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Tag: Kimbo Slice

James Toney Still Has No Idea What He’s Gotten Himself Into

James Toney
(Striking fear in the hearts of buffet owners everywhere.)

Now that James Toney has signed with the UFC and hired a trainer known primarily for his boxing expertise, you might think he’d be hard at work trying to get a feel for this MMA stuff. If this were a movie, this is the point where some inspiring, upbeat music would accompany a training montage that shows Toney’s rapid improvement in the span of just a few minutes. But this isn’t a movie; this is real life. And in real life, “Lights Out” isn’t really that worried about anyone taking him down and laying on top of him.

As Toney told MMAFighting.com, he still has yet to do any actual MMA sparring, but has been shown some “basics” by Juanito Ibarra. He’s also “tried a little kickboxing and wrestling,” but isn’t too concerned since it’s “all hand-to-hand combat.” In other words, don’t even trip. Toney has got this under control, playa.

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The UFC Is Not F*cking Around With Their Strikeforce Counter-Programming

Kimbo Slice porn girls Reality Kings
(I hope you’re working hard, James, because Kimbo is working double-hard.)

It’s not enough for the UFC to simply hold an event the same day their rivals are holding one. No, gentle readers, what Dana White may have in mind is far more savage. In an update on the Strikeforce: Nashville counter-programming situation, Sherdog passes along the following amazing detail:

The venue for the proposed UFC event has not been settled upon, though speculation centers on Vanderbilt University’s Memorial Gymnasium in Nashville.

Tennessee Athletic Commission Executive Director Jeff Mullen says that the UFC has not yet applied for a permit, but if this actually happens, holy shit. This is basically something Keyser Soze would do if he was running an MMA promotion. Again, overall TV ratings would still lean in favor of Strikeforce, but the UFC could steal a lot of the local heat in Nashville depending on who’s on the card. Although the proposed Mike Swick vs. Matt Serra match isn’t happening due to Swick’s impending arm-surgery, Carmichael Dave drops the rumor that James Toney vs. Kimbo Slice is being prepared as the main event for the UFC’s April 17th show.

Kind of short-notice for Lights Out, but it’s not like he was planning on getting his blue belt in BJJ before stepping into the Octagon. He’s working with a fucking boxing coach to prepare for his MMA debut, okay? He doesn’t plan on anybody laying on top of him like a lil’ fag, you feel me? All of this is still unconfirmed, but we hope it goes down, just so we can hear Dana White explain why Dan Henderson vs. Jake Shields is a freak show, while Kimbo vs. Dark Gable is legitimate MMA…

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‘Wrong Side of Town’ DVD Caption Contest: The Winners!

Kimbo Slice MMA UFC pimp funny photoWrong Side of Town Batista Bautista Rob Van Dam Ja Rule DVD

After a week of furious battle, we’re pleased to announce the five winners in our Wrong Side of Town caption contest. Picking up the DVDs are…

Duncdaddyfunk (17% of the vote): Kimbo lures in his prey with a photo op before dunking his tiny hands in gold and making fist necklaces out of them.

ddbissel (16%): I dont like Kimbo being this close to the ground.

Vlad (14%): Say what you will, but at least he’s a more credible opponent than the guys Bobby Lashley’s fighting.

drunkenmime (12%): Miami’s toughest street fighter poses for a picture with Kimbo slice.

CheckHisPee (11%): "Yo little man, do you pooh regular or do pellets be droppin?"

If your name has been called, please send your real name and address to feedback@cagepotato.com, and get ready for an action-packed thrill ride starring two pro wrestlers, a formerly-popular rapper, and whatever the hell an "Omarion" is. Props to Lion’s Gate for the hookup, and thanks to everyone who played!

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‘Wrong Side of Town’ DVD Caption Contest: The Finalists

Kimbo Slice midget fist pose

While we appreciate everybody who entered our latest caption contest, the sad fact is that you can’t all be winners. In fact, we can say right now that all but nine of you are definitely losers. After slogging through over 250 entries, we’ve selected some finalists, which you can read below. Please vote for your favorite in the poll on the right; the top five vote-getters will all score Wrong Side of Town DVDs. So without further ado…

Randle McMurphy: Kimbo and Jared Shaw reminisce about the good old days.

Vlad: Say what you will, but at least he’s a more credible opponent than the guys Bobby Lashley’s fighting.

Duncdaddyfunk: Kimbo lures in his prey with a photo op before dunking his tiny hands in gold and making fist necklaces out of them.

CheckHisPee: "Yo little man, do you pooh regular or do pellets be droppin?"

ddbissel: I dont like Kimbo being this close to the ground.

Contraband: Kimbo takes time out of his training for a quick pic with Shonie Carter’s son.

drunkenmime: Miami’s toughest street fighter poses for a picture with Kimbo slice.

PurplePickle: Choking back tears of joy as the camera flashed, Curtis Sample was ready to let everybody on Facebook know exactly how he rolled.

steampunk22: Don’t FUCK with the Lollipop Guild.

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Reminder: ‘Wrong Side of Town’ Caption Contest Ends Tomorrow!

Kimbo Slice midget pimp

Ay dog, we just wanted to let you know that our Wrong Side of Town DVD caption contest ends tomorrow at noon ET, so go here to throw in your final entries for a chance to win.

Bonus, after the jump: Check out the picture we were almost going to use for this contest, before we came across the above shot of Kimbo and the Pimpmidget. No, this is not another caption contest — wasting company time to come up with one-liners for a ridiculous photo of Aleksander Emelianenko should be its own reward.

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Caption Contest: Win a Copy of ‘Wrong Side of Town’

Wrong Side of Town DVD Bautista Ja Rule Rob Van Dam
(The tag line is "Who wants to die first" — just like that, without a question mark. That’s how you know these guys are serious.)

Don’t ask us where we got them, but we recently came into possession of a box of Wrong Side of Town DVDs, which don’t even hit stores until next Tuesday. (I know, I know, this crazy life we lead.) But instead of flipping all of them on the underground bootleg market, we’re going to skim five off the top and give them to you, our loyal and long-suffering readers. Hit us with the plot synopsis, LionsGateShop.com:

Bobby (Rob Van Dam), a former Navy Seal, seeks revenge by killing a crooked nightclub owner who attacked his wife. The owner’s brother comes after Bobby by placing a massive bounty on his head. Bobby’s only hope will be to enlist his old friend Ronnie (David Bautista) in retaliation efforts. But first he’ll have to repair the falling-out they had years ago. With Ronnie’s help he’ll stand a chance, but ultimately it will be up to him to save his family and escape his death sentence.

To win a copy of the flick, all you have to do is come up with a clever caption to the completely unrelated photo after the jump — which shows Kimbo Slice posing with the World’s Tiniest Pimp — and post it in the comments section below by Tuesday at noon ET. Finalists will be announced later that day. This is your moment, people. Grab it with both hands.

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The 25 Most Essential MMA Twitter Feeds

Arianny Celeste bikini UFC ring girl
(Arianny Celeste self-shot bikini pics: The reason why Twitter was invented. Photo courtesy of twitpic.com/photos/ariannyceleste.)

There was a time when you had to be a well-connected MMA journalist to keep tabs on where fighters were training and who their next opponents would be. Now you can do what we do — stay in bed with your laptop all day and follow them on Twitter. We call that progress. In case you’re not as tweet-obsessed as us, or if you’re simply too old to understand what the social-networking site is — ‘sup, dad — here’s what to do: Start an account, follow twitter.com/cagepotatomma, then start adding the pages below, which represent the 25 most informative and entertaining MMA-related Twitter feeds currently in operation. Your life will change in ways you never expected. And so, in alphabetical order…

twitter.com/allelbows
Bio: "mma shooter"
Known for her artfully crafted action shots and revealing portraiture, Esther Lin might be the greatest MMA photographer working today. Lately she’s been juggling gigs for MMAFighting, Strikeforce and Showtime, and the best of her work can always be found on her website, allelbows.com. Follow Esther’s tweets for photo updates and observations from her life behind the lens.
Sample tweet: "Fighters Are Dirty: the toilet in my hotel photoshoot room has pee all over it! Guys! Lift up the seat or aim better!"

twitter.com/amirmma
Bio: "Winner of The Ultimate Fighter 7"
It turns out that Amir Sadollah‘s awkward brand of ultra-dry humor is perfectly suited to short bursts of 140 characters or less. Like most UFC fighters, he spends a lot of time tweeting about publicity appearances and food. Unlike most UFC fighters, he somehow manages to make it all genuinely entertaining.
Sample tweet: "Yes Macs are expensive. But you can’t get a virus with them so I save money on condoms."

twitter.com/AriannyCeleste
Bio: "im not that cool. lover not a fighter."
Thanks to Twitter, stalking hot chicks has never been easier! UFC ring-girl goddess Arianny Celeste takes the guesswork out of our unhealthy obsession with her by generously sharing details about where she is, who she’s with, and what she’s doing, pretty much at all times. Also: Bikini pics and bikini pics and bikini pics. Why go anywhere else?
Sample tweet: "http://twitpic.com/112o0r – On my way 2 see an agency. Hope they like me, if not I’ll kick them in the groin area n give em stank eye."

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Dana White Confirms Kimbo vs. Meathead in Montreal, Calls Tito Ortiz a Liar…Again


(Former internet brawler vs. former NFL bench-sitter. Who ya got?)

UFC head honcho Dana White got down to business with reporters after today’s UFC 109 press conference and told them, among other things, that Kimbo Slice‘s next opponent will indeed be fellow TUF 10 contestant Matt Mitrione.  According to White, the fight is going down at UFC 113 in Montreal, and you know what that means, right?  The Miami Pound Machine is finally going international, playa!

From where I sit, which is on my front porch whittling away at a stick and keeping an eye on those no good neighborhood kids, it’s a matchup that makes sense.  It pits Slice against another foe who can throw them things, so to speak, and hopefully without any weird catchweight stuff to try and tip the scales in his favor.  It also lends him the appearance of fighting a credible UFC heavyweight, because at least Mitrione was on TV acting crazy quite a bit and is coming off an impressive KO win over Marcus Jones on the finale.  The fact that it was his first professional fight and now he gets Kimbo, well, what did you expect?  They aren’t feeding ‘Ferg to the wolves until they’re sure he’s served his purpose.

Speaking of guys who have served their purpose but continue to hang around, DW spoke about Tito Ortiz‘s claim that Chuck Liddell had recently licked alcoholism thanks to an intervention by White himself.  You’d better sit down for this one, because it sounds as if Tito might have been fudging the truth just a bit:

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Video: Dana White Can’t Stand/Is Totally Pumped About This Kimbo Slice Guy

George Orwell once said, “To see what is front of one’s nose needs a really good internet video editor.” Since he said this long before the invention of the internet, it probably confused the hell out of people. But as this new video from Lookoutawhale demonstrates, once more Orwell turns out to be right and everyone who doubted him feels like an idiot.

It’s not that we didn’t know how dramatically Dana White’s opinion of a guy can change once the opportunity to make money off of him presents itself. He’s a fight promoter.  Hyping stuff, sometimes through gross exaggerations of the truth, is what he does.  We knew this. But something about seeing the contrast between what DW claimed to believe about Kimbo Slice before he was in the UFC and what he had to say about him after he signed on for "The Ultimate Fighter" really slammed the point home.  White is a salesman, and salesmen tend to value honesty less than they value sales.

Again, we knew this. It’s just probably a good idea to remind ourselves every once in a while.

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Fight Booking Roundup: Koscheck vs. Daley, Kongo vs. Buentello, + More


(‘Why, Anthony? I trusted you!’)

Today many people agreed to fight many other people for money at a later date, and as tedious as it is to run through all the fights that you’ll eventually learn about one way or another anyway, we might as well drag ourselves through it one more time:

Josh Koscheck announced via Twitter today that he will fight Paul "Semtex" Daley in a "co main event" bout at UFC 113 on May 1st.  Daley has been grumbling about wanting a crack at Koscheck lately, and Koscheck responded by tweeting, "[t]his kid is going 2 get what he’s asking 4. XOXO"  Wait a minute, are we sure Koscheck’s Twitter wasn’t hacked by a fourteen year-old girl?

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