(Will act coquettishly adorable and sexy for food?)

While none of us may be positively heartbroken or even surprised to see Pro Elite shut down its operation, the thing to keep in mind is that the MMA marketplace just got smaller. That means fewer opportunities for fighters and, at least for most, meager paychecks in the near future. Former Icon Sport promoter Patrick Freitas reminded us of this fact with a post to the UG that read, in part:

I Just wanted to say that as everyone here is dancing on the Elitexc’s grave, I think its important to remember that a shitload of good fighters (and great people) just saw their contracts disappear into the ether.

That’s the truth. Whatever you think of Pro Elite’s demise and the reasons behind it, one thing we can all agree on is it isn’t the fault of the fighters they employed. But now that those fighters find themselves without an organization to call home, where do they go? The answer, of course, depends on who they are. Most will end up in local promotions. But what about the big fish?

Jake Shields: If the UFC could only pick up one of the newly unemployed EliteXC fighters, Shields should be that one. He was probably the most talented guy on their roster, and something tells me Zuffa could scoop him up relatively cheaply. If he comes in and makes an impact on the UFC’s welterweight division right away, great. If he doesn’t, the UFC can claim it as proof that their fighters are far and away the best in the industry.

Kimbo Slice: The EliteXC collapse couldn’t have happened at a worse time for Ferg. Coming off an embarrassing loss and with a half a million dollar price tag, he does not look like a good investment right now. We know the UFC isn’t interested. Affliction has enough heavyweights to do something with him, but he’ll have to take a major pay cut. Even then his shelf life is a question, as is his desire to continue on as a pro fighter. Don’t be surprised if we’ve seen the last of Kimbo’s MMA days.

(Believe it or not, Kendall Grove vs. Chris Price was one of them.)

Using minute-by-minute Nielsen ratings data, MMA Weekly’s Ivan Trembow has painstakingly put together a list of the 20 individual MMA fights with the highest U.S. viewership. As he clarifies: “Viewership levels are based on live viewership, plus same-day DVR, rounded to the nearest 1,000 viewers, and the times listed are ET/PT. The indicated times begin at the opening bell of a fight and end at the minute in which the winner of the fight is known.” A few things to keep in mind before we get to the list:

— Pay-per-view fights are excluded due to a lack of reliable information, so the list only includes UFC fights on Spike and EliteXC shows on CBS.

— Seth Petruzelli actually appears on the list twice, thanks to his recent headlining fight at EliteXC: Heat and his fight against Matt Hamill at UFC: The Final Chapter in October 2006. Kimbo Slice, Gina Carano, and Hamill also show up on the list twice.

— Keep in mind that these aren’t even close to being the most-watched MMA fights worldwide. Due to Japan’s love of New Year’s Eve freak show bouts, a fight would need to draw over 30 million sets of eyeballs to crack the top five. In the U.S., only a bout between Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano would come close to putting up those kinds of numbers. So here we go…

1. EliteXC on CBS (5/31/2008): Kimbo Slice vs. James Thompson— 7.281 million viewers (Aired from 11:27 PM to 11:40 PM)

2. UFC on Spike TV (10/10/2006): Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock— 6.524 million viewers (Aired from 9:42 PM to 9:45 PM)

3. EliteXC on CBS (10/4/08): Seth Petruzelli vs. Kimbo Slice— 6.451 million viewers (Aired from 11:08 PM to 11:08 PM)

4. EliteXC on CBS (5/31/2008): Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith— 5.867 million viewers (Aired from 10.39 PM to 10:57 PM)

5. UFC on Spike TV (9/8/2007): Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson— 5.811 million viewers (Aired from 11:29 PM to 12:03 AM)

After a few months of keeping him far, far away from Kimbo Slice, EliteXC is ready to give Brett “The Grim” Rogers his next fight. Five Ounces of Pain reports that the undefeated heavyweight — who has won all eight of his fights via stoppage due to strikes — has agreed to meet American Kickboxing Academy’s Paul Buentello (26-10) at EliteXC’s “A Night of Champions” show on November 8th in Reno.

Rogers hasn’t fought since his 61-second KO of Jon Murphy at EliteXC: Primetime in May. Buentello is under contract with Affliction, and was slated to face Roy Nelson at “Day of Reckoning” earlier this month until the event was canceled. He was also scheduled to face Aleksander Emelianenko at “Banned” in July, but wound up fighting (and winning a decision over) replacement opponent Gary Goodridge when Aleks was pulled from the card.

The booking of Rogers/Buentello adds even more muscle to what’s shaping up to be an impressive Showtime card. The lineup, as it stands, looks like this:

Robbie Lawler vs. Joey Villasenor (for middleweight title)
Nick Diaz vs. Eddie Alvarez (for vacant lightweight title)
Brett Rogers vs. Paul Buentello
Scott Smith vs. Hector Lombard
Kaitlin Young vs. Sarah Kaufman
Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante vs. TBA

Gina Carano does her best to play down the various EliteXC controversies in this interview with Steve Cofield. They cover everything from her naked weigh-in (where maybe Jared Shaw tried to sneak a peek) to her very meager pay to the impending investigation into the Seth Petruzelli bonus fiasco to…wait a minute. Is that the national anthem playing in the background? Gina, did you carry on with the interview through the national fucking anthem? The goddamn Star-Spangled Banner!? Jesus, that’s worse than wearing a hat during it! And you call yourself an American Gladiator.

But on a serious note, where I get confused is where Carano says she’s actually happy that people know how little she made (1/20 of Kimbo’s purse, as Cofield points out) because now they’ll know she doesn’t do this for money. Now, I’m no high-powered sports agent, but I have to think that maybe it’s this attitude that’s the problem. It’s one thing to say you’re not only in this for the money, but this is your career. It’s not just about what you want; it’s about what’s fair. I’m sure there are plenty of up-and-coming women fighters who wish that you’d make this point to your employers a little more forcefully. Plus, maybe if you made more to fight you wouldn’t have to do all this other shit on the side. Just saying.

Below, check out a clip from Randy Couture‘s perfectly coiffured days as a wrestler. An extra special bonus surprise awaits you after the jump. Props to MMA Scraps for the find(s).

(Props: MMA Scraps)

This 18-minute compilation is the only PRIDE highlight reel you’ll ever need, featuring the most brain-rattling finishes by Aleksander and Fedor Emelianenko, Alistair Overeem, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Quinton Jackson, Wanderlei Silva, Sergei Kharitonov, Joachim Hansen and many more. Listen closely at the 8:27-8:30, 8:47-8:50, and 17:47-17:50 marks to hear early versions of Frank Trigg’s “Oh! Oh no! Oh no!” catchphrase that he perfected during the Fedor/Sylvia fight.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

Speaking of dudes who knock people dead, here’s heavyweight rising star Shane Carwin discussing his fight against the noticeably smaller Neil Wain at UFC 89 this Saturday. Carwin is currently 9-0, with all wins coming via first-round stoppage, and all but one of those stoppages happening within the first two minutes.

Something short, simple, and hilarious awaits you after the jump…

Dana White calls for EliteXC investigation – Watch more free videos

Dana White is downright pissed off. He’s so mad at EliteXC in this video, one camera angle is insufficient for capturing his rage. He lays into EliteXC for the Seth Petruzelli “knockout bonus” scandal and suggests that Jeremy Lappen and the Shaws should look into the kickboxing business if they want to keep fights off the ground so badly. I couldn’t agree more.

For his part, EliteXC Head of Operations Jeremy Lappen changes his story yet again in a talk with AOL Fanhouse. First, Lappen told Si.com that Petruzelli was offered a knockout bonus, but the company doesn’t offer submission bonuses. Then he told ESPN.com that Petruzelli was offered a KO bonus, a submission bonus, and a fight of the night bonus. Now he says both stories misquoted him:

“They’re both wrong,” Lappen said. “We have given submission bonuses in the past but they’re not as common as knockout bonuses. If the question is, ‘Have we ever given submission bonuses?’ The answer is yes. But we give knockout bonuses more often. We gave Seth a knockout bonus before the fight started. That was part of the deal.”

Hold up, you gave him a knockout bonus before the fight started? As in, before he had knocked anyone out? Goddammit Lappen, I sure as hell hope you were “misquoted” yet again. At the very least I hope it’s just poor phrasing on your part and what you meant to say was you told of him of a potential knockout bonus before the fight. But either way, it’s still bullshit. You offered him an incentive to win a fight in a very specific manner, not an incentive to simply finish the fight.

Not to mention, this is the third time you’ve changed your story. Nobody gets misquoted this often. Not unless they keep changing their story so often that they can’t keep all the versions straight in their own mind.

(One of those days where it really sucks to have just one waist.)

Frank Shamrock has yet to encounter a situation that is not, at its core, about Frank Shamrock. It just hasn’t happened. It probably never will happen. The main event at EliteXC: Heat last Saturday night is a great example. You remember that one, right?

Kimbo Slice was set to face Ken Shamrock, but instead squared off against (and was quickly defeated by) Seth Petruzelli. You might have seen it. What you probably didn’t know at the time was that this situation was all about Frank Shamrock. He was the grown man with braces calling the fight for CBS. But really, he should have been in there fighting. If he had, MMA history could have been altered. At least, that’s the story he told Sherdog:

“I think it was a mistake to not let me fight [Kimbo Slice],” said Shamrock, who claims he offered to step in to face the notorious streetfighter.

[...]

“When I realized we would have to cancel the show, I said, ‘Look, I’ll fight the guy. You know, it’s a great story — little brother steps into the spot, comes out of the booth. It’s very compelling, but we need a fight to happen that’s compelling,’” Frank said. “That went around for hours. Then I put my shirt on and went to work. No one committed to it, so I just kept talking.”

Of course you did, Frank. Because that’s what you do. A lot of talking, and occasionally some fighting.

(Just think of what might have been. Or better yet, don’t think about it. Ever.)

Oh, Ken Shamrock. Somehow the controversy over whether you cut yourself on purpose or whether you were just unlucky/dumb has been overshadowed in the past few days by other EliteXC controversies. It’s almost as if people have completely forgotten that it was supposed to be you who got paid extra to stand and trade with Kimbo Slice. Instead, you didn’t make a dime and ended up being but a footnote in this sad spectacle.

But fear not, MMA fans, for Ken Shamrock has composed (read: asked someone to write for him) an open letter explaining what went on this past Saturday and what he’d like to do about it. Take it away, Ken:

On October 4th, I was set to fight Kimbo Slice on the EliteXC/CBS Saturday Night Fights in a highly anticipated event. Unfortunately, because of a training accident and the intervention of the Florida State Boxing Commission, our fight did not happen. I suffered a cut above my left eye that required six stitches, and the cut was significant enough to cause the Florida State Boxing Commission to refuse to allow me to fight.

The scheduled bout with Kimbo on the EliteXC/CBS Saturday Night Fight card was a great opportunity, and it is unfortunate that I was unable to face Kimbo as planned. I want to apologize to all of my fans, and to the EliteXC and CBS executives who worked so hard to put this fight together. I also want to apologize to Kimbo, Bas Rutten and their entire camp for what happened. I recognize that I put them in a very bad situation, particularly Kimbo. It’s difficult to walk into the ring after training for one opponent only to find out hours before the fight that you have to face some you don’t know or have never seen fight.

(ESPN‘s Jim Rome lays into EliteXC at about the 5:20 mark.)

This thing isn’t going away quietly. In the wake of allegations that EliteXC offered Seth Petruzelli extra money to stand and bang with Kimbo Slice, Head of Operations Jeremy Lappen issued a formal statement defending the company’s actions and refuting any claims of impropriety, saying in part:

“Seth Petruzelli was offered a fee to fight Kimbo Slice, plus a knockout bonus, a common practice throughout the industry. EliteXC organizes and promotes fights. We have not…do not…and will not suggest or dictate fighters’ strategies or tactics. How the fighters perform in the cage is at the sole discretion of the athletes involved.

“The circumstances leading up to the Petruzelli/Slice fight were unusual. Ken Shamrock was declared medically ineligible less than three hours before the fight. As an organization, we made a decision to serve the paying audience in the arena and the prime time audience at home by delivering on a Kimbo Slice fight, which we had promised. This was done simply and solely with a standard fee and bonus offer to Petruzelli and by increasing the purse to Slice. Elite XC is grateful to both Seth and Kimbo for taking this fight against an opponent they didn’t train for and on such short notice.

He then goes on to trumpet Frank Shamrock’s willingness to step in even though everyone knew it wasn’t a feasible offer (even Frank, one has to assume), touts the exciting and “diverse” night of fights, and mentions what great ratings it got.

Problem solved, right? I mean, all they did was offer the guy extra money to knock Kimbo out. They didn’t say that knockout had to be on the feet. And sure, they didn’t offer a submission bonus, but that’s only because they think submissions are boring. Nothing wrong with that…or is there? Well, yeah, there is actually. But don’t take our word for it.

Fortunately, Dana White spoke to the Boston Herald about it, and he’s not the type to mince expletives. I mean, words:

(What bonus?)

Benji Radach led off the CBS portion of Elite XC: Heat with an exciting second-round knockout of “Ninja” Rua, but says he was never informed by Elite XC officials before the bout that there was even the possibility of a ‘knockout of the night’ bonus, as Seth Petruzelli says he received for felling Kimbo Slice.

“No, not at all,” Radach said, when asked whether Elite XC officials ever mentioned knockout, submission, or fight of the night bonuses, before or after the event. “I wish there was a bonus because I think my fight was really exciting, maybe fight of the night or knockout of the night. But nope, I never heard anything.”

This contradicts Petruzelli’s claim that Elite XC mentioned the post-fight bonuses before the event, which caused him to stand and strike with Kimbo in the hopes of notching the knockout of the night.

That clarification came after Petruzelli seemed to suggest, during a radio interview with Monsters in the Morning, that he’d been paid extra by Elite XC to keep the fight with Kimbo standing. Petruzelli then said the extra money was simply for a knockout bonus, and was for the same amount as the submission of the night and fight of the night bonuses.

There’s been as of yet no word from Elite XC on which fighters received these other bonuses, just as there has been little mention of these bonuses in past Elite XC events.

Update: Elite XC’s Jeremy Lappen tells Josh Gross that some fighter contracts have KO bonuses built into them and some don’t. Submission bonuses, however, are a myth in Elite XC:

“We’re just trying to create exciting fights,” Lappen said, doing some spinning of his own. “Fast-paced energy fights. It’s just something we’ve always done.”

EliteXC, it seems, does not view submissions, widely thought of as the most technical aspect of MMA, as an overly important portion of an exciting fight.

“We don’t give submission bonuses,” Lappen said. But Petruzelli “knew a knockout bonus was possible before the fight.”

(Photo courtesy of MMA Junkie.)

Seth Petruzelli can’t understand why all you internet conspiracy theorists might possibly think that Elite XC paid him extra to stand and bang with Kimbo Slice rather than take him down. What a crazy notion. All he did was go on a radio show and say:

The promoters kinda hinted to me, and they gave me the money to stand and trade with him. They didn’t want me to take him down. Let’s just put it that way. It was worth my while to try and stand up and punch with him.

Oh crap. That sounds like he said exactly what he’s now saying that he didn’t say. Don’t worry, Sam Caplan sat down with Petruzelli to help him sort it all out. Among the revelations in the full Five Ounces of Pain interview with Petruzelli: he’d been drinking all night before making those comments on that radio show, but still feels like he “worded it perfectly” (so why mention the drinking at all?), the extra money was just for a knockout bonus, and he feels the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.

Petruzelli explains it was all on the up-and-up, but something doesn’t sound right.

(Props to “Michael L.” for the image.)

From our dawgs at Complex.com:

Well, that was quick. Only four fights into his highly publicized mixed martial arts career and Kevin Ferguson a.k.a Kimbo Slice, the street fighter turned savior of the MMA world, was knocked the fuck out on Saturday night by some no-name dude with pink highlights. In 14 seconds.

What kind of peanut butter and jelly bullshit is that, you ask? Hell if we know. But either that was a set up for a rematch or Kimbo Slice’s MMA career may be coming to an abrupt end. Now, we’re sure the people that run EliteXC won’t let him fall from grace before milking a few more dollars out of him, but if, for some reason, Kimbo felt the need to find another line of work, we have a few suggestions…

BECOME A RAPPER

Rap is all about posturing and posing. You really don’t even need to know how to cleverly put words together. All he would need to do is get a video camera and have one of his duns record him taking shots at an unassuming rapper. And with Kimbo being from Miami, all he has to do is holler at Khaled, and he’ll probably get thrown on the next We The Best Music Group anthems.

BECOME A PORN STAR

Before he started fighting professionally, Kimbo was hired muscle for the Reality Kings crew, i.e. the same dudes that bring you such memorable, wholesome entertainment as MILF Hunter. It would be nothing for Kimbo to put in some work in front of the camera. We’re sure he’d be able to give Mr. Marcus a run for the crown…

Read the rest of this list at Complex.com. And no, Kimbo isn’t posing with some butch lesbian in the above photo, that’s Andy Milonakis.

(CNBC’s sports business readers aren’t an optimistic bunch.)

As the Kimbo Slice backlash pendulum swings to and fro in the days following his defeat, we find ourselves asking what lingering affect Slice’s fourteen-second performance might have on the MMA landscape. The good news, some MMA pundits tell us, is that people are talking. They’re covering Kimbo Slice on ESPN. They’re talking about him in the mainstream news media. There is a buzz, in other words, thanks to Elite XC and Kimbo Slice.

And that’s nice, except for when you stop to listen to what these people are actually saying. CNBC’s sports business guru Darren Rovell, put it thusly:

…[T]his will turn out to be a great case study in sports marketing.

You have a really marketable asset in a guy like Kimbo Slice. The problem is, he’s a good street fighter against normal guys. He’s just not that good of an MMA fighter. So you know that he has to continue to win, but there aren’t enough weak guys for him to fight. In fact, as was proven in Petruzelli, a decent guy can beat him. The other problem is that you can only fix the results if the guy makes it to three rounds, which you’re never guaranteed. Slice couldn’t have won on Saturday night. He was getting pounded. Mike Tyson was Mike Tyson because he really was a talented fighter, along with all the weird baggage that we loved.

An astute analysis, even if we were sick of the Kimbo Slice/Mike Tyson comparisons months ago. But Gravell, who wrote about how drawn he was to Kimbo’s persona and backstory when he fought on the first CBS show, seems to have come to the realization that it was all hype. Which should be encouraging, because it means that maybe the people who were drawn to the sport because of the Kimbo buzz will not abandon it now that they realize he’s far from the best MMA has to offer.

NBC Sports’ resident MMA expert Mike Chiapetta says Kimbo’s loss is no good for anybody in MMA, no matter what we might say to the contrary:

(Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. Check out more pics from this set here.)

The Seth Petruzelli bribery story we discussed yesterday has taken a couple of left turns. First, FiveOuncesofPain contacted Petruzelli for a follow-up on his claim that EliteXC had paid him to keep his fight against Kimbo Slice standing, and Petruzelli backtracked, saying his words were being twisted:

“What was meant to be said was that I wanted to keep the fight standing for myself because I knew that was what the crowd, the promoters, and everyone wanted to see because that’s more exciting than just taking someone to the ground. That was my thing only. I wanted to keep it exciting so I decided to keep it standing. It had nothing to do with anybody else. That was all me.”

Keep it mind that this is a direct contradiction to what Petruzelli actually said during the interview, particularly the line “they gave me the money to stand and trade with him.” Yet when 5oz. asked him directly if EliteXC even hinted that he could receive a bonus by keeping the fight standing, Petruzelli flat-out denied it. (“I just wanted to keep it standing because I felt I could beat [Kimbo] at his own game.”)

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s going on here. After Petruzelli’s radio interview started sweeping the ‘nets, many MMA pundits and fans cried “fix,” even calling for charges to be brought against EliteXC. (Bribery to affect the outcome of a sanctioned fight is a felony in this country.) Petruzelli clearly didn’t understand how serious his revelation was at the time, and now he’s trying to save the asses of his employer and himself. For their part, EliteXC also denies that money was offered to Petruzelli in exchange for going easy on the takedowns. As EliteXC Head of Fight Operations Jeremy Lappen told Sherdog yesterday:

“Obviously we didn’t pay [Petruzelli] to stand. Kimbo had trained for months to fight a guy who’s fighting on the ground. We don’t care if people stand or take people down or what. It doesn’t matter to us. All we want is an exciting fight.”

But was Ken Shamrock actually going to be fighting on the ground?

Now we know why Kimbo Slice didn’t seem too bothered by his fourteen-second loss at Elite XC: Heat. Turns out he made half a million dollars for his brief night of work. That works out to $35,714.29 per second of cage time for Kimbo, which is an even better per second salary than Tim Sylvia received for his thirty-six-second loss to Fedor Emelianenko ($22,222.22, in case you’re curious).

It’s an especially impressive take when you consider that the live gate from Elite XC’s Ft. Lauderdale show was only $826,000. The only other fighter on the night to match Kimbo’s total was Andrei Arlovski, who was also paid $500,000 for his victory over Roy Nelson, though Affliction picked up the tab for both of them.

The full disclosed payout from Elite XC: Heat looks like this:

Kimbo Slice: $500,000
Seth Petruzelli: $50,000 (including a $15,000 win bonus)
Jake Shields: $50,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Paul Daley: $12,000
Andrei Arlvoski: $500,000
Roy Nelson: $80,000
Gina Carano: $25,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Kelly Kobald: $6,000
Benji Radach: $30,000 (including $15,000 win bonus)
“Ninja” Rua: $35,000

(It’s even sadder in slo-mo.)

From Monsters in the Morning via BloodyElbow via CagePotato reader “Adam S”:

Seth Petruzelli: My original plan was to throw a lot of push kicks, they’re called teeps…have him think that I’m going to throw ‘em to try to rush in more, and then shoot in on him, obviously…I knew I would do alright standing up with him. The promoters kinda hinted to me, and they gave me the money to stand and trade with him. They didn’t want me to take him down. Let’s just put it that way. It was worth my while to try and stand up and punch with him.

Petruzelli says he was paid “in the six-figure range” for accepting the main event fight on Saturday and will be re-negotiating his contract for his next EliteXC fights. I bet the next time EliteXC offers a guy money to stand and trade with Kimbo, they’ll be a little clearer about the objective: Don’t shoot for a takedown, but also don’t knock him out with an off-balance jab. (You’d think that would be implied.) We definitely suggest listening to the rest of the “Monsters” interview, where Seth describes the moment where he knew he had Kimbo beat, what he said to the athletic commissioner afterwards, and the chances of Kimbo/Seth II (and Tito/Seth I). Entertaining stuff…

(Even Hulk Hogan finds that behavior boorish. Thanks, MMA Core.)

As you can see, Elite XC VP Jared Shaw is very passionate about the rules. Almost fanatically so. That’s why when he saw what he perceived to be an illegal blow to the back of Kimbo Slice‘s head, he couldn’t contain himself. He jumped up and went screaming to the side of the cage, imploring the referee to give Kimbo a Frank Mir-type rescue. Fortunately he stopped just short of leaping over the cage and covering Kimbo with his own body like a human $kala shield.

Now that he’s had a chance to cool down, he admits he may have overreacted. Shaw told MMA Rated:

“I watched the tape back today,” Shaw said. “While I think that the ref may have missed the (blow to the back of the head) call, my reactions at ringside – I saw them myself – were inappropriate and inexcusable.

“I apologize to the MMA community and the fans and most of all Seth Petruzelli as although my reactions can not change a referee’s decision, they were inappropriate at the time and over a heated and tense mixed martial arts event.”

“Again, I apologize to the community,” Shaw repeated. “I am all for fair mixed martial arts fighting and I am very happy to represent Seth Petruzelli.”

Well, at least Shaw is big enough to admit when he’s wrong. You can understand how a man being forced to watch his meal ticket unceremoniously felled like that could lose control of his emotions. As impressive as his desire for fair competition is, it’s hard to imagine Shaw mustering the same enthusiasm for a protest if the situation had been reversed and it were Petruzelli who caught a hammer fist in the back of the dome. Although that could change now that Elite XC is in the Seth “Rocky” Petruzelli business. I hear he’s a very promotable guy.

(Andrei and Roy fight for recognition in this hot-chick-and-Internet-brawler-dominated world of MMA. Photo courtesy of AOL Sports.)

EliteXC pulled its CBS ratings back up to the levels of its first “Saturday Night Fights” broadcast with this weekend’s “Heat” show, which drew 4.30 million average viewers through 11 p.m. (not counting the main event, which ran over the scheduled time); May’s “Primetime” card took in a nearly identical 4.31 million average viewers in the same timeframe. “Heat” made CBS the #1 network among male viewers in the 18-34 and 18-49 age brackets, and in the adults (men and women) 18-34 category. It tied with ABC’s college football broadcast among adults 18-49, and was soundly beaten in overall rating by America’s Most Wanted.

Even though the numbers display no growth from the May show, they’re much higher than the Kimbo-and-Gina-less bomb of “Unfinished Business,” and CBS is (at least publicly) happy with the ratings. As CBS Senior Executive VP for Primetime Kelly Kahl told AOL Sports’s Michael David Smith:

“We have a four-fight contract. We certainly plan on coming back with fight No. 4. The numbers last night were terrific. The total viewer number was on par with May 31 and the demos were down just a little bit, but we were up against a couple good college football games and the baseball playoffs…Last night was a step ahead, not a step back. To do roughly the numbers we did in May against much steeper competition bodes pretty well.”

Discussing the idea that Kimbo’s loss would mean the end for EliteXC on CBS, Kahl said:

“That is 100 percent misinformed, written by a lot of people who have very little inside knowledge into what’s going on even though they might think they do.”

Question: Will people still tune in to see Kimbo Slice fight now that he’s been exposed as merely human, or will Saturday Night Fights have to become The Gina Carano Show? It seems EliteXC will need a Tito Ortiz-caliber signing to ensure that their next CBS card doesn’t follow in the disappointing footsteps of “Unfinished Business.”

(Just another day in the organization for Jared Shaw. Props: Steve Cofield.)

The Kimbo Slice fairy tale is over now. At least it ought to be. The “street certified” brawler got himself knocked out in fourteen seconds by a guy who calls himself a “part-time fighter.” A guy who isn’t in the same weight class and isn’t thought of as anything more than a mediocre also-ran in the weight class he normally calls home. To call this a worst case scenario for Elite XC is putting it too mildly. This is an absolute disaster. Which means, of course, that they will now try to convince us that it is not.

Announcer Mauro Ranallo got that ball rolling almost immediately after the fight by suggesting that this should be considered a “mulligan” for Kimbo, since he didn’t plan on fighting Petruzelli. Do we dare mention that Petruzelli also didn’t plan on fighting Kimbo, a heavyweight, in the main event? Apparently not. Instead we start playing up the predictable Rocky Balboa angle, forgetting for the moment that Rocky fought Apollo Creed, the world champion. Unlike Kimbo, the fictional Apollo was both style and substance, and he didn’t go down to a tentative jab.

This is the point where Elite XC makes excuses for Kimbo and tells us that a star is born in Petruzelli. Just watch Jared Shaw working from this script in his interview with Ariel Helwani and see if you don’t find yourself feeling a little sorry for him. His cringe-worthy performance includes transparent lies such as, “it’s just another day in the organization,” and “(Pertruzelli) is a very promotable guy; everybody in this sport is promotable,” and my personal favorite, “we’re gathering all our other nuts.”

This, from the same guy who could be seen having a total meltdown at cageside while Kimbo was getting pounded out on live network TV.

The person who seemed least bothered by last night’s events was Kimbo Slice himself. He hyped his after-party in the post-fight interview and showed up forty-five minutes late to the press conference, where he interrupted Elite XC Head of Operations Jeremy Lappen and made a very brief statement, laughing about his swollen eye, and then disappeared again.

Kimbo Slice faces light heavyweight Seth Petruzelli, the man with the devastating front kick/jab combo. Relive the magic again and again. Things to take note of:

1) Kimbo’s tough guy act when he refuses to touch gloves.

2) Kimbo going face first onto the canvas a few seconds later.

3) At about the 0:57 mark, if you’re quick you can see Elite XC VP Jared Shaw at cageside screaming his head off at the referee, like any impartial promoter would surely do in that situation.

What a night. After the event Shaw spoke about that moment with MMA Rated, and even mentioned the possibility of a protest stemming from blows to the back of the head. That sounds fun. Videos of the evening’s other bouts are after the jump, courtesy of MMA-Core.

Spoiler alert: Ninja, Gina, Andrei, Jake, and Kimbo (!) are going to win, maybe all within the first round. If you’re curious about how exactly it’ll happen, read on. Hit that “more” link and refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest updates from the live CBS broadcast, comin’ atcha from the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida. Seriously though, this is about to be some lopsided shit. Grab some beers.

Get this: At about 6:20 p.m. ET, MMA Rated passed along the word that Ken Shamrock sustained a cut above his eye in the last 24 hours while training, forcing him to pull out of tonight’s main event against Kimbo Slice. Frank Shamrock — who is handling commentary tonight for CBS — actually volunteered to step in as a last-minute replacement, but he isn’t licensed to fight in Florida, so EliteXC instead had their eyes on KOTC brawler/UFC castoff Seth Petruzelli, who was supposed to face Aaron Rosa on tonight’s undercard. Then, MMA Rated reported that a very shady doctor was found who cleared Shamrock to fight around 7 p.m., saving “Heat” from one of the greatest Epic Fails in MMA history. Well, we hope. MMA Weekly now says that the fight has a 50/50 chance of happening. Other sources say the fight is 100% dunzo.

Update: Ariel Helwani tells Ben Fowlkes (who tells me) that Seth Petruzelli is 100% in as Ken’s replacement. Wow. On the bright side, Kimbo is finally fighting a legitimate heavyweight who isn’t riding an eight-fight losing streak. This should be interesting…

Update #2: “JM” wins the t-shirt. Shoot your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com, brah.

(It took her three tries, but she hit 141. That was close, Crush.)

- Gina Carano makes weight…just barely. (MMA Junkie)

- The pros offer their picks for Kimbo Slice vs. Ken Shamrock (Sherdog)

- Randy Couture and Brock Lesnar injury reports. (Brawl Sports)

- If you’re a fighter and you need a nickname, look no further. I’m torn between “The Gymnast” and “Hot Garbage.” (Bleeding Media)

- Don’t expect to see Tito Ortiz fighting again until Spring ’09. (MMA Rated)

- Don Frye is sober? So we’re drinking alone tonight, then? (Fightlinker)

- Media coverage ramps up for Elite XC: Heat. (Fight Opinion)

- Alistair Oveerem talks Cro Cop on ‘Inside MMA.’ (MMA Scraps)

- Wall Street starts the bailout celebrations. (Wall Street Fighter)

- Bill Maher’s “Religulous” is preachy, but good. (Screen Junkies)

- Comic book fans: then and now. (Holy Taco)

- Chick fight turns into huge family brawl. (Nothing Toxic)

Elite XC’s Jared Shaw takes a little shot at yours truly in this MMA Rated interview, calling me Ben “UFC” Fowlkes, which I suppose is an implication that I’m pro-UFC and anti-Elite XC, although I like to think that my record as an equal opportunity critic speaks for itself. If an organization does dumb things, it’s my job to point it out. If one organization does more dumb things than others, they’re going to receive more criticism. That’s just how it works. If it makes me a hater, I can live with that. But since when do we all have to like everything?

$kala says he just wants some love for his fighters, not himself. Fair enough, Jared. You do have some good fighters in your organization. Guys like Jake Shields, Robbie Lawler, Wilson Reis, Nick Diaz, and “Ninja” Rua, just to name a few. These are all fighters that I enjoy watching. But your fighters aren’t what you’ve been criticized for, and I think you know it.

Let’s take the event you’ve got this Saturday, for example. On the undercard you’ve got a few interesting scraps between guys like Paul Daley and Jake Shields, Benji Radach and “Ninja” Rua, and a sweet little co-promotional joint between Affliction fighters Andrei Arlovski and Roy Nelson (nice work scoring that, by the way, whether you had anything to do with it or not).

But your main event features a 3-0 fighter in Kimbo Slice, who has yet to face an opponent coming off a win, taking on a forty-four-year-old legend of the sport who hasn’t won a fight or even made it out of the first round in over four years. And that’s your main event.

It’s been a Kimbo-tastic week at ESPN, so naturally MMA Live had to get into the act with their own one-on-one interview of Kimbo Slice before Saturday’s big fight. For the most part it’s the usual material, but about two and a half minutes in Brett Rogers becomes a topic of conversation, and that’s where things get interesting.

First, Kimbo says he isn’t going to fight someone just for running his mouth and says he doesn’t “even want to call out his name because he doesn’t deserve respect.” Right, because all Rogers has done is rack up an 8-0 record, finishing all eight fights. We have yet to see him against Afro Puff, for Pete’s sake!

Kimbo then criticizes Rogers for “just fighting to get paid,” and goes on to say that for him it’s personal. He’s fighting for a cause, and that cause is his family. As for what he has to gain from fighting Rogers, Kimbo replies: “Nothing.”

Let me see if I understand this. Kimbo isn’t just fighting for money; he’s fighting for his family. Which means what, exactly? I always thought that when guys say they’re fighting for their families (a noble reason, I might add), what they mean is that they’re fighting to make money so they can provide for their family. Correct me if I’m wrong, but Kimbo has been paid very well for his each of his three pro fights, has he not? And yet Rogers catches heat for calling Kimbo out and trying to get paid? I don’t get it. Just like I don’t get how, if it’s personal for Kimbo, he wouldn’t fight a guy for running his mouth. Isn’t that exactly why you’d fight him if it was all personal?

Look, everyone fights for money. They do it because they love it, sure, but this is their career. It makes perfect sense for Rogers to try and build his name and up his salary by beating Kimbo. And Kimbo does have plenty to gain by fighting Rogers, such as credibility. If he beats Rogers, it will prove that he can do more than pound on tomato cans and over-the-hill fighters who are on long losing streaks, which is more than he’s done so far. Please Kimbo, fight Brett Rogers. You can both get paid. And if you win, we’ll all stop complaining that you haven’t fought anybody.

(Different crumpled body, same end result on Saturday night?)

It’s Friday, there’s an event tomorrow (which we’ll be liveblogging, of course), and questions abound as to Elite XC’s long term viability and Ken Shamrock’s short term punchability, so that means one thing…it’s Ben vs. Ben time. In this edition, we talk Kimbo Slice, underdogs, co-promotions, and other stuff. We argue, we call each other names, we reconcile, we hug (just playin’, we don’t hug…anyone…ever), and in the end we arrive at few, if any, conclusions. But it’s about the journey, man. Not the destination. So without further ado…

Assuming we agree that Kimbo Slice will be victorious over Ken Shamrock, how and when will it happen? What’s next for Ferg?

Fowlkes: If this were five years ago I’d take Shamrock over this strange Kimbo character and I wouldn’t think twice about it. But it’s not five years ago, alas, so Shamrock is in for yet another disappointing performance in a career that has seen too many of them lately.

In his more lucid moments, Shamrock knows he needs to get this to the ground in a hurry. He should also know that his forty-four-year-old legs don’t have too many explosive shots left in them, so he has to be smart and make his takedown attempts count. That’s why he’ll try and trap Kimbo against the cage in a clinch and look for a throw or leg sweep – something that won’t sap too much precious energy. Kimbo will circle away from him and tee off. Shamrock will try again with similar results, but eventually a punch will clip him and he’ll go down. Then the ref will step in and Shamrock will be protesting the stoppage before he’s even back on his feet. It won’t get out of the first round or even past the four-minute mark. Thank you, Florida, and good night.

This fight will prove nothing for Kimbo’s credibility. Even Elite XC has to see that. After this they’ll load up for one big pay-per-view with Kimbo vs. Brett Rogers as the main event, figuring it’s time to go all-in. They have no choice. Antonio Silva is dealing with his steroid charges, Justin Eilers is damaged goods, and Sean Gannon wants too much money. Rogers is the only guy people will pay to see Kimbo fight. If Elite XC is smart they’ll realize they can leverage Kimbo’s stardom into a big push for Rogers, who might actually have the skills to justify the hype in the long run.

Goldstein: Dude, Ken hasn’t made it to the four-minute mark in a fight since 2002, and he’s not about to start now. I’m going to bring your estimate down 90 seconds and say The Miami Pound Machine finishes The World’s Most Glassiest Chin within the first 2:30. It’ll start with Kimbo knocking Shamrock down after about a minute-and-a-half. (No more than one shot will be attempted by Ken during that time.) The ref won’t stop it right away. Kimbo will get on top of Shamrock and punch him out on the ground. People will say “wooooo!” And the broadcast will immediately end because they’ll already be over their timeslot by like a half-hour.

(Man, I just hope Ken’s HMO is going to cover this.)

Yesterday’s press conference for Elite XC: Heat provided all the requisite photo ops and pre-packaged quotes. We get to hear every fighter talk about what a great opportunity this is, how much they love Elite XC, etc. But what every good press conference has to have is a quote that just plain doesn’t make sense. Thankfully, Kimbo Slice obliged:

“Ken’s fighting in Florida, which is no place for an old man. I’m mentally prepared and ready to do it and represent the crib. It’s going to be ‘305’ (his area code) all day.”

Really? Florida’s no place for an old man? Perhaps what he meant to say was, Florida is the place for an old man. Senior citizens make up 16.8% of the population there (don’t say you never learn anything on Cage Potato). If anything, Florida is the perfect place for a fighter of advanced age such as Shamrock. He can catch an early bird dinner before the fight, then maybe enjoy some shuffleboard after the bout is over. When he finally comes to, that is.

Speaking of Shamrock, you didn’t think you were going to have a press conference without him putting his public speaking gifts into action, did you?

MMA Rated’s Ariel Helwani is live on the scene of Elite XC: Heat and managed to score interviews with some of the principle players in Saturday night’s event. Above, Kimbo Slice explains why he had to turn his phone off so he could fully focus on battering his senior citizen opponent.

Once more Kimbo makes his case as a populist fighter based on shopping at the same stores normal people shop at. Of course, he shops there with the hundreds of thousands of dollars he made for beating up substandard opponents, and he may or may not be wearing shoes with his picture on them. So there is that minor difference.

Ariel also spoke with Kelly Kobald — who very politely explains her desire to make Gina Carano the “broken, bruised, and bloody face of women’s MMA,” — as well as Gina Carano herself, who seems to genuinely like Ariel for some bizarre reason. Just proves she has poor taste in men. First Kit Cope, now Ariel Helwani? Gina, why do you do this to yourself?

Check it out after the jump.

(What, no odds on whether Gina will make weight?)

If betting odds are any indication of how competitive MMA bouts will turn out to be, expect a lot of one-sided blowouts on Elite XC’s CBS offering this Saturday night. Not that it’s any surprise, really. In fact, with five fights crammed into a two-hour time slot CBS is going to need some quick beatdowns if they don’t want to run way over and have to cut into precious local news time. In any event, Best Fight Odds supplies the most gambler-friendly betting lines for ‘Elite XC: Heat,’ and they break down like this:

Kimbo Slice (-325) vs. Ken Shamrock (+329)
Jake Shields (-550) vs. Paul Daley (+524)
Gina Carano (-550) vs. Kelly Kobald (+525)
Ninja Rua (-196) vs. Benji Radach (+210)
Andrei Arlovski (-428) vs. Roy Nelson (+385)

Some thoughts…

(Inaccuracy #1: this doll appears to be smiling. And we all know smiling’s for pussies.)

Yahoo’s Maggie Hendricks located this creepy Kimbo Slice doll on Ebay today, and then had the good sense to share it with the world. The seller, “chuteboxegod”, has this to say about the six-inch figurine:

This is a one of a kind custom KIMBO SLICE action figure
aprox. 6 inches.
Pimp Fist Chain included!!

Beard is hand sculpted for extreme realism.

Shorts have sponsor patches (Triumph United etc).
Figure is durable and ready to play with!!
Recreate your favorite Kimbo moments with this figure.

As Kimbo would say “Let’s run this SH!T!!”
cage not included

Chuteboxegod, you had me at hand-sculpted beard. As for recreating my favorite Kimbo moments, do you have plans for an Afro Puff figurine any time soon? I already have my own miniature boat salvage yard to put them in. What? I have to fill my free time somehow.

(‘Old and veiny. That’s how I roll.’)

In an interview with Gary Herman of 15rounds.com Ken Shamrock reiterates his desire to knock Kimbo Slice unconscious and then shave his beard (are the lines between pro wrestling and “the MMA” blurring for Ken in his old age?), and also offers this assessment of his game plan going into the bout on Saturday:

“If all goes well, I’ll get a win in the first round. I can handle him anywhere – stand-up or on the ground. I’m not going to force anything. If it’s there, I’m going to take it. If he leaves his face open, I’m going to punch it. If he gives me a leg, I’ll take that.”

A genius master plan it ain’t, but at least he’s going in there with something. Not to be outdone, Kimbo had this to say about his preparation for the fight, then added a word of advice for Shamrock:

“I daydream about the fights, man. This (expletive) is in my head. I see it over and over and over again. I don’t think about sex, I don’t think about smokin’, I don’t think about drinking. I think about the guy I’m fighting, I think about my opponent. That’s all I think about.

[...]

“Come into this cage and fight like a lion, rather than die like a pussy.”

Well, okay, two different rhetorical styles there but…wait a minute. Did Kimbo just suggest that Ken Shamrock might “die like a pussy” in their fight? I understand the “fight like a lion” part. Did he mean ‘lose like a pussy’? Then again, ‘pussy’ isn’t exactly the opposite of ‘lion.’ How about ‘lose like a lamb’?

All right, long story short, parallel sentence structure isn’t Kimbo’s strong suit. But either way let’s not go around talking about Ken Shamrock dying in the cage on Saturday, okay Kimbo? The guy’s getting on in years as it is, his cholesterol is probably a concern, and just think about how bad you’ll feel if he really does die. You don’t want that hanging over your head.