(“Gentlemen, I want a good, clean fight. Listen to my commands at all times, protect yourself at all…I’m sorry, did one of you just shit your pants?” Photo via Esporte.)

We hate to keep beating this dead horse*, but the judging over the past couple UFC events has been particularly egregious. While UFC 156 merely suffered from a puzzling split decision or two and a main event that just barely escaped the controversy we predicted it would end in, last weekend’s UFC on FUEL 7 event was a veritable smorgasbord of fatuousness. Thanks in no small to the efforts of judge Aaron Chatfield — who both scored the Che Mills/Matt Riddle fight 29-28 for Mills and gave Paul Sass the first round against Danny Castillo — MMA judging has once again found itself at the center of controversy. That controversy being: Who the hell are these people and how did they waltz into these jobs?

It’s an answer that seems to allude even Big John McCarthy, the all-seeing, all knowing eye of MMA refereeing, who has been forced called out these blind, ignant sons of bitches for being such blind, ignant sons of bitches. Via MMAFighting:

When it comes to the judging, the biggest thing is, judging by nature is subjective. You look at a fight and you have a guy that throws a bunch of punches. One judge — we’ll say [it's] you — is looking at it, and you’re giving him credit, saying, ‘Wow, he’s really active.’ While I’m looking at it saying, ‘He’s not connecting.’

When you’re looking at the UFC, there’s not a whole lot of excuses. You’ve got a monitor in front of you, so [even] when you can’t see, [you can still see]. That monitor gives them the ability to see a fight from a variety of angles, not just from the one they’re sitting at. And so there’s not a lot of excuses to say, ‘Well, I didn’t see that,’ when it comes to the UFC.

After the jump: McCarthy takes aim at his fellow referees and somehow neglects to mention Jerry Poe.

#5: Josh Rosenthal

(Nick Diaz vs. Thomas Denny @ EliteXC: Unfinished Business, 7/26/08)

With his trademark half-smirk during faceoffs and soft-spoken vibe, Josh Rosenthal brings some much-needed positive energy to the mean-muggin’ atmosphere of MMA. And though his stoppage in the first Chael Sonnen/Paulo Filho fight at WEC 31 drew controversy — in the eyes of Sonnen, at least — he’s one of those guys you rarely hear about because he just does his job in a quiet, dependable sort of way. Could 2009 be Rosenthal’s breakout year?

#4: Mario Yamasaki

(Tito Ortiz vs. Chuck Liddell 2 @ UFC 66, 12/30/06)

Mario Yamasaki fell into the referee gig when a UFC trip to Brazil (where Yamasaki was born) highlighted their need for another ref in addition to Big John McCarthy.  Since he was a lifelong martial arts enthusiast and jiu-jitsu expert, Yamasaki was a good fit.  His biggest problem as a ref might be that he looks a little too much like Steve Mazzagatti, and that can be a career-killer.  The difference is that Yamasaki gives fighters a chance to recover, but also knows when to stop a bout (despite maybe one or two notable exceptions, depending on who you ask), as he did when he mercifully ended the second Tito Ortiz-Chuck Liddell fight – a decision he was criticized for by Ortiz, and no one else.

You know that teleconference that “Big” John McCarthy is holding tomorrow? Let’s just say some of the suspense has been lost. Scoop-getter/thunder-stealer Kevin Iole at Yahoo! Sports has revealed that the 45-year-old ref is retiring after Saturday’s Ultimate Fighter finale, and is taking a job as an MMA analyst for The Fight Network. Stay tuned to find out if McCarthy’s decision to leave the UFC was spurred by a perceived lack of respect (a la Randy Couture) or if it was just about the money (a la Randy Couture).

I’m going to throw out a rumor now — you can take it or leave it. Dana White has been saying that the UFC is going to “shake things up” with the next season of The Ultimate Fighter, right? I’m thinkin’ sixteen referees living in a house, two coaches (Herb Dean and Steve Mazzagatti, obviously), and one six-figure contract. If you thought alcohol creates havoc when in the hands of young fighters, you haven’t seen what a pack of drunken refs can do. These guys love to drink. Upper-decking is how they normally use the toilet…

— According to The Fight Network, veteran UFC ref “Big” John McCarthy will be making an “important announcement regarding his future” during a teleconference on Friday morning. John, please don’t walk away from the Octagon — now is the time when we need you the most.

— Tim Sylvia will be fighting at UFC 81, against a fighter who hasn’t been named yet. If the match isn’t against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira for the vacant heavyweight title, UFC 81 would be the fourth-consecutive pay-per-view UFC event without a championship fight.

— Sean Sherk won’t fight in the state of California ever again. BJ Penn won’t fight Sean Sherk anywhere.

— Matt Serra will be hosting a viewing party for UFC 79 at Madison Square Garden. UFC fan club members can purchase tickets starting tomorrow, UFC.com newsletter subscribers can buy ‘em starting Friday (with the pre-sale password “SERRA”), and the general public can pick up what’s left on Sunday. The price is $30 for a general admission ticket, or $25 if you order before 12/22 — a small price to pay for the opportunity to start chants of “BRIDGE AND TUNNEL!” as soon as Serra shows up to sign autographs. With MMA competitions banned in New York state, watching a jumbotron surrounded by drunk meatheads is as good as it gets!