(Go for it.)

[sarcasm]Wow, you guys really knocked us out today with all the voting.[/sarcasm] Anyway, Kimbo’s Lice has dragged his way to a victory in this week’s Triumph United Comment Contest. K.L.: Please check out Triumph United’s shirt rack, and e-mail us at feedback@cagepotato.com when you know which shirt you want.

As for the rest of you: We’ve created an even more expansive venue for you to complain with our new forums section, so if you haven’t already, join up and start throwin’ your feces!

Here’s the short follow-up to E:60‘s profile on Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson that aired last December. To answer the first question you’ll have after seeing this: Blood and Bone is about a drifter who gets caught up in a mob-controlled street-fighting ring. It’s Kimbo’s first acting role, and the flick also features appearances by Bob Sapp, Gina Carano, “Justice” and “Toa” from American Gladiators, and coincidentally, another guy named Kevin Ferguson. It will be released, probably straight-to-DVD, sometime later this year. And hey, why not check out the trailer after the jump.

(“Oh, my daughter’s going to be so excited that I met Jay-Z!”)

Via Fightline.com — Kimbo Slice responds to the rumors that he was knocked out by Forrest Griffin in a recent sparring match at Xtreme Couture:

“No, there is no truth to that at all. It’s bullshit and Forrest Griffin will tell you that it’s bullshit too. The fact is it was a good sparring session and I was training with Forrest and he was talking to me about defending yourself at all times and then he threw a big kick and I was like, ‘WOAH I never even seen that coming’. But no, I never got knocked out. Even if I did get knocked out, saying that and putting that rumor out there just makes you a pussy.”

Wait a minute, so did you or did you not get knocked out? And why are you choking that old lady? Is she your accountant’s wife or something? Did she tap or nap?

(“MMA Evolution: Using the Knee.” Randlemonster @ 1:18-1:32 FTW. Props to BloodyElbow.)

(Kimbo Slice will become the second MMA fighter after Chuck Liddell to appear on the cover of ESPN: The Magazine. Check out the footage from the shoot.)

Tickets for CBS/EliteXC’s first “Saturday Night Fights” card (May 31st; Newark, NJ) are now available at Ticketmaster and PruCenter.com. Prices range from a mere $18 in the mezzanine nosebleeds to a whopping $1,003 for VIP ringside seating (the $3 covers the bag of peanuts they bring you). A press release sent out by ProElite yesterday contained the following notable quotes…

“This is a tremendous opportunity for me and I will have a solid game plan for it. The world will be watching. I’ll be ready.’’ — James Thompson

“I don’t take anyone lightly. I’ve got a big target on me.’’ — Gina Carano

“I’m totally pumped. Gina always comes to fight and doesn’t seem to have an off day. I think on paper we are probably even. One of my greatest advantages is definitely that I have a very aggressive striking style. I think it’s more aggressive than Gina’s.’’ — Kaitlin Young

“I am sick and tired of what’s been going on and someone’s going to pay and that someone is Villasenor. I am going to knock the s— out of Villasenor and then go after one of the champions again.’’ — Phil Baroni

Note to CBS: After Phil Baroni fights, do not give him the microphone.

(“El Guapo” reminds you: don’t hate the player, hate the game.)

by Ben Fowlkes

Arguing over Kimbo Slice has been a favorite pastime of MMA fans, journalists, and even fighters, ever since the big man entered sanctioned competition. Well, Bas Rutten has heard all the criticism, and he has something to say.

In the latest episode of HDNet’s “Inside MMA”(Props: MMA Junkie), Rutten took aim at those who would attempt to disparage his protégé.

“He’s good to the fans, and he treats the people good. He talks good about the other fighters. He never talks bad. They talk bad about him, but not the other way around.

“He trains hard. He’s a role model. The guy’s never been in jail, and (yet) they say he’s a thug. The guy is doing a really good job, but everyone is just asking about him all the time, and it drives the other fighters nuts.”

Now, far be it from me to disagree with “El Guapo”, but there might be more to it than that. Rutten has some good points, namely that jealousy could be playing a part in the acrimony that comes from other fighters. Not only are they probably sick of being asked about him, but the guy is making six figures a fight with Elite XC. Other guys who have been paying their dues since the nineties consider themselves lucky to make that in a year, so you can understand why that might irk them.

But something about the assertion that since Kimbo has never been to jail we shouldn’t call him a thug rings false to me. First of all, do we really want to start giving people credit for staying out of jail? And second, maybe the reason people accuse him of being a thug is because he used to participate in illegal underground fights for the pornographers that he did security for.

In this new video released by Triumph United, the fighter known by his momma as Kevin Ferguson vents some frustration at “all these MMA fighters talkin’ shit about me,” and invites Chuck Liddell to come see him at Elite MMA, maybe set up a bareknuckle match, y’know, whatever. Also: James “The Colossal” Thompson is dead!

(Kimbo and “Crush”: And then what? Slice photo courtesy of Esther Lin.)

CBS recently announced that they’ve set July 26th as the date for the second installment of EliteXC’s Saturday Night Fights. Coming less than two months after SNF‘s debut broadcast on May 31st, the scheduling feels premature for a couple of reasons:

1) What if, God forbid, the first show is a ratings disaster? I don’t know if CBS has the power to immediately end their agreement with EliteXC if that happened, but they’d certainly be wise to postpone the next event for a couple more months, reassess what went wrong, and spend more time publicizing their new product.

2) When you stack a card with your two biggest stars (Kimbo Slice, Gina Carano), and fill it out with a few more of your most popular fighters (Robbie Lawler, Phil Baroni, Scott Smith, James Thompson), who’s left to fight eight weeks later? Even if Kimbo and Gina are physically capable of competing again so soon, would casual viewers be interested in seeing another event with the same headliners? Could exciting new opponents be found for them in such a short time-frame? Who’s going to carry card #2?

If you answered Nick Diaz, Jake Shields, KJ Noons, and Yves Edwards — well, you’re wrong. It turns out that all four of those mid-level stars have been booked for EliteXC’s June 14th show in Honolulu. Diaz will face Muhsin Corbbrey, Shields will take on Drew Fickett in EliteXC’s first welterweight title fight, and Noons and Edwards will meet in a lightweight championship bout. Sounds like a killer card, right? It seems like Pro Elite’s best move would be to cancel the Hawaii show and move all the fights to July 26th. Sure, Diaz might be a risk with his medical marijuana routine, and Noons is reportedly staying off the CBS cards due to mismanagement, but it’s hard to think of many other names that EliteXC has in its roster, other than the aforementioned, that could carry a big show, especially when it’s all but guaranteed that no title fights will be included on the July 26th card. Unless, of course, they set up Kimbo to face someone like Antonio Silva for an ill-advised heavyweight championship match. Was Gary Shaw even thinking this far into the future?

Semi-related: Murilo “Ninja” Rua has been dropped from the May 31st CBS card for undisclosed reasons. His opponent, Phil Baroni, will now be facing Joey Villasenor, who knocked out Ryan Jensen three weeks ago at “Shamrock vs. Le.” The rest of the main card is still as-is.

Yesterday’s Quote of the Day involving Dana White’s guarded interest in Kimbo Slice had us wondering if the UFC would try to make a play for the popular brawler after his four-fight EliteXC contract was finished. Well, such a play will have to wait, as EliteXC has wisely re-signed Slice — as well as Gina Carano and middleweight champion Robbie Lawler — to long-term, multi-year contracts. In a press release sent out last night, EliteXC Live Events prez Gary Shaw said:

“We’re extremely happy to get these deals done with Kimbo, Gina and Robbie. Fighters know EliteXC is the place to be and the organization to fight for, which is why we’ve always been able to sign or re-sign almost each and every one of our fighters…You don’t see our guys leaving. With us, it’s family and all about the fighters. Every fighter who has fought on an EliteXC card has come away being ambassadors for EliteXC.”

On Gina “Crush” Carano, Shaw said:

“She truly is the face of women’s MMA, an inspiration to many up-and-coming athletes and is a perfect illustration as to why women do indeed have a place in this sport and with EliteXC.”

Slice, Carano, and Lawler will be competing on EliteXC’s premiere Saturday Night Fights broadcast, which airs May 31st on CBS. Though an official lineup will be released in the next few days, the televised card is looking like this:

Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson vs. James Thompson (heavyweights)
Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young (140-pound limit)
Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith (middleweight championship fight)
Phil Baroni vs. Murilo “Ninja” Rua (middleweights)
Brett Rogers vs. John Murphy (heavyweights)

(Phil Baroni works to take down Kimbo Slice at Xtreme Couture.)

Dana White on a match between Kimbo Slice and Chuck Liddell:

“If he [Kimbo] fought anybody that mattered, I would book that tomorrow…The fact is, Kimbo’s not there yet. He would get destroyed. I heard he just got knocked out by Forrest Griffin last week in a sparring match after a kick to the head…I’d take him [Kimbo] absolutely seriously — but, again, he hasn’t beat anybody. In this sport, it’s all about ‘Who have you beat right now?” And he hasn’t beat anbody.” — Deadspin via FiveOunces

Quite a tune-change for White, who was previously dismissive of Kimbo’s potential. But with the Iceman’s last fight only 2-4 years away, the UFC prez may already be looking ahead to a final glorious cash-in for the Octagon’s most loyal star. If things continue to go well for Kimbo, he’ll have earned his respect among MMA purists by the time Liddell is ready to retire. Could Slice vs. Liddell headline UFC 127: The Clone Wars on New Year’s Eve 2011? We’ll go ahead and clear our schedule…

(The Maine-iac to fight Fedor in June?)

Some quick snips, courtesy of FightLine:

— Fedor and Tim Sylvia might be fighting soon. The proposed fight is in talks according to an unnamed source. Nothing is set in stone, but the initial chats have already been initiated. If the fight happens, it will go down in Chicago this coming June, promoted by Adrenaline MMA. So far, Jeff Monson will battle Mike Russow on the same card. Remember that ex-UFC champ Tim Sylvia recently signed with Adrenaline MMA, so his involvement in the talks is a no-brainer.

— “The Lights Out Show” has some choice Bas Rutten quotes from a recent interview…and one in particular is about Kimbo’s ground game. Check it out:

“Of course we’ve been training Kimbo on the ground. He just hasn’t been going there yet…and throwing [Kimbo] up against a submission specialist is going to be trouble [for us]…God knows what Kimbo knows. Nobody knows yet, and we all keep it a big secret. We want to keep it a big secret.”

Bas has spoken, but James Thompson still won’t change any of this.

(Glass Jaws = Quick KO’s)

It doesn’t appear to be a rumor anymore. The May 31st KO victim for Kimbo Slice will be — God help us — James “The Colossus” Thompson and his glass jaw. The fight will be the main event for the first CBS/EliteXC Saturday Night Fights show, which is set to go down in Newark, NJ. All this comes from “Carson’s Corner”, an MMA radio show hosted by Bob Carson. The show’s team claims to have received confirmation from higher ups at ProElite, though their names were not given.

Ken Shamrock was once mentioned as an opponent for Kimbo, but at Ken’s current level of, um, ability, would that have been any better? Ken would have wanted to take it to the mat, but if Robert Berry doesn’t let that happen, Kimbo certainly doesn’t. So with Thompson looking like a sure thing, Kimbo’s ground game will still be called into question even after the fight because “Colossus” isn’t exactly known for much on the ground other than falling hard to it after being KTFO.

Just to be fair, let’s try and make a case for Thompson. The fighter is 14-8 overall. He was 6-1 when he went over to PRIDE and lost immediately against Aleksander Emelianenko. He then bounced around between PRIDE and other organizations, amassing a 12-2 record by the turn of 2006. Then things got ugly. A May 2006 fight against Kazuyuki Fujita ended in a loss that would send Thompson on a 2-6 skid with 5 of those losses coming via TKO or KO. His last two fights — both losses — ended in him going to sleep thanks to Neil Grove (in 10 seconds) and Brett Rogers.

(Rampage: Stokin’ the Silva-Jackson III fire?)

Lotta’ trash talk floating around the past few days and here are some select dishes from today’s war of words.

— The Sun — which is apparently owned and operated by Chuck Liddell what with all the love they give him — has a piece today detailing The Iceman’s thoughts on Kimbo Slice. In a nutshell, Chuck doesn’t think Kimbo is worthy of the praise. The UFC light heavyweight fighter talks about how Kimbo has yet to be tested in MMA and mentions his first fight against Bo Cantrell — a guy who had already been KO’d twice before in under 30 seconds.

“So is that a real fight? I mean come on! The guy tapped before he hit the matt – he was tapping on the way down!”

“Gannon beat him didn’t he? And how long did Gannon last in the UFC?!!

“Kimbo’s one of those guys who doesn’t have any ground game. He’s training and he’s learning but he’s been built up as such a big star and that’s the thing that bothers me.

“People talk about him like he’s the next great thing when he really hasn’t done anything.

“He’s been built up because of the Internet and him beating a bunch of guys on the street.”

Using Kimbo’s loss to Sean Gannon in a ‘street fight’ as a prime example is something that a lot of people resort to. It’s also the same people that say Kimbo has no ground game. But mat work has nothing to do with Kimbo’s loss to Sean Gannon — that fight was a fist fight with an occasional lock-up. The only time it went to the ground was when both fighters were so gassed they collapsed on one another. And who fucking knows if Kimbo has a ground game or not. We’ve never seen him have to use one.

Chuck then talks about how he could make his own set of KO vids — although his plan would be to just go around punching people.

(“Pweeeeez?” Drew Fickett and Jae Suk Lim, courtesy of Sherdog.)

While you were professing your love for big girls…

— The current frontrunner for the role of Guy Kimbo Slice Will KTFO on EliteXC’s First CBS Show is [drumroll...] James Thompson? According to Sam Caplan, EliteXC was trying to book Ron “H20 Man” Waterman for their May 31st jump-off, but a deal could not be reached, and they started talking to “The Colossus.” Thompson has been knocked out three times in his last four fights, most recently at the hands of Brett Rogers at EliteXC: Street Certified. Seasoned ground specialist Waterman would have been a much more credible opponent for Slice, but EliteXC can’t really be faulted for setting up a guaranteed KO for their most marketable asset in their first network broadcast. I’ve already set the betting line for this one: Kimbo Slice (-15,500) v. James Thompson (+12,000). So if you have fifteen grand and want to pick up an easy Benjamin, go for it.

— Dana White’s craftiness is boundless. On the same day that Tim Sylvia was set to announce his release from the UFC and desire to pursue a fight with Fedor Emelianenko, the UFC prez announced that he’d be renewing his efforts to sign Emelianenko to the UFC. As White said: “We want to make the fights the people want to see…We’ll see what we can do as far as (signing Emelianenko) goes.” We tend to think that previous insults will prevent Emelianenko and his managers from ever dealing with the UFC again, but signing Fedor would both provide current heavyweight champ Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira with an opponent (are there any contenders left in that division?) while blocking another UFC refugee (Tim Sylvia this time) from getting a fight with Emelianenko. It’s gotta be worth a shot.

— This guy caused a minor shitstorm on Sherdog by passing on a rumor that Saturday’s Shamrock/Le fight was a planned work, intended to set up a three-part rubber match. B.S.? Obviously. But the thing that gives the “work” theory a scrap of believability is that dramatic leg sweep in the third round. Watch it again: We understand why Le let Shamrock get up afterwards — why risk going to the ground if you’re dominating on the feet? — but would Frank actually turn his back on Le for that long while getting up unless he knew he wasn’t going to get pounced on? And how about Frank’s kick that set up the sweep? Have you ever seen such a half-assed front kick thrown in a pro MMA match? It’s like it was meant to be caught…

In the final episode of “What Would Kimbo Do?”, Ferg realizes he’s only a figment of Average Joe’s imagination, and wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette. Wild, man…

Good news, Potato Nation: MMA/American Gladiators star Gina Carano will be taking a break from making us cry. EliteXC announced today that Carano has been booked for their May 31st CBS debut, and will face Kaitlin Young, a 4-1 fighter hailing from the Minnesota Martial Arts Academy. Most notably, Young won an eight-woman HooknShoot tournament last November, knocking out three opponents in the same night, all within the first minute of the first round. [Ed. note: Holy fucking shit! Mo chuisle!] So basically, Gina’s gonna want to protect her face.

Also officially announced today is a bout between undefeated brawler Brett Rogers — who most recently knocked out James Thompson at “Street Certified”— and fellow heavyweight John Murphy. Meaning that the tentative main card, at this point, looks like this:

Kimbo vs. TBA (heavyweights)
Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith (for middleweight championship belt)
Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young (weight limit TBA?)
Phil Baroni vs. Murilo “Ninja” Rua (middleweights)
Brett Rogers vs. John Murphy (heavyweights)

Ooh, feel our goosebumps! The booking of Carano was clutch, as it adds a second mainstream-ish star to the network broadcast. We don’t know how much green Gary Shaw had to promise in order to lure the semi-estranged Carano back into the fold, but if it helps put EliteXC over with a skeptical CBS audience, it’ll be worth it. The only question is, has Crush been getting in enough MMA training between pugel-stick jousts and zip-line rides?

Speaking of which…

(Has anyone seen my bro?)

It’s late on a Tuesday and there’s a few things going on out there, so here’s a novel-like round-up from the day to keep you busy. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll say WTF?!

— Butterbean is fighting in the YAMMA debut on April 11th against Gary Goodridge. Exciting, no? But what inquiring minds want to know is what are the Round Mound’s plans after that? Answer: he wants to fight Kimbo! I’m not joking. He said it in an interview with FightHype that posted today. But according to the Bean, Kimbo’s people want no piece of his brand of ferociousness:

“They don’t want to fight me, I hit too hard! Kimbo doesn’t want to fight anybody that can knock him out and I’m the man that can do it. Kimbo doesn’t want to fight anybody that can hit and I can definitely hit.”

Butterbean also says he can take Kimbo’s punches. Sadly, this is a fight that could actually happen and no one — real MMAers, at least — wants to see it. Place your bets now: does Butterbean last longer than Tank Abbott did?

— Speaking of YAMMA, 5oz ‘o Pain is saying that Ricco Rodriguez and Alexey Oleinik will be stepping in as replacements in the 8-dude heavyweight tourney for the outfit’s debut event.

Two unnamed fighters originally slated for YAMMA’s eight-man single-night heavyweight tournament have been scratched from the card for unspecified reasons. However, when contacted by ProElite.com (SamCaplan.ProElite.com), Nick Lembo, the legal counsel for the New Jersey Athletic Control Board, indicated that YAMMA has submitted the names of two potential replacements.

Addict Ricco and Red Devil Club member Oleinik have been reportedly submitted as the fill-ins.

— The ratings for “Iron Ring” are — wait for it — pretty damn solid. Once again, I’m not joking. MMAPayout has the numbers:

Iron Ring was the fourth highest rated series premiere in BET history. Despite an 11:00PM post prime time slot, the program posted a 20% increase in viewers over its lead-in. As a result, BET has moved the series to 10:30PM starting with tonight’s episode. The series will now follow BET’s highest rated series, College Hill.

Who knew the ratings would be this good? Only one way to push it through the roof would be to throw Tyler Perry and his deal with the devil into the mix. Next on tap, there will be three fights in tonight’s installment. No rap war is scheduled. (Props: BloodyElbow)

It had to happen sooner or later — the moment when Average Joe really starts to abuse his own power.

(“The Predator” hanging out with a member of the Gay Yakuza, Godzilla, and Godzilla’s girlfriend.)

Sherdog has learned that Don Frye will no longer be fighting in YAMMA Pit Fighting’s inaugural shit-show, which is scheduled to go down April 11th. Frye was slated to face UFC old-schooler Oleg Taktarov, who will now be fighting Patrick Smith (14-13), a 45-yr-old fighter notable for his participation in UFC 1, 2, and 6. At UFC 2′s marathon 16-man tournament, Smith choked out Ray Wizard in 58 seconds, knocked out Scott Morris in 30 seconds, and choked out Johnny Rhodes in 67 seconds before losing to Royce Gracie (submission due to strikes) in the final.

No word yet on what led to Frye’s pull-out, though BloodyElbow is floating the theory that EliteXC poached him to be Kimbo Slice’s opponent for their first CBS show on May 31st. Yes, another old man for Slice to beat on. But Frye is a legitimate legend — talented and tough as nails — and he could easily put Slice in trouble. Just think of the potential staredown! We’ll let you know more as it develops…

Keep this in mind the next time a cute girl offers you 25 bucks to do some “fucked up shit.”

He’s dumped roommates in garbage cans and flame-broiled cockblockers. But in this episode, Kimbo Slice deals with an office lunch-stealer through the power of conversation. (Spoiler alert: Just kidding!)

Man, what a fucking mess. If there was any debate as to whether Ken Shamrock should retire, his Cage Rage appearance last night settled it. Check out the 3:54 mark of the video, as Ken takes a glancing jab and a right hook to his glove, then flops over sideways, Bo Cantrell-style. At this point, it’s hard to imagine any professional heavyweight that Ken has the tools to beat. At the very least, he should have to change his nickname from “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” to “The Third Most Dangerous Shamrock” (after Frank and Frank’s wife).

Even if he’s given the medical clearance to fight next month it’s doubtful that EliteXC will still want to book Ken to get eaten up by Kimbo Slice on their CBS debut. Problem is, he was the most marketable option for Kimbo’s next opponent. Will Slice vs. Berry draw the amount of eyes that Shaw & Co. need for their first network television show? Maybe, maybe not. But any hope for a blockbuster “superfight” just buckled like Ken’s ever-wobbly legs.

Headlined by a heavyweight match between Ken Shamrock and Robert “Buzz” Berry — which may very well decide who gets the next shot at Kimbo Slice — Cage Rage 25 goes down tomorrow night at London’s Wembley Arena. Showtime will run a tape-delayed broadcast of the four top-billed fights at 10:30 p.m. ET. Those other three main card fights are:

Jean Silva vs. Masakazu Imanari (for the Cage Rage Featherweight World Title)
Neil Grove vs. Rob Broughton (heavyweights)
Pierre Guillet vs. Tom “Kong” Watson (middleweights)

Other matches on the 11-fight card include Ken’s son Ryan facing off against Georgio Andrews in a bantamweight match, a heavyweight throwdown between Mustapha al Turk and Gary Turner, and Cage Rage’s first female fight between Aisling Daly and the rather-fetching Aysen Berik. Some other things to be aware of:

— If you clicked that last link, you’d know that Aysen Berik is the sister of Cage Rage vet Sami Berik, who, despite his terrible 12-24 record, knocked Mark Smith out in 9 seconds in a Cage Rage Contenders fight in February.

— Betting odds have Ken Shamrock as a -240 favorite (encouraging for someone who’s won only one fight since 2001). Grove and Broughton are dead even at -115.

— Robert Berry is the lightest he’s ever been for a fight, but will still be coming in 20 pounds heavier than Shamrock.

— Neil Grove and Rob Broughton both hold wins over Robert Berry. Illness forced Berry to throw in the towel after the first round of his fight with Grove in December. Berry’s September 2006 match against Broughton fight ended in a first-round KO.

— If you’re interested in hearing Ryan Shamrock talk, click away.

If you haven’t noticed yet, Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are pretty damn good at marketing themselves. Since the gossip magazines haven’t cared enough about them as a celebrity couple to invent a cutesy hybrid nickname (i.e., Brangelina, Tomkat, EllenPagepotato [yeah, we've been trying to keep that one on the D.L., but we're happy, and we ask that you respect our privacy]), they’ve taken it upon themselves to invent one. Will it catch on? Fingers crossed!

Of course, there’s more to this Hollyscoop.com video than ‘tarded nicknames. Ortiz strongly reiterates that he’s done with the UFC, and also reveals that he’s come around on his Kimbo Slice-hate. Jenna, as always, plays the supportive g.f., smiling and nodding and biting the inside of her cheeks while the little voice in her head screams “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO BORING ARE YOU STILL TALKING YOU OGRE-HEADED LOSER FOR FUCK’S SAKE WRAP IT UP!”

(CBS primetime star, Kimbo Slice.)

A few more details have dropped about the EliteXC/CBS marriage, although you should consult a finance guy and an attorney to explain it to you. Luckily, I do both of those as side jobs so I will lay it out proper. MMAPayout has a solid breakdown of the deal, but there are still some things we haven’t been provided with yet and a lot remains murky at best. The details we do have come from the SEC filing by Pro Elite for the agreement. If you’re in need of good bathroom reading material, print off the SEC filing and enjoy.

MMAPayout had originally suggested the agreement was not a rights fee arrangement, but a time buy. CBS and Pro Elite both shot down that notion. The SEC filing says that CBS will pay a rights fee. Check it:

According to the filing, CBS has the right to order up to four two-hour events during the first year of the agreement. Under the terms of the agreement, CBS was also granted four consecutive annual renewal options. CBS also has the rights to order derivative programs based on the events, in a possible nod to the long rumored Mark Burnett produced EXC reality series featuring Hershel Walker and Jose Canseco.

I told you “What Would Kimbo Do?” would find its way onto CBS’s Saturday morning kiddie programming. With the explosion in MMA’s popularity and now jumping over to network primetime, derivative programming could mean a lot of things so it’s hard to speculate what that could be. Unfortunately, “Survivor: EliteXC”, isn’t out of the realm of possibilities.

At “Pride of a Champion,” newly inducted Hall of Famer Mark Coleman announced that he would be returning to the Octagon to fight Brock Lesnar. The match is slated to go down August 9th in Lesnar’s adopted hometown of Minneapolis; it will be Coleman’s first fight since losing to Fedor Emelianenko in October 2006 at PRIDE 32, and his first UFC appearance since 1999.

This is kind of like the UFC’s version of Kimbo Slice vs. Tank Abbott — the much-hyped new crossover star against the faded veteran. The major difference is that Tank, even in his prime, wasn’t worthy of hand-washing Mark Coleman’s jock. And unfortunately for Brock Lesnar, his strengths are basically canceled out in this matchup. Brock was a dominant amateur wrestler? So was Coleman. Brock’s got scary ground-and-pound? Mark Coleman invented that shit. Lesnar’s only advantages are youth and athleticism. Does that trump Coleman’s 12 years of ring experience, during which he threw down with legends like Dan Severn, Don Frye, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Mirko Cro Cop, and Fedor?

In retrospect, putting Brock Lesnar up against Frank Mir in Lesnar’s first UFC fight was a bad, bad idea, and this could be just as bad, if not worse. Coleman lacks Mir’s submission mastery, but he’ll test Brock’s chin with his heavy hands, and he won’t go to the ground as easily as Mir did.

We’ve given EliteXC a lot of grief for protecting Kimbo Slice with cut-rate competition, but at least they understand how to build up a franchise star — one can at a time. I’m starting to wonder if building Brock Lesnar as an MMA star was even the UFC’s intention to begin with. Was Dana White’s secondary motivation behind signing him (after the huge PPV buys) to prove that pro wrestlers would get stomped by skilled MMA fighters? I’m not saying I would have particularly enjoyed seeing Lesnar face Justin McCully, but what happens after he goes 0-2?

(Kimbo posing with Tappy McTapsalot.)

Alright, so that may be a bit of a stretch. But Variety reports that Showtime subscriptions jumped 11% in the fourth quarter of 2007; parent company CBS Corp.’s profit fell 19% in the same period. We’d imagine that many of those new subscribers were people who signed up just to see Kimbo Slice destroy Bo Cantrell at EliteXC: Renegade. It sure as hell wasn’t for The Tudors.

In other dollar-related news…

— “Strikeforce at the Dome” took in more money than any other combat-sport event ever held in Washington state. 7,089 disappointed fans packed the Tacoma Dome and gave up $300,000 of their money, which they immediately regretted.

— Rich Franklin has put the Hummer H2 he was given for being a coach on the second season of The Ultimate Fighter up for auction on eBay. The starting bid is 80 grand, and you can “Buy It Now” for $125,000. The auction ends on March 2nd, and 10% of the proceeds will go to the Keep it in the Ring Foundation, which channels youthful aggression through after-school sports and martial arts programs. We hope Franklin is more successful at this eBay thing than Ricco Rodriguez, who eventually settled for $250, a dozen Krispy Kremes, and a pack of smokes.

It’s Friday, and past 5 p.m. (hint, hint), so you might be interested in watching Kimbo Slice try to sing a Kelly Clarkson song in this new Showtime promo. And if not, hey, no worries.

(Don’t ask.)

When he’s not hosting Inside MMA, pushing papers in the IFL’s front-office, training Kimbo Slice, or throwing pepper in people’s eyes, the tireless Bas Rutten regularly posts messages in the forum section of his official website, basrutten.tv. Yesterday, he wrote a long missive responding to claims that Kimbo’s massive, shiny beard unfairly absorbs the force of his opponents’ punches. An excerpt:

I wish that we had to do the Nat Geo episode MMA science again. We cut of a bunch of hair of Kimbo’s beard and glue it on the head of the crash test dummy (you must see by now that if you “picture this” that it really is unbelievably dumb right?) than let Tito elbow, and me hit the head, measure the impact, take the hair of and do it again. Do you really think that will be making a difference? If you think that, you probably also think that Superman is real (his hair is really strong), because that’s where it probably comes from, people who think that comics are real.

This is a beard from hair for crying out loud. If you believe this than you have to believe also that Kimbo has also less speed because the beard is not aerodynamic and will slow his head movement down, so that will make up for the impact absorbing BS, hahaha, man, they should glue some hair on air bags, people now will survive the crash because the one layer of beard took the impact away…

But, if you want to be right, OK, there will be of course a miniscule difference, if they have the equipment to measure such small differences on such great impact, I think it will be about the same as hitting something, than put a plastic bag over it and hit it again.

Rutten also addresses some of the racist bullshit that he’s encountered as Kimbo’s trainer, and we recommend reading the entire thread. Or, you could go to the forum main page where die-hard fans of El Guapo wonder which animals he’d be able to kill in a cage match and how to mend a broken heart.

In this installment of our collaborative series with Break.com, a cockblocking collar-popped jagoff named Josh learns that face + grill ? fun. Watch, comment, and spread the love.