Courtesy of ProElite.com. Holy crap, this fight is only five days away!

EliteXC held a conference call yesterday to discuss their upcoming “Renegade” event, with live events president Gary Shaw and fighters Kimbo Slice, KJ Noons and Jake Shields in attendance. (The audio is here; dig that funky hold music.)

Obviously, the call belonged to Kimbo. Give this guy a few years and he’ll be operating on Tyson-esque levels of verbal entertainment/insanity. Some of his highlights:

[On training with Bas Rutten]: “Every aspect of my training has improved. My whole life has improved. I don’t even smoke any more. I haven’t had sex in four months. I haven’t had a cocktail in five, six months. So I’m pretty pure and backed up, and I’m ready to fight. My focus is on point. I’m accurate. I know how to use my power. My wind is outstanding. I’m ready for anything coming my way. My groundwork is superb. I’m an all?around fighter. I’m no longer one?dimensional. I’m not going to stand there and bang. Working with Bas, that’s like, man, he’s like the Jimmy Johnson, the John Madden of [MMA].”

Mike “The Rhino” Bourke, the 8-11-1 patsy that was scheduled to be obliterated by Kimbo Slice at the 11/10 EliteXC Renegade event in Corpus Christi, TX, has dropped off the card. Five Ounces reported today that Bourke broke his clavicle during a training session on Sunday, and was forced to pull out of the match. EliteXC has now confirmed that Kimbo’s new opponent at the event will be Bo “Redrum” Cantrell, an equally can-like 10-10-0 fighter who became a part of history on Saturday as the second consecutive guy that Brad Imes submitted by gogoplata.

Man, Elite is really hedging their bets on this one. Are they so insecure about Kimbo’s ability that they won’t put him up against a fighter with a winning record? MMA fans want to see Kimbo in an exciting fight, where he’s challenged, and they’re not going to get it this time. I couldn’t find any decent videos of Mike Bourke or Bo Cantrell in action, so here’s a Kimbo Slice highlight reel that you’ve probably already watched a dozen times. Wonderful.

(Still, that part at 0:41-0:44 where Kimbo lets the dude haul off and hit him in the face will never get old…)

Iditotic? Yes. But you gotta love those crude-yet-somehow-dead-on caricatures of Kimbo and Fedor.

[Kimbo Slice vs. Mark Hunt]

[Fedor Emelianenko vs. Gabriel Gonzaga]

Come on, that’s absolutely charming!