(Props to UG member KickYoNuts for the find.)

Picture this: You’re a young, wannabe rock star who just so happens to be named Eddie Van Halen. Even worse, you just so happen to LOVE playing heavy metal guitar, and truly believe that all the comparisons to the man himself and requests to play “Eruption” ad nauseam will be worth it when you finally step on stage to accept your Grammy.

So you find yourself a decent crew of bandmates, practice your ass off, and finally convince yourself that you are ready for a shot at the big time. Before you know it, you find yourself opening for Alice Cooper at the Wacken Open Air festival in front of an endless sea of eager spectators. You only get one song to blow the collective minds of the masses and it’s an easy choice: a cover of Pantera’s “Cowboys From Hell.”

You step onto the stage and unleash a whammy bar dive that channels the spirit of the almighty Dimebag Darrell himself, but just as you are about to bellow “Awwwwww COME ON!”, an ill-timed current surges through your microphone and knocks you unconscious. You release your bowels all over your brand new Gibson Les Paul Standard, and even worse, a video of the incident becomes a viral sensation within hours, forever shaming you to a lifetime spent reminiscing about the night you played a spot-on rendition of “Eruption” with your large intestine.

This is the MMA equivalent of that.

-J. Jones

(Props: YouTube.com/fueltv. Skip to 13:38 to see Hunt create the best MMA photo moment of 2013.)

Picture it: Saitama, March 2013. Thirty-eight-year-old slugger Mark Hunt has improbably battled his way to a three-fight win streak in the UFC, and is booked to face Stefan Struve, who stands 14 inches taller than him, and is on an impressive four-fight victory run of his own.

The MMA Gods were angry that night, my friend. By the time that Hunt and Struve stepped into the cage, fans at the Saitama Super Arena had suffered through 24 consecutive rounds without a finish — eight straight decision fights, half of which were so close that the judges didn’t all agree on who had won. It would take a miracle to save this card. Or maybe, just a beefy Samoan who knew how to exploit Struve’s maddening inability to use his range.

(All praises be to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Alright, you guys, this is the last time we’re going to explain this.

We understand that six months of sprawl training can fill you with a previously unimaginable sense of self-confidence. Hell, throw in a couple BJJ lessons and a month or so of P90X and most of us would probably feel damn near invincible. It’s understandable to a degree, for we are a fragile-minded species that are easily influenced and oft corrupted by our own power, no matter how fleeting it may be.

But as fragile as our minds truly are, our bodies usually pale in comparison (*cough* Kevin Ware *cough*). And in the MMA game, taking one’s body for granted is a surefire way to wind up on the wrong end of a knockout — an embarrassing moment made all the more embarrassing when it comes just moments after you dare your opponent to test your otherworldly chin strength. Just ask our winner for the Biggest MMA Fail of 2012 or the Diaz wannabe who got front-kicked into never-neverland what showboating leads to. Hint: It’s pain. Only pain.

You know, I remember when fighting in the middle of a ring of parked cars with their headlights on used to mean something. In the latest installment of Street Fight Funhouse, MMA fighter/comedian Gerald Harris adds some play-by-play commentary to an unsanctioned backyard boxing match that results in a pair of brand new concussions for a dude named “Chicken Dance.” Subscribe to CagePotato on YouTube for more of our street-fight remixes, and follow Gerald on twitter @GHurricane. As always, your comments/suggestions are appreciated.

Kick Kick Boom – Watch More Funny Videos

We’re not going to waste our time debating whether or not this insane karate knockout is the best KO of 2013 so far. It is. We are not even going to bother finding out where this happened or who was responsible for it. For the time being, we’re just going to assume that Sensei Seagal was standing somewhere off camera when this went down, immersed in darkness and silently muttering “Let the hate flow through you” to the young gentlemen who was able to pull it off.

Instead, we’d like to spend this time determining just what the hell we are going to call this kick before Anthony Pettis pulls it off in his next fight: The bicycle-kick? The Hurricane? The Flying Dingus? The Roflcopter? The Pele? To be fair, the first and last ones are pretty much interchangeable, so help us out, Nation. Whoever comes up with the best nickname will receive an official CagePotato “I.O.U a shirt” voucher.

-J. Jones

(Props: OOFights.com)

Whew, does anyone else need a break from all this Nick Diaz/GSP/UFC 158 hype for a moment? I mean, I could listen to those two hurl insults at each other in broken English all day, but every now and again, I just want to see someone get knocked the fudge out, you know?

Thankfully, a video has recently been released of the battle between 3-0 KO artist Scott Noble and the debuting Francis Grant, which went down on December 1st of last year at OO Fights XXII in Virginia. And when I say “battle,” I mean a lone flying head kick that had Grant singing the Sleepsong just five seconds into the fight.

Look at it this way, Francis; your professional debut could have gone worse, I guess. You could have died.

-J. Jones

(Major props to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Typically, a Monday morning at the CagePotato offices starts with cake. Lots of cake. There’s a staff meeting after that, again, typically held in the context of an underground cockfight or at the very least a back alley dice game. The rest of the day is as you’d expect: team-building medicine ball dodgeball at 11, lunch at Matsuhisa at 1, a full two-hour break to “research” WMMA videos at 3, and finally, Mr. Pibbs and a staff-voted episode of The Wire at 5. The writing usually happens after dodgeball.

But alas, not everyone’s Mondays can be as exhilarating or PCP-laced as ours. That’s where this video of a 14-second double knockout from last Saturday’s Galaxy Fight Night IV comes into play. Because, as you watch Aaron Britt and Brandon Alexander trade right hands and simultaneously topple over like a pair of felled oaks, you will experience nearly one-eighteenth of the life-affirming invigoration that fills the average CagePotato employee on a daily basis. It’s not something most people get to experience in the span of their measly, infinitesimal lives, let alone on a Monday morning at work. So enjoy this, you guys.

After the jump: Nick Diaz, hitting a speed bag, for 23 straight minutes. It is the lethargic, insomnia-inducing yin to this video’s captivating yang, and it will break you.

(Props: fcfightlog via Deadspin)

During yesterday’s NHL game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Ottawa Senators, Toronto left-winger Frazer McLaren and Ottawa forward David Dziurzynski dropped their gloves just 26 seconds into the first period, and after a few seconds of Fyre/Takayama’ing, McLaren shut the Senators rookie completely off with a right hand. Dziurzynski fell directly onto his face following the knockout blow, reportedly suffering a concussion. Dziurzynski didn’t return to the game, and required eight stitches to close a cut on his chin. Toronto went on to win the game 5-4. As McLaren explained afterwards:

“I hope he’s OK,” McLaren told the Canadian Press, adding that he had asked Dziurzynski to fight because the Maple Leafs started out flat in their last game. “I was just trying to get us going early. I asked him (to fight) and he actually said no, so I thought we weren’t going to go and then he ended up dropping his stuff there when the puck dropped. He’s a big guy and he actually gave me a few good ones early there.”

Hockey. The child porn of ice sports.

(And to think, if Joe had done the same thing to Andy Dick, the world might have been spared the AIDS epidemic.) 

Do you remember the first time you came across that video of Joe Rogan teaching Georges St. Pierre the art of the spinning back kick? If so, you probably recall watching Rogan obliterate those heavy bags and quietly pondering to yourself, “My God, how many lives Rogan has claimed with that kick in the past?” And while we can’t attest to the exact number of trophy skulls lining the walls of Rogan’s humble abode, we can now confirm that there is at least one, which has likely been converted into a bubbler in the time since.

A video of Rogan in his Taekwondo heyday has been rounding MMA blogs for the past few days now, so in order to help distract you from the realization that your favorite sport is an absolute joke, we’ve thrown it after the jump. It is approximately 20 seconds long, features one strike, and may or may not cause you to shit your pants out of empathy for the poor bastard whose intestines are utterly annihilated with little more than a swivel of Rogan’s hips.

(Eduardo Dantas vs. Marcos Galvao video, via allthebestfights.com. Fight starts at the 1:48 mark)

So far, Eduardo Dantas‘s run in Bellator has been flawless. The aggressive Nova União member went 3-0 during the Season 5 bantamweight tournament in 2011, then choked out Zach Makovsky last year to win the promotion’s 135-pound title. Four months later, Dantas fooled around and got knocked out by American prospect Tyson Nam in an utterly meaningless fight for Shooto Brazil. (Bellator responded by threatening to sue Tyson Nam. Not a good look, guys.)

Last night’s Bellator 89 main event offered “DuDu” a shot at redemption, and fortunately, he rose to the occasion. Dantas made his first Bellator title defense against his teammate and former mentor Marcos Galvao, who won last year’s Season 6 bantamweight tourney. Dantas’s stiff jab and overall accuracy gave him the edge in the opening frame, and he turned up the heat even further in round 2, out-landing Galvao and rocking him with a head-kick. After a few more striking exchanges, Dantas found his kill-shot — a right-uppercut that buckled Galvao and sent him to the mat. A few more hammer-fists from the top, and it was lights out for the challenger.

Dantas was very emotional following the fight. “I’m sad and happy,” he said. “Sad because I had to fight my friend, and happy to still be champion of Bellator.” See? It’s not the end of the world, guys.

Bellator 89 also featured the Season 8 middleweight quarterfinals, which featured Bellator vets Brett Cooper and Dan Cramer picking up decision wins (over Norman Paraisy and Brian Rogers, respectively), as well as Russian newcomer Sultan Aliev out-pointing previously undefeated Mikkel Parlo. And let’s talk about Doug Marshall for a second, shall we? After showing up at Bellator 82 and KO’ing Kala Hose in 22 seconds, the former WEC light-heavyweight champ entered the middleweight bracket last night against Season 6 middleweight tournament finalist Andreas Spang, and knocked him out in just three minutes, adding another entry to the walkoff KO hall of fame. A couple more fights like this, and Marshall will have to change his nickname from “The Rhino” to “The White Hector Lombard.”

After the jump: Videos of the Marshall vs. Spang fight as well as a 15-second armbar from the prelims, and complete event results.

(TURN DOWN YOUR SPEAKERS. YOU WILL THANK US.) 

Right now, the East Coast has basically been shut down by Snowstorm Nemo, a frigid, unrelenting bastard of a blizzard that has cast the majority of our coastal cities into a state of chaos. The streets of Boston, for instance, are either gridlocked beyond the point of visibility, or conversely barren, save the ever-increasing presence of snow. It’s the kind of storm that makes you feel like using hyperbole when attempting to describe it, and if you’re an MMA fan, it’s also the kind of storm that makes you want to cancel all your plans and surf the web for knockout videos while drinking yourself into an early grave.

Luckily for you, I’ve already done all three of those things for you, starting with the above video of the Collin Reuter/Gerald Fike fight that went down at SAARFC II on February 1st. The fight has gained some notoriety around the web over the past week, not for ending with a spectacular technique ala Uriah Hall, but rather for the manner in which Fike collapsed to the canvas once he was knocked out. Not since the unconscious masturbater have I seen such a hilariously brutal reaction to a KO as Fike, who appears to mimic one of the Golden Arches before crashing head over heels into the fence.

Here at CagePotato, we’ve been responsible for trademarking such unique knockouts as “The Falling Tree” and “The Lawn Chair,” but this one had even us at odds when it came to deciding upon a name. “The Slinky,” “The Reverse Cowgirl,” and “The Gumby” were among our top choices, but we’ll leave it up to you Taters to decide. Just this once, we ask that you don’t make us regret our decision. Just. This. Once.

And if you think that KO was great, join us after the jump to check out a couple more…

(The Shlemenko vs. Falcao stoppage)

Last night’s Bellator middleweight title fight between ever-twirling Russian Alexander Shlemenko and hard-sluggin’ Brazilian Maiquel Falcao didn’t disappoint. After an evenly-pitched first round that featured both men making statements with their striking — and Falcao mixing in a couple takedowns — Shlemenko focused his attacks on the body in round 2, hurting Falcao with a liver punch then dropping him with a short right hand. Shlemenko fired down a few more body shots from above before KO’ing Falcao with a precision head-shot. Shlemenko earns the vacant middleweight title in impressive fashion, and will now take a break until the Season 8 middleweight tournament produces his first challenger.

Also on the Bellator 88 card, the featherweight tournament quarterfinals were highlighted by returning contender Mike Richman, who scored his third knockout under the Bellator banner with a head-kick-and-punches stoppage of Mitch Jackson — pretty much the same thing he did to Jeremy Spoon last October, only this time with Dan Miragliotta doing his lovable late-stoppage thing. You can watch the Richman/Jackson KO after the jump, along with five more stoppages from the event. Full results are below.

Main Card
- Alexander Shlemenko def. Maiquel Falcao via KO, 2:18 of round 2
- Marlon Sandro def. Akop Stepanyan via majority decision (28-28, 29-27, 29-27) – Stepanyan was docked a point in round 2 for fence-grabbing
- Mike Richman def. Mitch Jackson via TKO (head-kick and punches), 4:57 of round 1
- Alexandre Bezerra def. Genair Da Silva via submission (armbar), 1:40 of round 1

Preliminary Card
- Frodo Khasbulaev def. Fabricio Guerreiro via submission (arm triangle), 1:15 of round 2
- George Hickman def. Stephen Upchurch via submission (rear-naked choke), 2:19 of round 1
- Clay Harvison def. Ururahy Rodrigues via KO, 3:34 of round 3
- Ronnie Rogers def. Shane Crenshaw via unanimous decision (29-28 x3)
- Joe Elmore def. Jerrid Burke via KO, 4:11 of round 2

(Props: AlanBrunet12 via reddit/mma)

In light of a brutal leg-kick domination at Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine, this old clip from “Countdown to UFC 115″ seems especially relevant. UFC heavyweight Pat Barry‘s professional MMA career began in 2008 with three consecutive KO/TKO’s in the Midwestern regional promotion Combat USA — the first two by leg kicks, the other by head kick, all in the first round. As Barry describes it, “I threw six kicks, three fights…more money than I’ve ever made in my entire life.” Barry was quickly snatched up by the UFC, where he did the same damn thing to Dan Evensen at UFC 92.

Bonus video after the jump: Pat Barry totally hijacks an MMAFightCorner interview with his girlfriend Rose Namajunas. It must take a lot of patience to love that man.

(Props: TheBestMMAHouse. Take a look before this bad boy gets pulled.)

Why not blow the first 15 minutes of your workday watching dozens of the best UFC knockouts that last year had to offer? Obviously Edson Barboza vs. Terry Etim gets a place of honor at the end of this highlight reel, but if I had to pick another favorite moment, it has to be the way that George Roop‘s mouthpiece explodes out of his face at the 12:01 mark, courtesy of a Cub Swanson right hand.

It’s also nice to revisit the pure frenzy of Anthony Pettis‘s finish of Joe Lauzon (6:30), Rich Franklin going all sack-of-potatoes against Cung Le (8:24), and that intense moment after Pat Barry gets pulled off of Christian Morecraft where it seems like ‘HD’ might just jump back on and keep pounding the poor bastard (10:56). For all of its disappointments, 2012 was a damn good year for dudes getting their lights turned out.

(Props: Kalle Uusitalo via the UG)

Rustam Khabilov‘s UFC debut at the TUF 16 Finale resulted in a first-round knockout of Vinc Pichel; the fight was finished by the last of three suplexes. (Somewhere in Coldwater, Michigan, Dan Severn sheds a single tear.) But as rare as suplex-KOs are in this sport, it wasn’t the first time that the Russian lightweight has pulled it off.

On August 16, 2009, Khabilov faced Akin Duran at an M-1 Challenge event in the Netherlands. The fight lasted all of 28 seconds. Watch as Khabilov takes the center of the ring, corrals Duran into a corner, clinches, then drops Duran directly onto his head with a belly-to-belly suplex, knocking him out immediately. Duran never fought again.

As for Khabilov, he joined Greg Jackson’s team about two years ago, built his record to 14-1, then pulled off one of the most impressive Octagon debuts since these guys. Any ideas on who he should fight next?

(Props: ZombieProphet/OneStopMMASpot. Skip to 32:50 for the stoppage.)

For some reason, Sherdog has yet to update their fighter databases with the results from the Invasion 12/7/12 card that saw Charles Bennett get choked out by Ronnie Rogers, hence why we were unaware of all the fantastic action that unfolded on said card. Thankfully, our buddies over at MiddleEasy were able to secure a video of the evening’s most impressive stoppage, which took place just one fight before “Krazy Horse” was turned into glue. In a flyweight title fight, undefeated 20-year old phenom Justin “Tank” Scoggins squared off against Jacob Hebesison, and based on the title of this post, you can probably imagine how it ended.

But what you probably couldn’t predict is that the kick would stir up such a reaction in the crowd that random fans would start stripping down for no apparent reason shortly after it landed (33:25). Combine that with the fact that the kick made one commentator’s voice jump up about 5 octaves when attempting to describe it and you’ve got yourself one fantastic knockout right there.

Not since Shannon Ritch vs. John Wood have we seen such an effective use of “Sweet Chin Music” in MMA, but where does it stack up on your KO of the year lists, Potato Nation?

-J. Jones

(Props: RASTANITRO. Skip to 3:12 for the money shot.)

Though Yves Edwards was awarded UFC on FOX 5‘s official Knockout of the Night bonus for his beatdown of Jeremy Stephens, it was TUF Live contestant Daron “The Detroit Superstar” Cruickshank who produced the most dazzling KO on the prelim broadcast, with his second-round slaying of Henry Martinez. Honestly, that $65,000 should belong to Daron — walk-off knockouts and one-hitter quitters are awesome enough individually, but when they’re combined (with the traditional raising of the arms after the victor realizes what he’s done), the knockout becomes a thing of true beauty.

Cruickshank bumps his official UFC record to 2-0 as a lightweight, including his previous decision win over Chris Tickle. Any ideas on who he should fight next?

It went completely under our radar, but former WEC Light-Heavyweight Doug Marshall made his Bellator debut at last night’s Bellator 82. There are three things you need to know about this fight:

1.) His opponent, Kala Hose, is apparently a big fan of the Big Buford and/or Kimo Leopoldo, if his tattoos are any indication.
2.) He entered the fight with a 7-5 record (including a loss to Mayhem Miller and a win over Phil Baroni), hadn’t fought in two years and was riding a three fight losing streak.
3.) Things went exactly as you’d assume they would.

By the way, Ben and Jason were at Bellator 82 last night, so expect some updates from them as soon as they’re back. Video and results after the jump.

(The word “harpooned” comes to mind. Props: labrea69, via the always-entertaining Tuesday Night Fights feature on Deadspin)

- David vs. Goliath freak-show booking? Check.

- Walk-off knockout? Check.

- Loser collapses lawn-chair style? Check…

- …with his enormous belly exposed to all humanity? CHECK.

The only way this KO would be more satisfying is if the fat dude (aka “400 Pound Boy From Detroit“) started involuntarily masturbating while unconscious, and then Maury Povich walked up to inform him that in the case of 2-year-old Teesha, he in fact is the father. Aside from that, awesome stuff, Internet.

(Skip to the 1:30 mark to watch Karma work its magic.) 

There is perhaps no greater a hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni in the MMA world than the guy who fakes the glove tap and immediately tries to knock his opponent out/take him down. It’s a garbage ass maneuver, perpetrated by only the soggiest of floor turds, but the one good thing that can come from such blatant bitchassery is watching it backfire in said jabroni’s face. Paul Kelly tried it against Donald Cerrone at UFC 126 and was promptly strangled for his efforts. JR Fuller tried it against Jonathan Harris and was promptly dicknailed. But today’s cheap-shotter, Adam Fyfe, almost got away with this bitch move when he pulled it on fellow ammy Alex Thorne at Absolute Adrenaline: Platinum on November 4th. Almost. 

(Props: Fox Sports/FUEL TV)

For those who missed the fights on Saturday, here’s another look at Johny Hendricks‘s devastating knockout of Martin Kampmann, which earned “Bigg Rigg” a $70,000 Knockout of the Night check, cemented him as the likely #1 contender in the UFC welterweight division, and saved the UFC 154 main card from a long night of decisions. The 46-second KO increased Hendricks’s win streak to five, with his last three victories coming against Jon Fitch (via 12-second KO), Josh Koscheck (via split-decision), and now this smash-up of Martin Kampmann.

On yesterday’s edition of the Verbal Submission radio show, Hendricks stated that he won’t take another fight before getting his title shot, even if reigning champion Georges St. Pierre decides to fight Anderson Silva in his next appearance. Judging from GSP’s non-committal post-fight interview with Joe Rogan on Saturday, squaring off against the Spider doesn’t really seem to be a priority for him. UFC fans may want to see GSP in a champion vs. champion catchweight superfight against Silva, but if St. Pierre decides to remain in his division for now, there’s at least one challenger who could give him a hell of a match. (Hint: It’s the bearded dude with the magical death-fists.)

(YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU JUST COST ME 1,000 BAHT! / Video courtesy of DBaciFightMedia.com via TheUG)

The morality of children fighting for sport (both here and abroad) has given us plenty of opportunities for debate over the years. In Thailand, no such debate exists. Little kids fight Muay Thai, and that’s the way it is.

Still, it’s always a little unsettling for us American non-sociopath-types to see a child kicked unconscious, which is what happens around the 1:59 mark of the video above. The referee’s position actually blocks the impact from our view, but the aftermath — in which the losing fighter in the blue gloves is motionless on his back for about 15 seconds — suggests that he got seriously rattled. For what it’s worth, the YouTube page identifies the winner as “Baby Muay Thai fighter Pee,” and calls it a KO via body kick. Congrats, Pee.

Look, I know this is how things are done over there, but just because something is tradition, doesn’t mean it’s sacred. Kiddie Muay Thai knockouts — good or bad for humanity? Call 1-888-CAGE-TATO right now and let us know how you feel. Or just use the comments section.

(Props to our boy b0redj0red for the find.) 

There’s an old proverb that goes “Learn to walk before you run.” I can think of no better way to better describe the ass-whooping you are about to witness. Apparently the gentleman in the blue shorts, packed to the brim with testosterone and hubris, thought that he had acquired the necessary skills to take on the Muay Thai instructor donning the green shorts and Alessio Sakara-esque tatts. Unfortunately, our boy Blue learned everything he needed to know about striking from a Bob Sapp highlight reel. When this kind of dangerous ignorance is combined with an unwillingness to admit defeat until you are slung over the ropes in a heap ala Rampage Jackson, well, you end up slung over the ropes in a heap like Rampage Jackson.

While it’s hard to knock a guy for his fearlessness, we would also like to inform Blue that there is in fact a middle ground between the heavy bag and Tong Po’s cousin to test your skills. Consider that while you’re eating cheeseburgers through a straw for the next week or two.

-J. Jones

(Put her in a body bag! No seriously, could someone please dispose of that corpse as quickly as possible? I’m starting to feel queasy.) 

No, that is not a screenshot from The Ring, that is the aftermath of the last time we saw Sheila Bird compete in this thing we call MMA. It took place back in July of 2011 against Kim Couture, and using the combination of a leg scissor choke and some of the worst referee negligence this side of Marius Zaromskis vs. Andrey Koreshkov, Bird not only came away with the win, but provided one photographer with the opportunity to stare into the fleeting remnants of Couture’s soul before she stole it. It was the first documented case of Shang Tsunging in WMMA history.

What are we going on about? Well, Ms. Bird stepped back into the octagon last weekend, and although the end result was nearly as horrific for her victim this time out, it was equally as decisive. Bird needed just 11 seconds to pack Christina Barry’s lunch and jam it down her throat brown bag and all at AFC 12 on Friday, so head after the jump to check out the brutal finish.

Anthony Johnson picked up his third consecutive victory at 205 pounds over the weekend at World Series of Fighting 1, and while we described the moment as best we could, words simply don’t do justice to this Knockout of the Year candidate. Check out the moment above, in which Johnson, owner of the most cursed retinas in MMA, gets poked in the eye during an exchange with DJ Linderman, then immediately responds by turning Linderman into lumber with a single right straight. Even Johnson’s former boss was impressed.

After the fight, Johnson began speculating wildly (our favorite kind of speculation!) about how crazy it would be if the WSOF decided to book him against Andrei Arlovski:

“I thought about that fight too, I’d take it if they offered it to me. I was actually thinking about it today. I was thinking about it today whenever I watched the fights, I watched the whole card today, and I was like it would be crazy if I got to fight Andrei Arlovski…If it happened, I would accept it. Andrei’s a great athlete. I remember when he won the title, I remember when he lost the title, I’ve followed his career. He’s a great fighter, a real athlete, a real fighter too, so it would be an honor to fight him. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. That’s just something that popped in my head this morning, what if it did happen? That would be crazy.”

That would indeed be crazy — especially considering that AJ was competing successfully at 170 pounds as recently as October 2011. Then again, their size difference isn’t much of a difference at all. Arlovski was also victorious in his World Series of Fighting appearance, TKO’ing Devin Cole in the first round of the show’s main event. Arlovski has now gone four fights without suffering a scary concussion, which is as impressive an accomplishment as anything else that happened this weekend. Check out the Arlovski vs. Cole fight after the jump, and tell us who you think would win the hypothetical moneyweight matchup between Rumble and the Pitbull.

The main event of last night’s Bellator 79 produced one of the oddest instances of an athlete giving up mid-contest since Bob Hamelin retired during a minor league baseball game. Santos dominates the fight from the beginning, rocking him with early combinations and controlling him on the ground. Yet as the fighters are separated, Santos takes out his mouth guard and appears disinterested in continuing. A few half-assed punches later, Hale counters Santos, who drops to the canvas and turtles up until the fight is waived off.

Was this just a case of Thiago Santos having conditioning issues? Probably, although gassing out halfway through the first round is pathetic even at the amateur levels. Is Richard Hale’s striking just that underrated? Maybe – Santos lost a tooth during the fight, which explains why his mouth was bleeding, although don’t ask me to point out the punch that caused it. Regardless of the reason, Hale earned a victory last night because Santos essentially gave up during the fight, and will now face the winner of Vinicius Queiroz vs. Alexander Volkov for the promotion’s heavyweight championship.

After the jump – Shahbulat Shamhalaev knocks out Mike Richman at Bellator 79 in a far more traditional fashion.

(Pikeew pikeew! I got you! Nu-uh! I totally got you first!) 

In the past three years, Thiago Silva has been knocked out by Lyoto Machida, out-grappled by Rashad Evans, suspended from the UFC for attempting to mask his roid-filled urine after his fight with Brandon Vera, and out struck by Alexander Gustafsson. Needless to say, Silva is probably going to get axed if he doesn’t win big against Stanislav Nedkov at the pair’s upcoming duel at UFC on FUEL 6. The undefeated Nedkov has also spent more time on the shelf than off lately, battling injuries and visa issues for the better part of his two-year UFC career, but barring any last minute issues, these two will clash on November 10th in Cotai, Macau. And based on their finishing ratios, we’re fairly certain that this one will end inside of three rounds.

So in honor of the occasion, we’ve dug up Silva’s last official victory — which came over Keith Jardine via knockout (I know, you’re shocked too) at UFC 102 in August of 2009 — and placed it after the jump for your enjoyment. Because it is Halloween after all, and who won’t sleep better knowing that the scary monster in your closet can easily be felled with a solid left hook?

(Props to Rodeo and bOredjOrd for the tip.)

Confidence is like nature’s bath salts. Using a combination of trickery, implied reasoning, and outright tomfoolery, confidence basically transports us back to the ignorant serenity of youth. It surpasses logic, the physical limitations of the human body, and the laws of nature to convince its host that anything is achievable through the pure power of will. And just like bath salts, confidence can have devastating effects on the body it occupies. Just ask Melvin Guillard. Or Tom Brady. Or Hitler. I’m not saying that Tom Brady is Hitler reincarnated, I’m just saying.

So rather than take pot shots at the wellspring of confidence you will meet in the video above, I would rather like to commend him for it, as misplaced as it may have been. Because I can assure you that none of us — not one  — has ever been as confident in our ourselves as this man, if even for the briefest second. Nick Diaz may have perfected the “Come at me, bro” pose in the octagon, but the motherfucker was never crazy enough to let one of his opponents tee off on him until he crumbled to the ground in a heap. This gentleman was so confident in his abilities that he knew he could get knocked the fuck out and still beat his opponent. Sure, the second half of his gameplan kind of fell apart, but still, respect. Your move, Anderson.

(Props to MMAFighting for the find. The fight starts/ends at the 45 second mark.)

Yesterday’s knockout of the day featured a poor sap who was simply unprepared to deal with his opponent’s Rockette-esque strategy of starting the show with a high kick. And while today’s victim was lucky enough to make it through her opponent’s first kick intact, she completely forgot to follow the most basic rule of fighting: Always keep your hands up. This mental error would prove most detrimental to her 1-0 record as a professional fighter.

Someone grab a spatula.

-J. Jones

We’ve paid tribute to first-punch knockouts before, but the first-kick knockout is a beast we see far less of in the MMA world, or any combat sport for that matter. Maybe it’s because many fighters don’t feel comfortable exposing themselves by attempting a fight-ending kick when they’ve yet to feel out their opponent, or perhaps it’s because many kicks used early in a fight are for just that: feeling your opponent out. In either case, the crazy bastard in the black trunks who shall remain nameless really couldn’t give two shits about your so-called “tactics” or fancy schmancy “strategery.” Thems things is best left for the book-reading doctor types with their scientist talk and their elevated pinkies and bubbly alcohol drinks, amiright Taters?

So skip ahead to the 1:30 mark to see this feller disregard all of his pappy’s teachings and open the fight with a head kick that scrambles his opponents brains up worse than a June bug in prairie dog hole.

Now start researching other instances of a first-kick knockout and relay them to us in the comments section so we can compile a proper tribute list. Because let’s face it, you guys know way more about this MMA stuff than we do anyway, and we’ll be at the firing range determining which one of your shirt ideas holds up best to our rigorous series of tests for the next few days anyway.

-J. Jones