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Tag: Jesse Holland

Squirting on Camera: The 10 Creepiest Lines Jesse Holland Has Ever Written About Brittney Palmer

If you’re not familiar with MMAMania’s Jesse Holland, well, he’s kind of like the Gene Shalit or Pete Hammond of MMA writing, in that he specializes in pun-ridden “articles” with upworthy headlines that are usually bereft of any intellectual or comedic value whatsoever. I realize the irony in saying this just a day after writing an article composed mainly of dog gifs, but there’s a fine line between intentional absurdity and plain corniness (or creepiness) and Mr. Holland has dragged his ass along that line under the false guise of “MMA reporting” for far too long.

You see, when Jesse isn’t cramming as much loathsome and nonsensical puns into an article as humanely possible — puns like “Jugs, not drugs” (while discussing Miesha Tate’s breasts) or “cuckoo for Cuoco’s puffs” (on the Henry Cavill/Gina Carano split) — he’s probably penning alliteration-heavy headlines using sickening, pornography-based puns to lure in the middle school troglodytes who actually find his material humorous. He’s the Peeping Tom version of Eric Holden, essentially, but with a semi-respectable publication to back his self-masturbatory musings.

In any case, one of Mr. Holland’s favorite subjects to cover is that of UFC ring girl Brittney Palmer (or should I say, Brittney Palm-Her), who you might have heard hosts a web series called “Hot & Slow,” which itself is an incredibly lame pun. After reading Jesse’s most recent gag-inducing headline, “Brittney Palmer squirting on camera during FOX ‘Slow & Hot’ painting webisode” we (I) decided that someone had to put an end to his click-baiting agenda or at least call him out on it. Because while CagePotato may be a website that is 50% ring girl galleries and and 50% MMA reporting (okay, 60-40), we at least grant our readers the common courtesy of occasional subtlety.

So join us after the jump as we take a look back at 10 of the creepiest lines Holland has written about Brittney Palmer in the hopes that he will end this MMA charade and just get a job with OMG! Insider already.

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