(“Okay, new plan. We change our names, cross the border into Mexico, and open a bar on a nice beach somewhere. Nobody ever has to know about what happened here. Twenty years from now, we’ll be laughing about it.”)

If you’re one of the last remaining Jon Jones supporters on Earth, it must seem that we’re just piling on at this point — like we wake up every morning searching for new ways to drag down the UFC light-heavyweight champ and steal his swag. But honestly, this stuff finds us. And as much as I’d rather spend my time on more relevant MMA coverage, I just can’t let this one go. Here’s an unbelievable detail from a new Wrestling Observer article, passed along by BloodyElbow:

Jones was very upset after Chael began calling him out and mocking him on Twitter, going as far as to contact [UFC president Dana] White and ask him to tell Chael to stop.

Let’s just state the obvious, here — this is the kind of thing a child would do. And it’s the last thing Jones needs at a moment when many MMA fans already view him as a coward for the way he wouldn’t accept a fight against Sonnen on short notice. (Once again, Chael’s ability to get inside a rival’s head is astounding, and he just picked up a boatload of new ammunition for their inevitable fight. And yes, Jones vs. Sonnen will happen someday. Dana dislikes Jones too much and loves money too much for it not to happen.)

Meanwhile on the UG, Joe Rogan made a post trying to put the recent Jon Jones hate-orgy into perspective:

Vitor Belfort‘s storied career has been marked by frequent changes in teams and training camps, and his nomadic journey has now led him to the South Florida super-team known as the “Blackzilians.” According to a statement released by Belfort’s management team, Belfort will prepare for his surprise title shot against Jon Jones at UFC 152 (September 22nd, Toronto) alongside the Blackzilian team, with none other than Rashad Evans as his head coach. The team was previously led by Mike Van Arsdale, who parted ways with the camp late last month.

“This is the most important fight of my life, so the time is perfect to join [manager] Glenn Robinson and the Blackzilians and their world class training camp at JACO Hybrid Training Center in Delray Beach,” Belfort said in a press release. “I will have the best trainers and the top fighters in the sport including Alistair Overeem and Rashad Evans helping me prepare for this title fight. I will run my whole training camp at JACO and will win the belt for my fans, family and the Blackzilians in South Florida.”

Belfort hasn’t competed since his submission win over (now) Blackzilian teammate Anthony “Rumble” Johnson in January. “The Phenom” went on to coach The Ultimate Fighter Brazil opposite Wanderlei Silva and the two were set to rematch this past summer before Belfort broke his hand in training and had to pull out.

(“My advice would be to find a nice cave somewhere and go into hiding for three days. When you come out, they’ll worship you.”)

According to our latest homepage poll, a full 49% of you believe that Jon Jones deserves most of the blame for UFC 151′s abrupt cancellation, compared to just 27% for UFC president Dana White, the guy who actually canceled the event. Public opinion of Jones has gone from bad to irredeemably awful in the last week, and the apology he posted on twitter this weekend probably won’t help much:

“Carrying the cross for my company’s decision. If someone has to take the blame, I will accept full responsibility for the way UFC 151 was canceled. I want to sincerely apologize to all the other athletes/fans who’s time and money was waisted. [sic] I feel terrible about the way that was handled.”

Okay, so we’re just assuming that Jones is comparing himself to Jesus in that first sentence; he could also be comparing himself to Kimo Leopoldo. But considering that there’s already a conception of Jones as a person whose holier-than-thou attitude doesn’t match his behavior, all Jesus-based self-references should probably be avoided for the time being. It’s the kind of thing a publicist would tell Jones, if he still had one.

“This new driver we hired came THIS close to hitting a pole on his first delivery. Where’d we find this guy, anyways?”

Looks like Chael Sonnen isn’t done with Jon Jones just yet.

Still upset over Jones’ decision to turn down a fight against him in order to save UFC 151, Chael Sonnen decided that he’d at least make some money off of the situation. See, because unlike Jon Jones, Chael Sonnen is a businessman. His pizza parlor, Mean Street Pizza, now offers “The Jon Jones Special Pizza,” presumably for a limited time only. It isn’t exactly subtle, but it may be the best case of death by chicken since Henri M’Bongo.

Behold:

Pictured: Their approximate reactions to finding out “garbage-ass” was a real phrase.

One week ago, Ben published an article voicing concerns over how weak UFC 151′s main card was. But it was cool, because Jon Jones vs. Dan Henderson was going to be such an awesome fight. Two days ago, Jones vs. Henderson was scrapped and UFC 151 was canceled. [Ed. note: Damn, two days? Feels like we've been covering this forever.] Even though most of us acknowledged that the cancellation of the event was at least partially due to the garbage-assness of pretty much the entire card, we were too busy talking about Jon Jones ducking Chael Sonnen/Sonnen attempting to troll his way into an immediate title shot (depending on which side of the fence you’re on) to really delve into the issue. But now that the UFC has started to transplant the canceled UFC 151 fights to other cards, it’s time to take a closer look at that issue for a moment.

The bouts from UFC 151 are quickly being rescheduled for different cards, with UFC on FX 5 taking a significant chunk of them. As we covered in yesterday’s link dump, UFC 151′s planned co-main event, Jake Ellenberger vs. Jay Hieron, will now be the co-main event of UFC On FX 5. This won’t be the only fight from UFC 151′s main card that will now be padding UFC on FX 5 – Dennis Hallman vs. Thiago Tavares, Danny Castillo vs. Michael Johnson and Shane Roller vs. Jacob Volkmann will be moved to this card as well. UFC on Fuel TV 6 will now be featuring fights between bantamweights Takeya Mizugaki and Jeff Hougland and flyweights John Lineker and Yasuhiro Urushitani, while Kyle Noke and Charlie Brenneman will do the man dance on the undercard of UFC 152.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s worth mentioning that absolutely none of these fights – three of which were on the pay-per-view portion of UFC 151, mind you – have made it to the main card of an upcoming pay-per-view. Now I understand that financially, most fighters who were expecting a paycheck on September 1 simply can’t afford to wait until November’s UFC 154 to fight again. But that’s not the issue: The issue is that the UFC could afford to move pay-per-view quality fights *makes this hand gesture* to free television in the first place.

(“How to Kill Zombies with Daron Cruickshank” sneak peek, via TheFightNerd. It’s like The Walking Dead, only, y’know, not like that at all.)

- A Guide to Playing a Complex Blame Game in the Wake of UFC 151′s Cancellation (MMAJunkie)

- Ellenberger vs. Hieron Moved To UFC On FX 5 Co-Main Slot (HeavyMMA)

- Jon Jones Installed As Massive Favorite in UFC 152 Opening Line vs. Vitor Belfort (MMAFighting)

- The Jon Jones Photoshop Gallery of Hate (TitoCouture)

- Ed Soares Clears Air On Lyoto Machida’s Decision For Turning Down Jon Jones Fight (Fightline)

- “Yes, those gashes are from elbows. Tough way to make a living, this MMA.” (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- MMA: Inside the Cage #108 – “Armbars and Polish Stars” (MMA: Inside the Cage)

- 20 Disney Girls Who Got Hot (MadeMan)

- The Hilariously Depressing Theme Songs of Classic TV Sitcoms (EgoTV)

- Why Stressed-Out Men Are Attracted to Overweight Women (MensFitness)

- Kate Upton in Italian GQ (TurdFergusonBlog)

- Girls With Two Big Things Going for Them [Photos] (WorldWideInterweb)

(Henderson, at the exact moment in his career he realized he could’ve had a V8.) 

Had he known that his knee injury would ultimately play a role in one of the most embarrasing moments in MMA history not involving Ken Shamrock [Author's note: Now THAT is how you make shameless plugs flow with the context of your article.], we’re sure Dan Henderson and his camp would have done things much, much differently. But be that as it may, you might be surprised to learn that Hendo actually injured his knee some three weeks ago, but simply didn’t have the heart to admit defeat until his final day of sparring. FightersOnly has the scoop, via Hendo’s coach, Daniel Woirin:

Dan Henderson got hurt three weeks ago during sparring when he went to defend a takedown and for a while he has to be away from training, for two to three weeks. It was very difficult for him to refuse the fight. All the team had to convince him not to do it. 

We did a final sparring yesterday to evaluate his condition and he really didn’t have the chance to fight with Jones. It is so depressing for everybody. Many things are involved in a high-level fight like this one, but unfortunately, this happened. 

Now, where the Hendo/Amurica fan in me wants to simply chalk this up as a classic case of a 41 year-old man being stubborn (I imagine Hendo said something along the lines of “them book-reading doctor pussies ain’t gonna tell me what to do” at one point), I simply can’t overlook the fact that Dan’s camp made a huge mistake in waiting until the very last minute to pull out of the fight.

WAIT, WAIT, DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME! I’M NOT DOUBTING HENDO. JON JONES IS AN A-HOLE. ARE WE COOL AGAIN?

(Who wants to take a wild guess at how Bones vs. Belfort will end? Anyone?)

There may only be a matter of hours separating us from the UFC/Dana White/Jon Jones’ decision to cancel Christmas UFC 151, yet it somehow feels as if every conceivable angle has already been pondered, publicized, and pettifogged to an exhausting extent. Fingers have been pointed in every direction; some say Jon Jones is to blame, some Greg Jackson, while others, like Cory Braiterman of MMAMania, feel that Dana White is more or less scapegoating Bones in an attempt to disguise the fact that UFC 151′s supporting card, and in fact many of the UFC’s recent cards, are kind of garbage ass, as BG put it (by the way, garbage ass is phrase that needs to catch on).

Throw in a clusterfuck of bitchassness in the light heavyweight contender pool, and we’ve been left with a “pound-for-pound great” fighting a middleweight whose chance of victory is apparently worse than the chance that you would be attacked by a circus lion in a convenient store twice. On the same day. In two different convenience stores. Seriously, Jones was only listed at -475 in a rematch with Lyoto Machida, and is now listed as high as -1500 over Belfort.

That is some garbage ass, right there.

But the man who has been caught in the middle of all this hate, champion Jon Jones, had remained silent on the issue in the immediate aftermath, likely until Team Jackson could draft up an apology for him to make (ZING!). However, in an interview with MMAJunkie last night, Jones was both apologetic and steadfast regarding his decision.

His remarks, along with the latest in Chael Sonnen’s epic trolljob, are after the jump. 

(God damn it, Tim. We will never forgive you for this.)

We envisioned this week’s CagePotato Roundtable as a friendly take-down of everything from “Hello Japan!” to Tito Ortiz’s brief and terrifying career as a post-fight interviewer. But then a funny thing happened — the UFC canceled their first event of the Zuffa era due to a very unexpected decision by one of their champions, and the world exploded. The Jon Jones/UFC 151 fallout and much more will be covered in today’s column, so grab a beverage and get comfortable. And as always, if you have a topic idea for a future Roundtable, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

Seth Falvo

“World Combat League, bro. It already exists.”

In the perfect MMA Universe I envision whenever I eat enough Lotus Leaf, these words are uttered directly to MMA’s Vince Russo, Bob Meyrowitz, while he’s looking for investors for the mind-numbingly ridiculous YAMMA Pit Fighting. Upon hearing them, Bob decides to become a jaded boxing promoter, World Combat League is still the only promotion that uses a bowl as the fight surface and we are all spared the most stupid, embarrassing, gimmicky event since Heroes of Wrestling. Also in this universe: The Super Hulk division is recognized by the UFC as a real weight class, Paulo Filho never touches the GHB, Fedor knocks out Brock Lesnar and then retires as a UFC Heavyweight Champion and Chael Sonnen never attempts that freaking backfist. Who says us nerds don’t know how to party?

Of course, reality is a cruel mistress, and YAMMA Pit Fighting ended up happening despite the best efforts of an injury curse. Much like the aforementioned Heroes of Wrestling, Meyrowitz attempted to cash in on our love of nostalgia by booking a bunch of aging has-beens, never-weres, nobodies and ne’er-do-wells to compete in the promotion’s inaugural event. Never mind that half of the roster hasn’t been relevant in a decade (using “relevant” as loosely as possible in some cases), or that one of the fighters was best known for getting knocked out by a leg kick, or that another fighter was best known to casual fans for his stint on Celebrity Rehab; they’re going to brawl, you guys! Add on one of Brock Lesnar’s Team Deathclutch punching bags, the cheapest journeyman-for-hire you can find, an obese former Toughman Contest champion and some obscure Russians who dabble at sambo — because, you know, Fedor — and we’ll have all the tools for an exciting bankruptcy case after no one watches this. Tack on the incredibly cheesy, stuck-in-the-mid-90s “On the streets it’s against the law — in the pit it is the law” tagline, and laissez les bons temps rouler.

(“Vitor, my brother, you must take this fight for me. I have, how you say, too much pussy.”)

Remember how badly Lyoto Machida wanted a rematch with Jon Jones? Well, he didn’t want it badly enough to fight Jones on a month’s notice. In the latest chapter of the UFC’s most bizarre storyline of 2012, it was revealed late last night by MMAFighting that Machida decided he needed more time to prepare for another title fight against the light-heavyweight champ, and has turned down the opportunity. Machida had briefly been scheduled to face Jones at UFC 152 on September 22nd. (Yes, we’re calling it UFC 152 again. “UFC 151 will be remembered as the event Jon Jones and Greg Jackson murdered,” according to UFC president Dana White.)

The UFC’s next choice for Jones’s opponent was, logically, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, who also “won impressively” at UFC on FOX 4. But as Lance Pugmire of the LA Times tweeted, Shogun also turned down the fight. Unbelievable. And so, Dana’s hate list grows larger by the day.

But look, on the horizon…a savior. For some reason, middleweight contender Vitor Belfort was offered the chance to fight Jones at UFC 152, which he happily accepted. Said Belfort: “Where a lot of guys are acting like divas I think this is a big challenge for any fighter. I have all the respect for Jones. That’s why you can’t miss this competition. I will not let no one down. I come from the times of Carlson Gracie. He lives inside of me.” Belfort was originally slated to fight Alan Belcher at UFC 153 in Rio.

(Suddenly, the decision to sponsor this guy seems like not so great of an idea.) 

Boy oh boy, have the events of this afternoon trapped everyone in a glass case of emotion or what? We’re going to forgo the typical “aftermath” aspect of this…aftermath, because suffice it to say, you are already aware of what has gone down. Looking ahead, it appears Jon Jones will be facing Lyoto Machida (again) at UFC 152 in Toronto (again). It also appears that all of the claims that “Lyoto TOTALLY won a round against Bones, you guys” — as if he, you know, didn’t get sliced open and choked unconscious shortly thereafter — have had some effect on the bookies. At least for now.

BestFightOdds currently has Jones listed between -475 and -485 for his rematch with “The Dragon,” which is actually not as bad (for Machida, at least) as the -600 Jones was listed at when these two first squared off. Who knows how far that number will sway in the next few weeks, but we’re guessing it will only increase in Jones’ favor as time passes.

But that’s not the story here. The real story is that, due to the cancellation of UFC 151, a lot of fighters are getting royally screwed. Sure, the UFC could reimburse them with their show money (as if they’re not losing a shitload of it already), but these fighters rely on sponsorship money to truly put them in the green. That money has seemingly dissapeared, and man are they pissed about it. After all, when you only fight a few times a year (at best) for next-to-nothing, missing a fight can have serious financial consequences. And the poor saps who will now be missing another paycheck are letting Jones have it on Twitter.

The best responses are after the jump. 

(Jon Jones is now the UFC’s public enemy #1. Does that mean we can come out of hiding now? / Photo via MMAJunkie)

The rumors were true — and even worse than we thought. Due to a knee injury suffered in training, Dan Henderson has been forced to withdraw from his scheduled light-heavyweight title fight against Jon Jones at UFC 151, and because the UFC couldn’t find a suitable main event replacement, the UFC is canceling an event for the first time in the Zuffa era. Dana White confirmed the news in a press conference held earlier today — describing the cancellation as “probably one of my all-time lows as being president of the UFC” — and he made no attempt to hide his heated emotions during the call. Here are the brass tacks…

- Henderson suffered a partial tear in his MCL during training, which was serious enough to keep him from competing.

- According to Dana White, Chael Sonnen immediately jumped up to take the fight (“I’ll fly to Vegas tonight and fight him,” White quoted Sonnen as saying), and the UFC immediately began preparing behind-the-scenes to promote Jones vs. Sonnen on eight days’ notice. But Jon Jones turned down the matchup, refusing to fight Sonnen on short notice.

- White is extremely upset that Jones, a UFC champion and pound-for-pound candidate, would turn down a fight that would save an event. Even Tito Ortiz never pulled this shit, he pointed out. White lambasted the idea that Jones would turn this fight down for business reasons. “If he was a businessman, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now,” he said. White agreed that his relationship with Jones would change “a lot” after this: “Me and Lorenzo are both disgusted.” Later in the call, White pointed out how Jones turning down the fight now screws all the supporting-card fighters out of paychecks.

- White saved additional venom for trainer Greg Jackson, who reportedly told Jones, “There’s no way you take this fight on eight days notice, it would be the biggest mistake of your entire career.” Said White: “How much faith do you have in your champion and your guy? [Jackson] is a fucking sport killer. This guy’s from another planet….Greg Jackson should never be interviewed by anybody ever again, except by a psychiatrist.”

(You see this move, right here? PUSSY MAGNET.) 

There’s been a lot of talk regarding Jon Jones, Dan Henderson, and GOATS around here lately, but if any of the rumors circulating Twitter right now have any truth to them, we might just have to put that discussion on hold for a while. And although tweets from random sources don’t constitute truth, the sheer volume of them that have been sent out claiming that Henderson has suffered a knee injury in training are making us feel sick to our stomachs nonetheless. Take a look for yourselves:

Kenny Florian ?@kennyflorian
Hearing that we may have some disappointed @UFC fans soon due to some unfortunate circumstances for an upcoming card

Luke Thomas ?@SBNLukeThomas
@KCBanditMMA @jamiekilstein if what I’m hearing is correct, it’s so much worse than what is even being rumored on Twitter.

 Luke Thomas ?@SBNLukeThomas
@Jdiddy381 @KCBanditMMA @jamiekilstein again, I’m not talking about Hendo’s health when I say the matter is ‘worse’. Relax, people.

Jeremy Botter ?@jeremybotter
If what I’m hearing is correct, UFC 151 may be in desperate need of a main event. And that sucks.

Matt Lindland ?@mattlindland
Rumor? @MattHawryluk94: @tarecfighter rumor is Hendo is out with a knee injury, please tell me it is not true!

FrontRowBrian FrontRowBrian ?@FrontRowBrian
Rumor going around Hendo was injured by Thierry Sokoudjou at some point in this camp. Appears he’ll press on.. if he has to crawl to cage. 
Someone described the brace Hendo is wearing as a “Stone Cold Steve Austin brace”.

Again, we’re not writing this without first understanding the power of rumor, but considering some of the sources (Kenny Florian, Luke Thomas), we might be looking at either a severely hampered Hendo come next Saturday, or no Hendo at all. And who do you think the UFC would replace him with on such short notice? Surely not this guy, right? Or are all the pieces of our conspiracy puzzle falling into place exactly according to plan? MWAHAHAHAHA!!

(Jon Jones, pound-for-pound G.S.J.O.A.T.)

By George Shunick

With his recent apprehensions about a rematch with Lyoto Machida and the Twitter war beatdown he suffered at the hands of Chael P. Sonnen, it’s safe to say it hasn’t been a fun week for Jon Jones’ PR advisors. (Jones’s longtime publicist John Fuller actually resigned earlier this week; make of that what you will.) The familiar critiques of Jones being cocky and arrogant have once again intensified leading up to his next title defense against Dan Henderson. Of course, Jon Jones isn’t the first combat sports athlete to suffer these criticisms, despite arguably possessing the skill set to justify his conspicuous confidence. Before him, there was another young, brash, cocky, black fighter – black athletes being historically stereotyped and criticized as cocky and disrespectful by some inane, unwritten code of sporting ethics – who also had to suffer criticisms of arrogance: Muhammad Ali.

Perhaps it is because of their similarities that Jones has attempted to model himself after Ali, or at least inspire comparisons between the two. Perhaps he looks at how people perceived Ali when he fought, and feels that if he evokes the aura of Ali he will eventually be absolved of the criticisms he faces today. After all, when we look at Ali now, we say he was “confident” rather than “cocky” – that his accomplishments in the ring ultimately justified his persona. Jones has accomplished such a startling amount in such a short time, but his accomplishments are somehow not yet considered sufficient to justify his ego. Why the disparity? In short, Ali wasn’t just brash and cocky – he was a man of absolute moral conviction. If Jon Jones wants to stifle his critics, he must cultivate that aura of conviction, that willingness to sacrifice convenience for the sake of some higher goal. So far, he hasn’t been able to do that.

(Props: YouTube.com/JonJones. Fight starts at the 13:50 mark, but it’s worth it to watch the entrances, just to see Jackson and Jones walk out to those obviously patched-in nü-metal tracks, I guess because the UFC couldn’t secure replay rights on YouTube for the songs they actually walked out to. It’s hilariously jarring. Couldn’t they find generic rap tracks to include for situations like this?)

After winning the UFC light-heavyweight championship in March 2011 with his demolition of Mauricio Rua, 24-year-old Jon Jones attempted his first title defense in September at UFC 135 in Denver, against former champion Quinton Jackson. And for the second title fight in a row, Jones gave nothing and took everything. Over four rounds, Bones picked his shots and wore Rampage down, confounding Jackson with his unorthodox kicks and elbows, and clowning ‘Page whenever the inspiration struck. (Skip to 31:08 for an all-time classic.)

After winning the first three rounds handily, Jones closed the curtains in the fourth frame, taking Jackson down with ease then finishing him with a rear-naked choke. It was the first time Jackson was ever stopped in the UFC. To put it lightly, aging legends have never really performed well against Jon Jones, and Dan Henderson might not fare any better at UFC 151 — that is, if Hendo actually makes it to the fight. There are some nasty rumors swirling around right now…we’ll update you if they turn out to be legit.

(Pic Props: MMA Photoshops)

By Jason Moles and Doug “ReX” Richardson

Before the ink on the contract dried, MMA fans began debating if Dan “Hendo” Henderson would become the greatest light heavyweight champion of all time should he beat Jon “Bones” Jones at UFC 151. While that is certainly entertaining water cooler fodder, I’m not so sure it’s a conversation we’re even allowed to have at this point. Remember the old Ric Flair maxim, “To be the man, you gotta beat the man.” Are you certain that Jones is the man? Before you get all up in arms about the perceived blasphemy, consider this: legacies are not born overnight. A legacy is built over years of dominance — after much blood, sweat and tears have been spilled. Although both Jones and Henderson were nominated for being the Best American Fighter in MMA History, I still wasn’t convinced the winner of the fight would automatically reach GOAT status. That’s where Rex comes in. Join us, won’t you, as we banter back and forth over a couple of cold ones…

Alright Rex, before we go any further let’s settle this one small thing: Who is the current holder of the “Greatest Light Heavyweight Champ of All Time?”

RX: Well, technically speaking, Dan Henderson has only held a light-heavyweight championship once: in Strikeforce, for like five minutes before he said “Deuce, bitches” and bulked up to heavyweight. While I think we all agree that a Strikeforce title doesn’t count because LOLOL, the fact remains that Hendo is making a strong argument for true GOAT status, not just as a light heavy, but as a fighter, period.

JM: For me, it’s gotta be Chuck Liddell. His record speaks for itself, but we’ll get to that in a minute. When you think of UFC, you almost immediately think of Liddell. Why do you suppose that is? I’ll tell you — it’s because he was the sport’s first crossover star. The Hall of Famer and former light heavyweight champion “wrote” a best-selling autobiography, made numerous television and movie cameos, and was the first UFC fighter to appear on the cover of ESPN the Magazine. When I think of greatness, I think big-picture, in and out of the Octagon.

(Realizing his impending doom, Chael signaled to his wife that her weekly sandwich quota would be doubling in the near future.) 

When it was originally announced that Chael Sonnen would be returning to the light heavyweight division to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 155, we took it as a classic case of a fighter changing weight classes in order to save his career. He had come up short in both his title shots at middleweight, and as Josh Koscheck would tell you if he was aware of it, the chances of any 0-2 fighter receiving a third shot against the same champion is next to impossible. And being that Chael fraking Sonnen is not a man who fights anything but marquee fights these days, his chances to make waves at 205 were clearly better than his chances at 185. The fact that he could barely even make the announcement without drawing Jon Jones into a Twitter war only confirms Sonnen’s devious intentions.

And as is usually the case, Chael was successful in drawing us out of the woodwork to throw his name in with the phrase “title shot,” whether it was in agreement or bitter disapproval of the idea. Because Sonnen is like the entire cast of a heist movie packed into one person when it comes to hustling in the MMA game, capable of releasing more red herrings, smoke signals, and false MacGuffins than Ocean’s Eleven through Thirteen combined. Hell, I immediately launched into a vast conspiracy theory in which Sonnen became the number one contender and Jones possibly faked injury in order to set up a fight between them down the line.

But I live in a world of paranoia, delusion, and fear. One that apparently many of you are living in as well, because in a recent appearance on Las Vegas’ “Dave and Mahoney” show, Dana White addressed the concerns that a lot of us are sharing, another undeserved title shot for Sonnen.

Dana’s remarks are after the jump. 

Five rounds against Machida could save you five percent or more on UFC PPVs.

As flawless as UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon “Bones” Jones has looked inside the Octagon, he’s looked just as imperfect outside of it. There’s his unchecked arrogance, his “You never have to worry about me with a DWI or doing something crazy” comment just weeks before his DUI arrest and his brutal honesty about potential opponents. Basically, Jon Jones does everything in his power outside of the cage to make it hard for most fans to celebrate his in-sport accomplishments.

Which is why most of you won’t be too surprised to learn that just two weeks before his Light-Heavyweight title defense against the legendary Dan Henderson at UFC 151, Jones had some pretty harsh words for his next opponent, Lyoto Machida. In an interview with ESPN.com, Jones stated that “The Dragon” doesn’t deserve a rematch with him, not so much because he isn’t a competent fighter, but because Machida won’t get the fans to buy pay-per-views. In his own words:

“I don’t want to fight Lyoto Machida. He was my lowest pay-per-view draw of last year. No one wants to see me fight Lyoto Machida. I don’t want to fight Lyoto again. Lyoto is high risk and low reward. He’s a tough fighter, but no one wants to buy that fight.

Quote continued after the jump

(When all else fails, a hypogonadism burn is always a solid standby.) 

Apparently Jon Jones is unaware that Chael Sonnen is a fight promoter first, troll second, and actual fighter third. Be that as it may, “Bones” must have really took to heart the relatively light bit of trash-talking Sonnen aimed in the champ’s direction when announcing his return to the light-heavyweight division on UFC Tonight, as he has already responded, then deleted, several scathing remarks aimed at the former middleweight title challenger via Twitter, because of course he did.

If we’ve learned anything about what arguments over Twitter inevitably lead to, we’re probably going to need a bigger facepalm and a fresh pair of trousers for one of these gentlemen in the near future.

The rest of Jones’ comments are after the jump.

(Oh, you said you have a *flaggy* tattoo? I must have misheard you.) 

By Nathan Smith

During a recent interview with the Wall Street Journal, Dana White said, “Globally, we’re already bigger than the NFL.” From a global stand point that may be true, but in the Pulp Fiction-esque United States, the NFL is still Marsellus Wallace. The UFC may never gain the notoriety that the NFL has in America but stand-out fighters continue to ink major product endorsement deals. Anderson Silva (Burger King, Budweiser), Georges St. Pierre (Gatorade, UnderArmor) and Jon Jones (Nike) are paving the way to success for future mixed martial artists. Although big-time corporate sponsorship for fighters is in its infancy, the other major professional sports leagues have seen their athletes gain almost as much notoriety outside the lines as within.

The UFC was purchased by Zuffa just over a decade ago and has been charging towards global domination ever since. Sure, the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL (well, maybe not the NHL) playoffs and championship contests annihilate the UFC ratings-wise but the premier MMA organization is gaining at a rapid pace. Take into account the combined several hundred years of history the 4 “major” professional leagues hold and it is glaringly apparent that the UFC and its stars are closing the gap like a fat dude towards a parked Roach Coach.

Comparing the UFC’s ratings and popularity with the aforementioned leagues is somewhat asinine and it would not be fair or rational to compare athletes from other sports with UFC fighters – but you have visited Cagepotato.com. We have never been accused of being fair or rational and matching fighters with their counterparts from around the world of other sporting organizations seemed as logical as a booze-filled headset.

Anderson Silva and Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan has become the benchmark to which all athletes are measured, although the comparisons have transcended far beyond the realm of athletics. Any activity or event draws comparisons to #23 (or #45 whatever). From Ken Jennings being the Michael Jordan of Jeopardy, to Joey Chestnut being the Michael Jordan of gluttony or Peter North being the Michael Jordan of male climax volume, Jordan is synonymous with superiority. In every single poll taken in the last decade regarding the “Top 100 NBA players in History” the battle is for #2 through #100. Michael Jordan is considered the greatest of all time in his medium (and I am not talking about minor league baseball).  Anderson Silva, with his perfect 15-0 record and 10 consecutive title defenses in the UFC, has done things that may never be accomplished again in the history of mixed martial arts. Some day a fighter may come along (if he hasn’t already *foreshadowing*) and surpass Silva’s records but until his numbers fall, Anderson Silva is the Michael Jordan of MMA – period.

Not to come off sounding like a bunch of know-it-alls, but we’re pretty sure we’ve figured out the formula to make the perfect trailer for any upcoming UFC event. It’s simple really:

1. Pick out the best highlights of the champion destroying his former opponents, preferably in slow-mo

2. Insert Joe Rogan quote, something about said champ being “untouchable” or “the greatest”

3. Fade in “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell, usually the orchestral Lord of the Rings version

4. BIG, BOLD TEXT DECLARING THAT THE CHALLENGER IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BREED OF ANIMAL

5. As the song enters its second half, cut to several clips of the challenger destroying his former opponents, now in real or even sped up time.

6. Mike Goldberg yelling “Oh my” or “It is all over!”

7. Close on a dramatic, sudden cut to the event text/details.

The marketing department behind the UFC 151 promo clearly adhered to this formula, resulting in a trailer that will undoubtedly get your panties, your wife’s panties, and your slutty mistresses crotchless panties all bunched up in anticipation for the blood-soaked throwdown that will be Jones vs. Henderson on September 1st.

Check it out after the jump.

(Ten minutes later, Jones was responsible for the first pace car-led pileup in Nascar history.) 

A congratulations is in order for the nominees of last week’s Comment of the Week contest, who really brought the funny when ripping on everything from debilitating diseases to spousal abuse. You sick sons a bitches truly make us proud.

That being said, there can only be one winner, and this week’s was decided by a margin of just 25 votes, so join us after the jump for the big reveal…

(This is how a real Christian does product endorsement)

So we know that the first thing you thought when you heard that UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones has signed a ground breaking global sponsorship deal with Nike was, “gee, I wonder what professional wrestler and Chael Sonnen bff CM Punk thinks about all of this?” Well, turns out that the straight-edge character actor/athlete may not be such a big fan of Nike’s decision.

On August 8th, CM Punk tweeted, “Let’s reward more drunk drivers with endorsement deals! #responsibility” he tweeted. Now, this is only circumstantial, but the timing of the tweet, along with Mr. Punk’s own fanboy-ness with the sport of MMA makes us think that he was referring to Jones and his new Nike deal.

You see, shortly after his last title defense last spring, Jones was arrested for an alleged DWI after crashing his Bentley into a tree. He’s currently still dealing with that legal situation.

So, Jones appears to have messed up and yet he continues to make a living. Perhaps C to the M cannot abide that injustice.

(“Hi Rashad”)

Ace MMA Fighting reporter Mike Chiappetta has the biggest business scoop in the sport this week – UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones has signed a global deal with sportswear giant Nike. “The two sides have agreed to a multi-year contract that will see Jones decked out in Nike gear for the foreseeable future. On Sept. 1, when he faces Dan Henderson at UFC 151, Jones will be rocking the famous ‘Swoosh,’” Chiappetta reports.

“As a part of the deal, Jones will be featured on worldwide Nike advertising and receive his own signature line, sources said. It is expected to be announced within a week.”

By Nathan Smith

Earlier in the week Dana White stated that “whoever wins the most impressively” from the contests involving Mauricio “Shogun” Rua VS Brandon Vera and Lyoto Machida VS Ryan Bader would be deemed the #1 contender for the LHW title. After watching the events unfold the UFC’s decision remained even more of a cluster f*ck due to a devestating Machida KO and a hard-fought TKO victory by Shogun. Even before Dana White stepped to the podium for the post-fight press conference, he announced LIVE just prior to the conclusion of the UFC on FOX 4 festivities telecast, that Lyoto Machida held the golden ticket.

By the time DW made his way to the dias for the post-fight press conference, the announcement had already spread across the MMA universe but he did say – during the media frenzy – that Machida “wants it bad.” The Dragon earned a convincing KO victory against a very tough competitor. Ryan Bader’s evening ended when he charged forward and ran directly into a perfectly-timed and placed right hand counter by Machida. Good night Irene.

Props: Jason Deebank via MMAFanMade

By Seth Falvo (@SethFalvo)

We’re just hours away from UFC on FOX 4, where four men will attempt to become the least impressive light-heavyweight title challenger since Elvis Sinosic by winning in the most impressive manner possible. To paraphrase Jeff Fox, the winner of the upcoming Jones vs. Henderson bout will defend his belt against the winner of tonight’s semantics game. There’s got to be a catch, right?

Of course there is. Even the dimmest MMA fans among us have already interpreted this as a way for Dana White to back out of giving Brandon Vera a title shot if he were to actually defeat Shogun Rua tonight. Shogun is obviously the preferable contender, but just in case he blows this somehow, we’ll shrug it off and put the winner of Machida/Bader in the cage with Jones/Hendo, right? Quite the contrary: This semantics game was designed to give Lyoto Machida a title shot with a victory.

Right now, some of you are screaming “What kind of idiot hack journalist are you, Seth?!” at your screens. First, allow me to welcome you to Cage Potato; you’re obviously new here. Second, let me lay it out for you with four simple reasons after the jump.

(The season three premiere of MMA Inside the Cage, featuring 12 killer knockouts from MMA events across the world, sent in by fans. Check it out and vote for your favorite right here.)

- Jon Jones Offers Up His Take On Saturday’s Light Heavyweight Bouts (Fightline)

- Nate Diaz Will Get the Next UFC Lightweight Title Shot (MMAJunkie)

- Dana White Thinks Matt Hughes, Forrest Griffin Should Retire (MMAFighting)

- UFC on Fox 4 Judo Chop: The Real Signature Moves of Lyoto Machida (BloodyElbow)

- Frankie Edgar’s 155 Reasons, Episode 1: ’155 Reasons In Defeat’ (HeavyMMA)

- “Great, another UFC ring girl with no ass.” (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- Dana White: ‘Maybe You Do Rashad vs Weidman and the Winner Gets a Title Shot’ (BleacherReport/MMA)

- Olympic Weightlifter Kendrick J. Farris Will Pump You Up (MadeMan)

- The Get Back Into Training Workout (MensFitness)

- 20 Cool Things Buried in Lava (EgoTV)

- If Celebrities Had Three Boobs… [GALLERY] (WorldWideInterweb)

- This Is the Coolest Volleyball Play We’ve Ever Seen (DeadSpin)

(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today – it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.

And yet he STILL hasn’t learned that only tools wear Affliction…

We’re just a few days away from UFC on FOX 4, which will be headlined by arguably the most confusing contender fight in modern UFC history. While most fans can kind of justify Shogun earning a title shot with a victory given his track record (especially if Hendo manages to put away Jones at UFC 151), Brandon Vera remains a gigantic question mark. With his most notable victory being a TKO over heavyweight Frank Mir back in 2006, it’s hardly a surprise that most fans and pundits are completely unable to make sense of this bout even headlining the card, yet alone being for a title shot.

If Brandon Vera attempted to justify all of this through his appearance on “Inside MMA,” he ended up just raising even more questions. Case in point: Vera talked about his training camp leading up to his bout with “Shogun” Rua. Aside from bringing back his Muay Thai coaches and sparring with Alexander Gustafsson, Vera commented that he was ”doing the things he should have been doing since day one.” Specifically, he’s actually caring now about his career. As he told the “Inside MMA” crew:

It’s good to know that we weren’t alone in our confusion when it was announced that the winner of either the Mauricio Rua/Brandon Vera or Lyoto Machida/Ryan Bader bouts, specifically the former, would be in line for the next title shot at 205 lbs. Given that current champion Jon Jones has walked through all four of those gentlemen before, we struggled to find the reasoning behind the alleged title shot that supposedly awaited the most impressive winner from this weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 event. Then again, Rich Franklin has decided to chase after middleweight gold and revenge for a third time (which totally wont end in his untimely death), so maybe we were too quick to write off these former champions, TUF winners, and hype machines. In either case, Bones took to his Twitter account to voice his frustration, sending out the above tweet yesterday which simply states “Scratching my head.”

But perhaps even more confounding than the UFC’s apparent apathy in regards to JBJ was the realization that the light heavyweight division, one of the most stacked and competitive divisions in the UFC for some time, has nearly been cleared out in a little over a year. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, something he obviously feels he is going to do as evidenced by the above tweet, there will arguably be only two viable candidates left for him to face: Alexander Gustafsson and Glover Teixeira.

Dana White has teased that the man known by the Potato Nation as “Bjones” is “ready for a big fight now”, leading us to believe that a meeting with Rashad Evans could be on the horizon. A victory over the former champ would all but cement the Swede’s position atop the division. As for Teixeira, it’s simply too early to tell. He looked great in his debut victory over Kyle Kingsbury, but needs to face at least one of the upper echelon fighters before we are convinced he is ready for a title shot. But for the moment, it appears that the LHW division needs an H-bomb like Nick Diaz needs a clue.

In other, alcohol-related Jon Jones news…