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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: knockout: punch

[VIDEO] The Jaw-Shattering KO From ‘TUF Nations’ That Has Everybody Some People Talking

You know, it’d be easy to make fun of TUF Nations for being possibly the least watched show in the history of ever, so much so that the “Episodes” section of its Wikipedia page hasn’t been updated in over a month*, but ripping on an international season of The Ultimate Fighter nowadays is too easy, even for us. And hey, if not for TUF Nations, we would have never witnessed the absolutely hellacious KO that happened during this week’s welterweight semifinal match between Chad Laprise and Kajan Johnson.

The entire fight has been made available through The Ultimate Fighter’s Youtube channel, but skip to 9:50 mark to see what may be the most brutal knockout in (international) TUF History. After engaging in a fairly standard kickboxing affair for the majority of two rounds, Johnson and Laprise throw simultaneous haymakers with bad intentions written all over them (think the ending of Rocky III). It is Laprise who lands, however, with a punch so perfectly placed that it not only sends Johnson crashing headfirst to the mat, but shatters his jaw into what I can only assume is a million pieces.

Matt Riddle vs. Dan Simmler may have had the more horrific aftermath, but as far as pure brutality goes, I’d give it Laprise vs. Johnson every time. You don’t even have to see the punch to know how hard it landed, for Christ’s sake. The Grujic Era Laprise Era is coming, folks.

*First you snub Ilir Latifi and now this? CURSE YOU WIKIPEDIA!!!

-J. Jones

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Knockout of the Day: Who Says Flyweights Don’t Have Power?

If Demetrious Johnson‘s blistering first round KO of Joseph Benavidez at UFC on FOX 9 didn’t dispel the ridiculous rumors that flyweights lack knockout power (see also: Lineker, J.), we give you Tim Flores, an ammy flyweight fighting out of western Mass who absolutely torched Dan Krall at Warrior Nation XFA VII. Although the fight went down back in November, footage has only recently been uploaded — clearly so the guys over at Warrior Nation XFA could whip up that epic intro tune and graphic.

Without giving too much away, I will say that Flores blisters Krall with an overhand right 18 seconds into the first round. OK, that might’ve sounded like I just gave it away, but the manner in which Krall crashes to the canvas is still a mystery, right? Falling tree? Lawn chair? I’m the worst.

The win improved Flores’ amatuer record to 2-1, and he has since collected a third round armbar victory over YuShun Tsou back in January. Major props to WesternMassMMA for passing this along, and be sure to head over there for all the latest updates on the Mass MMA scene.

-J. Jones

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GIF of the Day: At Least Paul Daley Still Knows How to Knock a Motherf*cker Out


(Aaaaaaand boom goes the dynamite. GIF via Zombie Prophet.)

It’s a well known fact that a Brazilian’s merit in the cage can be determined by how many names they have before Silva (the fewer the better). Think about it: Anderson Silva, Wanderlei SilvaGiant Silva — all great fighters, all adhering to the two-name paradigm. Bruno Gustavo Aparecido da Silva, on the other hand, is simply too long to fit on a lunchbox and therefore not capable of achieving greatness. Unfortunately, Romario Manoel da Silva was a “Manoel da” away from said greatness when he stepped into the cage against Paul Daley at BAMMA 14 last weekend and was nearly decapitated for his insolence.

In a classic “Did he died?” moment, Daley unleashes a hellacious left uppercut on da Silva early in the second round, folding him up like a steel chair after an ice cream social. With the win, Daley improved to 5-1 in his last 6 and 34-13 overall. With punches like that, it should come as no surprise that all of Daley’s past 5 wins have come via (T)KO.

We’ve thrown a full video of Daley-da Silva after the jump, so check it out and give us your best Smokey from Friday reaction to the KO in the comments section.

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[VIDEO] Alida Gray Scores the Most Vicious (Strawweight) One-Punch KO of All Time


(Major props to MMAFighting for the find. KO comes at the 52:00 mark.)

Easily the biggest criticism aimed at the smaller MMA weight classes over the years has been their (apparent) inability to finish fights. John Lineker, John Dodson, Joseph Benavidez — these are guys who couldn’t put away a Taco Bell $5 Buck Box if they had been starved for three days prior, let alone an opponent of top 10-caliber (which in their miniscule divisions is essentially everybody). And unfortunately for these smaller weight classes, the “Decisions Can Be Entertaining” Theory was all but disproven this past weekend with the snorefest that was Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler II. In short, any fight contested below 170 lbs. is a complete waste of our precious time.

Enter Alida Gray, an undefeated strawweight (strawweight!!) who has scored three straight finishes in three straight fights. How did Gray pick up her most recent win, you ask? By absolutely crushing Soannia Tiem at 24/7 Entertainment 12 – State of Emergency on October 26th, that’s how. Check out the earth-shattering KO above, compliments of Youtube user Savoy Smith, then apologize for every mean thing you’ve ever said about straw/fly/bantam/featherweight fighters in the comments section.

Personally, I just hope that there are more *real* killers like Alida out there, because I simply cannot sit through another 25-minute Ronda Rousey wall-n-stall clinic. And don’t even get me started on that Jose Aldo guy…

-J. Jones

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Knockout of the Day: Jake Rosholt’s Little Bro Knocks Jason Walraven Dead in 34 Seconds


(We know we say this a lot, but if you don’t turn down your speakers, this video will render you completely deaf before it even begins.) 

You guys remember Jake Rosholt, the former UFC middleweight who taught his dog to fetch him a beer, right? Well it turns out that Jake has a younger, heavyweight brother named Jared who has quietly strung together 8 wins alongside just 1 defeat as a professional mixed martial artist. He also goes by “The Big Show,” which we’re fairly certain is the most original nickname in the history of ever. We literally cannot think of one other person more deserving of such a title. Not. One.

Annnnyway, Jared picked up his eighth win last Friday at C3 Fights – Summer Slamfest 2 via a 34 second KO of KOTC veteran Jason Walraven. You can check out the video above, then we suggest you check out the C3 Sherdog page, if only to appreciate MMA event titles such as Knockout-Rockout Weekend, Slammin Jammin Weekend and Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Weekend. That promotion is single-handedly bringing back awesomely-titled MMA events from their current dark ages, although Red River Riot sounds like some kind of Hostel-esque group sex ritual.

A few sites out there are calling for Rosholt to be called up to the UFC with this win, but what do you think? We say yes, with the only stipulation being that he must repeatedly try whatever the fuck he was going for at the 12 second mark the entire fight.

-J. Jones

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Fail of the Year Candidate #2: Another Dipshit Dares His Opponent to Test His Chin With Predictable Results


(Mad props to CP reader Dave W for the find. The logic-defying test of strength comes at the 4:27 mark, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

At this point, we’ve done all we can do to spare fighters the embarrassment of testing their unbreakable chins during a fight, only to receive a lesson in humility shortly thereafter. We’ve put out a PSA, we’ve relentlessly ridiculed those dumb enough to attempt the maneuver, and we’ve even bestowed one of these jackasses with the MMA Fail of the Year Award, the best worst CP honor of them all. But like Flickr’s obsession with bloody nipples, it appears that fighters daring their opponents to knock them out is a trend that is here to stay.

Today’s exercise in stupidity comes to us from a supposed “Shaolin Kung Fu Master” named Yi Long — we say “supposed” because one would think that a Shaolin Master would be a little more versed in the art of modesty – during a December 2012 fight with 10-2 Muay Thai wrecking machine Josh Pickthall. Not only does the fight feature some of the most blatant nuthugging from a ringside announcer that we have ever heard (not that we know what they’re saying, but scroll through the Youtube comments to clarify this), but it also features a falling tree KO so glorious that it seems to come right out of a Looney Tunes episode.

Perhaps what’s most perplexing about Long’s decision to expose himself to three straight punches (which, to his credit, he seems to hold up for two of) is the fact that the fight was relatively competitive until the last few seconds. If you’re Anderson Silva fighting Stephan Bonnar, sure, go ahead and get cocky. If you’re some dipshit who fancies himself the next Anderson Silva, however, maybe it’s best to hold off on the dropping of the hands. For your own sake.

-J. Jones

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[VIDEO] Watch Some Guy Get Sacrificed to Sergio Pettis on Account of Jeff Curran’s Dog

Yesterday, we informed you that UFC veteran Jeff Curran was forced to pull out of his RFA 8 headlining bout with Sergio Pettis last weekend on account of his injured dog. While we will never knock a guy for loving his pooch, it goes without saying that his withdrawal left short notice replacement, Dillard “Joe” Pegg, up shit creek without a paddle. Scratch that, Pegg had a paddle, but as he was about to put it in the aforementioned shit-water, Pettis leapt up from beneath the murky surface and broke it off in Pegg’s ass.

To be fair, the 5-1 Pegg — who had collected all of his previous victories by first round stoppage — wasn’t afraid to bring the fight to Sergio, even landing a couple decent shots in the early going. But once “Showtime’s” little bro found his range, a 1-2 combination was all he needed to send Pegg looking for the nearest exit. The win improved Pettis’ incredible, undefeated record (the kid is only 19) to a perfect 8-0. If he plans on following in the footsteps of his brother, we should hear an announcement that Pettis is dropping down a weight class and fighting for the RFA strawweight title any day now. They have one of those, right?

-J. Jones

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Hilarious Boxing Update: Dude Tells his Opponent to Come at Him, Is Immediately KTFO.


(If you’re coming on…shit, where’d I put my glasses? Props to Deadspin for the find.)

For those of you who still don’t think that taunting only looks cool if the person who wins the fight does it, please direct your attention to Exhibit Z: This clip from a boxing match between Miguel Zuniga and Daquan Arnett on Saturday night.

During the fifth round of the bout, Zuniga began to finally crack Arnett’s counterpunch-heavy style, backing Arnett up against the ropes as he unleashed his hardest punches. Sensing his opponent was in trouble, Zuniga was all about trading haymakers, while Arnett was more interested in silly things like defense, counter left hooks and not getting his ass kicked. Clearly frustrated, Zuniga decided that his best option in this situation was to channel his inner Harold Howard, signaling for his opponent to “COME ON!” while he let Arnett off the ropes.

I’m not here to fault Zuniga for attempting a mid-fight Harold Howard tribute. Hell, I don’t think anyone reading this is here to do that. But…if you’re telling your opponent to “come on,” can you at least do it in a stereotypically Canadian accent? And for crying out loud, please don’t immediately get knocked the fuck out, either. Especially if you attempt zero cartwheel kicks in the process.

@SethFalvo

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Knockout of the Morning: In Malaysia, Glove-Tapping is a Sign of Disrespect Punishable by Death


(Props to the UG for the find. Skip to the 1 minute mark for the start of the action.) 

Over the years, we’ve seen all kinds of reactions to the somewhat customary yet completely optional touch of gloves at the beginning of an MMA fight. Manny Gamburyan used the opportunity to kick Jeff Cox in the chest at Fight Night 13 back in 2008, and although he won that fight, “The Anvil” was punished by the karma gods with two straight losses and a pink slip shortly thereafter. Convicted heroin smuggler Paul Kelly attempted a similarly dirty move against Donald Cerrone at UFC 126, then tried acting like he didn’t mean to after he was choked out some seven minutes later. And don’t even get us started on JR Fuller, the patron saint of fake glove-tappers.

Then there are guys like Firuz Karomatov, a Malaysian fighter who, according to his Sherdog profile, stands at 0’0″ and fights at N/Aweight. Karomatov made his professional MMA debut at MFC 6 a couple weeks back, and as is often the case with severely undersized people, he clearly had a chip on his shoulder heading into the fight. And when his opponent, Muhammad Hakim biz Azmi, held his glove out to perform the classic “At Arm’s Length” prank? You better believe that Firuz responded by kicking his bully opponent in the head and blitzkrieging the disrespectful bastard until he lay unconscious on the mat some 15 seconds later.

To be fair, you could make the argument that biz Azmi was not taunting Firuz and was simply trying to be a good sport, but what fun is that? JUSTICE: SERVED.

-J. Jones

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Knockout of the Day: Regional Heavyweight Title Fight Ends in One of the Finest Dicknailings Ever Committed to Film


(Props to MiddleEasy for the find, and yes, that is none other than McBeardsly Oxendine handling Buffer duties.) 

We love local MMA shows for many of the same reasons we love Leonard Garcia; technique is often trumped by a need to entertain, punches are thrown like baseballs at a speed pitch machine, and by the time the smoke has cleared, we usually have at least one thing to laugh about or reference at a later date. It’s like watching a Troma film; sure, you won’t learn any life lessons from the experience, but are you gonna sit there and tell us that you would be better off if you had never seen Poultrygeist? That’s what we thought.

So in the name of mindless entertainment, we bring you the XFP 3 heavyweight title fight between Mark Jahad and Wayne Johnson that went down in Raleigh, North Carolina last Friday. All the cornerstones of a local fight are there; ridiculously telegraphed haymakers, both participants gassing out inside of two-minutes, and a shaky and often out-of-focus camera capturing all the action.

But what you might not see coming is the picture perfect dicknailing that comes via a Wayne Johnson punch (no to be confused with a Wayne-johnson punch, which is even more devastating) at the 2:50 mark.

The knockout comes, somewhat ironically, from a wild right hand that any two-eyed individual should have seen coming a mile in advance. Unfortunately, Mark Jahad was not one of those people, and his error resulted in one of the finest dicknailings ever commited to film. Alright fine, it’s not technically film. GAWD, can’t you guys have fun with anything?

-J. Jones

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