seth rogen james franco the interview
Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

Tag: kangaroos

MMA in the Wild: Brutal Suburban Kangaroo Fight Goes the Distance

I like to think that these two kangaroos are actually neighbors who started fighting because one of them insists on mowing his lawn at 5:30 a.m. Maybe one of them is the same kangaroo who won that last kangaroo fight by rear-naked choke, and he’s tried his best to give up the street life and live as a normal taxpayer in the suburbs, but he still reverts into gangster mode whenever he’s insulted. Maybe last week, his neighbor commented on what a nice pouch his wife has, and was super gross about it. (“You think she has room for me in that pouch?”) And then this morning, the dude started mowing his lawn before the sun was up again, and it’s like, “HEY ASSHOLE, DO YOU REALIZE THAT I MANAGE A BAR, AND I DON’T EVEN GET HOME UNTIL AFTER 2 A.M.?” And then they started fighting. Five years ago, bar-manager kangaroo would have destroyed this guy. But now he’s got the thing with his knees and he hasn’t been in the gym. Getting old sucks.

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MMA in the Wild, Pt. 4: The Griffin vs. Bonnar of Kangaroo Fights Ends in Rear-Naked Choke


(Props: bax05 via Potato Nation soldier Ruben Vera)

For once, our “MMA in the Wild” tag isn’t just a metaphor for unsanctioned yard-fights between rednecks. This terrifying footage was taken in New South Wales, Australia, back in 2010, and features the most savage ‘roo-on-’roo fight we’ve ever seen. Long known as the best pure strikers in the animal kingdom, kangaroos have apparently added Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to their combat arsenal. Humankind, your days are numbered.

For over four long minutes, these two jacked-up marsupials trade belly kicks and head slaps, neither one giving an inch. At the video’s 4:15 mark, one of the ‘roos stumbles to the ground and the other immediately sets upon him with soccer kicks and stomps. The grounded fighter tries to get back to its feet, escapes a front head-lock, and pulls guard. But when it tries to go upright again, it leaves its neck hanging out, and the other kangaroo sinks the rear-naked choke with startling ease.

There are no referees in the animal kingdom, and a tap will not grant you mercy; there is only the cold, brutal reality of nature. The winner squeezes the life out of the loser, and at the 5:17 mark, the winner realizes that he’s been filmed the whole time by two of those…what do you call them…ah yes, humans. It’s a tense moment. Finally, the kangaroo decides that one kill was enough for today, and hobbles off to recover from the battle.

The kangaroo apocalypse is coming. You’ve been warned.

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