Speaking of things that happened last night that were laughably predictable, Kimbo Slice is still earning his bread as a professional boxer. Well, perhaps “earning” is the wrong word. Earning implies that he is making it by winning competitive matches against reasonably credible opponents. Really, $kala is just giving Kimbo his bread at this point. Or, if you’re cheesy enough to go there, Shaw is just feeding the guy.

I will say this much: At least last night’s fight wasn’t the (potentially-worked) shitstorm that was his last fight against Brian Green. After watching Kimbo get saved by the bell against a fitness instructor making his professional boxing debut on one day’s notice followed by his aforementioned bout with Brian Green, Shaw was taking absolutely no chances when searching for an opponent this time around.

(Chill dawg, the video’s after the jump.)

The trail of bodies left in the wake of street-certified pugilist Kimbo Slice led us to Springfield, Missouri, last night, where the fighter formerly known as Kevin Ferguson looked to extend his professional boxing career to a perfect 4-0. Slice, you may recall, was originally slated to face Mike Glenn, but Camp Kimbo pulled out of the bout after not receiving any training footage of the 0-0 boxer. Fortunately for us all, they found an undersized opponent with no pro-boxing experience to fill in at the last-minute.

Brian Green, who competes in MMA as a Middleweight, weighed in some 22lbs lighter than Slice according to the scales at WalMart. In light of Green’s considerable MMA background and Kimbo’s relative inexperience in the world of Marquess of Queensberry, this bout actually ended up being far more competitive than Icy Mike would have preferred.

Video of the come-from-behind knockout, and some words and stuff, after the jump.

When SPIKE TV announced that it had hired onetime backyard brawler-turned UFC fighter Kimbo Slice to host the first instalment of its The Ultimate Fighter recap show, which will air opposite FX’s new live incarnation of the show, it looked like they may have briefly gotten the upper hand in the battle against their ex partners at Zuffa.

Leave it to Dana White and Co. to one-up the competition by trying to fuck them worse than they’ve ever been fucked before.

Somehow (okay, it was probably dollar signs and decimal points) FX convinced the gold grill-wearing Ultimate Fighter alumnus to cut a promo for TUF Live, convincing viewers to watch the new series, — a somewhat odd request, considering it runs at the same time as Kimbo’s “The Ultimate Fighter Fridays” premiere. In his defense, he could have filmed the spot before SPIKE hired him, but you would think he would have mentioned it to them beforehand to avoid looking like a fool, you know, more than he did bobbing all over shadowboxing while doing the promo.

(The knockout comes so quickly, they’ve replayed it for you a dozen times at the end. Video: YouTube/TheHypoparody)

Former UFC fighter (sigh) Kimbo Slice threw his second punch as a professional boxer last night, and with it he secured his second victory. I’ll say this for the bearded one: he’s efficient. For those thinking that Slice has the “sweet science” figured out, I would contend that his management and promoters are the ones wearing the lab coats. Their formula? Take one-part YouTube legend, mix with one part Glass Joe, agitate for 20 seconds, and call it a night.

Kimbo’s first opponent, James Wade, was an impressive 0-1 when he fell to a single bread-bomb in just 17 seconds. Last night, Slice was paired against the more formidable Tay Bledsoe, who stepped into the ring two wins under his belt. Sure, he’d also been knocked out thrice, in the three bouts leading up to the Kimbo fight, with two of those losses coming in under two minutes, but who’s counting? Slice dropped Bledsoe cold with an overhand right just 1:52 into the bout.

The hand speed, the footwork, are we looking at Sugar Ray Slice?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/CageJunkies)

When fighters walk away from the sport, rarely do we see them gravitate towards the other side of the interview microphone, but the decision to do just that was a good one for “Chainsaw” Charles McCarthy. After stepping away from the sport in 2008, the former TUF 4 contestant announced that, in spite of his retirement he would be turning his focus to his American Top Team affiliated gym in Boyton Beach, Florida and would still be involved in MMA.

We haven’t heard from the 10-5 UFC veteran, who was at the wrong of a highlight-reel spinning back kick KO by David Loiseau much since then, but he recently joined up with a relatively new MMA website called “CageJunkies” (original, huh?) and has proven that he’s an adept reporter.

Yeah, if you’re looking for warm fuzzies, you can stop reading now. These two aren’t on the list. (Pic: MMAConvert.com)

Being a father must be one of the most thankless jobs on Earth. I say this not as a dad, but as a son who can only imagine what I put my father through. Sure, there are probably some happy times, like watching your son get his first hit on the baseball court, but largely it’s a never ending torrent of putting up with your son’s immature bullshit, and for that you get thought of one day a year at which time you’re rewarded with an ugly ass tie and a “Free Oil Change” coupon for the truck your son smashed up.

On this special occasion, take a few minutes to grab your old man, have a seat, and enjoy some good old fashioned shadenfreude with some of our sport’s less celebrated father-son moments. You may laugh, you may cry, but hopefully you’ll both realize that things could be a lot worse. Who knows, after a beer or two you may even decide to celebrate your strengthened bond by taking a class together.

To all the dads out there, keep fighting the good fight.

(We’re just glad that our t-shirt isn’t to blame for Kimbo’s death. We will take credit for this one cursing Gus Johnson’s Strikeforce commentating gig.)

If a mediocre backyard brawler-turned mixed martial artist dies, does anyone in the MMA media notice?

Apparently not.

It seemed that only the mainstream media outlets yesterday picked up on a story of the demise of Miami, Florida resident Kevin Ferguson — which is the legal name of Kimbo Slice. Maybe it was because it wasn’t Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson who had passed away, unless of course he had wifi access in the morgue.

Kimbo Slice‘s new spot for EA Sports’s Facebreaker. I guess the ability to play as a female version of Kimbo is a selling point. Props to YouveBeenBlinded

Slice recalls the fateful hurricane that changed the course of his life, in this new promo for Showtime Sports. Props to FiveOuncesofPain.

(Slice, during his “Suge Knight” period.)

Street-brawling YouTube sensation Kimbo Slice (real name: Kevin Ferguson) was arrested by Miami Beach cops in May 2002 on gun and open container charges. The felony weapons rap against Slice, 28 at the time, was eventually dismissed. He entered a no contest plea to the booze charge and was ordered to attend an alcohol education course. — TheSmokingGun, via the UG

(Kimbo denies that he tapped during his fight with James Thompson.)

(Kimbo on Thompson’s horrific cauliflower ear.)

(Kimbo’s succinct evaluation of his ground-fighting ability.)

…and you see a guy wearing this shirt, that’s me.

Yeah I make iron-on t-shirts as a hobby, what.

(BG)

Here’s the short follow-up to E:60‘s profile on Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson that aired last December. To answer the first question you’ll have after seeing this: Blood and Bone is about a drifter who gets caught up in a mob-controlled street-fighting ring. It’s Kimbo’s first acting role, and the flick also features appearances by Bob Sapp, Gina Carano, “Justice” and “Toa” from American Gladiators, and coincidentally, another guy named Kevin Ferguson. It will be released, probably straight-to-DVD, sometime later this year. And hey, why not check out the trailer after the jump.

He’s dumped roommates in garbage cans and flame-broiled cockblockers. But in this episode, Kimbo Slice deals with an office lunch-stealer through the power of conversation. (Spoiler alert: Just kidding!)

In this installment of our collaborative series with Break.com, a cockblocking collar-popped jagoff named Josh learns that face + grill ? fun. Watch, comment, and spread the love.

It’s finally here! Kimbo Slice dishes out some poetic justice, garbage-can-style, in the series premiere of What Would Kimbo Do? Enjoy, and let us know what you think…

What, you didn’t think we tracked the dude down just so he could say hi to us? Tomorrow marks the premiere of What Would Kimbo Do?, an original series starring Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson that we put together with Break.com and ProElite.com. As the press release tells it:

The premise of each 30- to 60-second Webisode focuses on a down-on-his-luck guy facing a series of everyday dilemmas, but rather than just grin and bear it, Kimbo steps in and handles it in his own special way.

Obviously, we’re beyond ecstatic that a hair-brained idea hatched months ago is actually becoming a reality. Stop by tomorrow as we make history, and spread the word to all your Kimbo-lovin’ pals.

Also: We’re hoping that WWKD? is just the first step in taking CagePotato to “the next level” (whatever that may be). Right now, all the writing on this site is done by two dudes, and we could always use more help with reporting and features. If you’re interested in contributing to CagePotato on a freelance basis (yes, there’s money involved), e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com. Professional writing experience is a plus; original ideas are required.

Here’s Mr. Ferguson’s appearance on Jimmy Kimmel last night. It was just aight for me, dog — although the Mr. T/Jeffrey mash-up was pretty brills. The most interesting revelation is that Kimbo has a George Foreman-esque egocentric quirk w/r/t naming his children. Of his six kids, two sons are named Kevin, and he has a daughter named Kevina. And of course his two-year-old is muthafuckin’ bulletproof.

As promised earlier…

Click the “MORE” link and refresh the page every couple minutes to see the latest announcements and trash-talk from the EliteXC “Street Certified” conference call. Because knowing, as some say, is 50% of the battle.

(Tank Abbott, after eating 200 deviled eggs.)

Heads up, Potato Nation: EliteXC is holding a media conference call today at 4 p.m. ET, where Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson, David “Tank” Abbott, and EliteXC live events president Gary Shaw will be taking questions about the upcoming “Street Certified” event in Miami on February 16. I’ll be liveblogging it, so be sure to tune in later for the play-by-play.

Each media outlet generally gets to ask 1-3 questions at these things, so if you have any queries for the guys that are relatively insightful and won’t get me banned from future conference calls, post ‘em in the comments. And if you haven’t thrown in a prediction for the Kimbo/Tank fight yet, do it!

ProElite has put together a new promo video to hype the Kimbo Slice/Tank Abbott fight on February 16. Two things stand out: First, Tank only gets about 1.5 seconds of screen time; maybe this was done so that uninformed Kimbo fans don’t see recent footage of Tank in action and immediately lose their excitement for this ugly mismatch. Second, ProElite is getting a lot of mileage from Kimbo’s three-punch victory over Bo Cantrell. This is like the video-editing equivalent to Native Americans using every part of the buffalo.

So let’s try to call it. I’m saying that the fight will end at 0:59 of the first round — generous, I know — with Kimbo winning it by TKO (punches). Put down your predictions in the comments section below. The reader who calls it closest gets a fantastic prize to be named later. I’m also willing to entertain side-bets from readers who think Tank is going to pull out a surprise victory. Watch the video, then have at it…

UPDATE: Alright, this is Tank’s promo clip. There’s something a little sad about that shot of him running up the hill and stopping to shadow-box. Getting strong now!