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Tag: Kimbo Slice

Jared Shaw Emerges From Hiding, Tells Kimbo He Should Have Gone Into Boxing

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

"Can [Kimbo Slice] be a successful heavyweight? I don’t think so. I think 100% he’s in the wrong weight class, that’s to begin with…But I don’t necessarily think Kimbo can get to 205, at 35 years of age, with the wear and tear. It’s tough to learn this sport, this sport is a lot different than boxing because with boxing you only have to use your hands. In mixed martial arts, you use your hands, your feet, you grapple on the ground, you use submissions. That is a lot of knowledge to retain, and at some point your body starts to shuts down on you in life…Kimbo’s in the wrong sport, there’s no doubt about that. Kimbo should be in boxing…If you want to be the best of the best, if you want to make the most money possible for your family like you say, then you probably should have went to the square-circle."

So says former EliteXC VP Jared "$kala" Shaw, who has now been out of the MMA game for over a year, and recently checked in for an interview with Fanhouse. Despite the criticism of Kimbo’s career choices, Shaw harbors no ill will towards the TUF 10 star, and is proud of the time he spent promoting fighters like Slice, Gina Carano, and Brett Rogers — and if the UFC or Strikeforce wants to give him a job, he’s totally down. It’s a more reflective, slightly-less-cocky version of $kala than we’re used to seeing, even when he’s indirectly taking credit for Gina’s budding movie career. Later in the interview, Shaw tells us that his music is coming along, and he hopes to drop it on us next year. Also, Herschel Walker is a joke, and Bob Arum is an embarassment to the Jewish race. Pot, meet thrifty, lactose-intolerant kettle…


Video: Dan Quinn def. Bond Lapua Via TKO (Stevia), 1:48 of Round 1

(Props: jay2005us)

Last night at a Gladiator Challenge event at the Shingle Springs Rancheria — near the Red Hawk Casino in Placerville, California — Dan Quinn harnessed the combined power of the White Cure and all his departed angels to knock Bond Lapua‘s teeth down his throat. Lapua, who may have been making his MMA debut, came out like a house on fire, snapping some nasty leg kicks and landing a crushing right hand that almost ended Dan’s night, then beating him up a bit in the clinch. I dare you to guess what happened next, player. After a few well-placed power punches, Lapua Cro-Copped out of the fight, a thoroughly broken man.

The TKO over Lapua was Quinn’s second straight victory. Remember when we used to laugh at this dude for even suggesting that he could take out Kimbo Slice? Quinn vs. Slice, October 2009, no leg kicks, no takedowns, just throwin’ hands: Who takes it?


Brock Lesnar No Longer Bothering to Make Any Sense At All

Brock Lesnar gym
(‘Oh, that? It’s an allegory for how we train around here. Or, wait, when it involves an animal does that make it a fable? Hold on, let’s ask Tuchscherer.’)

Sometimes I get the feeling that Brock Lesnar is actually a really smart, articulate guy, but he has a vicious sense of humor that makes him want to say the most ridiculous things he can think of just to see if anyone has the balls to call him out on it.  Chances are, no, they don’t.  So he just keeps talking and things keep getting weirder.  The latest such example comes from a Yahoo! Sports article that attempts to get inside Lesnar’s head by eating lunch with him at Subway.  Naturally, there’s all the usual smack talk about Shane Carwin’s lack of difficult opponents and that adorable little Division II national wrestling championship that he won.  But there’s also this bizarre quote when Lesnar gives his take on TUF 10′s recent Kimbo Slice-Roy Nelson fight:

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl.  The fat biker dude took his vest off and put ranch dressing on his (chest)."

In a perfect world, the interviewer would have countered that statement by asking, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’  But sadly, ours is an aggressively imperfect world, so that probably didn’t happen.  Instead, we’ll go ahead and ask.  WTF, Brock?  What is that even supposed to mean?  Ranch dressing on his chest?  What kind of bars are you hanging out in, anyway?


‘Ultimate Fighter: The Aftermath’ Tackles Kimbo’s Loss, Rampage’s Retirement

Amir Sadollah Roy Nelson Dana White UFC MMA
(Click the image to watch the video on Spike.com.)

Kimbo Slice must have had other plans that day, but luckily Roy Nelson and Dana White were free to hang with Amir Sadollah for the latest edition of Spike.com‘s TUF 10 wrap-up show, The Aftermath. Dana does his best to debunk some rumors: No, he doesn’t have influence on when fights are stopped on the show — and how dare you suggest otherwise, Roy — and no, the alcohol isn’t provided for dramatic purposes. All booze is requested by the fighters themselves, not that drunken jackassery has been a problem on this season so far. (Still, Wes Sims can’t stay dry forever.) There’s also an interesting moment where Dana gets on Roy’s case for not joining a major camp. ("I think that it hurts you as a fighter…to not be sparring and training with guys that are going to push you every day.") And he’s still a little irritated about Roy’s post-fight Whopper order.

Later, the panel analyzes what Kimbo needs to do to be competitive in MMA, and Dana addresses the status of Quinton "Rampage," "B.A. Baracus" Jackson: "Rampage [announced] he’s retired because he’s mad at me. And I’m mad at him. It happens sometimes. I’m sure we’ll get this thing figured out, and I’m sure we’ll see him and Rashad fight. I highly doubt that Rampage is really retired."


CagePotato Comments of the Week

Kimbo Slice beardless
(You know, without his beard, Kimbo kind of looks like Reginald VelJohnson. Props to CagePotato reader ‘DopenesS’.)

It’s weeks like these that prove how unbelievably smart, funny, and cultured CagePotato’s readers are, in comparison to the slack-jawed readers of other MMA websites. Seriously, we love you guys (no homo). Here are three highlights from a wild week in the trenches of the CP comments sections…

whitey on "Strikeforce News Roundup: Cris Cyborg Injured, Bobby Lashley Negotiating + More":
if only Da Vinci was alive to see his vision of the perfect man in flesh and bone

K.E.G. on "Gina Carano Semi-Nudity to Hit Newsstands on 10/9":
Hopefully they will leave out the obvious pages on…
-Tra telligman’s weird chest.
-Josh Haynes’s extra skin
-Jacare’s vagina head
-Kimbo’s beard/manscaped chest hair
-Cyborg’s penis
-Tito’s massively swollen head
-Kaleb Starnes’s vagina

After the jump: A strong front-runner for comment of the year…


Dana White Would Like You to Temper Your Expectations for the Rest of ‘TUF 10′

Kimbo Slice TUF 10 Ultimate Fighter UFC
(Look, we’re just as upset as you are. Photo courtesy of URDirt.)

It wasn’t long ago that Dana White was telling us that The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights was "some of the best television ever." (Ever! Right up there with the Newhart finale!) But after three weeks, reality is beginning to set in. What we’ve gotten, above everything else, is three embarassingly bad fights: Jon Madsen‘s one-sided takedown clinic against the hapless Abe Wagner, James McSweeney‘s sloppy and questionably deserved decision win over Wes "Wheezy" Shivers, and Roy Nelson‘s methodical, anti-climactic TKO of Kimbo Slice. It’s a shame that all those new viewers haven’t seen any quality MMA matches so far. Well, Dana feels your pain, and recently jumped on the Real Talk Express with Yahoo!’s Kevin Iole:

“The fight (between Slice and Nelson) sucked. I wasn’t happy with any of the fights the first three weeks, to be honest. I was disappointed by the way we came out of the gate in terms of the fights. But the fights really get better. By episode 8, believe me when I tell you, you’re going to be going wild.”

Wait a minute, so the next four episodes suck too? Does this mean that when <SPOILERS>Kimbo replaces a feverish Marcus Jones in the next episode to take on Brendan Schaub</SPOILERS>, that fight’s no good either? Cripes. It doesn’t help that this season — like last season — isn’t offering much in the way of entertaining personalities or house drama. (Why The A-Hole Show hasn’t gotten any screen time yet is anybody’s guess.) Marcus is a black dude who loves flowers and 20-sided-dice? Oooooooh! Piss in a fucking fruit tray or stop wasting my time, okay?


Six Million People Watched Roy Nelson Beat Up Kimbo Slice

Roy Nelson punches Kimbo Slice
(Props: MMA TKO)

As expected, last night’s Kimbo Slice/Roy Nelson fight drew a record-breaking audience to Spike TV’s “Ultimate Fighter.”  While the entire hour averaged 5.3 million viewers, the actual fight portion of the show pulled in, according to the press release sent out by Spike, “a staggering 6.1 million viewers” for what was a predictable and not terribly exciting one-sided victory for “Big Country.”  That pummeling now holds the distinction of being the most watched UFC fight ever on Spike TV, so it sounds like somebody really does owe Nelson a Double Whopper with cheese.  And God help you if he finds a pickle on there.


Roy Nelson Explains His Babe Ruth Reference, Says Kimbo Got Special Treatment

Okay, so maybe our close reading of Roy Nelson’s cryptic Twitter update got a little carried away and missed the more obvious implication of “Big Country’s” Babe Ruth reference before last night’s fight with Kimbo Slice on “The Ultimate Fighter.”  While our interpretation is still more fun, Nelson’s makes more sense, especially when he explains it thusly:

My plan was, I was going to stand with him as long as I could. Because I wasn’t really going to shoot on him, just because that’s what he was expecting. And then if he came in flurrying, I was just going to bodylock him, take him down and crucifix him.  You know how Babe Ruth used to point to the fence and say, "I’m going to hit this home run"? I did exactly what I wanted: take no hits, get it to the ground and just win.

Whether the Bambino ever actually did that is still unclear, but no one can say Nelson didn’t do exactly what he set out to.  He also says that while Dana White may have felt the pummeling wasn’t too severe, Kimbo Slice looked “like the Elephant Man” afterwards, due to all the knots on his head. 


‘TUF 10′ Episode 3 Recap: My Own Worst Innerme

(Kimbo vs. Roy, round 1+2.)

After all the hype, after all the brilliant video analysis, it finally happened: A fight that could have potentially headlined an EliteXC card, going down in front of about 30 people on a reality TV show set. Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson. The Irresistable Force vs. The Immovable Fat Dude. No, you won’t see it on any Fight of the Year lists, but it happened. You can’t deny that it was something that happened.

Apparently, living in a house with no televisions or computers has the same effect as smoking an assload of weed, because Kimbo began last night’s episode in a reflective, philosophical mood, getting right with God and dropping pearls of wisdom like: "When I decide to shave the beard is when ‘Kimbo’ will be put to rest…but will Kimbo ever be at rest?" He realizes that he’s always operated in relation to an exterior enemy, but hold the fuck up because maybe this whole time the enemy is the eneME, or rather, the INNER ME? Has Kimbo been fighting himself his whole life? Oh my God, player.


Roy Nelson’s Twitter Is Trying To Tell Us Something…

Roy Nelson Twitter status

Judging by his Twitter updates, Roy Nelson is really looking forward to tonight’s episode of "The Ultimate Fighter," perhaps so much so that he’s willing to spoil it for all 180 of his followers (and oh yeah, CagePotatoMMA is among that lucky few).  So what exactly should we take from this cryptic missive?  Let’s see if we can deconstruct these three sentences and find out what it is "Big Country" is really trying to say:

- Roy’s reference to Babe Ruth — not the candy bar — is clearly an attempt to distract fans from his own physique by reminding them of a great athlete with an even less impressive body than his own.  It’s kind of the same trick that girls use when they surround themselves with hideously-dressed bridesmaids on their wedding day.