(Skip to the 2:20 mark if you want to watch your dad get his ass kicked.)

Good afternoon, Potato Nation. How’s your Monday going? Well, it’s about to get even worse, because everyone’s favorite kilt-wearing former UFC welterweight, Marcus Davis, nearly met his maker this past weekend, and since we had to sit through it, so shall you. After opting out of his Zuffa contract the hard way at UFC 125, “The Irish Hand Grenade” would go 3-1 in various promotions before facing off against Mark Casserly in a kickboxing match.

Now, Davis has suffered some of the most brutal knockouts in the history of the sport (*cough* Ben Saunders *cough*), but this may be the cherry on the blood flavored ice cream sundae. We can’t remember the last time that a kick turned its recipient into a human rocking chair, but we’ll remember this KO for years to come, that’s for sure. Seriously, it’s like that scene in Bad Santa when the midget from Me, Myself, and Irene gets punched in the nuts and falls head over heels, except not nearly as hilarious.

We’re not doctors, but we think this might be the fight that prompts Davis to call it a career. As you can see, it took him more than a few minutes before he was able to regain his composure, and sometimes that is all it takes for a fighter to reconsider his line of work, especially at Davis’ age. Regardless of the decision he may or not make within the next couple weeks, we’d like to take a moment here at CP to thank Davis for his contributions to the sport…

…Alrighty then, now join us after the jump to watch another ferocious head-kick KO from this past weekend, courtesy of our friends over at MiddleEasy. Don’t blink, because it happens just over five seconds into the fight.

You read that correctly. Russia…has water parks. Not only do they get to have Sambo, awesome sweaters, and The Dude’s favorite beverage, but now they have waterparks as well. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAND OF SNOW AND SORROW GOD DAMN IT.

We have no clue where this video came from, or what the true purpose of it is, but we’d be lying if we said that Piterland doesn’t look like the bees knees, and apparently former PRIDE Heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko and his daughter Masha agree. We are still waiting to hear who “The Last Emperor’s” next opponent will be, but rumors have ranged everywhere from Bobby Lashley in a MMA match to Brock Lesnar in a pro wrestling bout, so who the hell knows? What we do know is that the next man to fight Fedor might want to reconsider if he values his health whatsoever. Poor Ishii.

What’s that you say? You want to see a MMA fighter humiliate and dance around his opponent ala Silva/Leites/Maia/anyone before brutally kicking them in the face? Well we’ve got just the video awaiting your viewership after the jump.

Here at CP, we have covered damn near every type of knockout that has occurred in the MMA world, and in fact, we pride ourselves on our devotion to the topic. And although we’ve seen both the double KO and the even more rare no contest due to both fighters falling out of the cage, little did we know that over the weekend, these two would meet at a shady hotel, do the nasty, forget to wear protection, and give birth to the above knockout.

The event was Hardrock MMA 43, which went down on Saturday night. The place was Sheperdsville, Kentucky. In the co-main event of the evening, lightweight fighters Brandon Bishop and Braedon Ward squared off in what started as a relatively even match that saw both men struggle for superior position in the clinch. After Ward managed to toss Bishop to the mat but was unable to complete the takedown, he bull rushed ahead with a double leg, eventually slamming into to cage door, which burst open and sent both fighters crashing to the ground.

As team members rushed to their aid, it quickly became apparent that both parties had been knocked unconscious in the fall, and the bout was subsequently ruled a no contest. Fortunately, both men were able to walk away on their own power after a few minutes. According to Gary Thomas of ProMMAnow.com, who was in attendance for the entire event, a hinge in the cage had been damaged in an earlier fight, but was believed to have been fixed. However, when both fighters hit the door, the pin was knocked loose, causing one of the more bizarre fight endings we have seen in quite some time.

And as it turns out, this was not the only bit of controversy that went down at Hardrock MMA 43. Join us after the jump for an illegal KO from the same event that is as brutal as it is hilarious.

As with the double KO and the “lawn chair” KO, we were the first to discover the “falling tree” KO before it began to spread across the MMA blogosphere faster than the Motaba virus. Today’s case study comes to us from the Mohawk Valley Community College Gym in Utica, NY of all places, at an event dubbed “CNY Battle Ground 5.” According to the ticket purchasing site, the event saw “MMA fighters from around the state square off in the cage,” because as we all know, MMA is kinda sorta legal in New York.

Although the heavy gloves, head gear, and shin pads lead us to believe this was some sort of kickboxing exhibition, the extra gear does make the eight second knockout seem all the more impressive. The man behind the vicious, Cro Copian head kick is Bob Reese, otherwise known the baddest man to ever walk out to a Rihanna song. Come on Bob, throw on some Chris Brown if you want to do some REAL damage.

-J. Jones

(Video: YouTube/Trailerstraduzidos)

It may not have been one of the weekend’s fastest knockouts, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t the fanciest. Cairo Rocha took on Fracisco Neves Friday night on the Brazilian Fighting Championship’s “Desafio dos Imortais” card. We don’t know what transpired in the two minutes, twenty five seconds leading up to this strike, but if it’s anything like that kick we’d like to see it.

Capoeira, it’s the new missionary.

Previously: Must-See: Insane Capoeira Knockout

(I dare you to mock this picture.) 

It’s hard to define someone like Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic, a man who is perhaps the most multi-faceted, not to mention intriguing figure in MMA. Aside from his incredible list of credentials including time in both the Croatian elite Special Forces Unit and Parliament, the man has amassed a mixed martial arts and kickboxing resume that reads like a Hall of Fame list in either sport.

But come Saturday night at UFC 137, Cro Cop will simply be fighting for the right to continue his career, or maybe just to end it on his own terms. In a way, Filipovic is kind of like the Metallica of the heavyweights, with his 2006 Pride Grand Prix win being his Master of Puppets. And, like Metallica, everything since then has been well…just kind of downhill. The devastating loss to Gabriel Gonzaga was his ReLoad, the bittersweet win over Pat Barry his Death Magnetic, and the back-to-back knockout losses to Frank Mir and Brendan Schuab his Lulu. Except, unlike Lulu, those losses only felt like an hour and a half of pure shit.

But as fans of the sport, we are pulling for Cro Cop to put on a hell of a performance on October 29th. Even at the cost of our parlays, it would be awesome to see some flashes of the old “Cro Cop” in what could be the last fight of his incredible career, which Old Dad has already promised us Mirko will do.

Look at me, blabbering on like some school girl. Let’s take a look and listen at Cro Cop’s greatest hits, “California Dreamin‘” aside.

Fresh off his angelic Burger King commercial, UFC Middleweight Champ Anderson Silva recently appeared on Brazilian talk show Agora e’ Tarde to sing a duet with comedian and the show’s co-host Danilo Gentili. Apparently after dominating every possible contender in the middleweight division, “The Spider” must have his eyes set on the Grammy’s. Though the performance was less than stellar, the good news is that Anderson can still consult long time hero Steven Seagal for advice in this department as well.

Join us after the jump for a study in Jon Jones’ superhuman abilities and the most unexpected knockout that you may ever see.

Before he fought Tito Ortiz to a draw at UFC 73, Rashad “Sugar” Evans scored his tenth consecutive win by way of a nasty high kick against Sean Salmon. As Joe Rogan so eloquently puts it, “WOOOOOOOOOOW!”

Note to Michael Bisping: Your strategy against Evans at UFC 78 should closely reflect this classic Wu-Tang jam.