(His body is in the ring, but his mind is still back in the locker room, trying to come up with an eight-letter word for ‘Movie opening.’)

Contrary to what you’ve seen on the internet lately, Josh Barnett is not content to spend the rest of his life trading mean faces with Bob Sapp and roughing up hapless foes in regional grappling tournaments. He really does want to fight for real again, or so he declared on his Twitter recently, but the problem is that he can’t find an opponent. At least, he can’t find a heavyweight opponent willing to meet him in Japan, which is sort of his only option at the moment since he can’t seem to get right with the athletic commissions back home in the U.S.

Barnett told fans he’d heard a “rumor” that both Tim Sylvia and Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva (both of whom have tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs at some point in their past) had each turned down fights with Babyface in Dream. How much fact there is in that rumor, we can’t really say, but it wouldn’t exactly surprise us to hear that “The Maine-iac” is more or less done fighting quality opponents and has decided instead to crush whatever cans Monte Cox lines up for him.

 
(More pics here. Props to FightOpinion for the tip.)

Josh Barnett‘s appeal of his denial of licensure in the state of California was postponed for a fourth time yesterday, after Barnett failed to show up to the hearing. The Babyface Assassin had a good excuse, though — he was busy beating down Bob Sapp at an Inoki Genome Federation pro-wrestling event in Tokyo. Though Barnett’s attorney appeared at the hearing, it wasn’t good enough for the California State Athletic Commission, which rescheduled his case until April 20th. Said Barnett’s attorney, Michael J. DiMaggio:

(The finals of the 205+ division. See all the videos here.)

It sounds like the opening to a joke that only MMA nerds would appreciate: ‘Josh Barnett walks into a grappling tournament…’ And yet this is how MMA’s best inactive heavyweight spent his Valentine’s Day weekend, tapping out all the poor bastards who had the misfortune to end up on the mat with him, and doing so with great ease. The dudes who signed up for the advanced division of this southern California grappling tournament probably expected some stiff competition, but they almost certainly did not expect to face a guy who was widely considered to be Fedor Emelianenko’s toughest challenger before a positive steroid test derailed the fight and torpedoed an entire organization.

This brings us to our pressing question for today – is Barnett’s grappling tournament bad-assery awesome, or not awesome? Follow me after the jump and let’s discuss the merits of both sides.

At the beginning of every year there are always nuggets of conventional wisdom that seem absolutely unassailable in January and are laughable by December. This has always been the case, and not just in the world of MMA. For instance, in January of 1941 Pearl Harbor was a nice, calm, wonderfully exotic place for U.S. servicemen to be stationed. By December it was fodder for a horrible Michael Bay movie. Just goes to show that we never know as much as we think we do, though it doesn’t stop us from making definitive statements that will later seem totally ridiculous. Here now are some of the MMA truths that became lies in 2009…

Lyoto Machida is the most boring fighter in the UFC

At the start of 2009 Machida had finished just two of his last seven fights (one of them a TKO due to exhaustion), and had cemented his reputation as the fighter who was too "elusive" to be interesting. The UFC seemed intent on keeping him away from a title shot, but inked him for a showdown of undefeated Brazilians against Thiago Silva at UFC 94. That’s when "The Dragon" showed his fangs or claws or whatever it is that dragons have, and after knocking out Rashad Evans to claim the light heavyweight title in similarly ferocious fashion a few months later, we were forced to abandon our belief that Machida would forever be MMA’s version of Ambien. Too bad that our revised position didn’t fare much better…

Lyoto Machida is damn near unbeatable

The “Machida Era” was supposed to be a reign as dominant and prolific as that of middleweight champ Anderson Silva, which left many of us scratching our heads when “Shogun” Rua got the nod as his first challenger. Rua was 2-1 in the UFC at that point and he hadn’t beaten anyone even near their prime since leaving Pride. Despite coming in as a heavy underdog, Rua gave Machida all he could handle for five rounds and seemed to be on his way to a decision victory before the judges decided to discount leg kicks altogether. Machida survived with the belt, but not with his aura of invincibility.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

– Frank Shamrock plans to return to competition in March. (MMA Fighting)

– Alistair Overeem makes too much money in K-1 to fight in Strikeforce. (MMA Weekly)

– Shane Carwin’s manager in hot water over "pump and dump" stock fraud charge. (SI.com)

– Brazilian trainer Marco Jara murdered after carjacking. (Sherdog)

– Will Kyra Gracie give MMA a try? (Fightlinker)

– Josh Barnett: The Biggest Loser of 2009. (Bloody Elbow)

– UFC 107 PPV buys: Not too shabby. (MMA Payout)

– Manny Pacquiao threatens lawsuit against Mayweather’s camp due to steroid accusations. (ESPN)

– Top 10 most controversial decisions in MMA. (Bleacher Report)

– The 10 biggest sports betrayals of the decade. (Scores Report)

– "Golden ratio" for feminine facial beauty discovered. (Asylum)

– Everything you need to become a better man in 2010. (Ask Men)

– 25 awesome winter fails. (Holy Taco)

– Jaden Smith gets his ass kicked in Karate Kid remake trailer. (Screen Junkies)

– Best NASCAR Cup races of the decade. (All Left Turns)

– Eight women who are completely off-limits. (Made Man)

– Redneck Christmas barn party fight. (Nothing Toxic)

– Pope attacked by crazy woman during Vatican mass. (Break)

(Josh Barnett’s most recent pro wrestling outing, courtesy of his MySpace page. If you’re dying to see how the match ends, go here.)

He may still be a black sheep in the MMA family, but that doesn’t mean Josh Barnett is going to hop a Greyhound for parts unknown and never call you again, even if you might want it that way.  The  "Baby-Faced Assassin" surfaced at the World Jiu-Jitsu No-Gi Championships in southern California this week long enough to win the "Ultra Heavyweight" (over 215 pounds) division with a judges’ decision over Bruno Paulista on Sunday.  Barnett crowed about the victory on his Twitter account, proclaiming "Catch Wrestling lives!", much to the chagrin of BJJ competitors like Pablo Popovitch, who told Graciemag.com before this event, "[W]e can’t let a guy who does catch wrestling win the Jiu-Jitsu World Championship."

Sorry, Pablo.  Guess Barnett never got that memo.  If you’re wondering what Barnett’s MMA future holds, apart from being the sport’s unsung savior, you should check out this video interview with Scott Coker where he says that Strikeforce has been in "loose contact" with Barnett, and once he works out his issues with the California State Athletic Commission, "maybe then we’ll be a little bit more interested."  You know.  If he works out those "issues."

Tekken 6 MMA Boxing Live Action Trailer – Watch more Game Trailers
(Props: Break.com Game Trailers)

Above is the live-action trailer for Tekken 6, which succeeds in being awesome despite the fact that the game itself is only briefly shown at the end. The gist is, fighters from all walks of life — Josh Barnett, Dan Hardy, and Evander Holyfield, among others — discuss what drew them to fighting and why they do it. I guess they’re supposed to represent the different styles and mindsets in the video game, though the montage fails to include boxing kangaroos or a sentient wooden training dummy. There is, however, a Tekken 6 character that’s clearly based on Roy Nelson.

(Props: Sav Sci Blog via Fightlinker)

MMA’s most notorious steroid abuser is going to be juuuuuuust fine. On August 9th, just three weeks after testing positive for steroids for the third time in his career, and destroying Affliction’s MMA promotion, Josh Barnett was back in Japan for Antonio Inoki’s IGF Genome 9 show, where he performed in a tag-team wrestling performance with three other larger-than-life figures: Bob Sapp, Yoshihiro Takayama, and Naoya Ogawa. Part one is above; part two is after the jump. I’m not a connoisseur of puroresu by any means, but even I know that the Ogawa/Takayama sequence at the 3:12-4:57 mark is some garbage-ass shit. How much did your dignity cost, Josh?

("So listen, you got any clean urine I can borrow?" Photo courtesy of MMA Junkie.)

According to a story on Sherdog, Sengoku is planning to book American steroid aficionado Josh Barnett for their November 7th card, but not against Antonio Silva as was originally suggested; Silva is currently scheduled to fight at Sengoku 10 in September. Conveniently, World Victory Road Director Takahiro Kokuho is giving Barnett the benefit of the doubt regarding his latest positive test in California:

(The universal symbol for “I’m choking, and I’m a habitual steroid user.”)

On Friday’s edition of SIRIUS Fight Club, I referred to Josh Barnett as “the most notorious steroid-user in MMA history.” At this point, after two high-profile, career-fucking steroid busts, that statement is pretty much indisputable. But let’s not forget that Barnett’s latest positive test — which sent a stake through the heart of Affliction’s MMA promotion — only wound up hurting Barnett, Affliction, and the handful of fighters on Affliction’s roster who didn’t immediately find new homes. For literally everybody else in the world of mixed martial arts, it was the best thing that could have possibly happened. Seriously. Think about it…

1) Affliction’s collapse saved “Strikeforce: Carano vs. Cyborg” from being one of the most cursed events of all time. On July 7th, we were OMG’ing over the fact that Strikeforce’s 8/15 fight card was going to feature four title fights. By last Thursday, it had lost three of those title fights. Alistair Overeem was out with a hand injury. Joe Riggs was out with a mysterious drug reaction. (In the absence of any other information, we’ll just assume it was a heroin overdose. Get well soon, Joe.) And Josh Thomson was out with a bum toe. It would be a nightmare scenario for any promoter. But instead of a buckshot, ragged-ass event patched in with replacements from their own roster, Strikeforce was able to improve their card using Affliction refugees.

(In the immortal words of Bob Seger: "Shake down, break down, take down / blah blah blah-blah blah-blah something something blah / break down, take down / you’re busted." Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

From yesterday’s deconstruction of Josh Barnett’s airtight steroid defense:

Are you sitting down, guys? Because we have some unfortunate and somewhat unsurprising news. F4Wonline.com (via Fightlinker) is reporting that Barnett’s ‘B’ sample, which is used to double-check the veracity of the initial sample, just came back positive for 2a-methyl-5a-androstan-3a-ol-17-one — or in normal-person language, a metabolite of Drostanolone, the same steroid he popped for last week.

Well, at least he still has that "unintentional ingestion" angle to hang his reputation on. But at this point, it’ll be a steep uphill climb to convince the State of California — and us, the fans — that he’s anything other than a filthy cheater. Good luck, Babyface…

In a related story, I’ll be going on SIRIUS Fight Club (Sirius channel 127, or 104 for XM subscribers) at 6 p.m. ET today to chat about our steroid bust timeline. Tune in if you can…
[BG]

Is steroid use an epidemic in MMA? Or are most of the fighters who have tested positive simply the victims of inept athletic commissions, shady nutritional supplements, and tainted goat meat? After Josh Barnett’s latest chemical misadventure took down Affliction, we decided to round up every steroid bust in the sport since early 2002, when the Nevada State Athletic Commission began testing MMA fighters for performance-enhancing drugs. The results…may shock you.

***

JOSH BARNETT (Pt. 1)
Caught: 4/22/02, following his TKO victory over Randy Couture at UFC 36.
Tested positive for: Boldenone, Nandrolone, and Fluoxymesterone
Punishment: A six-month suspension from the NSAC and the loss of his UFC heavyweight title. Barnett fought the steroid charge, and didn’t compete again in the U.S. until PRIDE 32, four and a half years later. (See: Belfort, Nastula)
In his own words: “I am a fighter, not a lawyer. I am innocent, and I should be fighting right now.”
Repeat offender: Barnett actually tested positive once before, for two different anabolic steroids, following his submission via strikes victory over Bobby Hoffman at UFC 34 in November 2001. Josh was let off with a warning (which went unheeded, apparently) and the incident was never officially reported — but according to Sherdog’s Mike Sloan, Barnett’s first positive steroid test is what inspired Nevada to begin regularly testing UFC fighters for performance enhancing drugs.

TIM SYLVIA
Caught: 10/7/03, following his first-round knockout of Gan McGee at UFC 44.
Tested positive for: Stanozolol
Punishment: $10,000 fine and a six-month suspension from the NSAC. Sylvia voluntarily vacated his heavyweight title following his positive steroid test.
In his own words: “[A]fter I fought Ricco [Rodriguez], I was in for a long layoff. I decided to try some things and maybe change my physique a little bit and get in better shape. But whatever I used, it came back positive. I don’t know how that happened. I did it so long ago and I was way off it before I fought McGee. I think they found it in my fat cells. I guess it stays in there for a while, huh?…I heard what Josh [Barnett] had used, so I used something different and I was only using it to trim my physique. I thought that what I was using, it was going to be out by the time I fought McGee. I fought Gan and apparently it wasn’t out.”

(Seriously. The man showers after every workout, and always uses fresh needles. Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

Thank God for the city of Japan — where else would fighters who are wrongly accused of steroid use get a chance to redeem themselves? According to an article posted yesterday on Tatame (via BloodyElbow), two such innocent victims could be meeting in the ring at the end of this year:

(Props: BJPenn.com)

Getting busted on a random steroid test and running an MMA organization into the ground may seem like fun and games to you, Josh Barnett. But it’s not so funny to all the fighters who depended on "Affliction: Trilogy" for a paycheck and some much-needed exposure. The above video shows an in-shock Rafaello "Tractor" Oliveira, breaking the bad news to BJ Penn; Oliveira was scheduled to face Takanori Gomi on the event’s main card, in what would have been the most high-profile (and, we’d assume, well-paying) fight of his career by a wide margin. Now he’s back to square one, and swallowing his sadness. Tough break, man.

But hope remains in the BJ Penn camp…

(Loosely translated it means: ‘Screw this drug-testing stuff, I’m going back to Japan where they know how to treat a brother.’)

The good news for Affliction is that people are talking.  Josh Barnett’s failed steroid test and the ensuing media storm has, at the very least, gotten Affliction’s third event in the news.  This week Josh Barnett was #73 on the Google Trends list.  That put him well behind search topics such as “Michelle Obama haircut” (#29) and “dog takes baby from crib” (#25), but the point is, there’s some buzz now.

The bad news is that the buzz is mostly surrounding the one guy who we know will not be fighting Fedor Emelianenko next weekend.  Maybe the interest extends to the panicked search for a new opponent, at least for some people.  But who, aside from the hardcores who already know why Brett Rogers would be a sort of okay opponent and Paul Buentello wouldn’t, is willing to pursue it that far?

(Don Frye doesn’t offer mustache rides. He merely takes applications and approves or denies them based on merit, need, and whether or not you are a gross fat chick.)

As much as we’ve been enjoying all the back and forth about who will and who won’t fight Fedor next weekend, it just seemed as though it hadn’t gotten quite absurd enough yet.  And then Don Frye chimed in:

"If Tom (Atencio) was smart, he’d have me fighting Fedor instead of whoever he’s hiring on a one week notice.  My phone works if he wants a real fight with someone who sell a fight in four days, somebody who will beat that bald-headed commie too. …He ain’t seen anything I have to offer.  He built his whole reputation (as a) waffle house chef. They’ve been serving him up ham and eggs with a side of canned tomatoes. I’ll bring it. And if he can bring it, you’ll have the best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet."

I’m sorry, bald-headed commie?  Waffle house chef?  Best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet?  And that’s just off the top of his head, people.  Imagine what he could do with a week to prepare some material and really build momentum.

(‘Furthermore, I’d like to say that there’s at least a chance that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I am kind of committed to partially clearing my name of most of these possibly erroneous charges.’)

Here’s what’s weird about the statement Josh Barnett made on his MySpace blog this morning with regards to his current steroid-related licensing issues in California: never does he actually come out and say that he didn’t do it.  At best, Barnett implies his innocence.  He suggests that he was surprised to have failed the steroid test, but stops short of saying that it would have been impossible for him to have popped positive.  In a sporting world where we all just expect athletes to vehemently deny steroid use right up until conclusive proof emerges, this is not a good sign.  Check it out and see what we mean:

Many of you are wondering what’s happening.  What I can say is that when applying for my license, the CSAC asked for me to submit a urine sample for testing prior to granting my license as they do with everyone, I believe. It was not a random test. I had no reason to believe there would be any issues and went in to submit my sample at the earliest possible opportunity on June 25th.  I never once thought there would be a problem.

(Meanwhile, Fedor’s urine test came up positive for vodka and childlike wonderment. Props to M1.)

Fedor Emelianenko and his manager, M-1 Global president Vadim Finkelchtein, held a press conference today in Moscow to assure fans that contrary to recent reports, he is still alive. Kidding, y’all. Actually, they met with Russian media to answer questions about this Josh Barnett clusterfuck. Some highlights:

On Barnett: “I feel disappointed about this situation. But I will fight anyone who Affliction puts in front of me. I know a lot of fans waited for this fight to happen and I am sorry for them. I can’t do much about it now but I am in good shape, my training has been good and continues to go well…There was no specific manner to prepare for the planned bout with Josh Barnett. It’s all the same: standup and ground game… Undoubtedly, it’s better to know the name of your opponent long before the fight.”

On Barnett’s Replacement: “By the end of the evening we expect to officially announce who’ll be the replacement for Barnett. Vitor Belfort agreed to come in principle. We personally entertain the idea of having Brett Rogers step in since he knocked Andrei Arlovski out. But if there is any problem with Rogers, then it’s pretty safe to say it’s going to be Belfort. However, we are well aware of the fact that fans don’t consider Vitor Belfort to be a suitable replacement, according to a recent Sherdog poll*…Belfort can make heavyweight but the fans don’t want this fight. Fedor isn’t seeking an easy fight. If logistics weren’t an issue, we’d like to see Fedor fight against Brett Rogers. Fans want it (and) so do we.”

(Oh, what could have been…)

According to TheFightNetwork, Fedor Emelianenko vs. Vitor Belfort is really happening:

Affliction VP Tom Atencio did not make reference to this replacement — or make any other earth-shattering announcements — on today’s conference call, which you can get a summary of here. Meanwhile, undefeated bruiser (and actual heavyweight) Brett Rogers did in fact throw his name out as an option. A source told SI’s Josh Gross that the Grim was asking for "a purse approaching at least the $800,000 Affliction Entertainment paid Sylvia to fight Emelianenko." Affliction, it seems, respectfully declined.

(All right guys, just flip a coin for it.  Loser fights Fedor.  Winner gets an ice cream sandwich.)

Remember when the fun trend among MMA fighters was to declare their desire and willingness to fight Fedor Emelianenko, despite not being in the same organization or even weight class?  Well, somebody better go call all those bastards up, because Fedor needs a replacement opponent in a hurry.  With Josh Barnett getting the no-go from the California State Athletic Commission, Affliction is said to be looking at four possible replacements, which range from unlikely to damn near impossible to not that credible of a challenger even if they did agree to it. 

But why stop with the merely implausible or ill-advised possibilities?  Clearly, this is a total shit-show of a problem that requires a total shit-show of a solution.  Allow us to examine the possibilities…

("Mostly-natural, baby!" Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

Bad news for MMA fans — and disastrous news for Affliction’s MMA promotion. Sherdog is reporting that the California State Athletic Commission will not license Josh Barnett for his fight against Fedor Emelianenko at next Saturday’s Affliction: Trilogy event due to a "positive test result." We’re assuming that means steroids and not Hep B or something, though the CSAC promises to release a detailed statement today. Barnett, who was stripped of his UFC heavyweight title in 2002 for anabolic steroid use, was surprised by the news: 

("Ho. Ree. Shit.")

Two comments in particular made us LOFL this week, earning their authors Hall of Fame shirts from our dwindling supply. (Get ‘em while they’re still outdated!) Coincidentally, they were both Cris Cyborg-related…

Dubbs on "Exclusive Photos: ‘Carano vs. Cyborg’ Press Conference in New York City":
IMG_1038: Basic Instinct meets The Crying Game.

PurplePickle on "Kit Cope Says He Has a Gina Carano Sex Tape, Continues to Be a Total Asshole":
I don’t know about this Gina sex tape shit, but I had one of Cyborg Santos on Tivo. It showed Cyborg totally raping the shit out of this little Japanese girl for like nine whole minutes. If you look closely in the background you could see Josh Barnett yelling and cheering. It was fucking sick I tell you. I can’t believe they showed that shit on Showtime. Sad times we live in, sad times.

If you won, please send your name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com. We’ll be passing along your addresses to Mrs. Santos, because she told us she’d really like to visit you guys sometime. How exciting!

ALSO: "Ben vs. Ben" hits the airwaves later today for an encore performance on SIRIUS Fight Club (channel 127, or 104 for XM subscribers), beginning at 6 p.m. ET. Join us as we discuss the major themes coming out of UFC 100′s aftermath, as well as how much Gina Carano’s aforementioned sex tape would be worth to us, hypothetically speaking.

(Looks like someone unwittingly captured one of many moments of utter despair in the life of an NYC cab driver.  Hang in there, buddy.)

What is it about Fedor Emelianenko that makes advertisers intent on turning his relative lack of fame into a selling point?  Fanhouse’s Ariel Helwani spotted a new Fedor-related HDNet ad campaign in New York City this week, featuring a photo of the Russian’s face with the tagline “Do you know who I am?”  If you know anything about New Yorkers, you probably know that the answer most of them would give when confronted with this question is: ‘Yeah, you’re the guy who should go fuck himself.’  

(Props: MMA Mania)

What: UFC 100
When/Where: July 11th at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas.
Why: Because it’s one of the most stacked UFC cards ever. In the above trailer, Joe Rogan calls the event "fucking insane," then implies that Steve Mazzagatti screwed up Brock Lesnar‘s first fight against Frank Mir. For Brock, this fight is all about revenge. Mir thinks that if Big Nog couldn’t last two rounds with him, Brock’s chances aren’t very good.

In the night’s other title fight, Georges St. Pierre battles for his legacy against the biggest, strongest, toughest test of his career — Thiago Alves, who wants to knock out GSP, take his belt, and become "the man." Also, Dan Henderson and Michael Bisping move out of the reality show set and into the Octagon. Hendo wants to beat Bisping up and shut his mouth a little bit; Bisping wants to be responsible for the first KO loss on Dan’s record. Only on pay-per-viewwww…

(‘So how about if, like, at first I’ll let you beat me up some, then I start to come back, but I go for an elbow off the top rope and miss, right?  And then at the end, well, I haven’t decided who should win yet, but we’ll figure it out. Just saying though, it’d be more of a shock if it was me.’)

Affliction COO Michael Cohen contacted Fanhouse’s Ariel Helwani (and you know the situation is dire when people are actually calling Ariel rather than the other way around) to let us all know that there is absolutely no truth to the persistent rumor that Affliction III will be the organization’s last MMA event.  The fact that they’ve named it “Trilogy”?  Nah son, you shouldn’t read too much into that, says Cohen: “Trilogy just means that this is the third. This is the third of the series.”

Yeah, that’s the standard use of the word ‘trilogy.’  It refers to the third installment in a long and profitable series that continues to pump out new editions several times a year.  Like the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and “The Godfather” trilogy.  Oh, wait.

(Image courtesy of AfflictionClothing.com via MMA Mania)

As our friend Kris Karkoski points out, "Naming the third Affliction event ‘Trilogy’ sure makes it sound like this is going to be their last card." Very true, though at least they’re finally giving us the fight we’ve been waiting for — of course I’m speaking of Dan Lauzon vs. Chris Horodecki. (Fedor Emelianenko vs. Josh Barnett should be a decent scrap as well.) As we reported earlier, "Trilogy" may feature that rumored somethingweight fight between Gegard Mousasi and Vitor Belfort, and the poster also promises appearances by Tim Sylvia, Ben Rothwell, Paul Buentello, and Renato Sobral.

Don’t worry guys, Dana already has you down on his tombstone…

(The flannel is coming back, bitches.)

Fresh off this morning’s Dream.9, which we’ll go ahead and call a success in the sense that no one died during the “ridiculously stupendous” freak show portion of the evening, Dream already has some plans for their next event, predictably titled Dream.10.  The organization announced that WAMMA lightweight champion (that’s still a real thing, right?) Shinya Aoki will face Vitor “Shaolin” Ribeiro in what will be Aoki’s first actual MMA fight since his TKO loss to Hayato “Mach” Sakurai.

Also at Dream.10, Melvin Manhoef will take on mercurial former WEC middleweight champion Paulo Filho in a fight that could be an awesome clash of styles or a complete mess.  I think we can all agree that Filho stands a good chance if he shows up in shape, focused, and not with one foot in the spirit world, but will get absolutely decapitated if he wigs out like he did against Chael Sonnen in his last fight.  Either way, it’s a strong addition to the July 20th fight card, which also includes the semi-final and final rounds of the Dream welterweight grand prix tournament, and possibly even the return of Kazushi Sakuraba.  Because hey, he’s not dead yet, and he’d prefer that the end come in the ring in front of a silent arena of Japanese fans.

In other bookings news…

(Josh’s "retarded proctologist" bit always brought a half-smile to Fedor’s face. Photo courtesy of fcfighter.com)

Yes, Affliction has yanked away the proverbial football a couple times before, but according to a new report on MMA Fanhouse, Fedor Emelianenko and Josh Barnett are really, truly going to fight this summer — we hope:

(Props: Jezebel, via Cage Potato reader BB.)

Yeah, that’s former UFC heavyweight champ and Pride star Josh Barnett in a photo layout for a recent issue of French Vogue.  The basic idea is that this model in a bikini is photographed beating the hell out of various men in the desert.  In other words, fashion photographers have officially run out of ideas.  How Barnett got roped into this deal is anybody’s guess, but he sure seems to be giving it everything he’s got.  Just look at his facial expression.  It practically screams, ‘I am pretending to get my ass kicked.’  I guess a guy’s got to entertain himself somehow while he waits to find out whether he’ll ever get that Fedor fight.

(Few people can be terrifying while wearing a tiny bikini. Hats off to Cyborg.)

Cris “Cyborg” Santos isn’t going to let Josh Barnett get away with running around on MySpace, calling her unprofessional.  Facebook, maybe.  But MySpace?  Ain’t no way.  She responded to Barnett’s internet assault in a talk with Fighters Only, accusing the "Babyface Assassin" of being, in so many words, a hater, while continuing to use the old menstruation defense:

“I used the same diet that I used to fight Shayana and I made 140lbs, much less than this time. But I had a little problem that all women suffer every month. I had the menstrual period three days before the weigh-in and it put me in trouble.”

Oh, that pesky menstrual period.  Here’s the thing, I’ll admit to not knowing much about woman problems, but I did a little asking around in my social circle and what I learned is 1) women know we menfolk don’t know much about it, and on occasion they’ve been known to take advantage of our ignorance, and 2) they can look at the freaking calendar and know when it’s coming.