied voice — which seemed to say “Jerry Rips!”, whatever that means — popped up twice (if I recall correctly), most notably during the Bisping/Belcher fight. The next day, a YouTube user calling itself Jerry Rips uploaded this compilation of strange audio from the event, some of which you heard and some of which you definitely weren’t supposed to hear.

Did this Jerry Rips fellow hack into the event audio, and has he released this video as a showcase of his work? And what does Jerry Rips want from us? Should I sacrifice a dog to to His Dark Name just in case? Because I’m totally prepared to sacrifice a dog at this point. Check out the video above before it gets inevitably pulled. Here’s the rundown, from the video description:

00:00 – Hot mic catches event staff calling UFC gay
00:59 – Don’t boo Sara McMann
01:12 – ELBOWS
01:38 – Same event staff give their thoughts on chick fights
01:59 – Sheila Gaff flashing in the cage
02:02 – Michael Bisping hypes himself up backstage, talks shit on Belcher
02:33 – Bisping doesn’t want any fucking water
02:42 – Don’t make eye contact with Johnny Cash
03:00 – Jerry Rips debuts
03:06 – Jon Jones prays for unfair advantage before his fight
03:53 – Greg Jackson talks to Jon after the fight
04:27 – Jon Jones notices his broken toe

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