(‘Look dog, I spent five hours baking this loaf of bread. Now you eatin’ it one way or another.’)

Spike TV and the UFC are still trying to play it close to the vest when it comes to who Kimbo Slice will be facing in his official Octagon debut at next weekend’s “Ultimate Fighter” finale. Too bad they’re the only ones concerned with keeping it under wraps. Slice already removed the element of surprise somewhat with a recent Twitter posting, but in an appearance on the “Todd N Tyler” radio show (via Bloody Elbow), Houston Alexander said several times that he’ll be taking on someone named Kevin Ferguson at the event. The hosts of the show naturally follow this statement up with a bunch of lame puns about Kimbo’s name, because they’re radio hosts and a certain number of lame puns per hour is required by their contracts.

In addition to telling us that he is the undisclosed first UFC opponent for Ferg, Alexander also insists that he’s “practicing boxing, takedown defense, it’s just crazy.” Man, that is crazy. It’s almost like he’s preparing for a fight with both stand-up and ground aspects. Though, Mr. Alexander, allow us to make a suggestion: kick him in the leg. Over and over again. The TUF editors have basically begged you to.

("Hey. My eyes are up here.")

The Ultimate Fighter‘s Darrill Schoonover isn’t just a promising heavyweight with a minor drinking problem and disturbing tattoos; he’s also a U.S. Army veteran who spent four years serving our country. Schoonover will make his official UFC debut at the TUF 10 finale on December 5th, but his long-term career plans just became a little more uncertain. As he explained on Shambala Sports Radio:

Damn, dude. Can’t Dana pull some strings? It would be just his luck that Darrill wins the contract, then has to take off to hunt Bin Laden’s homeboys — a perfect end to a season where the coaches don’t even fight. Schoonover will be deployed for 400 days, and hopes to lose enough weight so that he can compete at light-heavyweight in the future. But no matter who he faces next month at the TUF 10 finale, he’ll be in good company…

(Schaub vs. Madsen stoppage, via bothmiddlefingers)

Matt Mitrione is still bitching about his alleged brain damage. He says a doctor’s visit revealed that he has some minor swelling in the brain, which turned into a migraine. As a result, he’s a little slow and it’s taking a little longer for him to say things. Trevor Wittman calls horseshit — swelling of the brain is life-threatening, and the doctor wouldn’t just send him back to the house. Coach Rashad still can’t get a clear read on if Mitrione really wants to continue fighting; he has to want it for himself more than his coaches want it for him. James McSweeney — who’s scheduled to fight Mitrione in the third quarterfinal match — feels that Mitrione is just playing games, and in his book, Meathead just went from "rat" to "two faced little bitch without a heart."

While rolling with Demico Rogers, Kimbo Slice tweaks his knee. He’d obviously be the first fighter to return if Mitrione has to withdraw from the competition, but Coach Rampage is worried that McSweeney would focus on the bum joint with kicks. (In Kimbo’s charming personal dialect, McSweeney is a "tree chopper.") Later, a doctor tells Kimbo that he’s missing some cartilage, but Kimbo won’t get a cortisone shot because big needles freak him out. He suffers through an ice bath outside the TUF house, while his housemates laugh at his agony.

(Props: eBay via CP reader Simon S.)

As you might recall, Wes Sims was living under a bridge before he was selected for TUF 10, and the show represented his best chance to turn his life and career around. Sadly, Justin Wren had other plans for him. Cut to present-day, where an eBay seller named "iwawrestling" from Lancaster, OH — who claims to be Wes Sims — is selling a skull cap that he either stole from Kimbo Slice, or accepted as a gift, or bought at a dollar store and is now trying to pass off as Kimbo’s. Either way, it’s on the auction block for the super-low price of $28:

Our first reaction is to thank Wes for not turning to porn in order to make ends meet. But for some reason this feels even less respectable. Without an autograph on the hat, or a certificate of authenticity signed by Kimbo himself, it’s basically just a skull cap that Sims is trying to get a few bucks for. Maybe Sam’s Club still needs a tire technician, Wes. Please look into it.

("Which hand’s the penny in, motherfucker? WHICH HAND?!?")

From nwitimes.com via MMA Junkie:

(Might as well face it, she’s addicted to blood. Photo courtesy of twitter.com/ariannyceleste)

Now that our post-Halloween hangovers have almost completely subsided, it’s time to present the finalists for our MMA costume contest. Take a look at the best submissions after the jump, and please select your favorite costume via the poll on the right. Remember: $175 in MMA Warehouse gift cards are on the line, so vote thoughtfully.

(Props: twitter.com/realkimboslice)

When we asked Dana White if there was any truth to the rumors that Kimbo Slice‘s first post-TUF fight would be against Houston Alexander, he expertly dodged the question. (This is why he gets the paid the big bucks, and why we have to moonlight as night managers at Family Dollar in order to make rent.) But a couple of tweets Kimbo posted yesterday seem to support the theory that Slice will soon be thrown into the Octagon with another ground-game-challenged puncher. The "I Accept" line suggests that he won’t be fighting a fellow castmember at the TUF 10 finale. (Does he not get another chance to bang on the show after all? Does he lose again?) And yeah, the whole "HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!" thing is pretty much a dead-giveaway. 

Alexander, who recently broke his three-fight losing streak with a first-round TKO over Sherman Pendergarst at Adrenaline 4, is reportedly applying for a fighter license with the Nevada State Athletic Commission, so all signs are pointing to "oh God, this is actually happening." Could it be the Kimbo Slice slobberknocker that we’ve all been waiting for?

Cagepotato.com Interviews Dana White – Watch more Funny Videos

The last time Cage Potato sent one of our wily female correspondents to interview a UFC star, it very nearly ended in a sexual assault.  But undaunted, we decided to try again when we heard Dana White would be at the recent “Ultimate Fighter” tryouts, and fortunately for our enthusiastic young interviewer DW is no “Rampage” Jackson.  In this exclusive video interview the UFC prez calls accusations that the UFC gave Kimbo Slice preferential treatment a “crock of shit,” saying that Kimbo had his manager present at his TUF fight, which he claims isn’t necessarily all that special, but no entourage and certainly no phone calls home.  White blames it all on Roy Nelson, but “Big Country isn’t the only one singing that song.  As for his remarks about TUF not being over till it’s over, well, I think we all know what that means: Poppa Slice is going to get to bang again, eventually.

All this, plus commentary on UFC 104, Junie Browning’s departure from the UFC, and what prompted Jackson’s supposed retirement from the UFC in this exclusive video interview.  Enjoy.

TITO ORTIZ vs. WANDERLEI SILVA

(The abridged version of the fight, which Ortiz won by unanimous decision.)

When it happened: 4/14/00, at UFC 25
When it should have happened: Spring 2003
Why: Ortiz vs. Silva was an entertaining scrap between two young contenders for the UFC’s vacant "middleweight" belt. If they met three years later, it would have been a superfight. By the end of 2002, Ortiz had defended his title five times — he’d lose it in September 2003 to Randy Couture — while Silva was PRIDE’s middleweight ruler, owning a 12-0-1 record in the promotion and two successful title defenses. With Ortiz at the end of his reign and Wandy near the middle of his, it would have been an ideal moment to establish bragging rights for one of MMA’s two leading organizations.
Prediction: Depends on where the fight was held. If Ortiz had home-field advantage, he’d probably still be able to grind out a decision win. In Japan, it would be Wanderlei via soccer-kick death.

DIEGO SANCHEZ vs. KENNY FLORIAN

(Click the image to go to the video. Sanchez def. Florian via TKO, 2:49 of round 1.)

When it happened: 4/9/05, at the Ultimate Fighter 1 Finale
When it should have happened: Sometime next year.
Why: Kenny Florian had enough talent and heart to make it to the finals of TUF 1 as a 185-pounder, but it was only a matter of time before he was squashed by another talented fighter who was more experienced and better suited to the weight; Diego Sanchez just happened to be that dude. This year, there was talk — hope, even — that Florian could upset BJ Penn at UFC 101, then have a high-stakes rematch against his old nemesis, who had followed him down to lightweight after an impressive run at 170. Unfortunately, Florian succumbed to Penn’s trademark mata leon, and Sanchez was booked to challenge Penn for the title in December. Still, as long as Florian keeps winning, he’ll claw his way back to the Nightmare — and this time, they’ll face each other as two of the best lightweights in the world.
Prediction: Sanchez outstrikes Florian to a decision in a far more competitive match than their first meeting.

(Clever, Kimbo…)

The MMA Halloween Costume Contest that we announced last week is slowly picking up entries, but we want more, More, MOAR. You have until next Thursday to throw together a makeshift MMA-themed costume and e-mail a photo of yourself to feedback@cagepotato.com. The winner will receive an extra-special prize, though we haven’t quite decided what it’ll be yet. Good luck trying to come up with a costume idea that’s as amazing as this.

Also: If you weren’t one of the 3,300 people who got free UFC 104 tickets from Dana White, be sure to swing by CagePotato.com tomorrow night for our thrilling liveblog of the show. The Spike TV preliminary card broadcast begins at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT, and the pay-per-view broadcast starts an hour later.

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

Following yesterday’s UFC 104 press conference, AllElbows.com‘s E. Casey Leydon got up in Dana White‘s face, and the conversation inevitably turned to Kimbo Slice. Despite multiple reports from TUF 10 castmembers that Kimbo had a large "posse" in attendance for his fight — yes, that’s the word they keep using — Dana claims that only Slice’s manager was there, while his wife and kids were definitely not. "I’ve never seen such crybabies in my whole life as the heavyweights [on TUF 10]," Dana says. Here’s another example: Roy Nelson told USA Today that Kimbo had his own media room and could make phone calls. Dana’s response:

After the jump: A longer DW interview with Ariel Helwani, where Dana discusses Cain Velasquez‘s potential as a future champ, selling two Brazilian main-eventers, the necessity of teammates fighting each other, an update on the Dan Henderson situation, those Showtime knuckleheads, Bernard Hopkins’s criticism of MMA as gay porno, why "Big" John McCarthy isn’t reffing at UFC 104, and Chuck Liddell’s future in the sport.

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

"Can [Kimbo Slice] be a successful heavyweight? I don’t think so. I think 100% he’s in the wrong weight class, that’s to begin with…But I don’t necessarily think Kimbo can get to 205, at 35 years of age, with the wear and tear. It’s tough to learn this sport, this sport is a lot different than boxing because with boxing you only have to use your hands. In mixed martial arts, you use your hands, your feet, you grapple on the ground, you use submissions. That is a lot of knowledge to retain, and at some point your body starts to shuts down on you in life…Kimbo’s in the wrong sport, there’s no doubt about that. Kimbo should be in boxing…If you want to be the best of the best, if you want to make the most money possible for your family like you say, then you probably should have went to the square-circle."

So says former EliteXC VP Jared "$kala" Shaw, who has now been out of the MMA game for over a year, and recently checked in for an interview with Fanhouse. Despite the criticism of Kimbo’s career choices, Shaw harbors no ill will towards the TUF 10 star, and is proud of the time he spent promoting fighters like Slice, Gina Carano, and Brett Rogers — and if the UFC or Strikeforce wants to give him a job, he’s totally down. It’s a more reflective, slightly-less-cocky version of $kala than we’re used to seeing, even when he’s indirectly taking credit for Gina’s budding movie career. Later in the interview, Shaw tells us that his music is coming along, and he hopes to drop it on us next year. Also, Herschel Walker is a joke, and Bob Arum is an embarassment to the Jewish race. Pot, meet thrifty, lactose-intolerant kettle…

(Props: jay2005us)

Last night at a Gladiator Challenge event at the Shingle Springs Rancheria — near the Red Hawk Casino in Placerville, California — Dan Quinn harnessed the combined power of the White Cure and all his departed angels to knock Bond Lapua‘s teeth down his throat. Lapua, who may have been making his MMA debut, came out like a house on fire, snapping some nasty leg kicks and landing a crushing right hand that almost ended Dan’s night, then beating him up a bit in the clinch. I dare you to guess what happened next, player. After a few well-placed power punches, Lapua Cro-Copped out of the fight, a thoroughly broken man.

The TKO over Lapua was Quinn’s second straight victory. Remember when we used to laugh at this dude for even suggesting that he could take out Kimbo Slice? Quinn vs. Slice, October 2009, no leg kicks, no takedowns, just throwin’ hands: Who takes it?

(‘Oh, that? It’s an allegory for how we train around here. Or, wait, when it involves an animal does that make it a fable? Hold on, let’s ask Tuchscherer.’)

Sometimes I get the feeling that Brock Lesnar is actually a really smart, articulate guy, but he has a vicious sense of humor that makes him want to say the most ridiculous things he can think of just to see if anyone has the balls to call him out on it.  Chances are, no, they don’t.  So he just keeps talking and things keep getting weirder.  The latest such example comes from a Yahoo! Sports article that attempts to get inside Lesnar’s head by eating lunch with him at Subway.  Naturally, there’s all the usual smack talk about Shane Carwin’s lack of difficult opponents and that adorable little Division II national wrestling championship that he won.  But there’s also this bizarre quote when Lesnar gives his take on TUF 10′s recent Kimbo Slice-Roy Nelson fight:

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl.  The fat biker dude took his vest off and put ranch dressing on his (chest)."

In a perfect world, the interviewer would have countered that statement by asking, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’  But sadly, ours is an aggressively imperfect world, so that probably didn’t happen.  Instead, we’ll go ahead and ask.  WTF, Brock?  What is that even supposed to mean?  Ranch dressing on his chest?  What kind of bars are you hanging out in, anyway?

(Click the image to watch the video on Spike.com.)

Kimbo Slice must have had other plans that day, but luckily Roy Nelson and Dana White were free to hang with Amir Sadollah for the latest edition of Spike.com‘s TUF 10 wrap-up show, The Aftermath. Dana does his best to debunk some rumors: No, he doesn’t have influence on when fights are stopped on the show — and how dare you suggest otherwise, Roy — and no, the alcohol isn’t provided for dramatic purposes. All booze is requested by the fighters themselves, not that drunken jackassery has been a problem on this season so far. (Still, Wes Sims can’t stay dry forever.) There’s also an interesting moment where Dana gets on Roy’s case for not joining a major camp. ("I think that it hurts you as a fighter…to not be sparring and training with guys that are going to push you every day.") And he’s still a little irritated about Roy’s post-fight Whopper order.

Later, the panel analyzes what Kimbo needs to do to be competitive in MMA, and Dana addresses the status of Quinton "Rampage," "B.A. Baracus" Jackson: "Rampage [announced] he’s retired because he’s mad at me. And I’m mad at him. It happens sometimes. I’m sure we’ll get this thing figured out, and I’m sure we’ll see him and Rashad fight. I highly doubt that Rampage is really retired."

(You know, without his beard, Kimbo kind of looks like Reginald VelJohnson. Props to CagePotato reader ‘DopenesS’.)

It’s weeks like these that prove how unbelievably smart, funny, and cultured CagePotato’s readers are, in comparison to the slack-jawed readers of other MMA websites. Seriously, we love you guys (no homo). Here are three highlights from a wild week in the trenches of the CP comments sections…

whitey on "Strikeforce News Roundup: Cris Cyborg Injured, Bobby Lashley Negotiating + More":
if only Da Vinci was alive to see his vision of the perfect man in flesh and bone

K.E.G. on "Gina Carano Semi-Nudity to Hit Newsstands on 10/9":
Hopefully they will leave out the obvious pages on…
-Tra telligman’s weird chest.
-Josh Haynes’s extra skin
-Jacare’s vagina head
-Kimbo’s beard/manscaped chest hair
-Cyborg’s penis
-Tito’s massively swollen head
-Kaleb Starnes’s vagina

After the jump: A strong front-runner for comment of the year…

(Look, we’re just as upset as you are. Photo courtesy of URDirt.)

It wasn’t long ago that Dana White was telling us that The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights was "some of the best television ever." (Ever! Right up there with the Newhart finale!) But after three weeks, reality is beginning to set in. What we’ve gotten, above everything else, is three embarassingly bad fights: Jon Madsen‘s one-sided takedown clinic against the hapless Abe Wagner, James McSweeney‘s sloppy and questionably deserved decision win over Wes "Wheezy" Shivers, and Roy Nelson‘s methodical, anti-climactic TKO of Kimbo Slice. It’s a shame that all those new viewers haven’t seen any quality MMA matches so far. Well, Dana feels your pain, and recently jumped on the Real Talk Express with Yahoo!’s Kevin Iole:

Wait a minute, so the next four episodes suck too? Does this mean that when <SPOILERS>Kimbo replaces a feverish Marcus Jones in the next episode to take on Brendan Schaub</SPOILERS>, that fight’s no good either? Cripes. It doesn’t help that this season — like last season — isn’t offering much in the way of entertaining personalities or house drama. (Why The A-Hole Show hasn’t gotten any screen time yet is anybody’s guess.) Marcus is a black dude who loves flowers and 20-sided-dice? Oooooooh! Piss in a fucking fruit tray or stop wasting my time, okay?

(Props: MMA TKO)

As expected, last night’s Kimbo Slice/Roy Nelson fight drew a record-breaking audience to Spike TV’s “Ultimate Fighter.”  While the entire hour averaged 5.3 million viewers, the actual fight portion of the show pulled in, according to the press release sent out by Spike, “a staggering 6.1 million viewers” for what was a predictable and not terribly exciting one-sided victory for “Big Country.”  That pummeling now holds the distinction of being the most watched UFC fight ever on Spike TV, so it sounds like somebody really does owe Nelson a Double Whopper with cheese.  And God help you if he finds a pickle on there.

Okay, so maybe our close reading of Roy Nelson’s cryptic Twitter update got a little carried away and missed the more obvious implication of “Big Country’s” Babe Ruth reference before last night’s fight with Kimbo Slice on “The Ultimate Fighter.”  While our interpretation is still more fun, Nelson’s makes more sense, especially when he explains it thusly:

My plan was, I was going to stand with him as long as I could. Because I wasn’t really going to shoot on him, just because that’s what he was expecting. And then if he came in flurrying, I was just going to bodylock him, take him down and crucifix him.  You know how Babe Ruth used to point to the fence and say, "I’m going to hit this home run"? I did exactly what I wanted: take no hits, get it to the ground and just win.

Whether the Bambino ever actually did that is still unclear, but no one can say Nelson didn’t do exactly what he set out to.  He also says that while Dana White may have felt the pummeling wasn’t too severe, Kimbo Slice looked “like the Elephant Man” afterwards, due to all the knots on his head. 

(Kimbo vs. Roy, round 1+2.)

After all the hype, after all the brilliant video analysis, it finally happened: A fight that could have potentially headlined an EliteXC card, going down in front of about 30 people on a reality TV show set. Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson. The Irresistable Force vs. The Immovable Fat Dude. No, you won’t see it on any Fight of the Year lists, but it happened. You can’t deny that it was something that happened.

Apparently, living in a house with no televisions or computers has the same effect as smoking an assload of weed, because Kimbo began last night’s episode in a reflective, philosophical mood, getting right with God and dropping pearls of wisdom like: "When I decide to shave the beard is when ‘Kimbo’ will be put to rest…but will Kimbo ever be at rest?" He realizes that he’s always operated in relation to an exterior enemy, but hold the fuck up because maybe this whole time the enemy is the eneME, or rather, the INNER ME? Has Kimbo been fighting himself his whole life? Oh my God, player.

Judging by his Twitter updates, Roy Nelson is really looking forward to tonight’s episode of "The Ultimate Fighter," perhaps so much so that he’s willing to spoil it for all 180 of his followers (and oh yeah, CagePotatoMMA is among that lucky few).  So what exactly should we take from this cryptic missive?  Let’s see if we can deconstruct these three sentences and find out what it is "Big Country" is really trying to say:

- Roy’s reference to Babe Ruth — not the candy bar — is clearly an attempt to distract fans from his own physique by reminding them of a great athlete with an even less impressive body than his own.  It’s kind of the same trick that girls use when they surround themselves with hideously-dressed bridesmaids on their wedding day.

(In the sculpted chest hair battle, it’s already Kimbo: 1, Roy Nelson: 0)

If you were surprised how quickly Dana White changed his attitude about Kimbo Slice once the opportunity for the UFC to make money off the internet-brawler-turned-bread-getter presented itself, then congratulations, you have only just now discovered the sport of MMA, the UFC, and the business of fight promotion.  Welcome, we’re glad to have you.  Those of us who have been following this stuff in general, and Dana White specifically, saw this change of heart coming.

But over at Yahoo! Sports, Kevin Iole seems blown away by what he refers to as a “double standard” in the way the UFC is hyping Kimbo Slice.  Iole criticizes the UFC’s use of Slice for “exhibiting much the same behavior that Elite XC and promoter Gary Shaw were so roundly criticized for,” and also calls out White for giving Kimbo at least one more fight in the UFC after the show concludes, “regardless of the outcome of the show.”

On the surface, this seems like a valid criticism.  White used to say that the only way Kimbo would get in the UFC was to win a season of TUF.  Now it seems like it was enough just to show up.  But there’s still no comparison between how EliteXC pushed Slice and how the UFC is doing it.

(Props: UFC.com)

In about 12 hours (give or take, depending on where you are in the country), Kimbo Slice and Roy Nelson will go toe-to-toe in the most highly anticipated exhibition bout in Ultimate Fighter history. Will the former street brawler prove himself to be "a real fighter," or will big-bellied Roy Nelson stick to the script and chew out a win? (Or both, maybe?) I’m sure you’re all sitting on your hands in unbearable anticipation, but feel free to read this stuff to pass the time until the moment of truth:

— Kimbo Slice may be fighting at UFC 107, not the TUF 10 finale: A possible slip-up during a media conference call suggests that Slice will make his post-TUF debut on the December pay-per-view card in Memphis. Implication: Kimbo loses at some point during the season, but doesn’t embarrass himself, and his television popularity is enough to warrant an appearance on a big show.

What you see here is a video from the Grappler’s Quest IV 8-man absolute division tournament finals.  Roy Nelson got there by beating Frank Mir via points in the first round, then Brandon Vera via kneebar in the semis.  In the finals he met a very pumped up Diego Sanchez, and although Nelson’s cardio begins failing him about halfway through the match, his size and strength advantage helps him toss "The Nightmare" all over the mat, effectively negating Sanchez’s positive mental attitude with sheer burlyness. 

Remember, this was back in 2003.  That’s the same year Kimbo Slice began to get his internet brawl on.  Does it put things in perspective to remember that back when Kimbo was throwing haymakers against nightclub bouncers in somebody’s backyard, "Big Country" was running through a grappling tournament full of UFC fighters, despite getting so exhausted that the expression on his face alone made onlookers want to vomit?  Yeah, probably.  Kimbo may have gotten the equivalent of an online associates degree in grappling via his recent crash courses, but Roy has a goddamn doctorate in this stuff.

Just for the sake of contrast, check out the video after the jump.  If Nelson doesn’t get tomorrow night’s "Ultimate Fighter" match-up to the ground right away, Greg Jackson is going to end up wondering why he even bothers to come up with gameplans for these jokers.

Watch more Asylum videos on AOL Video

According to undefeated Strikeforce heavyweight Brett Rogers in the above video, you can usually tell how a fight is going to go down by the pre-fight faceoff. And so, three brave online editors decided to test their staredown might against the Grim, with decidedly mixed results. First up is cherubic Asylum.com writer Jordan Newmark, who nearly poops his suit-pants when Rogers penetrates deeply into his soul. But in round two, Asylum editor Jake Goodrich holds his ground despite his significant height disadvantage. (Jake was also standing on a milk crate when this was filmed.) And finally, Lemondrop.com editor Laura Gilbert evens the score with a set of Manson lamps that earns Brett’s full respect and discomfort. Also worth watching: Jordan asks Fedor Emelianenko what he really thought of Rocky IV.

(Grabbed from the Spike TV promos. Above, props to "smooshfaceace." Below, props to CagePotato reader Zachary H.)

Could it be over this soon for Big Country? We already know that Kimbo will be fighting in the finale. On a scale of 1-10, how much will you freak out if he shocks the world on Wednesday?

Previously: Why Kimbo Slice Is in Trouble Against Roy Nelson on Next Week’s "Ultimate Fighter"

Last week, we saw one of the bloodiest fights in TUF history. This week brought us one of the ugliest, as James McSweeney and Wes Shivers proved that they’re not quite ready for primetime. Plus, Roy Nelson lands on Team Rashad’s shitlist and Kimbo Slice gets picked to fight.

The episode opens with Justin Wren and Roy Nelson talking about how they both want to take out Kimbo. Says Big Country: "I’ve been trying to get that one for years." Foreshadowing!

In practice, Rampage "got specialness" for Kimbo, and his coaches give the Miami Pound Machine a crash course on ground-fighting, while Kimbo tries to sponge it up. Meanwhile, Rashad Evans is feeling good about his team and wants to make sure his guys are mentally strong and moldable, but Roy spends most of his practice time joking around and pushing back against his coaches. Team Rashad assistant coach Trevor Wittman gives him a firm dressing-down in the locker room: "To me, you’re uncoachable…instead of listening, you always have a rebuttal…you got knocked out by Arlovski, do you want that to happen again? If you don’t want to keep it serious, I’m gonna ask Rampage if he needs another guy."

(Props: Spike.com)

I kind of figured Tiki Ghosn was dead weight on Team Rampage’s staff, but in this clip from next week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights, he proves himself to be a very patient and encouraging teacher. Kimbo Slice is a sponge during his extra lessons on the ground-game, and you have to admit, his reversal at the -0:50 mark is as smooth as Country Crock. Rampage says he sees himself in Kimbo, and wants to show him a few things that worked in his own fights. Hopefully the extra attention proves useful, because his housemates are gunning for him in episode 2. As the narrator intones at the end, "is it time for Kimbo Slice to finally step into the Octagon?" No, probably not yet, but why else would you tune in?

The tenth season of The Ultimate Fighter kicked off last night after UFC Fight Night 19, and thank God there are no members of the Browning family involved this time. We won’t bother recapping the first few minutes of the show, which you’ve already seen. Suffice it to say that the trash-talk between coaches Quinton Jackson and Rashad Evans comes early and often. Fighter evaluations begin, with Greg Jackson helping Rashad determine who the mentally toughest fighters are by watching them hit heavy bags. James McSweeney and Brendan Schaub are actually teammates of Evans back in Albuquerque, and Rashad wants them on his TUF squad.

Rampage’s right-hand man during the show is Tiki Ghosn, who you may have seen in Danavlogs giving/receiving surprise slaps to the balls. Rampage thinks the guys need to spar and wrestle with each other to get an accurate sense of their skills. His verdict? "Roy Nelson has a big-ass belly. We checked him out, and he’s fat." Also, he starts calling Darrill Schoonover "titties." "Let’s see whatchu got, titties," he says. "Don’t bounce like that, you’ll distract me with them titties." Come on, man, gynecomastia is no laughing matter.

Interestingly, Kimbo Slice seems to handle Roy Nelson fairly easily in their sparring sessions, though Rampage notices that Kimbo’s ground skills are sub-par. Still, his takedown defense might make up for it.

(For more weigh-in photos, click here.)

It’s Wednesday, and we all know you ain’t got nothing to do but watch fights. UFC Fight Night: Maynard vs. Huerta Diaz vs. Guillard (?) pops off at 8 p.m., and we’ll be posting live results for those of you without basic cable. Swing by and join the conversation, won’t you? And be sure to keep the dial locked onto Spike for an all-new Shovin’ Buddies, starring Kimbo Slice.

Related:
– Gray Maynard Says He’s Not Deserving of a Title Shot Yet, But Warns "It’s Coming"
– Interview: Kimbo Slice Talks TUF 10, Ray Mercer, Rampage Jackson, + More
– Interview: Wes Sims on Homelessness, Highs and Lows, and Being a "Certified Black Man"
– UFC Fight Night 19: The New Guys
– Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC Fight Night 19
– Four Storylines That Are Flying Under the Radar Heading Into UFC Fight Night 19
– How Angry Does Quinton Jackson Get on ‘TUF’ 10?