(Despite what your grandmother thinks, Twitter is not a euphemism and does not warrant a squirt of Dawn in your mouth.)

By Jason Moles

Back in 2010, the brain trust at CagePotato HQ compiled a list of the 25 most essential MMA Twitter feeds to follow. Boy, do we sure know how to pick ‘em. Miguel Torres, Kimbo Slice, Mayhem Miller, Reed Harris, Shane Carwin, and Strikeforce have all since faded out of relevance or gone off the deep end. Wait, Reed does what now? Are you sure? Nevermind — we’re back with an updated list of who you should really be following on Twitter, and this time we’ve actually put some thought into it instead of blindly tossing darts at our screen while simultaneously using a Shakeweight. Please note, this is 2013 and if you don’t already know you should be following Dana White, Arianny Celeste, or Ariel Helwani, you’re probably the reason Jon Jones is defending his title against Chael Sonnen this Saturday at UFC 159. Speaking of the gangster from West Linn…

twitter.com/sonnench

Bio: “Godfather of integrity; dual masters in dominance and modesty; once outboxed Hemingway; & author of this year’s bestseller, available NOW on Amazon”

If you thought Sonnen refused to break kayfabe only when the cameras were rolling, you must not have been paying attention because his gimmick is boundless. The People’s Champion maximizes his 140-character limit with every emasculating jab at his opponents, peers, and detractors in the MMA media. The American Gangster is the only man on Twitter to follow absolutely no one, not even his own mother.

Sample Tweet: “15 – the number of letters in the word hydropneumatics as well as Chael beats Jones. #UFC159 #4/27/13″

(“Hey Joe, now that I’ve put the kibosh on those pesky Adderall rumors…wanna do some blow?”)

Oh boy, Taters, do we have some good news for you. Not only will next Saturday’s UFC on FOX 6 card feature such intriguing matchups as John Dodson vs. flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson, Rampage Jackson vs. Glover Teixeira, and Donald Cerrone vs. Anthony Pettis, but the event will also spotlight the return of longtime UFC commentator Mike Goldberg, who was recently pulled from the UFC 155 broadcast to deal with several health issues that had been affecting him for some time. MMAWeekly reports:

After a brief absence due to illness, Mike Goldberg will be back in his regular broadcast duties alongside Joe Rogan at UFC on Fox 6.

UFC officials confirmed Goldberg’s return to MMAWeekly.com on Tuesday.

In short, come next Saturday, the little eagle will soar again. Precisions, they will be precise. Books, they will be taken out of other people’s chapters. Japanese and Portuguese will combine into one beautiful, indistinguishable language. So prepare yourselves, Potato Nation, for a great deluge of cliched phrases and verbal diarrhea is coming.

With 2012 mercifully coming to an end, you had to imagine that at least one more fighter would be taken off of the year’s final card due to the great injury curse. Sure enough, at the last possible second a key member of UFC 155 has been removed from the card, causing the organization to scramble to find an adequate replacement. Okay, he’s not a fighter – and he’s not even a casualty of the injury curse – but damn it, this year has been brutal for last-second withdrawals.

Veteran announcer Mike Goldberg will not be calling the fights tonight at UFC 155. Originally, his absence from tonight’s event was attributed to an illness, but it turns out that this isn’t quite the case. Via MMAJunkie:

UFC President Dana White on Friday confirmed the change to MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com) but could not offer specifics into the situation or when Goldberg is expected to return to his post.

“He’s taking time off and is not working this weekend,” White said. “I don’t know when he will be back.

(So wait, it ISN’T casual Friday?) 

Thank Science, the UFC’s six week drought is finally coming to an end. After Alexander Gustafsson and Thiago Silva throw down at this weekend’s UFC on FUEL event in Sweden, Rashad Evans will finally get the chance to slay the metaphorical white whale, that has long alluded him when he takes on former friend/current foe Jon Jones at UFC 145. These two have been going at it for what seems like years now, and when the pair sat down alongside Jon Anik on a recent episode of Ultimate Insider, things got heated rather quickly.

It all started (at least this time) when Anik brought up Greg Jackson, who will in fact be cornering Jones against Evans come April 21st. Ever since Evans departed from Team Jackson, let’s just say that he and Greg haven’t been on the best of terms. Or even speaking terms, for that matter. Jones, however, feels that the rift between them is mainly due to Evans constant bashing of the very camp he helped build. Here’s what he began to say:

Greg, he said, basically, Rashad is always welcome back. You know, Rashad will always be like a brother to me. You know, he spoke so highly of Rashad. On numerous occasions, he really did everything he could to keep some type of rapport.

Evans quickly chimed in, “He did everything, but he didn’t even give me a call and talk to me. He did everything but couldn’t do the simplest thing.”

Jones brushed off the remark, stating, “On the other hand, you have Rashad, who’s bashing the program and the history -”

It was at this point that Rashad all but flew off the handle, claiming that he was Team Jackson’s history, and that Jones was basically just riding on his coattails. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Anik tried to remain calm while cautiously scanning the Ultimate Insider studio for someone big enough to separate these two if need be, because it sure as shit wasn’t going to be him.

Check out the full video after the jump.

(I know they’re beautiful, Dominick, but just because you promised to get them on TV doesn’t mean they qualify as assistant coaches.) 

The UFC announced yesterday that the fifteenth season of its reality show, The Ultimate Fighter, will feature current bantamweight champ Dominick Cruz and long time rival Urijah Faber as its coaches when it debuts on FX this March.

The pair last met in July at UFC 132, where “The Dominator” earned a unanimous decision nod and evened the score between the two in an exciting back-and-forth battle.Their initial meeting dates back over five years to the glory days of the WEC, where Faber scored a guillotine choke over the current champ within the first two minutes.

Since their UFC 132 Fight of the Night earning brawl, Cruz has scored another unanimous decision win over Demetrious Johnson, whereas Faber recently picked up a second round submission victory at UFC 139 over the man to lose the WEC bantamweight title to Cruz, Brian Bowles.

(When The Walking Dead didn’t call him back, Quarry knew he was bound for the UFC once again.) 

Nate Quarry has always been a charismatic guy; not only was he the first fighter ever to ink a sponsorship with a basketball shoe company, but anyone who’s ever seen his epic clowning of Kalib Starnes and post-fight speech thereafter knows the man has character in spades. More aware of this than anyone is Quarry himself, who recently began angling for a UFC commentating job on the popular mixed martial arts forum The UG:

I want to be an on-air personality for the UFC. There I said it … My qualifications? Well, I’ve been a fighter for the past 14 years. I’ve trained with some of the legends of the sport and even cornered them for some of the greatest fights in UFC history. I was there when the UFC went from 5 shows a year to being in every home in America. And, I know my ish. Plus, I’ve been a public speaker since I was 7 years old, standing up in Church and giving Bible readings. Last year I spoke at a TEDx conference where it was me, a mike and 300 business people for 18 minutes. And now I travel around the country speaking on behalf of my XLIF back surgery that game me my life back. Not to mention I hosted my own tv show on Comcast called American Cage Fighter. It was only broadcast in Nor Cal but was really well received and replayed every day of the week. Do I have your support?

Simply put, yes Mr. Quarry.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/HeavyMMA)

How could he do this to that poor girl?

It looks like Jon Anik’s role with the UFC won’t be limited to just play-by-play broadcasting. The former ESPN host and broadcasting veteran told Heavy.com’s Megan Olivi yesterday following the UFC 137 press conference that he will also be taking the reins from Arianny Celeste as the host of the Ultimate Insider show and will also possibly be hosting a UFC radio program.

“Doc comes back and says, ‘Nate, you have the testosterone levels of a 35 year old man,’ and I just broke down. ‘Doc,’ I told him, ‘I’m only 32! Is there anything you can do to help me?’”

You have to hand it to the team at MMAFighting for nailing down the exclusive with Nate Marquardt yesterday. Everybody wanted to talk to him, but it was Ariel Helwani who welcomed Marquardt and manager Lex McMahon to the microphone for a heart to heart. Mike Chiappetta provided the Cliff’s Notes version of the interview to get the ball rolling on Twitter, and the discussion quickly took off.

The short interview was dissected and commented upon in real time on Twitter, and the reactions continued throughout the evening. What follows is only a *small* sampling of Twitter’s response to Nate’s release and the subject of Hormone Replacement in MMA. Keep in mind that Marquardt already has a Twitter dedicated to getting him back in the UFC, and a matching hashtag #BringNateBack that saw plenty of use yesterday as well.

It was also interesting to note that a lot of Zuffa fighters were unwilling to touch the subject. Usual Tweeting suspects were strangely silent on the hot topic; take from that what you will. On the other hand, there were a few fighters who had some choice words on the subject, and they did not beat around the bush.

Go ahead and wade through this collection of Tweets from yesterday, and then share your expert analysis and vital opinion in the comments. Is Nate a good guy that has made some bad choices? Is he a nefarious schemer looking to get any advantage he can? What about the larger issue of HRT/TRT/PEDs in MMA? Should Dana continue to clean house until fighters learn to stay away from anything questionable? Should athletic commissions just legalize everything from horse steroids to heroin?

After all, PRIDE was awesome, right?

[RX]

(Chambers is the one who looks like he’d give himself the nickname "Hollywood.")

Bellator Fighting Championships – also known as one of the organizations to fire War Machine – announced via press release their announcing teams for both English and Spanish broadcasts.  The Spanish portion will be done by former King of the Cage champ Manny Rodriguez and some guy known as George X (ed. note: you can do that? just change your last name to an "x"? that’s awesome).  

Getting the nod for the portion that most of us will be able to understand is the duo of Jon Anik, from ESPN’s “MMA Live,” and Jason Chambers, from The History Channel’s “Human Weapon” series.  

Chambers actually used to be an MMA fighter, competing as Jason “Hollywood” Chambers, though his most notable fight was a loss to Thiago Alves at an Ironheart Crown event in Hammond, Indiana back in 2004.  He tapped due to strikes in the first round.  Fun fact: those rape charges against him were dismissed, so he’s available, ladies…

If you’re curious how you can watch these guys to see if they might possibly rival Tito Ortiz’s genius on the mic (no way), the Spanish-language version will run on ESPN Deportes and the English one will be on Bellator’s website.  Poor Jon Anik.  What’s the guy got to do to get on an actual TV?